"From the moment you picked up this crack-fic, you were cursed. Now, I'm going to present two choices to you." He held out his hands, revealing a blue pill and a red pill. "Choose the blue pill, and you go back to your normal life. You will forget everything that you've seen here...You will be safe. Or choose the red pill, and see just how deep the rabbit hole goes." He notices you reaching for the red pill. "But be warned, if you choose the red pill, you can never return to your normal life." ... "Ok then, let's begin."

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"Itachi, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah Kisame. There's no other way."

"Okay then. Start the procedure."

Itachi heard the whirl of much-used machinery.

"Kisame."

"Yes?"

"When I wake up, don't be there."

"...Huh?"

"I'm serious. I want you as fucking far away as possible."

"I promise Itachi. I won't be anywhere near you."

Itachi smiled.

"Thanks."

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"There was a problem."

"Are you sure?"

"Well just look at him."

"Oh, I see."

"We'll leave him alone for now."

"Yes. There's nothing more we can do."

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Itachi woke in a white room, a thin sheet running the length of his body. Under the sheet he could feel that he had a robe on. He lifted an arm, and stretched it towards the antiseptic smelling ceiling...but then bumped it on the sheet on top of him...which smelled also of antiseptic.

"Ugh." he muttered as he sat up, putting on his eye-shaped slippers.

"I need to find a mirror." he said to himself. He took a good look of the room he was in. Black splashed one wall, red covered another, and white covered the other two. He saw a door in the fourth wall and walked to it, opening it to find a bathroom.

"Oh, and guys?" The walls turned to look at him. "You can go home now." Being freed from their wall-like prisons, the Africans, Indians, and Caucasians all left the room.

Now, with the overbearingness of being alone, Itachi plinked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Lucky enough, there was a full length mirror in the wall opposite him. He looked for about two seconds, and then bled his eyes out.

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"Police officer Nara, this is deputy Asuma. Anything new to report?" Came a voice from a nearly broken walkie-talkie.

"Nope. There are no traces of the suspect anywhere in town. And his family hasn't seen anything either. I'm starting to think this guy's a lost cause." Nara pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, letting the fumes fumigate his car.

"Is that so? Well then, there's only one thing left to do..."

"And what is that?" He passed by a cross dresser parading on the sidewalk. "What a drag" he muttered, loud enough so that only he could hear.

"Well, we have to review everything that we know about this case, of course."

"Oh, well that makes sense."

"All right. First incident, the 23rd. A Mr. Itachi Uchiha took twenty thousand dollars out of his bank account. Four hours after that, he was spotted in the ghetto districts, pumpin' some fly with a junkie."

" Okay." Nara stated. "all that implies is that he's doing a drug deal."

"I know. But the next part...4:30 P.M. the 24th, he was seen by our detectives walking out of a well-renowned medical hospital, carrying a briefcase that they supposed to be empty."

"Why did they suppose it to be empty?"

"What? Oh, he threw it away."

"Actually," Nara cut in, "why were your men tailing him in the first place?"

"Well...all right. Well, some guys heard a rumor that he never blinks, so they followed him around to see if he ever did. You know, to have those staring eye contests where only one of you know that it actually is a staring eye contest."

"No I don't know."

"Anyway, that's the reason. On to evidence number three."

Nara turned his car onto Lakeview Road, following no apparent course.

"And what is evidence number three?" He said.

"Evidence number—that a Mr. Itachi Uchiha checked into the same medical hospital as before!"

"...And after that?"

"Well, that's were my screen goes blank. It crashed yesterday, so I lost most of my files."

"Check in your left drawer." He heard sounds of some one rustling through...something. Then he heard the sound of someone filing his nails.

"Thanks Nara. I would've never found these if it weren't for you."

"No problem."

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Itachi stumbled his way through the streets of downtown Konoha. He had wrapped himself fully in bandages, appearing to be a mummy. He kept stumbling until he found a door. It looked like an ordinary door, so he opened it. Suddenly, he was being lifted through the doorway by a giant hand.

The hand placed him in a chair. And then put a smoke in his mouth and walked away. Before he could get a look at his surroundings, a bright light shone in his eyes, blinding him.

"What have you done, Itachi? The mob isn't very pleased with you. We're your family,right?" said an imposing voice.

Itachi nodded, still unable to see. He shut his eyes, and could make out the faint outline of someone against the light.

"Besides, I'm pretty sure Jashin isn't too happy with you either. If we'd let you wander out there for too much longer, the queen would've cut off Jashin's head. And what's with the ridiculous bandages? I can't see the shape of your lovely body with them on." The voice whistled, and Itachi heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

"Hey Sasuke, you're the best cutter I know. Cut those bandages off of Itachi."

Itachi felt his bandages being cut off. Then, he heard the gasp of everyone in the room—well, at least he thought it was a room. Could've been an office, or a space noun used to exemplify a space with a lot of emptiness.

"Holy fuck Itachi. What the hell happened to you?" Itachi glanced around the room, not seeing anyone because of the light.

"Well...I got this operation." he spat out, not willing to admit the reason though.

"An operation? You call that job an operation? Looks more like the sky got mad and decided to throw up chunks of burning flesh from the sky that then proceeded to attack you." The rest of the room was silent after this last remark.

"..." Itachi stood up. He found the nearest door, and stepped half way through before a pair of hands held him back.

"Itachi," said a soothing voice in his ear " you don't really want to go out there, do you? That door leads to the subway system darling." Itachi turned around to see his slave, Hatake Kakashi, holding him. "And besides," Kakashi went on "you REALLY don't want to go out there looking like that."

Itachi just stared at him. Kakashi seemed to melt under the pressure of his gaze. "Why are you here, Kakashi?"

Kakashi seemed relieved that it wasn't a threat...well... "Kisame sent me. He said you'd be lonely without someone to keep you company. You know," Kakashi leaned in close to his ear "sexual company."

Itachi stepped back and looked at Kakashi. "...Come with me. The train from Love station leaves in half an hour." He turned to Hidan. "Sorry boss, but I have to go."

Hidan stifled his slowly appearing nosebleed, and nodded his head. "That's probably for the best. Here'

s some money for the train. It's all ones, but that should do."

Itachi took the money. "Thank you." With that he grabbed Kakashi's hand and went out through the door, stepping into the subway.

He boarded the next train, and the subway faded into the distance.

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"...Nara."

"Yeah fucker?" Nara said after rubbed his eyes free of that post-sleep stuff.

"...You weren't supposed to mention that." Asuma's voice was distant.

Nara blinked into his phone. "...Sure. Anyway, what do you want?"

Asuma's voice regained it's usual bounce. "We just got another lead!"

Nara blinked again. "What was that? Lead? Like for a pencil?"

"No dumbass, lead. Rhymes with peed, and weed."

"...YOU weren't supposed to mention THAT." Nara exclaimed.

Asuma blinked. "Oh, my bad."

"...Just tell me what's up."

"Alright. We have reports saying Itachi was spotted in the downtown area in the subway. They say he boarded the train with another man. This man has silver hair and apparently only one eye. I say apparently because he had a cloth over his left eye, so our scouts couldn't confirm if he was a One-eye."

"A One-eye? This could get serious if Itachi's traveling with a One-eye. We have to catch him."

"That's agreed. Oh, and our scouts managed to get one more important detail."

Nara lit a cigarette and rolled down the window in his car, letting the smoke waft out into the street. "Yeah, what is it?" he said through the cigarette.

"Apparently, Itachi can blink."

"The bastard!" You sure?" Nara said as if he didn't really care.

"Yeah, though, the information could be false because apparently our scouts were busy looking at something else." Asuma's voice sounded thoughtful.

"What were they staring at?" Nara tapped his cigarette on the side of his car.

"...They wouldn't say."

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"For dry, red eyes try... this product stimulates the tear ducts in your eyes, so in case a loved one dies, you'll be able to weep for them." Itachi stared at the television in the train. It looked like a 24", and was in a black steel casing.

"Why must they have such horrid things in a place like this?" he said to no one in particular.

Kakashi glanced over at him. They were seated side-by-side on a small bench in the train, so they were nearly sitting on each other's laps. "...I don't know." at that moment a phone rang, and Kakashi reached into his pocket and pulled his out. "Hello?"

"Kakashi, it's me Hidan. Turns out the feds know you're on the train. You've got to get out of there or Jashin help me, they'll kill you." Hidan's voice sounded panicked.

"Hold on. Calm yourself. Now Hidan, take a deep breath." He heard an intake of air on the other side of the phone. "Good. Now, why do you think they're going to kill us?"

"Because, they know you're a One-eye."

Kakashi dropped the phone. He stood up, and looked around. Through the door to the next car, he could see figures dressed in black heading towards him. He turned back to Itachi.

"Time to go." He said and grabbed Itachi's arm, or so he thought. Itachi screamed. Kakashi looked down at Itachi and saw what his hand was attached to. He quickly pulled his hand away.

"Oh dear Kami!" He froze for a second. "But now is not the time to dwell on that."

Itachi glared at him. "What do you fucking mean dwell?!?! You just grabbed my fucking--" he was silenced by Kakashi's hand over his mouth. "Not now."

Kakashi kicked the side of the train, causing it to bend. He spared a glance that told him the men were nearly at the door. He kicked the side a few more times, and it fell off right as the train was about to stop for the next platform. He grabbed Itachi and jumped through the hole, running as fast as he could to get out of that place.

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There was a time upon a time that something happened. This chapter was only a part of it. If you dare, stick around for what chapter two will offer you.

Best chapter quotes:

"And his family didn't see anything either."

"Before he could get a look at his surroundings, a bright light shone in his eyes, blinding him"

"Hey Sasuke, you're the best cutter I know"

And finally:

"This could get serious if Itachi's traveling with a One-eye."