Monstrous Revelation.
You know when, in comic books, they debut those cheesy villains in those spandex suits and the really, really dumb powers? Here's a lesson; When weirdness strikes you in the ass like it did me, This type of situation will occur more than once. My encounter with what would end up being my Nemesi…..Nemesie….Nemesisi….The BAD GUY, would rock my world a good few times.
Today Started out pretty normal; Get up, take a shower, eat breakfast, Put a cookie in my room for Kero when he woke up, and then run down to school as fast as I could so as not to be late. I ran into Josh on the way into school, but rushed past him in my haste waving a hand at him. Yah, the morning was fine….
Then came the Lunch bell.
Sure, I went to lunch like normal, hanging with Josh…Until I heard the noise in my lunch bag.
You ever get the feeling that you KNOW what a sound is, or an event is, and hope against hope that you're wrong? That's the feeling I had when I sat down and slowly pulled out my lunchbag.
"…Dude, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Josh asked, pointing to the bulging bag that seemed to be squirming around.
"It better not be…" I muttered, then reached into the bag, expecting full well the results.
"*CHOMP!*" Yup, it was Kero. The Son of a bilge rat had just sunk his incisors into my hand.
"OWWWWW!!!" My yell ilicited many a stare from the other students, luckily Josh covered for me.
"His Food has a real bite to it.." ….Or UNLUCKILY…God can his puns get any worse?! I yanked Kero out of the bag, along with a half eaten sandwich and partial bottle of Orange juice.
"What are YOU doing here?" I hissed. He just shrugged and went back to munching my sandwich.
"Makin' sure my services are around if a Clow card should HAPPEN to pop up.." He said simply.
"…Or just EATING my LUNCH!" I whispered. Josh shook his head and pushed away his plate of cafeteria food, laughing a bit.
"What are YOU laughing at?" I muttered, then picked Kero up and dropped him in Josh's Tray.
"…MORE FOOD!" He Cried, then chomped down on the Cafeteria Chili, Mashed Potatoes, and Regurgitated Meat.
"..My God.." I said, watching him eat in amazement.
"That Rat has an Iron Belly.." Josh stated in awe as he finished off the last Bean.
"Whoooo, Now THAT'S some good food." Kero said, licking his lips in a very satisfactory way. Oh boy was he gonna regret it later. Anyway, he sat there a moment, sucking in the feeling of a full belly, when his ears and wings perked up.
"…I sense a CLOW card!"
"..Here? In SCHOOL?" I whispered.
"Yes! Don't you feel it?"
"…Come to think of it, I got a funny feeling in me. Though it might be from the lack of my LUNCH." I said Testily. Kero shot up into my pocket as screams started to fill the cafeteria, Eyes and fingers pointing at the windows.
"..What the…" Josh said…then his jaw dropped when he saw a huge Wing Fly past, a white wing! Boy, his Jaw Drops not only at women! It's Just Incredible!
"Holy Canoly. What Card is THAT?" I asked, pointing at the wings flying past.
"The Fly Card!" Kero cried. I got up out of my seat as people started running and screamin like Idiots. I saw a Long, thin neck fly past, screeching coming from it's pointy head.
"Do We got any cards that can handle that thing?" I asked Kero.
"Not really. All you got is the FIGHT card! And I don't think this thing will stay grounded Long enough for you to KICK IT INTO SUBMISSION!" Kero cried.
"…Alright..Time to Improvise. MARVEL Style. Josh, get me my SKATES!" I said, full of Nobility and such.
"…They're in the homeroom…" Figures, Shot down like a Roseanne's Greatest hits.
"..Dammit. Alright…Josh you stay here while Kero and I make a run for it." I said.
"..But I wanna.."
"NO BUTS!" I told him firmly, then rushed towards the door and put my back to it, looking out the window in the corner of my eye. Apparently, the Thing was Circling the building, And the wind it was kickin' up was strong enough the bend branches into a nice W shape. MAN this was gonna suck.
"Alright Kero…Hang Tight cause this is gonna suck like Clinton And Monica!"
"..Who?"
"….Just hang tight." I sighed, then threw open the door.
MAN that was Stupid. That was just downright, out of your mind, Stupidity.
I was blown instantly backwards by the wind, flying across a table filled with food.
"THAT was Really Bright!" Kero cried, the Wind nearly drowning out his sarcastic voice. Damn that wind, why couldn't it have drowned that Rat out Completely? I just bit back my comment and struggled against the wind. That Really didn't work, seeing as people were now screaming and getting blown around by the sheer wind. I flew back towards the Serving Table with the plexiglass shield. I snagged that to keep from flying out the Back Lunchroom door.
You know, I think God woke up that day, looked down at the world and said, "Today I'm going to fuck someone's day up Horribly." And then pointed at me and said, "HIM! Because that Rat got him into it, Let's screw his Life six ways from Sunday, but since it isn't Sunday, We'll just make it Today!!" Because that Damn Plexiglass shield came off about two seconds after I snagged it, and left me with a sheet of plexiglass stuck in a wind storm.
I did the only thing I could think of at the time. Something that Josh would later say was Amazing, and I would brag about it, but in reality it was Dumb luck.
The Plexiglass swung out of my hands and under my feet, giving me a sort of WINDBOARD to ride the torrential wind with.
"…I'll go with it.." I muttered, then got down to avoid getting beaned by the doorframe from the back lunch Door. I rode that Piece of shit for about Thirty seconds.
Then I fell off it and landed on my butt in the grass.
"Alright! Good Going Tommy Boy!…Uhg, I shouldn't have eaten that Cafeteria Food…" Kero cried, clinging to the inside of my Pocket. I got up and took off as fast as I could for Homeroom, the wind suddenly dying down.
"..The Winds gone..Think it left?" I asked Kero as I ran across the Blacktop. Kero Looked up at me, then past me.
"…No…Not really…DUCK!!" He cried. I Turned around and saw that Bird Swoop down at me from seemingly Nowhere! I crouched down and was almost knocked over from the sudden gust.
"…Dammit." I muttered, then took off again as the Giant White bird swooped down in front of me, or about to. Luckily, The Homeroom was just in Reach.
"…Hold on you Little Rat!" I cried, then jumped forward, the Bird's talons just barely missing me as I landed on the ground and Rolled into the door. I scrambled to my feet and Opened the door, Crawling in quickly before Slamming it shut once again. Kero Immediately fell out of my pocket, holding his gut.
"…Ohhhh I feel baadd…"Kero groaned, then Suddenly his cheeks puffed out and he ran towards a locker.
"Number Fifty Two…Fifty Two..C'mon you son of a bitch.." I swore, then started counting off the lockers till I hit mine. I rushed over to it and rattled off the combination then swung it open. I picked my Skates and Pads off the top of my books and slammed the door shut. I looked out the window and saw that DAMN BIRD Still circling as Kero fluttered back over to me, lookin' less green.
"What's the plan Marvel?" He asked Queasily. I sat down and took off my shoes, then slipped the Black skates on.
"The Plan? I'll tell you what the Plan is.." I strapped them in securely, making sure they were tight.
"I HAVE no Plan. Ever since I GOT this Card Captor Job I've had to beat up not just a CARD.." I strapped on my knee pads, making sure they were secure.
"But a Bitch Named KATHERINE SHOWRON or Whatever! Dammit, I'm not GOING to have a plan for every card. I don't want this kinda shit in my life.." I put on my elbow pads, tightening them quickly.
"I didn't want this. A Damn RAT showed up at my window and Suddenly I'm in Freakin' OZ, Except I Gotta be the Wizard! You wanna know what the plan is?!" I put on my gloves, securing them, then turned to Kero.
"The Plan is in about ten years, I'm going to get COUNSELING because of all this shit that your ratty ass Dropped on me, I'm going to lose whatever girlfriend I have at the time. Not only that, but Any Job I got? Flushed! Why? Cause Ten years earlier a Rat gave me so much stress I have a MENTAL BREAKDOWN!" I finished, pulling out the keychain and Changing it to the Staff form. Kero was just looking blankly at me.
"….You know, MOST of the Other Cardcaptors took this job very well and didn't Complain 24-7 about stress."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I guess they didn't realize the GRAVITY of the Situation." I stood up, holding the staff at my side.
"No, they just weren't Big WHINERS! Boo hoo, I opened the Clow and now a rat's giving me stress! Do you realize how much of a baby you sound like?" Kero yelled, pointing at me. I just stood there, giving him an evil stare.
"Look, you definitely aren't my first choice for a Card Captor, You aren't even on my Top FIFTY, but Fate has brought us together, so Let's stop arguing, Suck up our Whiny ways, and Go kick some Clow card ASS!" Kero cried, pointing towards the door.
"Oh Yeah?" I answered.
"YEAH!"
"WELL FINE THEN!"
"FINE!"
"LET'S GO!!"
"LET'S!!" And I started skating towards the door.
I'll give the rat his props, the guy can motivate people. Unfortunately, his technique is like a Cattle Prod in the ass of a bull.
It's Shocking and Pisses you off at the same time.
I took the doors head on, throwing them open as Kero Fluttered Beside me.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" We gave a battle cry, rushing towards the Bird. It Let loose a cry once, then Flew down towards us.
I'd like to say we stood tall and Played chicken, then won. But I'm a believer in the Bluntness of truth, and the Truth is This.
We Freaked out like a Guy at his first horror movie.
"…..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I cried in fear, veering right towards the parking lot. Again, referring to God Lending a hand in screwing this day up, a Car was parking in the Space that I was heading for.
"SHIT!" I cried, realizing that if I STOPPED, this Bird would stick me with the talons, and If I didn't, I'd go flying into a windshield. Luckily, I thought of a Third Alternative!
The Most boneheaded thing Ever conceived by a person wearing skates.
I Jumped onto the car's hood then jumped into the air to avoid falling on my butt.
Again, God stuck his nose into my business.
I landed on a moving car and had to Jump again to keep from falling.
"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I cursed, landing on a parked car again. The Fly Card, meanwhile was in hot pursuit as I jumped from car to car, Kero just barely keeping up with me.
"Man God Really hates you today, Doesn't he Thomas?" Kero said, suitably impressed by my Athletic jumps. I jumped onto a Mercedes before Answering.
"Yeah, Guess he just wanted to fuck someone up…Who the hell owns a MERCEDES in this cheap ass School?" I muttered the last part as I jumped onto a Van, then spotted the School's Slide for Lower grade kids and Grinned. Unfortunately, a Fence separated it from the Parking lot, a fence I had to overcome…I looked backwards with the corner of my eyes and saw that bird in hot pursuit still. I then looked at the Van pulling into a Parking space RIGHT in front of the fence, and made my decision.
Well, why not? I had survived so far, why not Push my luck?
I Jumped onto the van, letting the Momentum take me Up the Windshield and leaving some nice marks on it, then I took a step and leapt as High as I could.
God Must've decided to give me a break, why? Because I actually Cleared fence!
Unluckily, I smashed head over heels into a Jungle Gym and got caught Upside down in the side. I tucked my legs in as I felt the Bird pass over me. I looked over at Kero, who was smiling with a refraining Laugh on his heels.
"…Boy, Guess you got a new perspective on Catchin' cards, don't ya?" Kero said smugly, folding his arms together.
"..Yeah, That A Golden Rat is practically useless except for bein' a Smartass." I retorted, then wiggled around to get out of my predicament. I fell on my back on the concrete, knocking the wind out of me as the Bird Circled the Jungly Gym, the Wind Seriously picking up.
"Marvel! Get up! We need to catch it!" Kero Urged, pointing up at the Circling bird.
"..Gimme a minute…" I breathed a deep gulp of air, then sat up and looked at the slide. All right, Time to make a break for it. I got up slowly, then stepped out of the gym, Immediately starting to skate towards the slide. The Bird squawked loudly, then dived after me.
PERFECT. I was going to have to use every Cupful of Athletic Ability I had in me to pull this off. Mr. Perkowsky's Gym class, Don't fail me now.
I did a little hop onto the slide and crouched down as My Momentum brought me upwards Abruptly as the Bird Tried to veer off. Towards the Top I pushed off the slide with every ounce of strength in my legs, going completely Backwards in an arc towards the Bird, who was turning upwards. If I had calculated my trajectory and such Right, I would land on the back of the bird gut first. If I hadn't, I'd be skewered by the beak.
The thing I was worried about was that I nearly FLUNKED Math this semester.
God cut me some slack again, because I landed with a Jolt on the birds back with Kero, Clinging with every bit of strength in my arms.
"BRILLIANT Thomas!" Kero Yelled over the wind. I held the wand tightly as The Bird Flew high, veering around trying to shake us off.
"Now What?" I yelled as the Bird veered towards the school buildings.
"We Gotta Get it in a Compromising position!"
"…Say that So it sounds LESS dirty…"
"…Oh yeah, it IS the Millenium..WE NEED TO MAKE IT UNABLE TO FIGHT!" He yelled in response. Suddenly, the Bird Turned Completely Sideways, leaving me hanging on just barely as it headed towards a building.
I realized what it was gonna do.
"It's gonna squish us against the Building!" I cried. I thought quickly. How could I change this birds Flight without causing serious harm to myself…..oh and Kero. I thought back to the Fight card, and grinned.
I reached down with one hand and unstrapped my left skates Laces, getting a nice long lace and started crawling onto the Birds Neck.
"Marvel, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"IMPROVISING!" I yelled as I got onto the head of the bird. I watched the building start to get closer, then made my move. I Reared forward and Hooked the Lace around the Birds Beak and yanked upwards as hard as I could, holding onto it's neck with my legs. I strained every bit of strength I had left, and I'll be damned, it worked. The Bird suddenly veered Right, back towards the Jungle gym as I pulled On the birds neck with the lace.
"KERO! JUMP!" I cried as we got closer. I waited and waited for what seemed like forever as the Bird got closer and closer to that Gym, until finally I Leapt off, covering my head as I fell hard on the ground and rolled a bit. Kero Floated down next to me, then looked at the Gym when a Large Crashing sound was heard. I picked my head up and looked at the Gym.
Good news was, the Bird was out of commission and wouldn't be bugging me for a while.
Bad News is, the Jungle Gym was completely thrashed and bent out of shape.
"Thomas! Quick, Capture it before it wakes up!" Kero Urged, pointing at the Bird. I forcefully pushed myself to my feet, Every part of me Aching like it had been put in a fight against Jackie Chan. By sheer power of will, or maybe punch drunkness, I walked to the Bird and held the staff up.
"Clow Card, Damn you, RETURN TO YOUR FUCKING POWER CONFINED YOU SUNUVA BITCH!" I yelled, slamming it down. Instantly, in a whirl of light, the Bird Turned into whips and got sucked into a card, which then floated into my hand. I looked at it with great pride.
For about Five seconds, then I fell backwards onto my back, breathing hard.
"Thomas MARVEL, I am amazed! That was QUITE an Incredible feat of Card Capturing!" I heard, who I thought at the time, Kero Say.
"…Kero…Not…Right…now.." I gulped, still breathing heavily. Then I felt a twining in my head, like alarm bells.
"….I didn't say anything…" Kero said suspiciously. I groaned, but thought I heard the sound of Clapping. I picked my head up slowly, and Sitting on the Remains of the Jungle Gym was quite possibly the weirdest man I'd ever seen.
He was wearing what looked like a nice suit, you know, black and all like he was getting ready for a business meeting. Except for the fact he had a longcoat on, and had Blazing white hair, I mean, it was so bright it was like staring into a shiny piece of paper! Not only that, he seemed to have Black eyeballs, you know? No Pupil, just blackness like the stuff in Josh's Head.
"I've got to say Mr. Marvel, Not many Captors have been quite as quick on their feet as you. You have demonstrated ENORMOUS worthiness!" He said, hopping off the Gym and walking towards me. I looked at him Blankly.
"…For whut?" I asked dumbly, my body still aching.
"Why, to battle me of course." Kero Narrowed his eyes at him.
"I know who you are! Thomas, He's a.." Suddenly the Man made a sharp gesture, and Kero fell silent, frozen in mid air. I sat up, still blinking.
"…Whoa…" I said numbly, then looked up at the guy.
"Such a Rude guardian beast, that one. Of All the one's Clow Rei Could have chosen, he chose the most annoying." He said, shaking a finger in front of the frozen kero.
Whoa, this guy was SMART! And POWERFUL! Probably a chick magnet.
"Who…are you?" I asked, looking up at the guy.
"Well, I guess proper introductions ARE in order, since I already know YOU…" He reached into his Pocket and pulled out a card that kind of looked like a Clow card, then held it down to me. I took it numbly and looked at it. Yup, it was exactly like a clow Card, except on the front it had a pale red drawing of the guy in question, and at the bottom it Read, 'The Monster'.
Wow, Mysterious, Smart, AND Powerful! DEFINITE Chick magnet. Josh would be SO Jealous.
"..The Monster….okay Mr. THE, What you want?" I asked Skeptically. He Took the card back and slipped it in his pocket.
"To meet my Nemesis of course!" He said cheerfully.
"…Huh?" He shook his finger at me, making a tsking sound.
"I see the Fight still has your Brain addled Dear Marvel. Allow me to explain." He fluffed his coat a bit, then put his arms together.
"I am the Clow Card known as..The Monster." He Said dramatically.
"You're the most Vocal card I've met yet…" I said, looking at him.
"Well, unlike the rest of the cards, I've got more in my mind than just Ego. I have intelligence, Cunning, and grace! I was made, because of the Addendum of every hundred years, new cards pop up. But I was different, I didn't want simple freedom, because I knew that once we were free, SOMEONE would come after us to trap us back in that Book of Clow. So, we In the Clow at the time thought of a plan during the long years. We decided that since Someone would try to TRAP us, one of us would try to save us at the same time! So! We combined our magic and the Cards created a link between ME, and the Book of Clow so I would retain a portion of each of their powers after they were captured so I could rescue them. So, In essence dear Marvel, Every card you catch, the More powerful I become. So, I know what you're thinking right now…" Besides thinkin' about some icepacks for my shoulders, I wasn't thinking much about anything else.
"That Why not catch me while You have only the Fight and Flight Card? Quite simple! I, myself, have enormous Power by myself! I can bring the Inner monster that lies inside every person out in physical form and make them work for ME." He said Slowly, in an evil tone. Man, this guy had more power than I thought. Like Regis Philbin!
"Alright…So why aren't you strikin' me down now?"
"Quite simple! I don't want to save the cards, I want to use them!"
"…A Double Cross?"
"I see your brains are getting back together. Of course! So I rescue the cards, then what? We go back to causing mayhem and carnage? Please! The World would end and then so would I! No, Best to keep them tucked away in the Clow and therefore keep the world all Together!" The Monster said, tucking his shirt collar in.
"…So you can Rule it with an iron fist right?"
"….How'd you know that?"
"You're the villain, They ALL want to take over the world."
"Very Astute of you. That way, not only can I make the world a better place by Using the cards to enforce order, but keep it in order at the same time!" Man, this was sure a deluded card.
"Dude, the world really don't need you behind the helm.."
"Why? I mean, how am I worse than some of the Fellows running it now?"
"Point taken.."
"See, the problem is I can't use the Wand that you have. Oh sure, I could use captured cards because I'm part of the same pool of magic, PLUS the link to The Clow, but As is I have almost no FEASIBLE magic to use!" Okay, now I was seeing where THIS was going.
"Whoa whoa whoa here Monster, I see what you're pointing at. Only I can catch cards, And every card I catch, You get stronger. I'm assuming you want to make a deal." I looked at him. He put his arm around my shoulder.
"You ARE very clever! Quite Right dear Marvel. I propose that YOU capture the cards, and when the time comes that all of them are captured, you help me bring the world Order! I mean, by that time I'll have enough power to bring it under my control, and you'll be an accomplished Warlock that can assist in any unforeseen circumstance! Think of what we could do together!" I looked at him through the corner of my eye.
"You're offering me a Seat to the World Takeover?"
"Yes! Of Course this guarantee also extends to those you deem close and Personal, Family and Friends of course." I rubbed my aching chin, thinking this over. He leaned close, his face inches from mine.
"Trust me, Thomas Marvel. It is better to have me as a friend than an Enemy." He Said in a low, threatening voice. I thought this over VERY carefully. On one side, this guy is guaranteeing me safety in the event I capture all the cards. On the Other, a dictator who has the power of a God could rule The World and I'd be the only one in his way.
Decisions, Decisions.
Oh what the hell. You live only once right?
"Sign me up." Why not live up high?
"SPLENDID!" The Monster cried, slapping me on the back. He grinned evilly, then took his hands away from him.
"Now that little bit of business is over, I must go make plans! Trust me, Thomas Marvel, We WILL see each other again soon.." And With that, he slowly faded into the background, and Kero unfroze.
"CLOW CA…Where'd he go?" I played Dumb.
"He Threatened me after he froze you, then took off!" I lied. Man, It was really easy.
"Grrrrr. A Chance to capture two in one day!! And you let it slip by?" Kero said scornfully.
"Hey, I'm not really in any shape to DO any of this crap TWICE a day. So Let's just go back to the Lunchroom and eat okay?"
"…Fine, Just no Cafeteria food.." Kero whined, holding his gut. So I started skating, grinning at what a Bright future I had coming. For the first time, I felt like I had a good reason to do this Card Capturing thing, and I was damn sure going to hold up MY end of the bargain and see that I'd get front row tickets to the World Takeover Series.
Maybe this Thing would be worth something after all.
You know when, in comic books, they debut those cheesy villains in those spandex suits and the really, really dumb powers? Here's a lesson; When weirdness strikes you in the ass like it did me, This type of situation will occur more than once. My encounter with what would end up being my Nemesi…..Nemesie….Nemesisi….The BAD GUY, would rock my world a good few times.
Today Started out pretty normal; Get up, take a shower, eat breakfast, Put a cookie in my room for Kero when he woke up, and then run down to school as fast as I could so as not to be late. I ran into Josh on the way into school, but rushed past him in my haste waving a hand at him. Yah, the morning was fine….
Then came the Lunch bell.
Sure, I went to lunch like normal, hanging with Josh…Until I heard the noise in my lunch bag.
You ever get the feeling that you KNOW what a sound is, or an event is, and hope against hope that you're wrong? That's the feeling I had when I sat down and slowly pulled out my lunchbag.
"…Dude, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Josh asked, pointing to the bulging bag that seemed to be squirming around.
"It better not be…" I muttered, then reached into the bag, expecting full well the results.
"*CHOMP!*" Yup, it was Kero. The Son of a bilge rat had just sunk his incisors into my hand.
"OWWWWW!!!" My yell ilicited many a stare from the other students, luckily Josh covered for me.
"His Food has a real bite to it.." ….Or UNLUCKILY…God can his puns get any worse?! I yanked Kero out of the bag, along with a half eaten sandwich and partial bottle of Orange juice.
"What are YOU doing here?" I hissed. He just shrugged and went back to munching my sandwich.
"Makin' sure my services are around if a Clow card should HAPPEN to pop up.." He said simply.
"…Or just EATING my LUNCH!" I whispered. Josh shook his head and pushed away his plate of cafeteria food, laughing a bit.
"What are YOU laughing at?" I muttered, then picked Kero up and dropped him in Josh's Tray.
"…MORE FOOD!" He Cried, then chomped down on the Cafeteria Chili, Mashed Potatoes, and Regurgitated Meat.
"..My God.." I said, watching him eat in amazement.
"That Rat has an Iron Belly.." Josh stated in awe as he finished off the last Bean.
"Whoooo, Now THAT'S some good food." Kero said, licking his lips in a very satisfactory way. Oh boy was he gonna regret it later. Anyway, he sat there a moment, sucking in the feeling of a full belly, when his ears and wings perked up.
"…I sense a CLOW card!"
"..Here? In SCHOOL?" I whispered.
"Yes! Don't you feel it?"
"…Come to think of it, I got a funny feeling in me. Though it might be from the lack of my LUNCH." I said Testily. Kero shot up into my pocket as screams started to fill the cafeteria, Eyes and fingers pointing at the windows.
"..What the…" Josh said…then his jaw dropped when he saw a huge Wing Fly past, a white wing! Boy, his Jaw Drops not only at women! It's Just Incredible!
"Holy Canoly. What Card is THAT?" I asked, pointing at the wings flying past.
"The Fly Card!" Kero cried. I got up out of my seat as people started running and screamin like Idiots. I saw a Long, thin neck fly past, screeching coming from it's pointy head.
"Do We got any cards that can handle that thing?" I asked Kero.
"Not really. All you got is the FIGHT card! And I don't think this thing will stay grounded Long enough for you to KICK IT INTO SUBMISSION!" Kero cried.
"…Alright..Time to Improvise. MARVEL Style. Josh, get me my SKATES!" I said, full of Nobility and such.
"…They're in the homeroom…" Figures, Shot down like a Roseanne's Greatest hits.
"..Dammit. Alright…Josh you stay here while Kero and I make a run for it." I said.
"..But I wanna.."
"NO BUTS!" I told him firmly, then rushed towards the door and put my back to it, looking out the window in the corner of my eye. Apparently, the Thing was Circling the building, And the wind it was kickin' up was strong enough the bend branches into a nice W shape. MAN this was gonna suck.
"Alright Kero…Hang Tight cause this is gonna suck like Clinton And Monica!"
"..Who?"
"….Just hang tight." I sighed, then threw open the door.
MAN that was Stupid. That was just downright, out of your mind, Stupidity.
I was blown instantly backwards by the wind, flying across a table filled with food.
"THAT was Really Bright!" Kero cried, the Wind nearly drowning out his sarcastic voice. Damn that wind, why couldn't it have drowned that Rat out Completely? I just bit back my comment and struggled against the wind. That Really didn't work, seeing as people were now screaming and getting blown around by the sheer wind. I flew back towards the Serving Table with the plexiglass shield. I snagged that to keep from flying out the Back Lunchroom door.
You know, I think God woke up that day, looked down at the world and said, "Today I'm going to fuck someone's day up Horribly." And then pointed at me and said, "HIM! Because that Rat got him into it, Let's screw his Life six ways from Sunday, but since it isn't Sunday, We'll just make it Today!!" Because that Damn Plexiglass shield came off about two seconds after I snagged it, and left me with a sheet of plexiglass stuck in a wind storm.
I did the only thing I could think of at the time. Something that Josh would later say was Amazing, and I would brag about it, but in reality it was Dumb luck.
The Plexiglass swung out of my hands and under my feet, giving me a sort of WINDBOARD to ride the torrential wind with.
"…I'll go with it.." I muttered, then got down to avoid getting beaned by the doorframe from the back lunch Door. I rode that Piece of shit for about Thirty seconds.
Then I fell off it and landed on my butt in the grass.
"Alright! Good Going Tommy Boy!…Uhg, I shouldn't have eaten that Cafeteria Food…" Kero cried, clinging to the inside of my Pocket. I got up and took off as fast as I could for Homeroom, the wind suddenly dying down.
"..The Winds gone..Think it left?" I asked Kero as I ran across the Blacktop. Kero Looked up at me, then past me.
"…No…Not really…DUCK!!" He cried. I Turned around and saw that Bird Swoop down at me from seemingly Nowhere! I crouched down and was almost knocked over from the sudden gust.
"…Dammit." I muttered, then took off again as the Giant White bird swooped down in front of me, or about to. Luckily, The Homeroom was just in Reach.
"…Hold on you Little Rat!" I cried, then jumped forward, the Bird's talons just barely missing me as I landed on the ground and Rolled into the door. I scrambled to my feet and Opened the door, Crawling in quickly before Slamming it shut once again. Kero Immediately fell out of my pocket, holding his gut.
"…Ohhhh I feel baadd…"Kero groaned, then Suddenly his cheeks puffed out and he ran towards a locker.
"Number Fifty Two…Fifty Two..C'mon you son of a bitch.." I swore, then started counting off the lockers till I hit mine. I rushed over to it and rattled off the combination then swung it open. I picked my Skates and Pads off the top of my books and slammed the door shut. I looked out the window and saw that DAMN BIRD Still circling as Kero fluttered back over to me, lookin' less green.
"What's the plan Marvel?" He asked Queasily. I sat down and took off my shoes, then slipped the Black skates on.
"The Plan? I'll tell you what the Plan is.." I strapped them in securely, making sure they were tight.
"I HAVE no Plan. Ever since I GOT this Card Captor Job I've had to beat up not just a CARD.." I strapped on my knee pads, making sure they were secure.
"But a Bitch Named KATHERINE SHOWRON or Whatever! Dammit, I'm not GOING to have a plan for every card. I don't want this kinda shit in my life.." I put on my elbow pads, tightening them quickly.
"I didn't want this. A Damn RAT showed up at my window and Suddenly I'm in Freakin' OZ, Except I Gotta be the Wizard! You wanna know what the plan is?!" I put on my gloves, securing them, then turned to Kero.
"The Plan is in about ten years, I'm going to get COUNSELING because of all this shit that your ratty ass Dropped on me, I'm going to lose whatever girlfriend I have at the time. Not only that, but Any Job I got? Flushed! Why? Cause Ten years earlier a Rat gave me so much stress I have a MENTAL BREAKDOWN!" I finished, pulling out the keychain and Changing it to the Staff form. Kero was just looking blankly at me.
"….You know, MOST of the Other Cardcaptors took this job very well and didn't Complain 24-7 about stress."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I guess they didn't realize the GRAVITY of the Situation." I stood up, holding the staff at my side.
"No, they just weren't Big WHINERS! Boo hoo, I opened the Clow and now a rat's giving me stress! Do you realize how much of a baby you sound like?" Kero yelled, pointing at me. I just stood there, giving him an evil stare.
"Look, you definitely aren't my first choice for a Card Captor, You aren't even on my Top FIFTY, but Fate has brought us together, so Let's stop arguing, Suck up our Whiny ways, and Go kick some Clow card ASS!" Kero cried, pointing towards the door.
"Oh Yeah?" I answered.
"YEAH!"
"WELL FINE THEN!"
"FINE!"
"LET'S GO!!"
"LET'S!!" And I started skating towards the door.
I'll give the rat his props, the guy can motivate people. Unfortunately, his technique is like a Cattle Prod in the ass of a bull.
It's Shocking and Pisses you off at the same time.
I took the doors head on, throwing them open as Kero Fluttered Beside me.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" We gave a battle cry, rushing towards the Bird. It Let loose a cry once, then Flew down towards us.
I'd like to say we stood tall and Played chicken, then won. But I'm a believer in the Bluntness of truth, and the Truth is This.
We Freaked out like a Guy at his first horror movie.
"…..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I cried in fear, veering right towards the parking lot. Again, referring to God Lending a hand in screwing this day up, a Car was parking in the Space that I was heading for.
"SHIT!" I cried, realizing that if I STOPPED, this Bird would stick me with the talons, and If I didn't, I'd go flying into a windshield. Luckily, I thought of a Third Alternative!
The Most boneheaded thing Ever conceived by a person wearing skates.
I Jumped onto the car's hood then jumped into the air to avoid falling on my butt.
Again, God stuck his nose into my business.
I landed on a moving car and had to Jump again to keep from falling.
"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I cursed, landing on a parked car again. The Fly Card, meanwhile was in hot pursuit as I jumped from car to car, Kero just barely keeping up with me.
"Man God Really hates you today, Doesn't he Thomas?" Kero said, suitably impressed by my Athletic jumps. I jumped onto a Mercedes before Answering.
"Yeah, Guess he just wanted to fuck someone up…Who the hell owns a MERCEDES in this cheap ass School?" I muttered the last part as I jumped onto a Van, then spotted the School's Slide for Lower grade kids and Grinned. Unfortunately, a Fence separated it from the Parking lot, a fence I had to overcome…I looked backwards with the corner of my eyes and saw that bird in hot pursuit still. I then looked at the Van pulling into a Parking space RIGHT in front of the fence, and made my decision.
Well, why not? I had survived so far, why not Push my luck?
I Jumped onto the van, letting the Momentum take me Up the Windshield and leaving some nice marks on it, then I took a step and leapt as High as I could.
God Must've decided to give me a break, why? Because I actually Cleared fence!
Unluckily, I smashed head over heels into a Jungle Gym and got caught Upside down in the side. I tucked my legs in as I felt the Bird pass over me. I looked over at Kero, who was smiling with a refraining Laugh on his heels.
"…Boy, Guess you got a new perspective on Catchin' cards, don't ya?" Kero said smugly, folding his arms together.
"..Yeah, That A Golden Rat is practically useless except for bein' a Smartass." I retorted, then wiggled around to get out of my predicament. I fell on my back on the concrete, knocking the wind out of me as the Bird Circled the Jungly Gym, the Wind Seriously picking up.
"Marvel! Get up! We need to catch it!" Kero Urged, pointing up at the Circling bird.
"..Gimme a minute…" I breathed a deep gulp of air, then sat up and looked at the slide. All right, Time to make a break for it. I got up slowly, then stepped out of the gym, Immediately starting to skate towards the slide. The Bird squawked loudly, then dived after me.
PERFECT. I was going to have to use every Cupful of Athletic Ability I had in me to pull this off. Mr. Perkowsky's Gym class, Don't fail me now.
I did a little hop onto the slide and crouched down as My Momentum brought me upwards Abruptly as the Bird Tried to veer off. Towards the Top I pushed off the slide with every ounce of strength in my legs, going completely Backwards in an arc towards the Bird, who was turning upwards. If I had calculated my trajectory and such Right, I would land on the back of the bird gut first. If I hadn't, I'd be skewered by the beak.
The thing I was worried about was that I nearly FLUNKED Math this semester.
God cut me some slack again, because I landed with a Jolt on the birds back with Kero, Clinging with every bit of strength in my arms.
"BRILLIANT Thomas!" Kero Yelled over the wind. I held the wand tightly as The Bird Flew high, veering around trying to shake us off.
"Now What?" I yelled as the Bird veered towards the school buildings.
"We Gotta Get it in a Compromising position!"
"…Say that So it sounds LESS dirty…"
"…Oh yeah, it IS the Millenium..WE NEED TO MAKE IT UNABLE TO FIGHT!" He yelled in response. Suddenly, the Bird Turned Completely Sideways, leaving me hanging on just barely as it headed towards a building.
I realized what it was gonna do.
"It's gonna squish us against the Building!" I cried. I thought quickly. How could I change this birds Flight without causing serious harm to myself…..oh and Kero. I thought back to the Fight card, and grinned.
I reached down with one hand and unstrapped my left skates Laces, getting a nice long lace and started crawling onto the Birds Neck.
"Marvel, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"IMPROVISING!" I yelled as I got onto the head of the bird. I watched the building start to get closer, then made my move. I Reared forward and Hooked the Lace around the Birds Beak and yanked upwards as hard as I could, holding onto it's neck with my legs. I strained every bit of strength I had left, and I'll be damned, it worked. The Bird suddenly veered Right, back towards the Jungle gym as I pulled On the birds neck with the lace.
"KERO! JUMP!" I cried as we got closer. I waited and waited for what seemed like forever as the Bird got closer and closer to that Gym, until finally I Leapt off, covering my head as I fell hard on the ground and rolled a bit. Kero Floated down next to me, then looked at the Gym when a Large Crashing sound was heard. I picked my head up and looked at the Gym.
Good news was, the Bird was out of commission and wouldn't be bugging me for a while.
Bad News is, the Jungle Gym was completely thrashed and bent out of shape.
"Thomas! Quick, Capture it before it wakes up!" Kero Urged, pointing at the Bird. I forcefully pushed myself to my feet, Every part of me Aching like it had been put in a fight against Jackie Chan. By sheer power of will, or maybe punch drunkness, I walked to the Bird and held the staff up.
"Clow Card, Damn you, RETURN TO YOUR FUCKING POWER CONFINED YOU SUNUVA BITCH!" I yelled, slamming it down. Instantly, in a whirl of light, the Bird Turned into whips and got sucked into a card, which then floated into my hand. I looked at it with great pride.
For about Five seconds, then I fell backwards onto my back, breathing hard.
"Thomas MARVEL, I am amazed! That was QUITE an Incredible feat of Card Capturing!" I heard, who I thought at the time, Kero Say.
"…Kero…Not…Right…now.." I gulped, still breathing heavily. Then I felt a twining in my head, like alarm bells.
"….I didn't say anything…" Kero said suspiciously. I groaned, but thought I heard the sound of Clapping. I picked my head up slowly, and Sitting on the Remains of the Jungle Gym was quite possibly the weirdest man I'd ever seen.
He was wearing what looked like a nice suit, you know, black and all like he was getting ready for a business meeting. Except for the fact he had a longcoat on, and had Blazing white hair, I mean, it was so bright it was like staring into a shiny piece of paper! Not only that, he seemed to have Black eyeballs, you know? No Pupil, just blackness like the stuff in Josh's Head.
"I've got to say Mr. Marvel, Not many Captors have been quite as quick on their feet as you. You have demonstrated ENORMOUS worthiness!" He said, hopping off the Gym and walking towards me. I looked at him Blankly.
"…For whut?" I asked dumbly, my body still aching.
"Why, to battle me of course." Kero Narrowed his eyes at him.
"I know who you are! Thomas, He's a.." Suddenly the Man made a sharp gesture, and Kero fell silent, frozen in mid air. I sat up, still blinking.
"…Whoa…" I said numbly, then looked up at the guy.
"Such a Rude guardian beast, that one. Of All the one's Clow Rei Could have chosen, he chose the most annoying." He said, shaking a finger in front of the frozen kero.
Whoa, this guy was SMART! And POWERFUL! Probably a chick magnet.
"Who…are you?" I asked, looking up at the guy.
"Well, I guess proper introductions ARE in order, since I already know YOU…" He reached into his Pocket and pulled out a card that kind of looked like a Clow card, then held it down to me. I took it numbly and looked at it. Yup, it was exactly like a clow Card, except on the front it had a pale red drawing of the guy in question, and at the bottom it Read, 'The Monster'.
Wow, Mysterious, Smart, AND Powerful! DEFINITE Chick magnet. Josh would be SO Jealous.
"..The Monster….okay Mr. THE, What you want?" I asked Skeptically. He Took the card back and slipped it in his pocket.
"To meet my Nemesis of course!" He said cheerfully.
"…Huh?" He shook his finger at me, making a tsking sound.
"I see the Fight still has your Brain addled Dear Marvel. Allow me to explain." He fluffed his coat a bit, then put his arms together.
"I am the Clow Card known as..The Monster." He Said dramatically.
"You're the most Vocal card I've met yet…" I said, looking at him.
"Well, unlike the rest of the cards, I've got more in my mind than just Ego. I have intelligence, Cunning, and grace! I was made, because of the Addendum of every hundred years, new cards pop up. But I was different, I didn't want simple freedom, because I knew that once we were free, SOMEONE would come after us to trap us back in that Book of Clow. So, we In the Clow at the time thought of a plan during the long years. We decided that since Someone would try to TRAP us, one of us would try to save us at the same time! So! We combined our magic and the Cards created a link between ME, and the Book of Clow so I would retain a portion of each of their powers after they were captured so I could rescue them. So, In essence dear Marvel, Every card you catch, the More powerful I become. So, I know what you're thinking right now…" Besides thinkin' about some icepacks for my shoulders, I wasn't thinking much about anything else.
"That Why not catch me while You have only the Fight and Flight Card? Quite simple! I, myself, have enormous Power by myself! I can bring the Inner monster that lies inside every person out in physical form and make them work for ME." He said Slowly, in an evil tone. Man, this guy had more power than I thought. Like Regis Philbin!
"Alright…So why aren't you strikin' me down now?"
"Quite simple! I don't want to save the cards, I want to use them!"
"…A Double Cross?"
"I see your brains are getting back together. Of course! So I rescue the cards, then what? We go back to causing mayhem and carnage? Please! The World would end and then so would I! No, Best to keep them tucked away in the Clow and therefore keep the world all Together!" The Monster said, tucking his shirt collar in.
"…So you can Rule it with an iron fist right?"
"….How'd you know that?"
"You're the villain, They ALL want to take over the world."
"Very Astute of you. That way, not only can I make the world a better place by Using the cards to enforce order, but keep it in order at the same time!" Man, this was sure a deluded card.
"Dude, the world really don't need you behind the helm.."
"Why? I mean, how am I worse than some of the Fellows running it now?"
"Point taken.."
"See, the problem is I can't use the Wand that you have. Oh sure, I could use captured cards because I'm part of the same pool of magic, PLUS the link to The Clow, but As is I have almost no FEASIBLE magic to use!" Okay, now I was seeing where THIS was going.
"Whoa whoa whoa here Monster, I see what you're pointing at. Only I can catch cards, And every card I catch, You get stronger. I'm assuming you want to make a deal." I looked at him. He put his arm around my shoulder.
"You ARE very clever! Quite Right dear Marvel. I propose that YOU capture the cards, and when the time comes that all of them are captured, you help me bring the world Order! I mean, by that time I'll have enough power to bring it under my control, and you'll be an accomplished Warlock that can assist in any unforeseen circumstance! Think of what we could do together!" I looked at him through the corner of my eye.
"You're offering me a Seat to the World Takeover?"
"Yes! Of Course this guarantee also extends to those you deem close and Personal, Family and Friends of course." I rubbed my aching chin, thinking this over. He leaned close, his face inches from mine.
"Trust me, Thomas Marvel. It is better to have me as a friend than an Enemy." He Said in a low, threatening voice. I thought this over VERY carefully. On one side, this guy is guaranteeing me safety in the event I capture all the cards. On the Other, a dictator who has the power of a God could rule The World and I'd be the only one in his way.
Decisions, Decisions.
Oh what the hell. You live only once right?
"Sign me up." Why not live up high?
"SPLENDID!" The Monster cried, slapping me on the back. He grinned evilly, then took his hands away from him.
"Now that little bit of business is over, I must go make plans! Trust me, Thomas Marvel, We WILL see each other again soon.." And With that, he slowly faded into the background, and Kero unfroze.
"CLOW CA…Where'd he go?" I played Dumb.
"He Threatened me after he froze you, then took off!" I lied. Man, It was really easy.
"Grrrrr. A Chance to capture two in one day!! And you let it slip by?" Kero said scornfully.
"Hey, I'm not really in any shape to DO any of this crap TWICE a day. So Let's just go back to the Lunchroom and eat okay?"
"…Fine, Just no Cafeteria food.." Kero whined, holding his gut. So I started skating, grinning at what a Bright future I had coming. For the first time, I felt like I had a good reason to do this Card Capturing thing, and I was damn sure going to hold up MY end of the bargain and see that I'd get front row tickets to the World Takeover Series.
Maybe this Thing would be worth something after all.