Hey everyone! So this is one of the two stories I mentioned in Alaskan Rose, which I promised would be uploaded once AR is finished. I know it's not finished yet, but I just couldn't resist! I have to say, I'm really enjoying writing this so far. I hope you guys will like it, too! Also, I WILL say in advance that I've made a few changes to the original story (Mockingjay.) First off, Finnick is NOT DEAD. He survived the rebellion, and moved back to District 4 with Annie. I can't even explain my love for Finnick, so please understand. Secondly, I took away the kids. ( Peeta and Katniss's girl and boy, and Finnick and Annie's son.) I might add the kids back to my story at some point, but in my opinion it was kind of too soon for them. I'd like to explore the various relationships and feelings they have for each other a lot better before moving on to kids. For instance, I love the Katniss-Finnick friendship. Also, we definitely did NOT get enough of Annie in Mockingjay. And what about Johanna? Underrated for sure. So, yeah. Apart from that, it's basically post-Mockingjay. Enjoy and tell me whether you'd like to read more in the reviews!
Disclaimer: Yep, as we all know, The Hunger Games belongs to the amazing Suzanne Collins, not me.
I stand alone in the meadow. Somewhere deep inside my mind, a memory stirs. One of clear, blue, skies, and rolling clouds. One of a spring colored grassland, splattered with flowers and dandelions. Most of all, one of a single child, a little girl with swinging braids and baby blue eyes. I can hear her laughing, see her dancing through grass and flowers. I want to call out to her so badly, ache to pull her into my trembling arms. But no matter how hard I try, no sound escapes from my lips. My feet are glued to the spot, binding me to the nightmares and shadows haunting me constantly. Holding me back from the one I love, from joining her in her freedom and happiness.
I can only watch as she prances farther away, each step taking away a piece of my shattered heart. At the last moment, she turns back, with a beautiful smile and a little wave. "Katniss," she calls, her voice ringing strong yet sweet. Then she disappears into the horizon where grass meets sky.
"Prim," I think numbly, before my knees buckle and my vision goes black.
When I regain consciousness, my head feels drowsy and everything seems too bright. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the sunlight in my room, and a few more for my brain to register my surroundings. The familiar furniture, the old clutters of things here and there. Only then do I see Peeta, sitting in the armchair near my bed. He hasn't noticed my waking up yet. Instead, he's gazing out the window, looking somewhat lost in thought.
I can't help but watch him. The way the sunlight bounces off his blonde waves, turning them golden-white. The way his eyes look bright and lucid, much like the eyes of someone healthy and strong, and not the clouded, dull eyes I remember from our time in District 13.
I hesitate. "Peeta," I say quietly, my voice coming out dry and cracked. He turns around almost immediately, breaking out into a smile. A warm, genuine smile which sends a shock through my body. I can't believe how good it feels to see that smile, just how much I've missed this Peeta.
"Hey," he says softly. A pause. "I've missed you, Katniss." Almost as though he'd read my thoughts. "You've been out for a day."
A day? It feels nothing like a day. In fact, I think I lost track of time altogether a while ago. I just stopped caring about date and time. Let the minutes drag on, weaving themselves into days, weeks, months. I think I could live the rest of my life this way, simply letting season after season, year after year, slip away without notice. None of it mattered anymore, anyhow. But for Peeta's sake, I attempt a light-hearted laugh which turns into a raspy croak. "Sounds like I've been getting some overdue beauty sleep," I joke lamely. He just smiles sadly and shakes his head.
"I went looking for you," he says. "You were passed out in the Meadow. So I took you home and I've been here since yesterday." For a moment, he looks unsure of himself, and I remember that he's not the old Peeta anymore, he was hijacked and is still recovering. Except he'll never make a full recovery. My Peeta, the boy with the bread and kindness, the boy who I'd tried to save and failed, is gone. Because of me. At this point, I suddenly feel like doing something stupid like cry.
Instead, I sit up abruptly and throw my covers off. "Let's have breakfast," I suggest, as cheerily as I can. "I'm starving." I sound monotone and fake, but I couldn't care less. At least anything is better than someone who's been basically wasting away for what, nearly a month now?
If he has his doubts about my sudden change in attitude, he doesn't show it. He just nods and stands up, stretching his arms. "Take your time freshening up or whatever," he tells me earnestly. "I'll wait for you downstairs, with some cheese buns I made this morning." Another pause. "They're your favorite, right?" When I nod, too choked up to say anything, he visibly relaxes. "Aha. That's what they told me," he mutters to himself, while walking towards the stairs.
I have to swallow hard to fight back the stinging tears which came from nowhere. A nagging voice in the back of my mind rises up sickeningly.. You did this to him, it whispers accusingly. They tortured him because of you. Because you failed your promise, to save him and keep him alive and well. He would probably be better off dead right now. I clamp my hands over my ears and start rocking back and forth in a hunched position.
Finally, I bolt for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, and whatever little food I had in my stomach makes its reappearance in the toilet. Gripping the cold marble edges of the seat, I sink onto my knees weakly. Even with the food gone, I still feel nauseous and dizzy. Just as I think I'm going to lose it again, an old memory surfaces. Dr. Aurelius, I think. His voice, calm and soothing, reminding me to breathe, slowly, count to seven. Inhale, exhale.
After trying this a couple of times, the nausea gradually begins to fade, to my immense relief. I'm even able to stand up, flush the toilet, and rinse my mouth. But I decide it's not enough. I go back into my room to grab some clean clothes without really bothering to look at what I've picked.
In the bathroom, I strip away the layers of sweaty and sticky clothes, and get in the tub with hot water turned on full blast. As I scrub myself with generous amounts of sweet smelling bubbles, I try to wash away everything which's happened since the Quarter Quell. For the first time, I face everything I've been running away from. The deaths of friends and strangers. People who have suffered at the expense of the rebellion, me, the Mockingjay. Darius, Lavinia, Boggs, Jackson, Pollux, Cressida, Mesalla... The list goes on forever.
In my mind, I apologize to every one of them. I let myself cry. For them. For me. I say my final goodbyes silently.
At last, there's just Prim left. My little duck who grew up too soon. I'm sorry, I think, my chest tightening painfully. I'll see you again someday, I promise, but not now. I'm going to live again. For you, for Dad, for everyone who died for me. My heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces all over again, and the very fragments I've been trying to hold together for the past month are finally falling apart. But at the same time, I feel more complete than I have in a long time. The bubbles are gone now, and my skin is pink and tingling. I think I'm finally clean.
Well, what did y'all think of that? Please leave a review, I'd LOVE to hear from every single one of you. *The next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow or the day after that, depending on the response I get.