Into the Deep End

Author's Note: I honestly never thought I'd be writing for Madam Secretary. As much as I love the show, I know nothing about politics and have little interest in them. When I went back to re-watch season one I just couldn't help myself though. Hopefully you enjoy this story, and if you do, be prepared. I already have a second one in the works and it's going to be a doozy. I'm rather excited.

Chapter One

It would only be an hour, probably less. An hour and a half in a worst case scenario. That was it. Nothing too catastrophic could happen in an hour and a half. That was the line Henry was trying to convince himself of at least. He knew full well that the world could go from at peace to on the brink of war in that time, but at the moment he wasn't worried about anything happening on a national or international level. All he was worried about was the homefront. Funny how a little trip to the grocery store could cause such a debate. After Iran though… leaving to go on a short grocery trip was rather complicated. He didn't want to leave Elizabeth alone so soon after being rushed to the hospital. While she was clearly trying to hold herself together, he knew she was actually falling apart. Little things were easily setting her off and her moods were unpredictable. That was not a combination that made him confident about leaving her. She wasn't herself and she needed his support even if she didn't think she did. If she triggered while he was at the store, she would be alone. Stevie was at work, Alison with a friend, and Jason… They'd all been keeping Jason sheltered from everything going on with Elizabeth. Of course Jason was more than smart enough to realize his mother wasn't perfectly alright. There was no way he was missing the changes. She was checking out too often and losing her temper more.

Despite all of his fears about leaving Elizabeth with only Jason for support, they needed groceries. It would just be an hour.

He headed upstairs to check on his wife. As long as she looked stable, he'd go. An hour. No big deal. She handled herself alone for an entire day in the far more stressful situation of work. It would be fine.

"Hey, babe," he said as he walked into their bedroom.

She was curled up in bed, still in her pajamas and comfortably reading. At least she outwardly looked like she was reading. The slightly glazed look in her eyes made him think her thoughts were far from her book though. He hesitated a moment, wondering if she'd even heard him. For once he hadn't needed to worry. Her head came up immediately and she smiled at him, though the light didn't reach her eyes. She appeared to be doing as well as she had been on any good day after getting home from Iran.

"Hey. I was feeling rather lazy this morning."

"Lazy isn't always a bad thing." Honestly, he thought being a little bit lazy would do her some good. She needed to relax. "I'm going to run to the grocery store. You need anything?"

"No. I'm good."

"Alright. I'll be back in an hour or two."

He kissed her gently and ran a hand through her hair. His eyes lingered on her before he turned away to head out. Everything was alright. She would be fine. Even though he kept telling himself that an uneasy feeling had settled into his stomach. There was no reason for it. None. He just needed to go and get his shopping done as quickly as possible. After jogging down the steps he stopped in the family room to talk to Jason. His son was, unsurprisingly, busy killing virtual people on his video game.

"Hey, bud. I'm heading to the store. You want anything?"

Jason was smart enough to know his dad was talking about anything that wasn't already on the list. He didn't even bother to look up when he answered.

"I could go with one of those cookie cakes."

Henry barked out a laugh. That was his son.

"Good try. I'll see if I can find you a more reasonably sized cookie. I need something from you first though, buddy." When Jason didn't even glance at him he called out a little more harshly. "Jason!"

Jason huffed, jabbed the pause button for his game, and turned to look at his dad.

"What?"

Henry let that tone go. They were all uptight after Elizabeth's trip. Besides, he needed Jason's help today and yelling at him now wouldn't make his son very willing to assist.

"Look after your mom for me, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that," Jason said earnestly.

"Good. Thanks, bud."

He patted Jason's shoulder in appreciation before heading for the door. Get to the store, get done fast, and get home. That was the plan. It was a simple plan, but that didn't make it any easier to walk out the door and leave his wife. As he stepped outside Henry sent up a prayer that nothing would go wrong while he was out.

O . o . O . o . O

Fifteen minutes after Henry had left Elizabeth gave up on her useless attempt at reading. It was a good distraction in theory, but in order to use it focus was necessary. Since she'd gotten back paying attention had become rather difficult. Reading for pleasure wasn't as much fun when she had to put so much effort into merely focusing. Tossing the book aside she decided she might as well take a shower and get dressed for the day. If she were lucky maybe she wouldn't get called into the office. One could only hope.

Elizabeth tossed a pair of jeans onto the counter and went to dig through her closet for a comfortable long sleeved shirt. She was just about to pull one off the hanger when a car backfired on the street outside. The loud, explosive noise made her jump and bump into the partially open closet door. Immediately her mind went flying back to the Middle East. Despite her growing terror, she might have been able to pull herself back from the noise even with the sound of gunshots from Jason's game drifting upstairs. At least she could have until the closet door ricocheted off the wall and back toward her, impacting with her back. It was barely a tap and definitely not hard enough to knock her over or even make her stumble forward, but after everything else the impact was too familiar. It was a precise strike on a point of stress, easily fracturing her already strained mind.

The room had just exploded and Fred's weight had landed on her back as he 'd tackled her. Full panic hit her, and Elizabeth couldn't breathe. All she could hear was the ringing in her own ears and the sounds of gunfire. She stumbled out of her closet, desperate to escape and unaware of her surroundings. For all she knew she was back in Javani's living room and not her own bedroom. Her legs couldn't hold her up, and she collapsed in a heap. On her hands and knees, trembling violently, she crawled out of the closet and pressed her back against the wall. Her breaths were coming in panting gasps as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to press backward into the wall. Mind racing, she continued seeing the same event over and over. She was trapped, completely trapped.

O . o . O . o . O

Downstairs the sharp noise of the car startled Jason too. His head snapped toward the front door.

"Whoa."

A moment later he heard a thud from upstairs.

"What the hell?"

His eyes flicked from the front door to the ceiling. He had no idea what had caused either of those noises, but the one outside didn't matter to him. The security detail would handle that one. Inside was a concern. Jason abandoned his controller on the couch and leaned against the banister at the steps.

"Mom?" he called upstairs.

When he didn't get a response he went two steps up and called out again, louder this time.

"Hey, Mom? Do you know what that was?"

Again he didn't get any response. Maybe she was asleep? But he'd been calling loud enough that he had to have woken her. A trickle of unease ran through him, and he started up the steps again. As he headed down the hallway toward his parent's room Jason couldn't help feeling slightly hesitant. It wasn't like he wanted to disturb her, but he had to know she was okay. That noise could have involved her somehow.

"Mom?"

Jason knocked on her open door and poked his head in. At first he didn't see her, which made no sense. He knew she was home. His dad had just talked to her before leaving. If she wasn't downstairs this was the only place she could realistically be.

And then he heard it. Panting. Or heavy breathing. Jason's own breathing accelerated when he heard that. No longer even remotely hesitant he stepped more fully into the room.

"Mom?"

He scanned the room and absolutely froze when he finally spotted his mother. She was curled into a corner, wide-eyed and utterly panicked. At first Jason didn't know what to do. He'd never seen his mom like this. She was always so in control, almost obnoxiously so sometimes. This? This was about as far from in control as it was possible to be. Seeing her like this scared him, and he almost never admitted that he was scared. This terrified him so much that his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. Something was very, very wrong.

"Mom! Mom!"

Jason raced across the room and dropped to his knees in front of her. She showed no sign that she heard him despite the fact that he was right there in front of her and nearly yelling. Her unresponsiveness absolutely terrified him. Physically she might have been there with him, but mentally he had no idea where she was. Not in the room with him, that was for sure.

"Mom?" Jason pressed, his voice shaking.

He reached out for her hands and gently peeled them off her arms, revealing the deep nail marks in the skin underneath. As he held her hands in his he could feel them trembling. He might have believed it was his own trembling if he hadn't seen her shoulders shaking too. Sweat beaded her forehead and when her eyes lifted to meet his they were wild. Jason almost jerked away in response. The person staring back at him wasn't his mother. It couldn't be.

"Jason?" Elizabeth's voice shook on the word, sounding both weak and hesitant.

Neither description was one that Jason would normally associate with his mother. At first she didn't sound like she was sure Jason was really there in front of her, but the next time she spoke there was no question in her voice, just an order mixed with panic.

"Jason, get down!"

Elizabeth lurched forward and tackled her son to the ground, completely startling Jason. He tried to push her up and off of him, but she continued to hold him in place, protecting him with her own body.

"Mom? Mom, what are you doing?"

"Stay down! Stay down!"

Utterly lost as to what was going on and completely unsure what to do, Jason did as he was told. It was like his mom thought someone was trying to kill them both. The problem was there wasn't any threat. At least not one that he could see.

"Stay down, Abdul."

Who? Jason stared up at his mother, but her eyes were squeezed shut. He may not know what was going on, but it was obvious his mom needed help. Somehow he was going to have to get her that help.

"It's okay, Mom. It's okay. I'll stay down. You just stay here," Jason insisted as he squirmed out from under her weight. The words came out less reassuring than he'd wanted them too. Either they were good enough anyway or she hadn't heard him and had checked out again because Jason managed to escape her hold. She didn't seem to notice he was even gone.

Jason scrambled toward the door on his hands and knees until he managed to get to his feet and take off. He ran in all out panic toward the steps, moving so fast he nearly tripped halfway down them and had to lean on the banister to keep himself upright. Once steadied, he continued his mad dash. He grabbed his phone off the couch's end table and thumbed it on. His hands were shaking so hard that he could barely find his dad's name in his contact list. When he finally did he clicked the name and held the phone to his ear.

"Come on, come on, come on," he chanted as he paced around the kitchen.

His dad had to pick up. Jason couldn't just ask the security detail outside for help or call 911. While he didn't care all that much about his mother's political career, he didn't want word of her mental breakdown (or whatever this was) to get out to the media. He did not want to deal with the inevitable mess that would bring, and right now his mother didn't need to deal with anything else either. If anyone would know what to do it would be his dad.

"Hey, Jason," Henry said as he picked up the phone a moment later. He was about to ask if Jason had thought of something else he wanted from the store when his son completely cut him off.

"Dad! Dad, Mom's lost it!"

Jason sounded like he was completely out of breath and bordering on near hysteria. His words left Henry at a bit of a loss. It had only been twenty minutes! Jason had to be overreacting. As much as Henry tried to believe that line of reasoning an icy finger of fear had crept in. For Jason to be reacting like this something very wrong must be happening, even if it was an overreaction on his son's part. He hadn't heard his son sound like he was deathly afraid since he'd been nine.

"What? What do you mean? Slow down and tell me what's going on."

"Mom's lost it and I don't know what to do!"

Since when did Jason ever admit to not knowing what to do? Henry quickly stamped down on his fear and tried to put it out of his mind for the moment. Fear wasn't going to help him right now. If he wanted to help Jason, and therefore help Elizabeth, he needed to stay calm and think clearly. He was also going to need more information.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, Jason."

"She's curled up in a ball, shaking and terrified of something that's not even happening! She's not talking sense!"

A shudder ran through Henry, and he closed his eyes. Elizabeth had had a panic attack, possibly even a PTSD episode. He was in the middle of the grocery store and at least twenty minutes away even if he abandoned everything he was doing right then. Jason was going to have to step up until Henry could get home. It was sink or swim.

"Alright, buddy. I need you to listen to me. Are you listening?" Henry said, keeping his voice steady and even to calm Jason.

"Yeah."

"Good. Your mom's having a panic attack. I'm going to need you to help her until I get home. Understand?"

"But Dad, I don't know how to do that!"

Jason's panic had returned, and Henry had to quickly talk him back down.

"Jason, breathe. I'm going to tell you how to do that, okay? You have to calm down though. That's the only way you're going to be able to help Mom."

Jason nodded, not quite thinking clearly enough to realize that his father wouldn't be able to see the action, and managed to bring his breathing back down to a somewhat normal level. When Henry heard that, he continued.

"There should be a prescription bottle in the drawer of the table next to our bed. See if you can find it, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Jason replied as he jogged up the stairs, phone still pressed to his ear. "What if she tries to tackle me again?"

"What if she…?" Elizabeth had tackled Jason? What the hell was going on at home? Whatever it was he would have to wait until later to find out. It wasn't necessary right now. Getting Elizabeth her medication was. "No, never mind. You can explain that later. Just do whatever you have to, to find those pills."

Jason paused outside of his parents' room, swallowed hard, and peeked around the corner. Elizabeth was curled up basically right where Jason had left her. Maybe he could just slip in without her noticing him. That was probably doable. It looked like she was back in a catatonic state anyway. He slipped inside and darted to the table as quickly and quietly as he could. Thankfully his mom hadn't seemed to notice his arrival. After opening the drawer he poked around for a moment.

"I don't see anything," he told his dad. "Hang on. Let me try the other side."

Not wanting to risk drawing his mom's attention by getting too close, Jason rolled across the bed. His eyes darted toward his mom, but she still hadn't given any sign she'd noticed him, so he started digging through the other drawer. It was quickly apparent that there were no pills in this drawer either. He shoved the contents around even harder, desperate to find something that wasn't there.

"Dad, they're not here! I can't find them!"

Despite the fact that he was whispering, Henry could hear the rapid panic in his son's voice. He was using all of his self-control to keep his voice down. There was some positive in that. At least he was thinking and not letting his fear completely rule his mind.

"Jason! Keep your head in the game, kiddo. Panic isn't going to help your mom. Now, she could have thrown them in her purse before work yesterday. Do you see that anywhere?"

"Um… no. Nowhere."

"Alright, try my office downstairs. She leaves it there sometimes."

Jason didn't need to be told twice. He scrambled off the bed and ran down the hallway for the fourth time in the last half hour. He headed right for his dad's office and found his mom's purse immediately. Normally he would have taunted his father about the fact that he'd previous told Jason a man never went through a woman's purse. It had been part of their "talk about how to treat women" thing that Henry had felt necessary to give him. There was nothing normal about this situation though. Jason kept his mouth shut and dug through the purse for all he was worth. The second he spotted the orange bottle his heart nearly leapt out of his mouth in excitement.

"I got them!" he nearly shouted into the phone before he realized how loud he was being and lowered his voice. "Now what?"

"You make sure your mother takes one. Then you stay with her until I get there. Understand? Stay with her. Talk to her. Try to calm her down. Keep telling her that she's home now, that she's safe, that it's over."

"Over? What's over?"

"I'll explain that later. Go to your mom. I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Right. Don't ask any questions. I'm going. I'm going. Just… come home fast, Dad. This isn't Mom."

"As fast as I can, buddy."

Jason jammed his phone in his pocket, filled a glass with water, and headed up the steps again. Now that he actually had a way to help his mom he felt a lot calmer. Until his dad came home he was the only one his mother had. His dad was right. He needed to step up and help her.

"Mom," he near whispered as he walked into the room.

She'd been staring off into space so even the whisper caused her to jump. Her eyes snapped to Jason. While he could see the white all the way around at least they looked clearer.

"Just breathe, okay?" Jason tried to soothe her, using what his dad had done to try and help him over the phone. "Dad's going to be home soon."

She nodded her head in response, but it was a jerky near teeth rattling nod. It nearly broke Jason's heart. His mom had always been so strong. What could have happened to her to bring this out? He had to try to do something to bring this fear down. She shouldn't look like this.

"Here, take one of these, okay?" he asked as he tried to press the pill bottle into her hand.

Elizabeth just tried to shove them back into Jason's hands. So far she'd completely avoided taking one. Even now, when she knew she was teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown, she couldn't talk herself into doing it. The constant ringing in her ears was engulfing her and making it so hard for her to think. Rationality wasn't really in the picture.

"No! No, I don't need them. I… I need…"

What did she need? Elizabeth honestly didn't know. She just needed everything to go back to the way it was before Iran. Before she was so messed up.

Jason could see her starting to spiral toward panic again, and he had to put a stop to it. Without thinking further he grabbed her shoulders. She flinched slightly, but Jason tried to ignore that. He couldn't deal with the thought that his mom was afraid of him at the moment. It would prevent him from doing what he had to do.

"Mom, Dad said that you should take them. Just… Please? Please just take one of the pills?" he pleaded.

Tears came to Elizabeth's eyes. Her son was pleading with her. Her big, brave boy was afraid. Afraid of her. She was supposed to take care of him, to protect him, and she was failing terribly.

"Jason…"

Seeing her wavering Jason said, "Please, Mom. For me?"

It worked, and she reached out for the bottle. Jason was all too willing to hand it over. Elizabeth's hands shook violently as she worked at prying off the cap. She just couldn't seem to get a good grip on it. Jason watched for a moment, struggling with the fact that his mother couldn't even handle such a simple task in that moment.

"Here," he told her as he gently covered her hands with his own. "Let me do it."

He'd been expecting an argument, an insistence that she could handle it herself. Instead she willingly surrendered the bottle. Jason popped the top and poured a pill into his hand. He figured if he'd let his mom try to pour the bottle herself all of the pills would have wound up on the floor. It was simply easier this way. Silently he offered the pill to her. She managed to get a hold of it after a few tries and shoved it in her mouth before she could drop it. Jason offered her the water next and kept a hand near hers as she drank. Her hands were shaking hard enough that he was worried she would spill the water all over or drop the glass entirely. She managed without any major catastrophe though, and he took the glass and set it aside.

Without a word Jason wrapped his arms around his mom, holding her in a gentle hug. Elizabeth tried to relax into her son's embrace, but Jason could still feel her rapid breathing. He was pretty sure he could feel her heart pounding too.

"It's going to be okay, Mom," he reassured. "It's going to be okay."

When he released her he found his mom's cheeks stained with tears. The sight sent a knife through his chest. He'd seen his mother cry once or twice before, but this time hit him so much harder. Gently, he brushed his fingers over her cheeks, wiping away the tears. She'd done that for him so many times when he'd been little. It didn't feel right to be doing it for her. While he was totally willing to do it, he shouldn't have to wipe tears from his mom's face. Nothing should have hurt her badly enough for that.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded in understanding. Jason stood and ran from the room. There was no loose blanket in his parents' room so he was going to have to get one from his. A quick stop in his room produced one, and he hurried back. Kneeling in front of her again he tucked the blanket around her shoulders. Hopefully it was relatively clean. He really couldn't remember if he'd accidentally spilled something on it since it had last been washed. Of course he had no idea when that had last happened either. It looked clean enough, and she wasn't really in a state to notice if it wasn't anyway. Once he had the blanket settled he sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders like his dad did all of the time.

"You're safe at home now, Mom. Dad's on his way home. He'll be here soon."

Jason kept up a quiet run of words to hopefully keep his mother calm. Whether it was the words or the medication, something was working. Elizabeth was at least breathing more normally now. Some color had come back into her face, which was good since the stark white had been unsettling. She still looked somewhat pale though. Her trembling had dropped a little bit too, but Jason could still feel the vibrations against his shoulder. She was definitely improved, but he didn't like the fact that she was silent. Nothing he'd said had drawn any kind of reaction. That didn't stop him from continuing to talk to her. Maybe something he would say would bring her back. It had to. He really needed his mom back.