They were beyond the point of no return just like Elena, Damon didn't give any backward glances towards the house that was being completely consumed by the flames. He remained in sync with her, in complete step as they all headed towards his blue camaro Stefan slightly lagging behind being the only one who was actually taking one last look at the house trying to put to memory every moment he had spent there.
Damon didn't need to look back at the house to recall every moment because they were already encoded in his brain, and truth be told he didn't have the strength to, everything about that house held memories that he considered worthy of taking, in that house Elena and his relationship had grown from her trying to slam the door in his face after Stefan revealing they were Vampire's to her swinging the front door open with a look of relief on her expression as he crossed into the threshold.
Elena and Damon's first kiss had been shared on that porch, technically their first kiss had been initiated by him in her bedroom, but that had been because he was vulnerable and looking for comfort because Katherine the Bitch Pierce had broken his heart, speaking of Katherine he found it somewhat ironic that once again his first kiss he thought he had with Elena had been on that porch, but instead only later finding out it had been Katherine pulling quite the trick on him. That night as Katherine kissed him back with him thinking her to be Elena he had reveled in the kiss, the touch of her lips and he had deemed it his best kiss had but the night that he actually took the leap and kissed Elena and had her actually kiss him back, no words could come close to explaining how beautiful that kiss had been and how she had caused Damon's dead heart to resurrect itself.
If any part of the house had brought them closer together it was her bedroom, and they hadn't even had sex there yet he cherished that room more than anything. There was nothing more that he enjoyed then doing surprise sneak attacks, sprawling himself out on her bed, all cat like with Sir Ted perched on his chest. Damon would never confess it to anyone, but any time he was waiting for her to get home he'd confess his biggest secrets to that Teddy Bear mostly dealing with his conflicted and broken feelings for Elena, since he had been his new confession buddy he had decided it was only fitting for him to have an actual name rather than being labeled as a simple cliché Teddy Bear, and now that Bear was gone perched on the bed as the fire most likely swallowed it whole you've got to be kidding mehe thinks to himself fighting back his emotions I'm getting all Stefan like over a damn beargrabbing the passenger door handle as he opens it up, pushing forward the seat so that Stefan can climb in, setting it back to its regular setting he waits for Elena to get inside before closing the door. Walking around the car his gaze remains trained on the ground not chancing a glance straight ahead, reaching for the handle of the door he opens it, sliding inside his gaze flicking over to Elena for a brief moment before locking eyes with his brother in the rearview mirror I'm going to get hell for thishe thinks to himself inserting the key into the ignition, the car roaring to life as he presses onto the gas pedal urging his car forward and without even daring to look speeds off wanting to leave the house behind them.
Enhanced hearing picks up on the sound of sirens coming in the opposite direction making Damon wonder how far the fire had progressed. It had started in the living room, the living room where he had played and kicked Jeremy Gilbert's ass in a racing game actually enjoying a moment of normalcy. Most likely the kitchen had been destroyed the place where he had sometimes made impromptu over the summer appearances cooking an actual meal for the Gilbert clan and putting a pause on the hell known as their life, the place where Alaric and Damon after Jeremy and Elena were sleeping soundly would open a bottle of bourbon and take part in deep conversations, opening up about being the worst guardian, the worst brother and loving someone to the point of it consuming you. That kitchen table had been sharing time for the both of them, and when it came to the point of Damon knowing his buddy was close to passing out he'd tell his ass to get to bed, cleaning everything up because he was a damn neat freak, washing dishes and then making his exit which usually consisted of him returning the next morning with breakfast in hand, because he had vowed to himself even with his little brother's absence he was going to make sure they continued to live. Hands grip his steering wheel thinking of his fallen friend causing him to close his eyes for a moment before opening them, keeping his gaze straight on the road refusing to show any signs of emotion.
It was painful to think of and yet he continued to do it going through the map in his head of the places in the Gilbert home that had helped with the evolution of their relationship. Living room, kitchen, and pretty much the whole downstairs was gone now, the flames now making their fast approach up the stairs and making their presence known in each room. Sir Ted was probably screaming for his damn life as they flames unannounced entered the room, taking down her dresser that he more than once found himself flipping through, just to tease pulling out cheeky articles of her clothing there goes the fantasy of seeing her in that little red numbershaking his head, the picture that he had swiped from her mirror of her as a child with a wide smile on her face for school pictures was being eaten alive along with the other pictures she had posted. The bed, her bed, hell their bed was being enflamed, Damon couldn't recall how many times he had snuck into her room in the dead of night checking in on her and being soothed by the beautiful sound of her heart beat, his visits had become more frequent during the summer of Stefan's absence and Klaus running about, hearing the sound of Elena's heartbeat brought him comfort and being in that room with her he felt completely content.
Was it considered creepy that he had watched her sleep? Probably to most yes, but he wasn't a damn Edward Cullen he hadn't been creeping into her room after their first meeting, unlike the fictious Vampire his and Elena's relationship actually developed and progressed it wasn't a one day in love type deal like Edward and Bella or dare he even say his brother and Elena, it had taken Damon time for his walls to break and feelings to show. Was it considered creepy that he had watched her sleep? Probably to most yes, but he wasn't a damn Edward Cullen he hadn't been creeping into her room after their first meeting, unlike the fictious Vampire his and Elena's relationship actually developed and progressed it wasn't a one day in love type deal like Edward and Bella or dare he even say his brother and Elena, it had taken Damon time for his walls to break and feelings to show. I wanted to make love to her in that bed after all this sire bond crap was over, and the ill chance of her love being actually real….then againglancing at Stefan through the rear-view mirror she created her own memories there with her actual true love.
God you're selfish…..here Elena's house is burning down taking everything along with it and your playing the woe is me game obsessing over Stefan againhe finds himself mentally scolding himself relieved that mind reading isn't a vampire perk. Relief courses through him as the sounds of the sirens begin to get more and more distant, his gaze shifting over to Elena whose gaze has been fixed out the window and as much as he wants to say something he doesn't dare speak.
—-
Killing the engine he slides out of the car along with Elena and Stefan his gaze falling to his brother, no words spoken, but their eyes conveying the same thought as they watch Elena strut across the lawn it's taking its coursehe thinks to himself lagging behind her. Not even bothering to wait for one of the brother's to open the door she crosses inside "it's dark" she says turning on her heel to look at the both of them "this is our first time returning" Stefan speaks up as Damon closes the door behind them. Damon remains lingering by the door, his gaze shifting back between his little brother and Elena, his gaze locked on her trying to see a hint of any emotion reflecting in her beautiful brown orbs, but instead he's only met by emptiness. "I smell like death" a bitter sweet ironic smile faintly showing on her lips "I'm going to go take a shower" and without another word she disappears up the stairs leaving the brothers now to themselves.
With Elena now out of sight his gaze falls back to Stefan instantly noticing the change in his expression the gloom now gone replaced by disappointment and anger "don't" waggling his finger in Stefan's direction "don't start….not now" hell he knows it's going to start, but he remains silent, they both do until they hear the sound of the shower "before you start with your disapproving speech I'm going to need a drink" he dryly states and without another word he's making his way in the direction towards the Parlor Room.
Making his way over to the drink cart he grabs a bottle of bourbon popping the top open and pouring it into his glass tumbler "what the hell were you thinking Damon when I told you to help her I meant ease her pain….not make her turn it off." His gaze thrown over in the direction of his brother practically glaring daggers at him, the glass that had been raised to his lips now slamming onto the cart as he releases a low growl "ease her pain by inflicting the damn sire bond….what was I suppose to say Stefan tell her I'd be happy if she'd get over it?"
"You were suppose to tell her to calm down, that in time everything would be okay, that she was going to be alright….and that she'd have her loved ones there to support her" he argues taking a step forward.
"Calm down….calm down" he repeats throwing his head back as he releases a bitter chuckle "yes Elena please calm the hell down I mean you only lost your brother no biggie" he sarcastically quips releasing a low growl "so you wanted me to lie to her" he spats out his hand gripping onto the glass "because newsflash Stefan" he hisses out "Elena's last family member is dead…..she has no one you weren't there the day she told me that her brother was the only one holding her together and now he's gone and you expect me to tell her everything is going to be rainbows and sunshine's your damn delusional." Fuck it, grabbing the bottle he raises it to his lips taking a deep swig before setting it down "yes she has us…and everyone else but at the end of the day family wise she has no one…..try picturing it from her side will you" he asks with a raised brow his fingers coiling around the bottle raising it once again to his lips drinking it as if it's his own life support.
Raking a hand through his hair he releases a heavy and defeated sigh "there could have been another way" he argues desperate to make some sense of this "she would have slowly started to accept it and in time she would have been okay she would have had her humanity."
Idiot…..your an idiot"so what you wanted her to go through each day in unbearable pain, wake up in a house that was dead silent ….you make it sound like it would be an easy task she'd spend months hell" waving the bottle "years trying to accept something and even then she wouldn't accept it…and tell me what happens during holidays she has thanksgiving in a house that once upon a time held laughter, she isolates herself from the rest of the world on Christmas and New Years she makes a resolution to what..what happens when it's Jeremy's first birthday after his passing does she head on over to the Gilbert plot to have a family reunion and break down apologizing to her little brother for being a horrible sister….tell me Stefan seeing as you have all the solutions tell me what I should have done?"
Stefan remained eerily silent trying to argue against Damon's retorts but found himself struggling beginning to feel even more remorse over all of this. Stefan couldn't accept it though he had to struggle with Elena being a Vampire, but now someone who had their humanity turned off, this, this just wasn't something he was able to accept "you didn't need to fall in love with her" he whispers his gaze now locked on his older brother "she was safe with me" he passionately states "the questioning over the sire bond never would have happened and we never would have set out for this cure in the first place."
It was ironic how earlier tonight they had stood face to face on Elena's porch trying to confess words they hadn't uttered to each other in years, but even if the words went unsaid their expression said it alls, but even if the words went unsaid their expression said it all you're my brother, and no matter what hell we've endured and continue to endure at the end of the day I love you and I can't imagine a world without having my brother in itif it hadn't been the smell of smoke that caught both their attention Damon's pretty sure they would have hugged, but it never happened. Returning back to the now Stefan's hand clasped around him only this time in a choke hold as he rushed them against the wall "I respected what she wanted….something you don't know how to do" he growls out "she would have been distraught losing Matt."
"And yet fast forward to now she's worse off" having much more years over his brother thanks to blood fresh from the source he skillfully pushes him off, switching the positions as he crashes them against the opposite wall "yeah she would have felt guilty over loosing Matt, but it pales in comparison to the pain she felt over losing her brother…she would have moved on, she wouldn't have given into the temptation of turning it off." The sound of the shower being turned off causes both of the brothers to still, their fighting stances vanishing as Damon releases his hold of Stefan taking a step back from him "we can play the blame game all you want Stefan, but it's not going to solve anything….it's not going to save her."
Stefan doesn't say anything for a moment "I'm going to check on her" his hero saving complex kicking in as he turns on his heels and disappears up the stairs now leaving Damon completely by himself, something he's grown more than use to. Releasing a heavy sigh Damon grabs the lighter from on top of the fire place, crouching down he lights the logs watching instantly as the single flame becomes strong quickly taking captive the dry logs.
One would think that he'd be tired of looking at the flames as they spread being only reminded of the events of tonight, but tonight hadn't been the first time Damon watched or rather walked away from a burning house with someone who had flipped the switch, because once upon a time he had done it himself.
—
"Well brother I just wanted to wish you a Happy Anniversary….or would it be birthday" he asks dryness clear in his tone, today had marked the three year anniversary of their death and birth. The last time Damon had seen his brother had been the night he had finally gotten the guts to desert him no longer able to handle the man his little brother had become showing him no sign of humanity only a monster, but upon his leaving he had encountered Lexi someone who had told Damon she'd take care of his brother during his absence "I pray that she saved you" he confesses.
"I understand now why you gave into the beast rather than the man…..being the beast you don't feel as much…I've spent night after night alone aching for" swallowing hard he closes his eyes "Katherine…but there's hope" he whispers with a faint smile as his fingers brush against the piano keys slightly surprised as he presses on a key and the sound echoes across the room "I'll be reunited with her once again" he speaks with determination "sometimes though it's easier just isolating myself from the rest of the world."
It amazed Damon how years after he could still smell the strong scent of death lingering around the room, he recalled the nights upon entering the home only to see his brother indulging on a blonde or brunette, fangs pierced deep into their flesh draining the very life of them. Disgusting, it had been absolutely disgusting watching his brother get joy out of taking a human life, but now Damon understood it in fact parts of him reveled in it.
This house held memories one's of happiness that dealt with when his mother was still alive and how she had given him lessons on how to dance, the birth of his little brother, the Christmas's they shared as his father allowed him the honor of setting the angel on the tree. Fast forwarding he thinks back to his other happy memories as a young man most of them dealing with Katherine, chasing her through the house when his brother and father had gone into town, stolen kisses they had shared and the love they had made over and over again sometimes after hours when she'd sneak into his bedroom quarters in the middle of the night. "Katherine" he whispers just the thought of her causing that deep pang to course through his very chest. Though good memories had been made here there had also been bad ones, ones that he wanted to forget. His mother passing his broken sobs still lingering in the room recalling how he had been clinging onto her body refusing to leave her side only in the end for his father to pull him off scolding how real men don't cry. If it wasn't the mental abuse the physical abuse haunted him to how his father had slapped him clear across the face when he came home with his Sunday pants completely dirty from getting into a fight with one of the boys who had made fun of his little brother in which Damon immediately stepped in. Birthday's had been celebrated here, but not his own, never once after his mother's death had he had a Happy Birthday, he found himself flinching thinking back to the night his father had taken a whip to him, with each slash telling him if he was going to hang out with the slaves he'd be treated as one, even to this day Stefan hadn't known the true darkness of dear old daddy. Katherine, as much as Katherine made him happy she had also broken him sneaking around with his little brother, being on his brothers arm and asking him to be her escort to the Founders Ball only reminding Damon once again that he'd never be good enough.
There was a reason for his being here, it was his birthday and he only found it fitting to be here as he accepted a new role in his life. Being apart from Katherine and hell even his brother had taken its toll on him to the point where there were days he was tempted to end his miserable life, but he'd remind himself over and over again how soon he would Katherine, but as long as he felt he'd ache, and that wouldn't get the job done, he needed to be driven to complete the task, and he needed no longer to feel, and that included casting the good and bad memories away leaving him with absolutely nothing.
Returning to his purpose he grabs the cigar from out of his pocket, lighting it up as he begins to smoke it, taking the books he had grabbed earlier from his father's study he begins ripping out page by page throwing them into a pile as he continues to smoke smoking the cigar until it was halfway down to the stub, removing it from his lips "the one thing you proved to be useful for father" he dryly states throwing the half smoked stogie into the piles of paper "happy birthday to me" he softly mutters stepping back watching as the papers immediately catch fire, careful with his actions he bends down grabbing a un-flamed piece of paper rolling it up and setting it in front of the fire allowing it to light up and create a make shift torch "happy birthday to me" he begins to sing crossing into another room of the house "this is in honor for all the times you told me I wasn't worth loving" bringing the torch close to the curtain as it catches fire, flashing into his father's study "for the time you told me I was a curse rather than blessing" setting the torched paper to touch his father's prized oak desk where he had received countless lectures. Never once did he linger in a room making quick work around the house engraving his signature in each part of the house. Rushing back down the stairs he walks into the threshold of the house, the entry way his eyes reflecting pain, satisfaction, brokenness, guilt all un-needed emotions for someone of his kind. The fires have yet to consume this part of the house as he casts everything surrounding him away, focusing on what needs to be done, reminding himself that this is necessary second choice Damon….why can't you be more like Stefan….Miss Katherine has asked me to be her escort I'm sorry brother….forever my love we'll have forever just you and me…I'm done I can no longer do this Stefan…please Katherine please come back to me I beg youpast recollections hitting him harder than ever "I don't want to feel this…..make it stop…..I need to make it stop" soon he finds himself not able to decipher between sadness and happiness, anger and content, the pure blue in his eyes turning a shade darker, eyes to the soul now becoming soulless as he returns from his daze his gaze casting behind him to see the fires merging together and becoming one, a satisfied smirk playing on the corner of his lips watching as everything his father had worked for now being completely destroyed "happy birthday" he whispers to himself turning on his heels not once giving a backward glance as he exits the place had had once called home falling into consumption by the angry flames as it swallows it whole.
—-
Drawn back to the present he finally turns his attention away from the glowing embers, rising back up he walks over to where his bottle of bourbon is, reaching for it he carries it over to the couch falling onto it as he releases a heavy sigh, his head falling back to the head rest of the couch casting his gaze upward "now is one of those times I really need you buddy" he whispers shaking his head at how truly pathetic he must look.
Off, Elena had flipped the switch because of him everything that she now did was going to be on him, her friends would most likely cast him as the bad guy for being the one to do this to her not to mention any feelings she actually carried for him were now long gone considering when one flipped the switch love and hate mated into the same thing, something a Vampire had trouble deciphering between. It could be years before she finally decides to turn on her humanity making Damon only ache more wondering if what they had ever could be considered real. "I'm not going to give up on her….she didn't give up on me" he whispers to himself more so to his fallen friend that he wonders if heaven really does exist does that mean he's here now? "Hell I was the definition of monster….I killed for sport, I won't let her fall off the edge, she saved me….it's my turn to save her" determination clear in his tone "I'll do it" he vows to himself and the rest of her fallen loved ones.
"Do what" a new voice speaks from the stairs causing Damon to glance over his shoulder and immediately he finds himself regretting it taking note of her wet locks, but it's not that which catches his attention it's the fact that she's wearing one of black button down shirts her bare legs showcasing themselves causing the Vampire to instantly bite back a groan "just telling myself probably be smart to turn in long day and all" he hesitantly states getting up from the couch as he walks over to her, setting his bourbon down first before joining her in front of the stairs "how are you feeling?"
Brown orbs study him for a moment giving a careless shrug of her shoulders "you really think getting a goodnight's rest will make anything different Damon" tilting her head to the side curiously looking at him "the sun is going to rise again as it always does nothing changes…nothing becomes better."
It breaks his damn heart at her detached voice I don't even want to think about tomorrow…each new day when the sun rises it delivers a new set of burning pain one that I still have yet to get overshe's watching him and more than anything he wishes he could see a flash of the old Elena "I'm not thinking about tomorrow Elena….I'm thinking about my bed and how I'm tired and want to sleep."
"Then let's go to sleep" she suggests offering her hand to him.
Sleep, sleep, she actually wants to sleep? If by some miracle she stated that she wanted to talk he'd gladly do it forcing himself to stay awake, the suggestion she made "I" pausing for a moment glancing at her outstretched hand "I think I'll just crash on the couch" or in any of the other six rooms here
"Seriously Damon" she asks with a raised brow looking at him in annoyance and amusement "it's just a bed…..don't worry I'm not going to ask to cuddle or anything" he says with a roll of her eyes "I think you should be mature enough to handle that…..now are we going to bed or not" she asks once again offering him her hand to accept.
Cliche as it sounded he'd happily take part in cuddling, in getting to hold her again. So this is what it was going to be now? Irritation, sarcasm and a facade of a mask displayed on her less than innocent expression. You're going to do whatever it takes to bring her back…and if putting on an act that you're completely fine with this then you'll do it he tells himself offering a sideways smirk as he accepts her hand "to bed we go" he coos allowing her to lead him up the stairs and in the direction of his bedroom.
I'll save you
I promise I'll bring you back
I'll do whatever it takes