The Fellowship goes ALL the way.
Disclaimer: We went to Tolkiens' grave, and offered him sex in return to the copyrights to LoTR. Unfortunately, someone called the police about our strange behaviour in the cemetary. Now, we have no copyrights, and several shrinks trying to talk to us about our 'Strange attractions to the dead.'
THE Prologue.
When the fellowship joined hands and danced naked around a fire to conjure up the ancient spirit-things (That were very good luck), Elrond noticed that it was a -very- well-endowed fellowship.
They all celebrated the creation of the Fellowship in their own ways.
Gimli was having some fun with another man (who had a beard but a bit of a bulge in his chest). They were approached asked why they were making out by some very curious hobbits. They said that they were in love to which a small hobbit replied.
"Are you two gay?"
"What an outrage!" Said the Bulged Dwarf. "I am a woman! This here is Gimli and he is a man!" She stormed off.
"Well!" The hobbit said. "That was a pointless little interlude. Now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfic!"
"Ha, ha," said a small hobbit who, in the council, was referred to as Frodo.
There was an awkward silence after the Hobbit's unbidden outburst of laughter.
Everybody seemed to look at him. Then, he concluded as they noticed that his abdomen was inside the tent, that Sam was tickling his feet.. At least, they hoped he was tickling Frodo's feet.
Chapter ONE!
Merry objected.
Pippin and Boromir were NOT allowed to share a tent, no way! When he was stuck in a tent with Gimli, this was just unacceptable!
Gimli kept thinking about his lady friend in the night. Merry knew because that the bed they were sharing was qutie small and Gimli seemed to cuddle up to Merry as though he was Gimli's lady friend.
Gimli smiled, he wasn't really asleep at all, just wanted to cuddle up to Merry.
Legolas sighed. He was sick of being ignored by the authors, and wanted desperately to finally reach Lorien.
Aragorn and Arwen seemed to be having a great time in his tent. She claimed she came along for the first few nights so that Aragorn would not have to share a tent with Galdalf.
Aragorn remembered that Arwen would bind herself to him, but he never thought it was physically..
He also, after a few days of the Fellowship journeying through Middle-Earth, remembered that, in fact, they -were- on a quest.
On one of the colder nights of the journey, Frodo cuddled up to Sam.
"Mr. Frodo!" The prudent halfling exclaimed in shock. "What -are- you doing to my, er.. Little hobbit?!"
"Oh, er.." Frodo tried to find the right words. "Er, as the ringbearer, it is my duty to personally check upon the health of every fellowship, er.. member."
The gullible Sam swallowed. Er, the lie, that is, anyway.
Sam decided that he shoudl check Frodo's health - he wasn't eating after all. He stared at the hands that he was going to use. 'Are they worthy enough to be thrown down the pants of the ring bearer?' He thought. 'Yes, he -is- my boss.'
Pippin sat up very fast in bed. "The Brittish are coming!" He exclaimed and looked around the tent. He was having a bad dream. That was all. It was all a dream.
He tried to fall back to sleep, but a commotion coming from the next tent prevented this. He jumped out of bed and looked outside. Arwen was screaming, her eyes covered by her hands, a look of disgust frozen on her face.
Merry was trying to quieten her wails, but was not doing a very good job, as he was trying not to laugh hysterically, as she sobbed. He giggled as a very abashed Boromir exited Arwen's tent, followed by an equally abashed Aragorn, who was busy trying to do up his fly.
Pippin enquired as to what was going on, at which point, Arwen began wailing again, Boromir buried his face in his hands, Aragorn muttered something about needing to ask Gandalf something, and Merry gleefully made some joke about Boromir 'blowing the Horn of Gondor'. Pippin shook his head, confused, and retired yet again to his tent, this time managing to fall asleep.
Legolas had a surprisingly good sleep too. None of them were awoken by the screams and horn-blowing comeing from the next tent.
When they awoke and heard the news about horn-blowing, Legolas and the others had to conclude that there were some things that you -never- needed to know.
That night, they arrived in the Mines of Moria.
Disclaimer: We went to Tolkiens' grave, and offered him sex in return to the copyrights to LoTR. Unfortunately, someone called the police about our strange behaviour in the cemetary. Now, we have no copyrights, and several shrinks trying to talk to us about our 'Strange attractions to the dead.'
THE Prologue.
When the fellowship joined hands and danced naked around a fire to conjure up the ancient spirit-things (That were very good luck), Elrond noticed that it was a -very- well-endowed fellowship.
They all celebrated the creation of the Fellowship in their own ways.
Gimli was having some fun with another man (who had a beard but a bit of a bulge in his chest). They were approached asked why they were making out by some very curious hobbits. They said that they were in love to which a small hobbit replied.
"Are you two gay?"
"What an outrage!" Said the Bulged Dwarf. "I am a woman! This here is Gimli and he is a man!" She stormed off.
"Well!" The hobbit said. "That was a pointless little interlude. Now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfic!"
"Ha, ha," said a small hobbit who, in the council, was referred to as Frodo.
There was an awkward silence after the Hobbit's unbidden outburst of laughter.
Everybody seemed to look at him. Then, he concluded as they noticed that his abdomen was inside the tent, that Sam was tickling his feet.. At least, they hoped he was tickling Frodo's feet.
Chapter ONE!
Merry objected.
Pippin and Boromir were NOT allowed to share a tent, no way! When he was stuck in a tent with Gimli, this was just unacceptable!
Gimli kept thinking about his lady friend in the night. Merry knew because that the bed they were sharing was qutie small and Gimli seemed to cuddle up to Merry as though he was Gimli's lady friend.
Gimli smiled, he wasn't really asleep at all, just wanted to cuddle up to Merry.
Legolas sighed. He was sick of being ignored by the authors, and wanted desperately to finally reach Lorien.
Aragorn and Arwen seemed to be having a great time in his tent. She claimed she came along for the first few nights so that Aragorn would not have to share a tent with Galdalf.
Aragorn remembered that Arwen would bind herself to him, but he never thought it was physically..
He also, after a few days of the Fellowship journeying through Middle-Earth, remembered that, in fact, they -were- on a quest.
On one of the colder nights of the journey, Frodo cuddled up to Sam.
"Mr. Frodo!" The prudent halfling exclaimed in shock. "What -are- you doing to my, er.. Little hobbit?!"
"Oh, er.." Frodo tried to find the right words. "Er, as the ringbearer, it is my duty to personally check upon the health of every fellowship, er.. member."
The gullible Sam swallowed. Er, the lie, that is, anyway.
Sam decided that he shoudl check Frodo's health - he wasn't eating after all. He stared at the hands that he was going to use. 'Are they worthy enough to be thrown down the pants of the ring bearer?' He thought. 'Yes, he -is- my boss.'
Pippin sat up very fast in bed. "The Brittish are coming!" He exclaimed and looked around the tent. He was having a bad dream. That was all. It was all a dream.
He tried to fall back to sleep, but a commotion coming from the next tent prevented this. He jumped out of bed and looked outside. Arwen was screaming, her eyes covered by her hands, a look of disgust frozen on her face.
Merry was trying to quieten her wails, but was not doing a very good job, as he was trying not to laugh hysterically, as she sobbed. He giggled as a very abashed Boromir exited Arwen's tent, followed by an equally abashed Aragorn, who was busy trying to do up his fly.
Pippin enquired as to what was going on, at which point, Arwen began wailing again, Boromir buried his face in his hands, Aragorn muttered something about needing to ask Gandalf something, and Merry gleefully made some joke about Boromir 'blowing the Horn of Gondor'. Pippin shook his head, confused, and retired yet again to his tent, this time managing to fall asleep.
Legolas had a surprisingly good sleep too. None of them were awoken by the screams and horn-blowing comeing from the next tent.
When they awoke and heard the news about horn-blowing, Legolas and the others had to conclude that there were some things that you -never- needed to know.
That night, they arrived in the Mines of Moria.