A/N: Yay! I get to torture the characters of LOD now! -dances- Um, anyway. I wrote this, like, forever ago, but I've been putting off getting it uploaded for…some reason. Ya know? Anyway. -goes off to eat cookies-
(In an inn at a random location somewhere in Endiness sits Dart, Rose, Albert, Lloyd, Miranda, Lavitz, Meru, Kongol, and Haschel, sitting a table drinking coffee and eating donuts. Suddenly, a knock comes upon the door...)
???: *knock knock* GAAAAH stoopid door's locked! *pound pound pound* BOOGENHAGEN!
(Note: I have no idea who came up with Boogenhagen. It wasn't me. ^_^)
???: *pound pound* Hmph! Stoopid door! How dare it disobey MOI, the Master of Insanity?!
Kongol: Please don't tell Kongol that another crazy fanfic author.
Lloyd: It's another crazy fanfic author.
Miranda: Wonder who it could be?
(The door suddenly bursts open, and in stomps a short figure with brown hair.)
???: Hey! I'm not short!
(Yes you are.)
???: I AM NOT!
(Yes you are.)
???: Grrr stupid narrator! YOU'RE FIRED!
(You can't fire me! I quit!)
(The narrator stomps out and slams the door behind him/her/it.)
???: ...Okay, NOW who's narrating?
(Me, Narrator #2.)
???: Oookay. Anyways! Back to the insanity! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHA! It is I, Lorelei, here to torture my most recent victims--the characters of LoD!
Haschel: ...It's someone new.
Lavitz: I have one question. Why is Shana not here with all the other dragoons?
Lorelei: Because I left her out?
(Suddenly, Shana falls through a plot hole in the ceiling and crashes into the table, ending up landing on top of Rose.)
Rose: Urg! Get off of me! This position does NOT look right!
Shana: THE VIOLENCE THE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE VIOLENCE!
Rose: *smacks Shana and crawls out of the table wreckage*
Shana: Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--
(Several mixed nuts suddenly hit Shana in the head at once, and she dies.)
Dart: No! My girlfriend is dead!
(Dart is ignored by everyone else.)
Lorelei: ANYWAY! Guess what folks?!
All: ...Do we want to know?
Lorelei: We're...GOING ON SUMMER VACATION! YAAAAY!!!
Albert: How can we go on summer vacation when it's not even summer?
Lorelei: Um...um...GAH! HE ASKED AN UNANSWERABLE QUESTION! *flicks a rubber band at Albert, killing him*
Rose: ...Why did you do just that? I thought Albert was one of your favorite characters.
Lorelei: Um, he is. Whoops.
(Albert is quickly revived via fanfic magic.)
Albert: I think I like fanfic magic.
Lorelei: Anyways...we're going on summer vacation to Disney World!!! *Care Bear voice* Goody-goody gosh!
All: ...
Lorelei: ...What'd I say?
All: ...Never mind.
Lorelei: Alrighty! Well anyway...like I said, we're going on summer vacation to Disney World!!!
Haschel: God help us.
Dart: Would you please revive my girlfriend?
Lorelei: No.
Dart: Please?
Lorelei: No.
Dart: Pretty please?
Lorelei: No.
Dart: Pretty please with sugar and icing and chocolate sprinkles on top?
Lorelei: Shut up. *hits in the head with the Magical Spork of Death, killing him*
Lloyd: You must like killing people.
Lorelei: No. I just like killing Dart, Shana, and Miranda.
Lloyd: Oh.
(Meru gets bored of not having any lines and starts flying around the room pretending she's a helicopter.)
Lorelei: WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD! EVERYBODY, IN THE CAR!
Rose: Why are you talking in all caps?
Lorelei: Cause it's fun?
Rose: ... *puts her hand in her hands* I am surrounded by idiots...
Lorelei: Of course you are! And thank you for the nice compliment, Rose deary!
All: ...
Lorelei: WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY?!
Lloyd: ...I refuse to demean myself by going to...Disney World.
Lorelei: Wanna bet?!
(She picks him up and carries him out to the car. The car, if you were wondering, is Lorelei's dad's red Mazda Miata, which she is going to get once she gets her license. Yay! Anyway, she puts him in the driver's seat and buckles him in.)
Lloyd: ...Why do I have to drive?
Lorelei: Um, because. You're one of my favorite characters and I'm not old enough to drive. So there.
Albert: One question. How are we all going to fit into a car that only has two seats?
Lorelei: Um, we're not?
Rose: You mean the rest of us don't have to go to Disney World? Thank God!!!
Lorelei: Um, no, that's not what I said.
Rose: Um, darn. Why not?
Lorelei: Um, because.
Rose: Um, okay.
Miranda: Um, would you people please shut up with the ums?
Lorelei: Um, no? *hits her in the head with the Frying Pan of Doom, killing her*
(Note: Yeah, I know the Frying Pan of Doom doesn't kill people. In this fic it does, kay? Kay. And if you don't know what the Frying Pan of Doom is, then you obviously haven't read the Book of Enchantments by Patricia C. Wrede. Anyway, it's a magical frying pan that turns people into poached eggs. Yeah.)
Lorelei: Anyways!!! *waves Magical Spork, reviving Dart, Shana, and Miranda...even though she doesn't like them. go figure*
Lorelei: Lloyd and I get to ride in the Miata. Albert, Rose, Meru, Haschel, and Kongol get to ride in that conveniently nearby green Jaguar. Dart, Shana, Miranda, and Lavitz get to ride in the also conveniently nearby red Mazda 626 LE that belongs to my mom.
(For the next several moments, everyone argues over the seating arrangements and such, and chaos reigns. I won't bother you with the details.)
Chaos: MWAHAHAHA! I AM THE KING!
Morwen: No, you're my cat! *picks him up by the scruff of his neck and leaves*
Chaos: ...Damn.
(That was...strange. Anyways, eventually everyone gets settled. Lorelei ends up driving the Miata, somehow, despite the fact that she doesn't have a license or even a permit yet. Yay! Er, yeah. She puts the key in the ignition and turns it and the car goes vroom. Yes, I am reading this from my script. Lorelei has such lovely description skills, doesn't she?)
Lorelei: Hey! Of course I do!
(...Yeah, whatever.)
Lorelei: Hey, you should be nice to me. If I hadn't fired the first narrator, you wouldn't even BE here!
(Hmph! I don't wanna narrate this fic anymore! To think, I could have been narrating a SERIOUS fic! That's it, I quit!)
Lorelei: You can't quit! Cause you're FIRED!
(Narrator #2 stomps out, slamming the door behind him.)
Lorelei: Lemme guess...Narrator #3?
(Yeppers! Nice to meet ya!)
Lorelei: ...Gee, wonder how many narrators I can manage to get rid of before this fic is over? MWAHAHAHA!
(Anyways, so they all get into their cars. The Miata goes peeling out of the driveway at 100 mph, followed by the Jaguar at a more sedate speed. Dart turns the key in the ignition of the Mazda, and nothing happens. He tries it again. Nothing happens.)
Dart: ...Why is nothing happening? Isn't the thing supposed to turn on now?
Shana: ...I think so...
Miranda: *sitting in the back seat muttering curse words under her breath*
Lavitz: You guys are idiots. Give me the keys, Dart.
(Lavitz and Dart switch seats, and Lavitz tries to start the car. Still, nothing happens.)
Lavitz: GAH! Stupid ****ing piece of ****!
Shana: The bad language! The horrible horrible bad language! *wails*
Dart: Gee, do you think maybe Lorelei gave us the car that didn't run 'cause she didn't like us...?
Lavitz: Oh, don't be stupid. I know she doesn't like you idiots, but I'm better than all y'all.
(Since when does Lavitz have a southern accent? Who knows? Meanwhile, back in the Miata...)
Lorelei: Hehehehe...I am sooo evil!!
Lloyd: Should I ask why?
Lorelei: I gave Dart, Shana, and Miranda the car that doesn't run! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lloyd: .........
(Meanwhile, back with the other idiots...)
Lavitz: Nope. Car definitely doesn't run. Battery's dead.
Miranda: Well THAT sucks gigantic cottonballs.
(Note: "that sucks gigantic cottonballs" copyright Chipmunks #1 and #2!)
Dart: ...HEY! LOOK!
All: WHAT?!
Dart: There's another car over there.
All: Yeah, and we don't have the keys!
Dart: You never know! Maybe the owner will have left the keys in the car!
(They go running over to the car, which is an old Ford Angila, and peek in the window. Miraculously enough...the keys are sitting there in the ignition. So, naturally, our four idiots...heroes, that is...pile into the car and head off after the OTHER idiots.)
(Meanwhile, in the Miata...)
Lorelei: Officer, really, I'm sotally tober. And I wasn't going over the speed limit, I was only going 380 mph. *sniff sniff, puppy dog eyes*
Officer: *hyptonized by the Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom* Well, then, of course I can let you go just this once. You just stay under that there 500 mph speed limit girly...
Lorelei: Of course I will! *takes off again*
Lloyd: AHHHHHH!! SLOW DOWN!!!
Lorelei: WHEEE! FUN!
(In the Jaguar...)
Albert: Can you believe that idiot? Look at how fast she's going!
Rose: Hmm, she mesmerized that cop a minute ago with the Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom. I must learn that trick...
All: ...
Rose: ...What?
(In the Ford...)
Dart: Hey! What's this button do?!
Lavitz: Don't press it, you idiot! Don't you know you NEVER push the big red button?!
(But it is too late. Dart has already pushed "the big red button." Suddenly, the car takes off and starts flying. Yep, flying. A flying Ford Anglia. This sounds familar...hmm...)
Dart: Wheeee! We're flyiiiing!!
(Anyways. Eventually, the idiots in the Miata and the Jag make it to WDW. They stay at some hotel that's like the Villas at the Disney Institute, only it has Dixie Landings' swimming pool, and all the fun stuff of Fort Wilderness. Can you tell I've been to WDW a few times?)
Lorelei: Hehehehee! Me dream hotel! Mwaahahahaha!
All: ...
Lorelei: WHAT?! WOULD YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! PURPLE COWS AND FURBIES EAT PEANUTS AND TAMAGOTCHIS AND PINK RABBITS LUV CHIPMUNKS TO CUDDLE WITH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
All: ....WTF?!
Lorelei: ...Sorry. Fit of insanity. Must take my medication. *starts digging through bags, looking for her 'medication'*
(Suddenly, a Ford Anglia comes flying out of nowhere.)
Lorelei: HEY! IT'S THE WEASLEY'S CAR! OMIGOODNESS!!!
(The car goes flying straight into a conveniently nearby tree. A willow tree. This has become very predictable, hasn't it? Anyways...the tree starts hitting the car and the people inside with its branches.)
Lorelei: OMIGOODNESS! IT'S THE WHOMPING WILLOW! WOOOOOW!!!
(The four idiots in the car manage to climb out of the car and get away from the tree. Lorelei immediately loses interest and continues rooting through the bags, looking for her medication. This chapter then ends, because the author ran out of ideas! Yay!)
Disclaimer: Umm, LOD and basically everything in this story belongs to Sony. The Ford Angila belongs to the Weasleys, who belong to J.K. Rowling, as does the Whomping Willow. I belong to myself. Yay for me. ^_^ My medication also belongs to me. -takes a purple loonification pill- BWAHAHA! BOING BOING WHEE! (Um, that's an inside joke...Molly would get it, not that she's ever going to read this story. Anyway.) Um, what else? Tamagotchis and Furbies belong to whoever they belong to, it's not me. Purple cows, on the other hand, do belong to me, because they rock. ^_^ What else? Oh yeah, anything I mentioned that's Disney-related belongs to them, the cars belong to the various companies that made me, and the unnamed cop belongs to me! Yay! Anyway, I think I can shut up now. If you actually read that huge disclaimer, thankees!