Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.
Rated for language.
of ingenious schemes and best laid miscalculations
As plans went, it wasn't just bad. Oh no, it was a fucking mess of an abomination, partially because alcohol had been involved, predominantly because Tony really absolutely hated the media circus, and almost entirely because it had been a dare.
Of course, after the Asgardian mead filched from Thor's room and the uncounted bottles of whiskey had faded from their minds the two of them actually agreed that it was a terrible plan, but they were both just stubborn and confident and vengeful enough to go through with it anyway.
All in all, Tony would be tempted to say that it had gone downhill from the moment Doom showed up but in all honesty, he knew it had been - ha - doomed from the start.
"This is your fault," Loki snapped, sending what Tony hoped was a non-fatal blast at the Iron Man armour that he only just managed to dodge in time.
"How?" Tony asked incredulously. "This was your idea, and anyway, Doom wouldn't have showed up if you hadn't been flirting with him last month—"
"Flirting?" Loki snarled and shot another blast of energy. This one– oh crap that one is definitely fatal– went sailing over Tony's shoulder, disintegrating the three Doombots behind him.
"Thanks," Tony muttered, returning the favour with a repulsor beam, and Loki nodded before muttering—
"You know what I was doing."
And yeah, okay, fair.
He knew what Loki had been doing, because Loki had gleefully outlined his plan to dethrone the 'annoying mortal who thinks he can do magic but he can't, Anthony, he's just embarrassing himself, and that armour is honestly just distasteful.' And okay, yeah, Tony might have preened a bit at that last part but that didn't mean he hadn't been listening.
Just like he had been listening when the world all but denounced the Avengers, the media labelling them as vigilantes who acted with no concern for public safety or infrastructure. Just as he had been listening when the State of New Jersey had declared any act by the Avengers unwelcome on their soil, due to damage caused during past scuffles in their area accumulating high costs. The costs were mostly covered by SI and SHIELD, sure, but if Tony knew one thing, it was that politicians and public opinion could be petty.
In all honesty they had been asking for a super villain attack, and Tony and Loki - spurred by drunkenness and an out of control poker game - were only too willing to give them one.
The plan, concocted after Loki had refused to admit that he'd been changing his terrible hands with magic, had been simple. Distract the Avengers with a power outage in the tower (thanks, JARVIS), have Loki cause a little damage in New Jersey, and then see whether the people and politicians on the other side of the Hudson preferred their villain action plain vanilla or with a side of super hero.
Okay, yes. It was a terrible plan, but it should - probably - have worked.
Then Doom had caught wind of Loki having fun in New Jersey, had dropped in to ask about the alliance Loki had hinted at a month earlier, and then, like any mature and self-respecting sovereign, threw a tantrum upon rejection and hurled a total of sixty four Doombots at Loki in one go.
Tony had left the darkened Tower at top speed, destroyed a heap of them with his repulsors, and then received a blast of icy green magic to the face - honestly, it had only just missed, Loki was such a little shit - as his thanks.
All in a day's work.
True to form, Loki was pretty huffy about the whole thing, not at all out of breath from the fight and alternating his violent bursts of magic and thrusts of his knives with verbal barbs at the one person currently on his side.
"I had this handled," Loki snapped as one of his blades deftly sliced the head from one bot's neck, cutting cleanly through metal and circuitry. "You've only caused more problems with your presence."
"You know what?" Tony replied, flying into the air to get a better vantage point. "You are right. If I hadn't come, we would have had just the one problem - namely you being turned into a crispy smear on the roof of this second rate-apartment block."
"I am insulted that you think I could be defeated so easily," Loki snarled, taking down four at once to prove a point. "I had it handled."
Tony rolled his eyes despite the fact that he knew Loki couldn't see it, though inwardly he knew that the god had a point. He'd seen Loki take down the Avengers after all; he could have handled this alone. But he didn't need to, and Tony was going to get that through Loki's thick skull eventually.
The two of them worked as a seamless team, coordinating attacks and protecting each other's six with an instinct that required little thought. Despite having been - technically - on opposing sides for years, it had been almost as long since they had actively tried to attack each other, and they were used to working together to make it seem as if they were fighting when really they were just having a whole heap of fun. Fighting side by side felt right.
Then a round, striped, and star spangled shield came out of nowhere and took out a Doombot on Tony's left.
"Oh dear lord," said Tony, feeling the inexplicable urge to just step in the line of fire let one of the Doombots take him out - at least temporarily - because surely it couldn't be worse than—
"You let them follow you?" Loki hissed, his green eyes narrowing dangerously. "Of all the careless—"
"Hey, let's not be forgetting who encouraged Doom's little crush," Tony growled back, and Loki looked about to respond with the wit that Tony just loved to provoke but then—
"BROTHER!"
Loki spoke in a language that Tony had yet to learn, but he could tell from the context that it was a long and elaborate string of curses.
"I swear I had nothing to do with—" Tony was cut off as Loki grabbed the armour by the shoulders, swinging him around like a shield of his own to intercept the bolt of lightning that cracked towards them. And then it was Tony's turn to swear as the armour lit up with dangerous levels of energy.
"What the hell, Loki, I know you could have blocked that," Tony growled, shoving away from the god, but something was burning in his memory and– oh.
"Power at 475% capacity," JARVIS said, his voice almost sounding drunk.
Tony grinned and leaped into the air, powering the repulsors and spinning—
The remainder of the Doombots didn't stand a chance.
"And now to deal with the source of the problem," Loki said, winking at Tony before blinking out with a shine of green.
"What the hell, man?" Clint was yelling as the other Avengers - sans Bruce - covered the rest of the distance across the roof where Tony was hovering.
"Hang on," he said, holding up a hand and remaining in the air. The next roof over was alight with flashes of green, the lighter shade clearly more powerful and overwhelming the darker. "I don't think this is going to take long. Loki's pissed."
"Yeah, about that." Natasha moved forward. "What the hell are you doing, Tony?"
Tony sighed, finally landing back on the roof and letting his helmet fold back into the armour. He knew there would be no getting out of the conversation, and he knew what the outcome of the fight on the other roof would be, regardless. His own would be a little harder to predict.
"Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else?" he suggested, but Steve's response was delayed as a final crack and a shriek sounded from the rooftop on their right.
"Should we be doing something about that?" Clint asked in an almost offhand tone.
"It's handled," Loki replied, stepping out of nowhere to stand beside Tony.
Thor took a step forward and Clint raised his bow, but Steve held up a hand while Natasha frowned thoughtfully, her eyes lingering on the rather small space between the trickster and the red and gold armour.
"Just explain, Tony," Steve said, his voice tired but hard, and Tony sifted through his mind quickly.
Too late to explain this away as simply an opportune team up, the 'enemy of my enemy is my friend' shtick - not with Loki standing right there, and not with the fact hanging in the air that if it were the case, Tony logically should have sided with Doom. No, it was too late for them to now pretend to fight, which only left one option.
"Do you remember that news report last night?" Tony asked, and from the looks of confusion the other Avengers had clearly expected something different.
"The one that said we were a public menace?" asked Clint, his hand still on his bow as his eyes flicked between Tony and Loki.
"Yeah, that one. Well, Loki took offence."
Thor cocked his head. "Why would my brother be offended by such a thing? Surely he would revel in the world turning against our methods."
"Please, Thor, as if I could possibly stand for the Avengers to take credit for the chaos I cause," Loki drawled, stepping into the role Tony crafted so flawlessly that Tony honestly could have kissed him right there if it wouldn't have given the whole game away. "Your Man of Iron promised to keep you out of the way if I would attack this place."
"Tony!" Steve snapped, his teeth all but bared. "How could you?"
"How could I what?" Tony asked, tilting his head in mock innocence.
"How could you be in cahoots with that… monster?" Clint asked, his bow drawn before Tony even saw him reach for an arrow. "He's destroyed the place!"
"Thank you," said Loki, smirking as he bowed mockingly, barely a bend in his back but his arms spread as if he were inviting the praise he might have once received as a prince. "It is nice to finally be recognised as the real architect of annihilation."
Clint snarled and released his bowstring. Steve moved to stop him but was too slow, and Tony could feel more than see Loki begin to craft a spell to catch the projectile. But repulsors were fast, and the arrow was in pieces on the floor before any of the other Avengers had moved.
"Don't," Tony growled, realising a little late that his movement had placed him directly between the heroes and the erstwhile villain. Instinctual, he thought, remembering how well they had fought together against the Doombots. He knew Loki could defend himself easily against an arrow, even if Clint had grabbed an explosive, but Tony had seen the tightness in Loki's eyes at the word 'monster' despite the façade and he had just moved.
"Get out of the way, Stark," Clint snapped, reaching for another arrow, slower this time, and– okay yes that one is definitely an explosive. Thor was tightening his grip on his hammer, and while Natasha wasn't moving, Tony knew she was prepared to strike if the need arose.
"Hawkeye, stand down," Steve ordered, a tightness in his expression betraying his true thoughts. Steve also wanted to attack. He just didn't think they would win, not head on at least.
Clint didn't lower the bow.
"Why are you protecting him?" Clint spat more than asked, staring with a pinched expression at Tony's obviously defensive stance.
"I'm not protecting him," Tony replied, eyes flashing. "I'm protecting you."
Smugness was practically radiating from behind him, and Tony was glad at least that he had managed to cheer Loki up. And yeah, what he'd said to Clint was only half the truth, but it was true enough and understandable enough that Clint finally listened to Steve and lowered his weapon.
"All right, boys," Natasha spoke up, moving forward to stand between the two factions and raising her hands appeasingly. "Now that we are no longer on the brink of murder, might we take Tony's earlier suggestion and move this somewhere more private? The vultures still circle, after all."
Tony's gaze immediately flew to the sky, and upon seeing the not one, but two news helicopters hovering nearby, his curse was in perfect sync with Clint's.
"Language," Steve snapped at them both. "We're on television."
"That's the fucking problem, Cap," Clint snapped. "Now it looks we're involved in all of this. Whatever the hell 'this' is."
"Iron Man was distracting you while I regained the reputation I deserve," Loki sniffed, and Tony rolled his eyes.
"More like Loki was helping me prove our worth while having some fun in the meantime," Tony countered. At Steve's disapproving look, he added, "I made sure he promised not to hurt anyone."
"Oh, well, if he promised," Clint started, but paused as Thor finally deemed it necessary to move forward. Tony shifted to solidify his position in front of Loki, but the trickster put a hand on Tony's shoulder and all of a sudden they were standing side by side.
"I would be more wary, Man of Iron," Thor said firmly, his voice careful despite the hardness in his gaze. "Loki has promised many things in the past."
Tony couldn't actually feel the hand on his shoulder clench due to the layer of metal, but he could see the stiffness in Loki's shoulders.
"Okay," said Tony, knowing enough to understand the need to put off that confrontation until they were all safely out of view at least. "Not to break up all this fun time, but we really should move."
Loki nodded tersely, and suddenly the two of them were in the penthouse of Avengers Tower.
"I'm afraid that might not have been wise," JARVIS said, his voice worried.
"They're all big boys, J, they can deal— well, except Natasha. Please don't tell her I said that."
"I believe you are in enough strife as it is, Sir," JARVIS replied over Loki's snickering.
Well, in that case, there was little point aiming for decorum.
By the time the team caught up, Tony had divested himself of the suit, he and Loki were already a quarter of the way through one of the bottles they had managed to miss the night before, and Steve, storming through the elevator doors, was wearing his top level Disapproving Frown™.
"I know, I know," Tony sighed. "Now the world probably thinks I've been kidnapped, blah, blah - but surely that actually helps—"
"Cut the bullshit, Tony," Natasha said, and it was in that tone, and Tony just, well, nope. He wasn't going there, it's not like she knew.
"It was Loki's fault anyway," Tony said, pointing a finger at the offending god.
Thor actually looked annoyed yet definitely unsurprised at the accusation, but before he could say anything Loki was rolling his eyes.
"You said we needed to leave."
"Yeah. I meant like a normal person."
"And why would I do that?"
"Okay, what even is this?" Clint asked, gesturing between them as they bickered.
"They're sleeping together," said Natasha, and the room seemed to just stop.
"What?" Tony coughed, breaking the sudden, stifling silence. "I mean. No."
Natasha raised an eyebrow, and okay. So. Maybe she knew.
Thor's eyes widened. "Loki?"
Loki simply sighed,
"No way in hell," Clint said, to which of course Tony just had to answer—
"Nope, travel costs to that place are insane, but we did manage all over the penthouse. And the house in Malibu. And the SHIELD—"
"NO," Clint yelled, forgoing the arrows entirely and simply throwing the bow at them- but it disappeared in a flash of green before hitting its mark. Clint just gaped for a second, before stabbing a finger in Loki's direction. "What did you do to my—"
"Worry not, friend," said Thor, placing a hand on Clint's shoulder. "I recognise that spell. Your mighty weapon has merely been relocated."
"But to where?" Clint whined, his voice going a bit high pitched at the end there and yes, Tony was totally asking JARVIS for the recording later. He was going to make ringtones.
"From what I have learned in past experience," Thor sighed, "It is most likely at the top most part of the Tower."
"We're already in the pent—"
"It'll be on the spire, Barton," Tony said, unable to hold in the snicker, and Loki grinned proudly.
"Sir, Avengers, Mr Lie-Smith," JARVIS interrupted, "Dr Banner is on his way up."
"Oh shit," said Tony, and Loki went pale.
Bruce hardly seemed to notice them as he wandered in from the elevator, his steps slow and his hair mussed as he moved toward the small cupboard behind the bar.
"Hey, Tony," he said without looking up, and the sleep in his voice confirmed the suspicion that Bruce had been up in his lab again. "Sorry to barge in, it's just that I've run out of tea and I know you usually keep some for–" Bruce blinked, looked up, and then blinked again when he saw the crowd watching him warily. "Why is Clint's bow in the tea cupboard?"
"What?" Clint exclaimed, vaulted the bar—
"Hey!" Tony yelped as his glass was knocked over, reaching for the bottle immediately.
—and pushed in front of Bruce.
"My bow!" Clint said affectionately, pulling it from Loki's tea cupboard and cradling it in his arms.
Thor watched on, confused, and at Tony's curious look, Loki simply shrugged. "Seemed like it would be fun to watch Barton climb the tower for no reason at all."
Bruce's gaze landed on Loki, who tensed, but the doctor's brown eyes skimmed over the rest of the team before focusing on Tony, a brow raised in question.
Tony shrugged. "Loki defeated Doctor Doom," he said offhandedly. Loki let out a huff of amusement, which, given the company, Tony took as a win.
Bruce turned his gaze to Steve, who looked a little caught out and– goddamn, Captain America was good, the bastard had used the distraction to steal the liquor bottle.
Stuffing the bottle behind the couch on the far side of the room in one fast movement, Steve attempted to stutter out a reply to Bruce. "Tony and Loki are, erm—"
"They're sleeping together," Clint interjected, more gleefully than Natasha had and clearly expecting some kind of… green reaction.
But Bruce merely cocked his head. "You mean you didn't know?" he asked.
Tony choked on his newly poured scotch. "You mean you did?"
Bruce gestured back to the cupboard. "You don't drink tea, Tony," he said, speaking as if his response adequately answered everything.
"JARVIS told you, didn't he?"
"I did no such thing, Sir."
Bruce laughed. "No. But I did find a suspiciously horned helmet in here a few months ago. It wasn't a hard deduction to make."
Tony grinned. "Nice work, Sherlock." Then he turned to Loki, eyebrows raised. "And you had the gall earlier to call me careless?"
Thor snorted, and Clint, tearing his eyes from his bow in slightly delayed reaction screeched—
"Months?"
Ring. Tone. It was definitely in the works.
Bruce's presence, somewhat unsurprisingly, calmed everyone down. The Avengers were no longer quite so on edge and although Loki was still wary, he relaxed enough upon watching Tony's ease with Bruce that he was able to help explain why - the real reason, now that the cat was out of the bag - that Tony had allowed Loki to go on a controlled rampage through New Jersey.
"Let me get this straight," said Clint, holding up a hand as if asking for time out. "You two got drunk on alcohol you'd stolen from Thor and were playing strip poker, and because Loki was cheating—"
"Was not," Loki huffed, and Thor muffled a laugh behind his hand.
"—you–" Clint gestured to Tony, "–dared him to get vengeance on the media and on New Jersey for declaring us a danger to society. And then Doom showed up, so you went to save him—"
"I did not need saving," Loki snapped.
"Hey, you used me as a shield," Tony replied with a grin. "Seems like you needed me."
"—and you didn't even once think that maybe any of this was a bad idea?" Clint finished, incredulous.
"Well, I wouldn't say that, exactly," said Tony, scratching at his goatee. "I mean, after the drink wore off and Loki spelled away the hangovers, we were both pretty sure it was definitely a bad plan. But you know how the saying goes."
Clint asked for clarification, but Natasha raised her gaze to the ceiling and began muttering in Russian like she always did when she thought a member of the team was being particularly thick headed.
"Best laid schemes o' mice and men?" Tony asked, glancing around. "Ringing any bells?"
"You're saying that you thought that the plan would work because it was bad?" Bruce summarised, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Adaptability is the key to success," Loki said smugly, and Tony barked a laugh.
"Oh dear lord there's two of them now," said Clint. "Thor, how do you deal with this?"
Thor seemed unable to decide between narrowing his eyes or laughing aloud. "Badly, I'll admit. And usually while sporting life-threatening wounds."
"Never have I imposed a life threatening wound upon you, brother," Loki sneered, before muttering under his breath; "Unfortunately."
"Aw, sibling love," Tony teased, and Loki stole his glass in response, his own emptied. "Hey!"
"I'm going to get Miss Potts on the line," Steve sighed, rubbing his face roughly. "We're going need a press conference."
"Already done, Captain," JARVIS interjected. "Miss Potts is informed and setting up as we speak." Steve nodded to the ceiling in thanks.
"What? Why?" Tony whined, and Steve's gaze hardened, turning his best Frustrated Glare™ on the inventor.
"Because the whole world just witnessed you fighting side by side with number two on SHIELD's threat list," he snapped.
"I'm only number two?" Loki asked, affronted, and Tony pat him a few times on the leg in consolation, taking the opportunity to try and swipe back his drink.
"Don't feel bad," he said. "I got bumped down to number twelve last week. Me, twelfth. Not even in the top ten."
"Bet you'll climb back up after this," Loki replied with wink, sliding the glass he still held further away from Tony's reach.
"Can we stay focused, please?" Steve groused, switching his glare from Tony to where Clint was snickering on the other side of the bar. "This is serious. The media already dislikes us—"
"I think dislike is not strong enough a word there, Cap," Clint replied, and Steve sighed the exasperated sigh of an adult who has dealt with lively children for far too long.
"It's fine. Calm down Capsicle," Tony said, lifting his hand from Loki's leg to wave it dismissively. "I've done far worse in the past and my company has lived through it all. The Avengers will survive my trysts with a super villain."
"Oh, that's high acclaim." Loki rolled his eyes, and Tony barked a laugh.
"It's not like you need the ego boost," he replied, looking the god up and down, and Loki preened.
"Okay, no, I thought I could deal with this. I was wrong," said Clint, wrinkling his nose and backing away slightly. "Please stop." He glanced to where Thor was standing against the wall with arms crossed, obviously hoping for support, but the thunder god's face remained faintly amused.
"We're going to need to keep this under wraps," said Steve, trying to salvage the conversation. "You working with him is going to be even worse for our image than the fact that Loki was rampaging around New Jersey for a full half hour before Doom even showed up, and that we did nothing."
"Perhaps if we keep the focus on why the Avengers answered a call in New Jersey when we were explicitly told not too rather than on Loki, it will distract from Tony's new ally," Bruce suggested tactfully. "Especially if the reporters question why you guys turned up late."
Natasha nodded. "That could work," she said.
Tony snorted. "That could spectacularly fail," he replied. "Reporters are like sharks. If they smell the blood in the water, they'll be on it in seconds. You can't distract them with something else, even if it's a story that they've been reaping the benefits of for the past couple weeks. Perhaps even more so because of that."
"It's the lesser of two evils," Bruce said with shrug.
"And it's the best we've got," Steve finished.
"Then let's go, I guess," Tony sighed. "If I know Pep - and I definitely do - she'll have it all sorted in the lobby by now."
Steve held up a hand. "You're not coming."
Okay, yes, Tony had honestly been expecting that, but it didn't stop him from holding a hand to his metal heart and gasping in mock horror.
"Steve," he choked, though on a laugh rather than due to any real hurt. "I can't believe that you're—"
"Yeah, yeah," said Steve. "You're heartbroken. One last thing." Steve turned to Loki, his arms crossed and his expression hard. "What did you do to Doom?"
Loki's expression was downright manic, and Tony felt his heart warm at the sight of it.
"Doom won't be back for a while." The words, ominous enough in their own right, were hair-raising when spoken in that darkly amused tone.
"So he's not dead then?" Steve deduced, his face tightening slightly.
Loki's eyes gleamed with mischief. "No. But he did try to escape through one of his portals, which I, ah, altered."
"Loki," Thor said threateningly, taking a step forward, and Loki chuckled wickedly.
"Don't worry, brother," he purred. "The mortal remains on Midgard. He is simply a little… shall we say, out of the way?"
"Oh," said Natasha, her eyes widening. Tony didn't know or care about what she had just realised, and neither, it seemed, did Steve.
"Then there's little we can do there," he said, gesturing back to the elevator. "Let's go, guys."
Clint was still snickering about Doom's fate when the elevator door closed behind the team, a still dishevelled Bruce being dragged in at the rear by a still slightly confused Thor.
"Well," Tony said, once again trying and failing to retrieve the now near-empty glass of scotch. "That could have gone a lot worse."
Loki smirked. "Best laid plans."
"We didn't have a plan."
"Exactly."
Tony sighed, and leaned his head against his forearms upon the bar. "What do you think they're going to say?"
"They'll probably go with the story Banner suggested," said Loki, before pausing to finally drain the glass with an irritatingly graceful swig. The picture he made was almost enough to make up for the theft. After shooting Tony a knowing smile, Loki continued. "It won't work, however."
"I know," Tony replied. "They'll ask about you, they'll want to know why we were all having that little heart to heart at the end. Steve's a good strategist, but he's still not quite used to being in the spotlight without scripted lines. Pep and Nat'll help, but he's going to have to answer questions on the fly."
"It was always going to happen," Loki commented. "But we could still go out and stage a fight in the middle of Central Park, if you want. That'd be fun. It might even fix the problem."
"Tempting," Tony hummed. "Cap told us to stay here, though."
Loki shot Tony a look that quite clearly said I can't believe those words just came out of you mouth, or perhaps who the hell are you and what have you done with Tony Stark?
Tony simply smiled beatifically.
"Sometimes you gotta give a little to catch them unawares when you really need to break the rules, right?"
Right. It was a solid, tried and true method. Give them just enough so that even if they know exactly what you're like, they'll still be surprised the next time. From the sound of things, it had worked for Loki for centuries, after all. But Loki didn't say anything, just continued to watch Tony amusedly, green eyes flitting across tired features.
They sat in silence for a moment.
"Oh, fuck it," said Tony, pushing away from the bar. "I'm sick of hiding. Come on, I've got a better idea."
With the evil grin that Tony loved so much spreading across his face, Loki stood and took his outstretched hand.
xXx
"Captain America, why didn't the Avengers respond to the Loki incident earlier today? Is it not your sworn duty to protect the world from such threats?"
"As I said in my earlier speech, we were respecting the wishes of the State of New Jersey, who have made it clear that they do not wish for our intervention. We acted only when a second villain appeared, which would have exponentially increased damages without our help."
"So it wasn't bitterness over last night's announcement?"
"No, most certainly not. We would not endanger the lives of others for the sake of pride."
"Why did Iron Man appear so much earlier than the other Avengers? Is he working with Loki?"
"Iron Man can fly at much greater speeds than the rest of us. He often reaches a location first."
"Captain America, I can't help but notice you didn't answer the previous question entirely. Is Iron Man working with Loki?"
"Is Tony Stark in league with a super villain?"
Steve forced himself not to sigh, not to close his eyes or rub at his aching temples like he so desperately needed to do. He kept the smile on his face - not too bright for the seriousness of the topic, but not too severe, either - he kept up the charade, just as he had watched Tony over the years since the Incident. He tried to focus on his friends on either side of him. Natasha on his left, glaring out at any reporter who dared to take the questioning too far. Clint on his right, arms crossed but smiling calmly, a picture of acceptance and serenity, dispelling the notion that the Avengers had a thing to worry about. Bruce and Thor had stayed back, deemed by Pepper to be too sleepy and too inflammatory respectively, but Steve knew they were there, watching just to the side, silent in their support but no less for it. He had his team with him, and they gave him strength.
But the question was a difficult one, and Steve was not in the business of lying. He had tried to sway the audience with his speech but he had never been as gifted with words as Tony, and even with the cards provided by Miss Potts he hadn't succeeded in drawing attention away from the real issue.
"Breathe," Natasha whispered, a steady presence at his back, reminding Steve of his team. This was for his team.
Steve swallowed hard. Come on Rogers, this is nothing compared to the USO tours.
"Tony Stark is a hero," he started, his mind working to quickly draft an explanation of teamwork and coincidence, but he was cut off by a murmur from the back of the room.
The murmur soon turned to exclamation, and before Steve could comprehend the rush of hands in pockets and vibrating phones despite the no-cell rule, the reporters all had devices in their hands and were chattering madly.
"Oh, this can't be good," Clint muttered, tension ruining his previously anxiety-free image.
"What's going on?" Natasha called to the nearest reporter, and the room began to quiet as they realised they may soon get a comment from the Avengers on whatever had them so jittery.
"Iron Man has been photographed in a compromising position with the super villain Loki on the top of the Brooklyn Bridge," one of the reporters babbled excitedly, almost bouncing in his seat as he held his recording device a fraction of an inch higher. "It's all over social media. What's your comment, Captain America?"
Steve frowned, and tried to force the rising thought from his mind, because there was no way that the reporter meant that Tony was—
"They're having sex, Steve," Natasha said bluntly, and Steve closed his eyes and turned his face to the heavens.
xXx
"I can't believe we got Captain America to swear on live television," Tony said gleefully several floors above, his grin widening at the vibrations Loki's snicker sent through his body. They were curled together on the couch in Tony's penthouse, the press conference on the television in conjunction with the recently reacquired bottle of scotch providing quality entertainment. "That couldn't have gone any better. 'Compromising position,' oh my god."
"The human mind is good at jumping to conclusions," Loki agreed.
"You have to admit, though, the make-out session on top of the fucking Brooklyn Bridge was hot. I can see why the conclusion jumping happened." Tony leered at his lover. "We should validate their suspicions sometime. Any other New York landmark you'd like to deface?"
Green eyes flashed. "I would not allow the rest of the world to see you like that," Loki growled, and Tony couldn't help but smirk.
"I'm sorry, like what, exactly?" Tony asked, his lip curling in challenge.
Loki leaned in, one hand on Tony's cheek while the other slid down his chest. He paused just a moment from pressing their lips together, breath leaving tingles where it whispered against skin. When Loki spoke, his words were soft murmur yet saturated with potential.
"You'll have to remind me."
Challenge answered, challenge met, and it took the work of only a moment for Tony to twist his fingers through Loki's dark hair and pull the god down for another bruising kiss.
Avengers Tower, after all, was as good a New York landmark as any.
BONUS:
"Don't worry, Steve," said Bruce, patting the super soldier firmly on the back. "It wasn't that bad. They're pretty quick at beeping things out these days, you know."
"Doesn't change the fact that everyone knows he did it, though," Clint said gleefully. "What're the odds on the fact that Stark was watching it?"
"Боже мой," Natasha sighed in exasperation, looking on with sympathy as Steve groaned once more and tried to press himself into the chair. "It's definitely going to take more than a press conference to get us out of this one.