Backlash
The window glass fogged as Jace laid his head against it. He watched Clary put her hand on Simon's arm and smile at him and suddenly he wanted to vomit. He felt helpless, impotent and he hated every damn minute of it. He slammed his fist against the glass and felt satisfaction when it cracked. He knew he was too high up for them to see him or hear the glass crack but he stepped back anyway holding his bleeding hand. He breathed in and out; keeping his eyes closed trying to control it. The rage, the pain pouring out of him, made him feel like he was splitting in two, but most of all he just didn't want to cry. He hadn't cried since he was nine and he wasn't going to start now.
The memory of that day was like a ghost haunting him and he was afraid of what letting go like that again would mean. He wrapped the towel he'd been using to train with around his bleeding hand and growled. The image of Clary smiling up at Simon tore at him and he wanted to hit the window, the wall, anything again until the pain stopped. He couldn't help the situation, couldn't make Clary not his sister, no matter how much he wished it weren't true , no matter how much he wanted to touch her. He thought that he'd be able to see her and not want her but that plan had failed miserably, to see her touch someone else made his blood boil and made him want to die. Hell he was sure Valentine was lying about his parentage but what could he do, how could prove it wasn't true. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply,
The door to the training room opened and the creek of the door made him open his eyes. He winched and he wished he hadn't. Clary walked in and smiled at him tentatively. She seemed to glow in the dim light of the training room and it made Jace sick. That happy smile on her face was all kinds of wrong when his world was falling apart.
"What do you want?" he asked stiffly putting as much acid into it as possible. "Obviously the training room is in use."
Clary jerked back as if slapped, Her face fell at his words. Jace had been avoiding her as much as possible since Valentine's revelation. She knew why but the pain in her chest was ripping her apart. She was hurting just as much as he was, hell from the looks of it maybe even more. He acted like he could care less and it pissed her off.
"Look asshole," she said with a snarl as she moved toward him "I am just as much a shadow hunter as you are, with just as much right to train in here, so get over it."
He sighed and turned away from her, closing his eyes again as he showed her his back, dismissing her as if she didn't exist. "Whatever just wait your turn."
"Are you afraid to train with me, or just afraid to be around me? Which is it?" She asked the question and it seemed like a scream in the quiet room. "What are you afraid of?
Jace tensed and his shoulders went rock solid. He busied himself putting mats away but his movements were slower now. He kept moving though and seemed to ignore her completely. Clary felt her temper flare up to volcanic level. She was so mad she was sure her skin was as red as her hair. She stomped toward him and pushed his shoulder unable to help herself. "What is wrong with you, don't you have any feelings at all?"
Jace cracked, he simply couldn't take it anymore. Her smell, her voice, her very presence brushed every cell in his body and made him aware of every breath she took. He spun on her and stepped into her space pushing his hot sweaty body against hers backing her against the wall.
He put one arm on either side of her head and pushed his body closer to hers fitting himself against her. He tried not to notice the way she fit him perfectly. His head was a breath away from nuzzling against her neck as his lips whispered over her ear. "Not have any feelings?" his words were soft and low but Clary could hear the danger in them. "I am nothing but feelings, since Valentine's damn announcement." He paused taking a deep breath, closing his eyes as the sweet lavender smell of her hair wrapped around him. He wanted so badly to bury his face in it but knew he couldn't, that he never could. "So before you make any assumptions you might want to get your damn facts straight, I'm not afraid of anything."
He felt her shiver but pushed away from the wall before he did something stupid. It was the hardest damn thing he'd ever done but he did it. He turned his back on her and Clary felt the cold and the anger emanating from him mixing with his dispair. He kept his hand against his chest and Clary saw finally the towel wrapped around it. The towel was soaked with blood and her eyes shot to the window and the huge crack in it.
"Bullshit" she said softly but loud enough for him to hear "you're afraid of me, of what I make you feel. Now you're hitting things trying to hide what you feel like some kind of two year old."
Jace turned back to her and laughed crudely throwing the towel in the trash, "What do you want me to say, that I'm okay with this, that I' m okay with you being my sister? Well I'm not, I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, tear my hair out or just hurt something. What I can't do is the one thing I want to."
Clary knew in her heart what he wanted, if she were honest it was what she wanted too no matter how she tried to deny it. "What is that, what is the one thing you want to do?" She said suddenly breathless as she stepped toward him and took his hand examining the gashes across his hand "don't you think it would be better than this?"She rubber her hand across his knuckles and pulled it to her mouth placing a cool kiss on each one.
"Damn it," he ground out pulling his hand back and wrapping his hands around her shoulders gently shaking her. He meant to push her away but he found himself pulling her closer instead as if he couldn't help himself. He pulled her to him until they were an inch apart and for them both it wasn't close enough. "Are you sure about that?" he hissed lightly " Even when you know it's you that I want. Even when you know I want nothing more than to strip us both down and make love to you until you scream my name till your horse."
Clary felt the breath leave her in a rush as his words swept over her like a caress. She closed her eyes as heat rode up her body. Her face and neck were red as she listened. She shook her head and tried ot back away but he wouldn't let her."
"Nothing to say now?" Thant's what I thought." He said against her ear as he pushed against her "Now get out until I'm done unless you want to push me too far, and I know you don't want to do that." He p stalked to the other side of the room and began working with seraph blades. He pushed himself, making himself look anywhere but at her. He was afraid that if he looked at her, he would give in, would take what he wanted. He just prayed she would leave before he did something even more stupid than what he'd just admitted.
Clary knew she shouldn't, knew she should stay away but something inside her wouldn't let her. She moved toward him on soundless feet, she stopped behind him, knowing he felt her there. She saw the muscles in his back tense under his shirt as her light feet padded across the floor.
She had done nothing but search her soul since the moment Valentine had told them they were siblings and in her heart, in her soul she knew it wasn't true. She had tried with Simon, even convinced herself that she was happy, but deep down she knew she would never be happy without Jace. The simple truth was that she loved him, she loved his arrogance, his confidence, his heart and his sense of humor, he was her match and no matter how she tried she couldn't imagine being with anyone else.
She drew her Jacket off her arms and let it hit the floor with a thunk. She could hear the keys rattling around in her pocket as the jacket hit but couldn't care less. She lifted her shirt over her head and slid her jeans down her slim hips. She saw the flex of Jace's muscles with every sound she made but she knew he was trying his damndest to ignore her. She had decided she would make it impossible, she was tired of being miserable without him.
She walked toward where he stood statue still and stepped into his line of vision. Jace groaned and closed his eyes when he saw her. He had imagined her like this, in bra and panties, or less, often, but now the reality was mind-blowing. Her bra and panties were both black lace and barely covered everything. She was everything he had imagined and so much more, he yearned for her, he was so hard he hurt and she stood there tempting him with something he could never have and it pissed him off all over again. He didn't have much will left and seeing her like this was ripping his heart out.
"What the hell, do you think you're doing," he growled "get dressed. Do you think this is funny? Are you crazy or is this just how you thought you'd get your kicks? I never took you for a sadist." He kept his eyes closed and turned toward the window trying to ignore her.
Her hand on his arm stopped him cold. "I wanted to take you up on your offer" she said softly stepping back in front of him. "I know what Valentine told us is not true and I love you. I want to be with you any way I can, now."
"Clary, damnit, you don't know what your doing, get away from me." He pushed past her and stormed a few steps away breathing hard. " I can't take anymore, seeing Simon touching you and then this, you're trying to drive me crazy. Just stop it." He clenched his fist and refused to look at her breathing hard.
"I am trying to drive you crazy, crazy for me. I'm trying to tell you that I know in my heart it's not true and I can't pretend anymore. I want you, anyway I can have you. I really just want you to make love to me, or to fuck me if that's what you want, whatever it takes to be with you." Clary was surprised at her own bold words but they were coming from her soul. She would take him any way she could have him.
Jace was stunned and awed at her. Her determination, her fire and he realized now her love. He could never do anything but treasure her. She was the other half of his soul and he wasn't going to push her away anymore. Jace wrapped his hands around her wrists and pulled her to him slowly as if giving her a chance to get away. His body was warm underneath the t shirt he wore and she could feel him burning against her through the thin fabric.
"It would always be making love no matter how we did it, because I love you." Jace was a little surprised that he admitted that but knew that he couldn't do anything else, this was his Clary.
"Don't make me wait anymore" she said softly as she ran her fingers up and under his t shirt. Her nails skimmed down his abs and teased the line of his pants. She yanked the shirt free and pulled it off. She threw it behind her shoulder and pulled him against her chest "I just want to be with you."
He grabbed her hands and held them down at her sides breathing hard as he pushed her away slightly. "Clary I want to make this clear, once we go here, there is no going back. I don't think I could stop once I've touched you."
Clary smiled sweetly and turned her hands so her fingers were linked with his pulling him back to her. He grunted in surprise as her hot nearly bare skin met his chest hair. She rubbed against him and looked up into his eyes. "I don't want you to stop," she whispered softly " I want you to touch me. I think I might die if you don't."
"I warned you." Jace growled as he gave up and picked her up in his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist and his lips claimed hers. Jace felt his head spin, knew he should stop this but he simply couldn't stop it. He knew that if a herd of demons came running through the room he probably couldn't have stopped it.
He nipped her lips and then claimed them as he intended to claim her. He ran his long musician's hands down her back and snapped her bra in half with a sigh of lace. Clary moaned at the cold air touching her and she arched against his seeking hands, offering herself to him.
Jace hitched her higher against him as he laved her nipples with his tongue. He sighed in pleasure at the soft sweep of her curls falling around them like a curtain. He pinched and bit her nipples until she moaned and wanted to come apart right there in his arms. He worshiped her like a goddess and he the willing supplicant. Jace looked at her, thrashing under his tongue and caught her eyes. He needed her with a fire that burned him from the inside out. He felt hot from it, like he was burning, yet he decided that he liked breathing in her fire, her fire made him whole.
"Not here" Jace growled out through gritted teeth as he tried to keep the blaze from consuming him. His head was swimming but even through the haze of his desire he knew that she deserved better than a sweaty mat in the training room.
"Jace" Clary moaned softly in his ear as she used his distraction to boost herself so she could take his lips with hers. She pushed her naked breasts against him again and he moaned as her heat washed over him, flooding him. "I just want you."
Jace's eyes rolled up in his head as he resisted the urge to forget his good intentions and make love to her right there. He growled again and strode out of the training room, kicking the door open. He walked so fast that Clary barely registered the fact that he carried her, mostly naked toward the elevator. She squeaked in slight surprise as the cool air of the institute's air conditioning made her body breakout in goosebumps.
Jace smiled as he carried her into the elevator. He pushed her up against the wall beside the control panel and slammed his hand down on the buttons. The door slid closed with a whoosh shutting them in the quiet darkness. The sound of her heart beat seemed loud in her ears as Jace plastered himself against her and cupped her face. "How did I get lucky enough to deserve you?"
Clary smiled up at him, loving the look in his eyes. He'd tried to shut her out but now his eyes were open, his soul was open and his beautiful golden eyes shone with his feelings. "We are lucky to find each other."
Jace felt his heart trip as he pulled her lips back to his own slowly as the elevator went upward. "I love you" he whispered against her lips as he stopped a hairbreadth from taking them. "I don't know how it's going to work but I do, I can't help it."
Clary shivered as his breathy words tickled her lips. She felt tears prick her eyes as his breath washed over her. "I love you too" she sighed sinking her fingers into his golden hair "no matter what, I love you."
Their lips finally met as the fire between them, and their admitted feelings exploded. They were sinking into each other with hands and lips and teeth locking together. The elevator pulled to a stop but they almost didn't notice. They were so engrossed in each other that only the sweet scented air brought them back to this reality.
Jace smiled at her awed look as he carried her out of the elevator and into the rooftop garden. He sat her down lightly on her feet and sent the elevator back down. It's doors closed with a rattling hiss and they were alone in the sweet flower scented air.
"This is amazing," Clary said slowly as she stepped toward a huge purple flower which had just begun to open as the last peels of midnight melted away. She completely seemed unaware that she was mostly naked. She stroked her hand over its velvet petals, enjoying the feeling. "this reminds me of our first date, well first date not counting killing something anyway."
Jace laughed as he walked toward her slowly, loving the way the moonlight covered her in it's blue caress. He loved the way she was shy and forward at the same time, brave and timid, his Clary was a mix of emotions that he found intriguing. He found everything about her interesting, She enchanted him.
"I know" he said softly"I wanted to remind you of it, but I also wanted to make it part of this memory too, I wanted it to be special." He was moving slowly he wouldn't scare her off, He wanted to touch her so much, to absorb her into himself but he had to be patient. He wanted to, this was one of the most wonderful moments of his life and he wanted to savor it.
Clary gulped as he stood before her all planes of silver in the kiss of the moonlight. He seemed a perfect statue cut out of the finest marble and Clary couldn't resist looking at him. He raised one fair eyebrow waiting for her to chose. She raised her hand beckoning him closer. "This will be special no matter what, every moment with you is special." She whispered as his eyes darkened further and the gold color she loved intensified. Light seemed to glow out of his eyes. "I don't want you to get a big head but, I need you Jace." She whispered softly as she held both hands out to him.
Jace had never moved so fast or been so rock hard. He'd had sex before, of course, but not when it mattered like this. Not when having her was straining his every breath. He moved so quickly that she barely saw him come to a kneeling stop in front of her. It was like he was worshiping at the feet of the angel. Clary's hands moved to her panties, longing to be naked, longing to feel all of him against her. Her hands hooked in the waist band but Jace beat her to it. He pulled them slowly down, covering each now bare inch of skin with hot kisses. He smiled against her stomach and tossed her panties behind him. They landed somewhere in the darkness with a soft whisper.
He looked at her, memorizing every inch of her. His eyes flowed over her everywhere, mesmerizing her. His hands and lips traced every curve of her, keeping her upright with his strong hands when her knees turned to jelly. His mouth found her and loved her until she screamed his name in the flower scented silence of the garden. The breathy cries slipped from Clary's mouth and Jace prayed to whoever was listening that he could wait, that he could make it good for her. She began to fall and Jace caught her.
She stumbled and fell into his waiting arms and he lifted her and carried her to the apple trees that grew in a shadowed corner of the garden. The air smelled of apple blossom and the grass that grew there was soft and smelled like summer. Jace laid her down beside him in the grass and kissed her hard. She pulled away and pushed him back so that he laid on the soft grass. She leaned over him skating her hands down his body until she reached the tie of his workout pants. She tugged the string and pulled them down and off baring him to her gaze.
Clary would have thought she would be too shy to be so aggressive but Jace made her wild, he made her want. Jace was all lines and planes in the sweet scented darkness and Clary loved him so much in that moment that her heart ached with happiness. Clary had never known that a heart could ache with happiness.
Clary's artist fingers glanced over his tight stomach and it contracted. She followed her touch with her hands and lips, tracing and caressing each muscle and line of him. She took him gently and made him moan out under her touch.
"Clary" Jace gasped as he wrapped a gentle hand in her hair and pulled her up so her eyes could meet his "I don't know how much longer I can wait."
"Then don't" She said softly as she opened her arms and welcomed him into them.
Jace's heart thudded so loud in his ears he thought it might burst out of his chest. He pulled her under him and kissed her softly. He heard his breath harsh and ragged and it sounded loud. Clary pulled him between her legs and wrapped herself around him. Jace slipped inside her slowly, gently. Each movement punctuated by a soft kiss. He moved quickly to take the final barrier away and moaned long and loud as he claimed her.
Clary tensed as the pain came and went before she was swept up in the gentle rhythm as Jace loved her. She took and gave, demanding more. Jace sat up and pulled her on top of him letting her control the pace. Clary moved slowly, then faster as she felt her body tighten. He wrapped her hair around his hand forcing her eyes to meet his as they came apart together with her name on his lips.
Clary collapsed on him, feeling boneless. Jace shifted and pulled her against him. He tried not to notice the feel of her sweet naked body against his, was surprised at his readiness again after he'd almost lost it completely in her arms only seconds before. He smiled and kissed her hair thinking that this was just Clary. His Clary did this to him, for him, every minute of the day.
"Jace, I love you, No matter what happens, I want you to know."
Jace pulled back and looked into her green eyes. He felt a trickle of fear at the uncertain future ahead. He only knew one thing, he was going to be with Clary. It was far too late to live without her.
"I love you too" he said softly as he pushed her hair back from her face "no matter what I love you."
Clary smiled and kissed him softly before snuggling down beside him. They watched the fireflies dance above them in the now silent darkness and for a moment time belonged to them.