1 I, Draco Malfoy, am obsessed with knickers. There you go. I said it. Are you happy?
They say accepting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. So here I am, confessing my secret, sharing, like a bloody pouf. I wouldn't be telling anyone this normally, but I'm being forced to. You know how women can be right? Pestering, pain in arse she is. Don't even know why I put up with her.
What do you mean it's she who puts up with me? I resent that implication I'll have you know. Right, so I was telling you about knickers. I'm obsessed with them. Now don't get me wrong; I'm not some creepy fay guy who likes to prance around in women's underthings and call himself Ivanna Humpalot. I like knickers, but only to the extent that they're worn by an attractive woman.
I don't like to call it an obsession. I like to call it a healthy appreciation for women's underthings. She likes to call it an unhealthy obsession and if you have a wife, you learn early on that she is always right. Always.
I don't know when my little obsession started really. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. No one knows about it but Blaise and I, and Ginny.
The first girl's knickers I ever saw belonged to Pansy Parkinson. I foolishly dated her for about a month and a half. I don't know why I tolerated her simpering for that long, but I expect it had something to do with the fact that I was a teenage boy and she was rather free with favors. She was fun, for about two seconds, after which she just became annoying. I remember when I lost patience with the Bint. She used to wear those knickers that have the days of the week on them. I realized how dim she was, when she wore the Thursday on a Monday. That turned me off so badly I broke up with her the next day. I mean really, come on. That's just ridiculous.
Once Pansy and I were done with I dated Daphne Greengrass for a while. That began a week after I broke up with Pansy. I caught her constantly eyeing my gorgeous body so I gave her what she wanted. A quick shag She couldn't managed to occupy my attention for as long as her classmate and we only shagged for a couple weeks. I remember she used to wear green underwear with little cherries on them. Which at first I found rather cute but realized that like the fruit on her knickers, she was sweet but didn't have a lot of substance. Our parting was rather amiable. More so than the parting with Parkinson.
After Greengrass, it was Angelina Johnson. She was a fine piece of arse indeed. All fit and tan with the sinewy muscles of a quidditch player. She was the one who approached me. It was after a game I had just played against Gryffindor. I was the last one in the locker room and she bloody ravaged me. I didn't mind a bit, but she was a bit scary to tell you the truth. I guess quidditch really gets her revving to go. Ours was a casual relationship, we never went public with it. It mainly consisted of a few shags behind the broom shed or in the quidditch stands and there was that one time on the broom which was rather tricky. I had to break it off with her too after a while though. She wore boxers underneath her pants, they even had little quaffles on them. It was gross.. I couldn't touch them or take them off, it felt like trying to make love to a man, which is a completely disgusting and disturbing thought that I'm now trying to erase from my memory.
Who was after Angelina? Oh right, Lavender Brown. That's an interesting story. She has, how should I put this, interesting tastes. None of which I was too pleased to learn of. I thought it a bit strange when she spanked me one time in the middle of a perfectly good snog. Literally hit my arse. Who in the world finds that attractive? So anyways when I pushed her away and asked what the bloody hell she thought she was doing, she denied spanking me. And I was able to write it off as an accident. I thought I was just being paranoid. Her "interests" became undeniably clear, however, when she came to bed one night with leather knickers and a whip. She tried to tie my wrists to the bedpost, but I was having none of it. I had to literally restrain her, which I think she enjoyed to tell you the truth, and throw her out of my room. I locked the door behind that crazy bitch.
I was slightly wary of females after my little encounter with Lavender, but about two months later, during my fourth year, I shagged a certain Fleur Delacour. She was hot. I might even admit that she's maybe even better looking than me, but only under incredible duress. Like I said earlier, I was slightly wary of the female population after my close encounter with Lavender, but one day I found her taking a bath with a golden egg in the prefect's bathroom, which I thought was rather strange, but you know how the french are. Anyways, me and a gorgeous naked girl in a bathroom, I think it's rather obvious that I was able to get over my fear of being spanked. It was just that one quick shag in the bathroom and I never did get to see what type of knickers she wore, because I left before she got redressed. I imagine they were nice, rather sophisticated, but still sexy, like her.
Shagging Fleur, left me ready for more action and forgetting about Lavender. I was ready to get a little and I must say my normally sky high expectations were lowered a bit. Okay quite a lot, but I was a teenage boy and they're not known to be terribly picky about what they shag. Look at Weasel. Oh sorry, my story. Right. I was ready for more action, so I seduced a Huffelpuff named Hannah Abbott. I know, I know it was pretty low to stoop down to that level but I was desperate for a bit of arse and she was offering. She wasn't very bright and she never seemed to understand that she didn't mean anything to me. She followed me around for the better part of a week and at first I didn't complain at her constant presence by my side, readiness to slip into a broom closet at any time, but after a while it grew tiresome. Normally I wouldn't have put up with it at all, but I hadn't had any sex for two months except for that shag with Fleur. The thing that finally put me over the edge though, was the fact that she wore knickers with cartoons on them. How bloody childish is that?
After Hannah I was hesitant to shag anyone. I had already gone through a good amount of the good looking and available, even some unavailable, girls at school. Plus, my studies were getting harder and I was unfortunately forced to spend more time cooped up in my room or in the library studying. This was perfectly reasonable to me. Plus as my list of girl's I had shagged grew so grew my reputation as a more than capable lover and ladies man of epic proportions. I had even gained the nickname Casanova after the famous inventor of love potions. Life was fairly good.
That all changed with Ginny. I hadn't noticed that she had miraculously turned into a passably attractive female, but that doesn't mean the rest of my classmates were as oblivious as me. I was surprised the first time I heard her name brought up in the locker room and was even more surprised when her name inspired a hearty agreement from most of my teammates. The next time I saw her I stared hard at her, trying to see what they saw. I just couldn't see it. She was too skinny, her joints too angular, her skin too pale, her hair to red, her personality too feisty. She noticed my lack of tact and rudely inquired after the object of my staring. My answer was anything but the witty reply I had hoped for. 'Nothing'. She laughed derisively at me and walked away. Of course, I was furious. So, like any logical guy would do, I followed her until she was alone, pushed her up against a wall and snogged her senseless. Like I said, I was just being logical.
She slapped me. Of course, but surprised me when she said that she wasn't some whore and that I would have to work for her favors. Yes, she actually called them favors. Her comments just gave me hope so I began doggedly courting her. It took her brother a while to get used to the idea. Actually, no he never got used to it.
I had to buy her three dozen roses, two boxes of chocolates, six cards and one singing valentine before she decided to give me those favors.
She stood a few feet away from my seat on the edge of the bed and looked at me from under clouded eyes. She had already lost her shirt in the journey to the room and stood there in a plain white bra and her skirt. My eyes were locked on her hands as she slowly unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor. I'll never forget how she looked standing there in her plain white cotton bra and knickers, red hair tangly and mussed. My breath caught and I should have been disgusted by her cheap lingerie, but I wasn't.
Those were the goddamn sexiest knickers I'd ever seen.