A/N: I've had this idea in my head for a while. I wanted a friendship fic that was hilarious and light-hearted. I'll try to keep Shepard as general as possible. Everyone's Shepard is different and I want a reader to feel as though their own Shepard is the character in the story.

This first chapter takes place after Miranda's loyalty mission.

Shepard went to her private terminal and opened her email, a normal thing she usually did an hour or so before she settled in bed for the night cycle. As she read the usual emails—words of thanks from civilians who reminded her what she was fighting for, spam emails which were so obviously fake they made her wonder where the hell they got her address from—she noticed a message from none other than Miranda Lawson.

The email was very short. Huh, Miranda wanted to see her in private. Reaching out to the comm, she hoped Kelly was still working. "Kelly? Please send Miranda up to my quarters."

"Of course, Shepard."

The commander murmured thanks and rose from her seat, walking down the steps before sitting down on the one-seater next to her sofa. Just as she was about to pour herself a drink, the entrance opened and Miranda walked in.

"Hello," Shepard greeted, her voice light and a smile gracing her face. She gestured the seats in front of her. "Sit down. There something you want to talk about?"

"It's not important, but I'd like to say this without any bugs or listening devices recording our conversations," Miranda crossed her arms and leaned her weight on one foot. She didn't move from her place in front of the aquarium above the steps.

"Alright," Shepard sipped on her drink.

That was when Miranda's stoic expression softened and her eyes fell to the floor. "I…wanted to thank you. For helping me with Oriana. She never would've been safe if it weren't for you, Shepard."

"Anytime, Miranda," Shepard nodded, her voice sincere, smile growing wider. "You never told me what you two talked about."

"She's smart, like me. Funny, too, though that's not a trait we share." Miranda's lips tugged upwards at the mention of her sibling. Her eyes met Shepard's. "She's…wonderful, Commander. Thank you for convincing me to talk to her. And for helping me."

Shepard nodded. "As I said before, you're welcome, Miranda. Would you like a drink?"

"Oh, it's alright, I don't drink alcohol," Miranda declined politely. "Well, at least, not when I know we'd probably go on a mission tomorrow."

"Relax, this isn't alcoholic at all," Shepard assured. Miranda raised an eyebrow, indicating the champagne-styled bottle and wine-coloured liquid in her glass. Realizing this, the commander laughed. "I know what it looks like. The bottle makes it look like wine but it's not. I'm actually drinking it because Kelly recommended it to me."

"And?"

"It has this fruity taste. Reminds me of grape. Or blackcurrant. Not sure. But it's fruity." Following this sentence, Shepard leaned forward, took a glass from a drawer in the coffee table, and proceeded to pour it out. "Drink with me?"

Miranda seemed to contemplate it for a while, before giving in and walking down the steps. "I guess it would be rude to say no."

"That's more like it," Shepard leaned back as Miranda sat down on the other one-seater. She watched the other take a sip of her drink, and from her face, she could tell Miranda approved of its taste. "So, if you don't mind me asking…"

"Just ask, Commander."

"I know you and Jacob worked together for a while. I got the impression it might've been more than that."

Miranda shook her head, chuckling. "You too? I never should have told Jacob I was keeping an 'old promise' in front of others." She finished her drink and allowed Shepard to pour her more. "Do you know how long the Illusive Man lectured me? Not just about how I passed this message to Jacob. He even lectured me about my involvement with him."

"Shit," Shepard giggled, wagging her head. "You'd think he considers your romantic life none of his business."

"Tell me about it." Miranda rolled her eyes. "I've never wanted to snap 'it's none of your damn business' so much in my life. And I've never snapped at the Illusive Man. Besides, what happened between Jacob and I was never serious, never jeapordized our missions, before and after our…thing."

"To add to that, it's in the past."

"Exactly. Sometimes I wish I had your courage to, well, snap something rude at the Illusive Man. I honestly don't think my romantic life has anything to do with him."

"What was your romantic life like, by the way?"

"Oh, with Jacob? Well…it was never serious, as I said before. More like a crush, like the ones you get when you're a teenager," Miranda smiled softly. Then, she chuckled. "It was terrible! He was always so clueless. You'd make a move on him, and he wouldn't realize it was romantic and take it as some friendly banter or tease."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'd flirt, or wink, and he'd have this clueless face on. I believe there was a term for it? Derpy. I think that was the word."

Shepard looked confused. "Wait, we still use that term?"

"You'd be surprised," Miranda laughed. "Jacob was so innocent. Oh, and in the relationship, he took things slow. Too slow, in fact. We never got past having an interest in each other. He was so hesitant about making me his girlfriend and said he needed more time to think and how he thought I was rushing…eventually I decided I wasn't going to wait around."

"Ahh. Well, I talked to Jacob about this, too, but he wouldn't let on. Sounds like he regrets doing so."

"To be honest, it's quite embarrassing to talk about what happened with him," Miranda muttered, scratching her neck. "I sincerely hope the next woman who makes a move on him would be treated better."

Shepard nodded. Then, with a mischievous tone, "So, you did manage to rip him out of that uniform, eh?"

Miranda seemed a little flustered, but her voice was as even as ever. "Trust me, Shepard, when I say no. But…I've seen him once or twice without his shirt. And I tell you, it's a breath-taker."

"Don't tempt me, Miranda," Shepard warned, before laughing.

The other giggled, too. The mirth was contagious. "Well…those were by accident. But we never slept together, no." Then, Miranda put a hand on her cheek, as though feeling to see if she was blushing. She wasn't, of course. "Well, I'm glad we're not in my room right now. The Illusive Man and his listening devices…my thing with Jacob was none of his business…"

"I've never heard you rage about your boss so much," Shepard laughed, amused, and then winked at her. "You never know, though, maybe the Illusive Man has a crush on you…"

"W-what?" Miranda's face flushed pink, and she sputtered, scandalized. "The Illusive Man? Attracted to me?"

Seeing Miranda embarrassed only caused Shepard to laugh harder. The Cerberus operative further stammered, "I—well, I suppose that's possible but—what am I saying? The Illusive Man is quite handsome, if only he was younger and not so serious—maybe…"

"Ohh, what's that I hear?" Shepard sang. "You like him, too?"

"The idea is ridiculous. I mean—he'd never—well, I noticed some funny looks before but I never considered—" Her train of thought stopped when Shepard almost fell off her chair. She frowned. "You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?"

"Sorry, sorry," Shepard wiped a tear from her eyes, perfect teeth showing in her wide grin. "Oh, my cheeks hurt."

Despite her best efforts to be angry, Miranda couldn't help but giggle. "Don't worry about it, Shepard. My apologies if I was too unprofessional."

"You? Unprofessional? Did you even see how hard I laughed just now?" Shepard raised an eyebrow, smirking. "This stuff almost came out my nose. Don't accuse yourself of being unprofessional. Besides, it's nice to see you let go."

"Yes, it is nice," Miranda smiled softly. She promptly stood up after a few seconds. "I should finish up today's reports and get settled in. You should rest, too."

"Of course. I'm saving the galaxy and all, remember."

The other smiled as she walked towards the exit. "How could I forget? Good night."

"Good night. Girl talk again some other time?"

Miranda chuckled. "I'll be counting on it."

A/N: Next chapter will include Jack. I'll keep adding characters as Shepard recruits them.