I wake up frustrated. I always wake up frustrated. Why can't I just dream about a girl in a nice pretty dress or some shit like that? That would make my life so much easier. Then I could have a proper girlfriend and maybe a proper shag that wouldn't make me feel disappointed and empty. But instead I get half baked fantasies that leave me with a hard on and a strange sense of resignation. Because apparently this is my life now.

I can't tell my friends I'm gay, they would eat me alive. And I can't die yet because I've only had a handful of what could even be considered sexual encounters. None of those were particularly pleasant either, except for maybe that time Justin Moore gave me a handjob behind the gas station off 6th street. But him telling me in none too graphic terms how certain my death would be if I told anyone kind of put a damper on the whole thing.

Sighing, I pull myself out of bed and head to the shower. The remnants of my dream are making themselves known and if I don't take care of it now I'll be half cocked all day. I feel the hot water run down my back and graze my hand over my stomach, feeling the coarse hairs there. While my hand travels lower I try to pick up where the dream left off. I am standing in the locker room at school and someone comes up behind me. The mystery man wraps his strong arms around my torso and ghosts his hand over where mine in starting to pick up the pace. I can feel his breath dance across my ear and I can feel his hard body flat against my own as he strokes me even faster. I've been having this same fantasy over and over for the last few weeks and as the heat starts to build low in my stomach the need to see the man's face overwhelms me. I can feel my release start to explode as I turn and his name is on my lips as I come. "Finn"

I come down from my orgasm and lean my head against the cool tile, sighing, because I can't have just fantasized about Finn can I? He's my best friend and I don't even find him attractive. Okay so that's not exactly true but still, have I really been fantasizing about him all these weeks? I finish washing and get out of the shower. With the towel wrapped around my waist I head into my room to get dressed and almost drop it straight on the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I say because sitting on the edge of my bed is none other than Finn himself. He's wearing his leather jacket and leaning against the window sill, his cigarette hanging out of his mouth in a far too suggestive manner.

"Just thought I'd come round and see if you wanted to get some food before school." He takes a long drag of his cigarette and I can see his lips wrap around the paper and his cheeks hollow out as he pulls the tobacco out and I really need to change out of this towel before Finn sees a little more than he came for.

"Yeah alright. Just let me change first." I turn towards my closet and I'm about to drop my towel when I feel his eyes on me. "You wanting a show or something?" I say, trying to play off how tempted I am at the idea. I hear him chuckle from the bed as he turns around to give me privacy. And silently curse myself for getting turned on at the thought of him again, while he's in the room no less.

After I'm dressed I grab my phone and my keys and we head out. Finn slides into the seat next to me and we head to the diner we've gone to for years. The car ride over is quiet, each of us lost in our own thoughts and I promise myself not the let my fantasy from this morning change anything. Okay so I thought about Finn while wanking, I could have easily thought about Chop and it would mean the same thing, which is nothing. It meant nothing.

I park the car and we walk into the building and head over to our usual table. Right on cue the sweet, old waitress Maggie comes to the table with our coffee and some toast. "The usual then boys?" We both nod and she gives us a big smile as she heads to the kitchen.

I turn my attention back to Finn and catch myself distracted by those damn lips again. They're just so full and red and the way they wrap around that cigarette he's holding is almost-

"Hello?! Earth to Archie!" I focus back on Finn and he's waving a hand in front of me with an amused look on him face. "What's with you this morning man? You've been somewhere else this whole time." He pops a piece of toast in his mouth and looks at me expectantly.

"Nah man I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind this morning." I pick up a piece of toast just to have something to do and try and find something safe to talk about.

"So what happened at the part last night after I left? You and Chloe looked like you were getting on pretty well."

He looks down and I can see a slight blush creep onto his face. Finn has never had a hard time attractive the ladies but he rarely ever closes the deal. Something that only I really know about because Finn likes to keep up his reputation.

"Yeah it went alright I guess. She wanted to go back to her place but it was late and I was tired so I promised her another time. She looked so sad man, I almost just took her upstairs because I felt bad."

I have to laugh at that. "Yeah that would have worked out so much better than taking her home. Because every girl loves a pity fuck."

Finn laughs too but there's a bit of an edge to it. "it's not like she would have noticed. Chloe will fuck anything that moves."

"Okay not that I'm disagreeing with you, because everyone knows Chloe is in fact the biggest slut at school, but you seem a little on edge this morning." I hadn't noticed in until now because my mind was elsewhere but Finn seems really nervous and jittery. His knees are bouncing under the table and he's spinning his cigarette between his fingers, shredding the paper.

He looks up at me like he's about to say something when Maggie comes back with our food. "Alright boys here you are. I put some extra bacon and eggs on there because you both are way too skinny, so eat up."

I look up and give her the biggest smile I can manage. "You really are the best Maggie thank you."

"Yeah yeah, just remember the tip." She winks at me and pats Finn's shoulder when she leaves.

For a while we both just dig into our food and make occasional comments about tests we have this week or something stupid Chop did. But eventually my mind goes back to our earlier conversation and I bring it up again.

"So what's got you all worked up about Chloe?" I try to put on my most innocent expression but I know he sees right through it.

He lets out a long sigh and runs his hands through his hair, ruffling it up almost to the point of distraction. "We we in the corner making out," he starts, staring down at his hands like they killed his mother or something, "and she was pretty into it but I guess I was…less into it. According to her at least."

"What you have trouble getting it up or something?" I laugh because the idea is ridiculous to me. We're 17 year old boys, it's practically law to be at a constant state of arousal. But when I look up Finn's face has turned red and he's looking down at his lap, defeated.

"Woah dude, I was kidding. It's not that big of a deal. So you couldn't get it up. That's fine. Maybe you just weren't into it last night. You can try again tonight and-"

"That's the problem though. I don't want to try again. Have you ever wondered why I have trouble sealing the deal Alfie? Maybe it's because I'm not going after the right people. Maybe it' s because girls aren't the ones I want to go after."

When he stops talking he looks up and directly into my eyes. They look hard, like he's daring me to make fun of him. If only he knew that making fun of him is the last thing on my mind. Because as I stare into Finn's eyes I see them darken and flick down to my lips and back up I almost think I imagine it. But in that moment I allow myself to feel a tiny spark of hope. Because this morning has enlightened me to the fact that Finn hasn't just been my fantasy for the last couple of weeks. He's the boy that I've held all others up to standard. Even Justin Moore, with his skilled hands and hot tongue. Even has he was whispering dirty things into my ear I was imagining it was Finn. And now he's sitting in front of me telling me he thinks he's gay and my mind goes off the deep end a bit.

"Do you think you're gay then?" I ask, because I want to make sure this isn't just some on off thing that I read wrong. The way Finn looks down at his hands though tells me I hit the target.

"I mean I think so? I don't know. I really liked Rae when we were dating but we never even got past second base. She thought it was because of her weight, which is why she broke up with me, but it was really because I didn't want to. Not just with her but with anyone. Well…almost anyone." At this he looked up at me through his long, dark lashes and a cruel smile formed on his lips.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to be thinking at this point. This morning I discovered I had long covered up feelings for my best friend. Then said best friend tells me he is also in fact gay. And now he's looking at me like I'm supposed to do something about it. How the hell did I get into this situation?

I lick my lips and his eyes go even darker. "Mm…well it sounds like you already have someone in mind." He just nods in confirmation. "Who is it then?" I ask, and shift in my seat as he folds his long fingers together and leans across the table.

"You see, it's someone I've known for a very long time and we're actually quite close. But I have a feeling he's been keeping this huge part of himself secret from me for a very long time and I think that maybe he could help me with my problem but he's too scared." He leans even further towards me and under the table I feel his knee brush against mine. It's so light that I find myself shivering at the contact.

"Well maybe this person," his leg is now fully against mine and his foot is rubbing against my calf almost absentmindedly. "ah…maybe this person is just scared of what everyone will think. And how they'll react."

"I can see that," and as he says it he leans back and moves his legs away from mine until we're sitting normally. Maggie walks up to hand us our checks and as we're walking out of the diner Finn bumps his shoulder against mine.

The car ride back to my house seems to take hours with all the tension in the air. Did Finn just tell me he was interested in me or did I make that up? Is it really just someone else and he actually is trying to get advice from me? I mean there is no possible way my feelings could be returned.

We get up to my room and Finn flops down on my bed and pulls out another cigarette. He's leaning against the window again with that stupid leather jacket on and looking way too good. I chuckle to myself as I sit at the head of my bed and start looking through a magazine I picked up, because I can't believe I actually entertained the idea that Finn would actually like me of all people.

I look up from what I'm reading when Finn starts humming. It's a song we used to sing together when we would work on cars together growing up. It's just some old folk some that was passed down by our parents but I haven't heard it in a while and I smile at the memories.

Finn turns away from the window when I start singing the words along with this melody and soon we're both singing as loud as possible while Finn singing into his cigarette butt and I sing into my TV remote. We don't even finish the song because soon we're laughing too hard to sing.

I look up from where I've doubled over and me and Finn lock eyes. I can see the twinkle of laughter there but a second later that fades away to make room for a darker, more predatory look.

He starts up the bed towards me and it takes all the power I have to stay still. "You know I was talking about you earlier right?" he asks me. His voice is low and gravelly and probably the hottest thing I've ever heard.

When I speak my voice comes out lower than I expect, "I hoped but I didn't dare think you were talking about me."

"Are you serious Archie? Of course I was talking about you, it's always been you." And with that he closes the final distance and presses our lips together. His are so warm and soft and inviting that I immediately crave more. We start out slow, trying to memorize this moment for later but soon we are both craving more. The kisses become more heated and our hands are grabbing for anything they can get ahold of. I swipe my tongue along the seam of his lips and he opens eagerly. He moans softly as I run my tongue along his and it's all satin and heat and I've never felt anything like it.

I can feel his hands like fire as they trace my sides and when he slips them under my shirt I can't stop the choked noise that escapes my lips. "You don't know how long I've wanted this," I say, as he finally gets enough purchase to lift my shirt over my head. He just moans into my mouth in response and I take that as an agreement of sorts.

I am quick to return the favor as I remove his shirt only breaking contact when strictly necessary. I move my hands down to his lean torso and feel the velvety soft skin there. It's not like I've never noticed Finn's body before, I mean who couldn't, but looking and touching are two very different things. And as I run my hands across his chest and down his back I've never been more thankful for that.

Eventually we need to come up for air and when we break apart Finn immediately dives in to start sucking at my neck. I take the opportunity to push him down to the bed so I'm lying on top of him and our naked torsos press together in a moment of fiery bliss.

Finn makes a needy little moaning sound from above me as I kiss down his chest and starts to fumble with the button of my pants. I look up at him and our eyes lock into each other again. I need to make sure this is what he wants. His eyes are full blown from lust and more black then the chocolately brown they usually are, but when I look into them I am thrown for a second. Because all I see is Finn's complete trust in me to help him through this.

With that image seared in my mind I attack his mouth again with my own. My hands fumble down in between us and soon I rip both my pants and boxers off and throw them to the ground. Finn's clothes follow the same fate and then our skin is touching and I've never felt anything like it. Finn moans loudly when our cocks aline with one another's and I'm pretty sure I'm actually shaking from the sensation.

I lay my full body weight against his and start to kiss him with all the ferocity I can muster. When our cocks touch again Finn sighs and rock up to meet me. I release a shaky breath and repeat the action, because I definitely need to feel that again. Pretty soon we get a rhythm going and we're both breathing heavily. My arms start to arch from holding myself up but there's no way I'm stopping this for one second.

Finn arches up to kiss me again and it's wet and hot and I move my hand down between us and take both our cocks in my hand. I start up a fast pace and Finn's hands are raking down my back to try and get closer, and I am totally on board with that.

I pick up the pace because I'm close and Finn is making breathy moans and it's all I can do to hold out this long. I lean down for one long kiss as I feel Finn's thrusts become uneven and we come together in a moment of blinding white. I swallow his moans with my mouth and ride out my orgasm.

I fall halfway onto him and halfway on the bed and we're both breathing as if we've just run a marathon and I can feel the come cooling in between us. We need to get cleaned off but Finn seems content to lay like this, cuddled up into each other, my head on his shoulder, lazily kissing, for a while and I'm inclined to agree.

"Now THAT I could do again." Finn says. I just laugh and kiss him again because I can, because somehow I was allowed to do what we just did and I let myself bask in that for a minute.

"What are we going to tell people on Monday?" I ask, feeling slightly terrified to hear the answer. He could easily break me with a few words.

But instead he says "We're going to tell them that we love each other and if anyone has a problem with it they can kindly fuck off." He smiles up and me and pulls down for a long, sweet kiss that I force myself to remember. Because I know I will look back on this day and remember that this was the first day of the rest of my life.