One day he got out of his shanty town cottage and looked the sky. He was very angry and crowed:
"Stupid Solgaleo! Fucking idiot should be a fire type, but instead is a psychic/steel type! Pokemon is ruined forever!"
Solgaleo, the Sun Pokemon, stared back at the earth. He much hated Satoshi and his evil ways, and it broke his heart that such a monster wandered the earth. This, however, was the last straw. His eyes flared with light, and suddenly that made laser beams that began burning Red's dick!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING FLAMING FAGGOT TOUCHING MY CHARRED WHORESTICK!" said the evil little boy with malevolent desires in his testicles.
"It's not fire, it is LIGHT" roared the solar deity righteous with passion in his bright heart, "For that HERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"
The lasers them moved up his body, skinning the skin and leaving behind cauterised blood like a demonic tomato. FireRed's muscles became cooked like roasted rabbit and blackened, emiting a chalky scent. His guts became filled with superheated gas and expelled violent farts that obliterated his anus, sending the now dark ring flying millions of kilometers into the earth. His lungs began filling with UV radiation, but Solgaleo used the holy sun's righteous energies to keep Satoshi alive for a while longer. Ash's bones were so heated that the calcium within them began seperating at an atomic level and exploding, each blast sending an enormous amount of searing pain into the hatred boy's flesh.
The lasers then moved to his nipples, circumsising them and making them fall off, exposing the putrid lactiferous ducts, full of maggots with penises made of rotten pus. Then, to the intense UV light, the flesh became cancerous, obstructing them and making them inflate with tumours, turning them into huge cancer BOOBS. It began spreading across his belly until it reached the button, where it projected it outwards. Then it went down to his PENIS, now almost completely ash (geddit), elongating it again in a morbid parody of a real cock. Ironically it was larger than ever before. Then the cancer kept spreading, turning the seminal hotness underage body into an amorphous mass. Bones cracked and rearranged, exploding further, burning the cancer and sending even more pain.
Finally, Red couldn't stand anymore, and fell to the ground. His body got all Akira and his face deformed, his eyes were sealed by pulsating eyelids and his teeth were exploded from his gums, blowing up like fireworks. His tongue got green, and he wasn't sure if could live for much longer. Solgaleo winced, he did not like this it punishment must be done to the infertile of the soul and desert hearted.
Finally, feeling his lungs compress under the explosions and cancer, Ash said his final words:
"Popplio is stupid."
Popplio became very sad and mad, so he did a spell and tons of bubbles came out of his nostrils. They bursted on Ash, and the water within them reacted violently against the atomically-seperated clacium. FireRed's bones could not hold anymore, and thew exploded in a blaze of glory, utterly destroying his flesh, making his body explode in a huge burst of LIGHT. His soul was however caught in bubbles of fire, and it was sent all the way to hell, where he was raped by gay Mega Houndooms for all eternal history until the universe reached entropic decay, amen and amen.
Solgaleo much liked Popplio's strength and courage, and could not help but be aroused. He went down to the earth and took Popplio by force and the two had SEX in the sky.
"Oh oh oh!" moaned Popplio sexily as Solgaleo put his throbbing manliness pillar up his dark caves of mystery.
The two lovers made love for the longest time, and the earth was bright and fruitful. Finally, they orgasmed, a cosmic event of passion and romance, a light so powerful and enamoured that the two most distinct beings fused in their pure love, and DNA digivolved into Alphamon. The new being, made of the purest love and unity between two individuals, rejoiced in his own beauty and light, and sang "Stronger than you" by Estelle.
And the entire Earth was blown up.