The birds and the bees
This is just a short one shot that I thought would make a cute story, but I guess I'll let you guys be the judge of that. Anyway, all characters belong to Sega. Hope you like.
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It was a quiet day at the chaotix detective agency, Charmy was staring mindlessly at the TV, vector was listening to his favourite music which was so loud that anyone could clearly heard every word sung and Espio was trying to escape the real world through meditating.
Business had been slow recently and the gang had nothing better to do then wait around for possible clients. Vector had once tried to get some publicity by making an advert for the TV but it didn't go very well. Trying to save some money vector decided to film it himself but he couldn't work the camera properly. Eventually he had to call tails to come and give him a hand. Once the camera was up and running Charmy was left in charge of filming while vector directed. It started well until they discovered that Espio was quite camera shy and had camouflaged himself when in front of the camera.
Charmy had to hand the camera over to tails while vector tried to convince Espio to become visible again. When Espio refused Charmy sprayed him in the face with yellow spray paint so that he could be seen. He spent the rest of the day hiding in the attic while Espio hunted for him.
Thankfully vector decided against sending in the video but no one noticed that tails had secretly taken the video with him when he left. They still couldn't live down the embarrassment when they found out that tails had shown sonic and the rest of his friends the tape. Needless to say tails dare not show his face when vector is around.
Charmy watched various commercials and adverts appear on the screen before getting bored and changing the channel. He eventually stopped on a channel where two people were passionately kissing.
"Oh William will I ever see you again?" the woman asked the man.
"Someday maybe, but remember that I will always love you" the man replied.
Charmy made a face of absolute disgust, he was at the age were kissing and romance was gross.
"William there something I have to tell you… I'm going to have a baby" the actress said.
Even though it was gross Charmy found himself becoming more interested and certain questions started to pop up in his head.
"Charmy lunch is ready" vector called from the kitchen. "Can ya wake Espio Up?"
"I'm not asleep" the ninja said from his corner.
"Well the ya better get ya butts in here before I decide ta eat everythin' myself"
"We'd better move quickly then, come on Charmy"
The kitchen in the chaotix building was small but cosy, vector had burnt it down twice so it was decide to keep it plain and simple. For the safety of everyone there were several fire extinguishers in and around the cooking area and all flammable substances were kept well away from vector.
A small table took up most of the space in the kitchen, with a large plate of sandwiches in the middle. Charmy began shoving the food into his mouth as quickly as physically possible, while Espio poured himself a cup of green tea.
"Wow Charmy slow down will ya, you'll choke at the rate your going" vector said as he poured himself his usual cup of black coffee.
"Can I have some coffee?" the bee muttered between bites of his sandwich.
"No coffee for you Charmy, you'll never sleep otherwise and if you don't sleep we don't sleep" vector replied.
"Please vector?" Charmy gives the crocodile his best puppy-dog eyes expression. This usually works on vector but Espio was completely immune to it.
"Why don't ya try some of Espio's green tea stuff instead?"
Both Charmy and vector look expectantly at the chameleon. Espio just shrugs under there gaze.
"Sure I don't mind" Espio reaches into the cupboard and pulls out another cup and adds some dried tea leafs to boiling water. Once the tea leafs had mixed properly with the water Espio hands the cup to Charmy.
Charmy takes the cup and stares into the murky liquid. Gazing up to see vector and Espio watching him he quickly takes a big mouthful and immediately spits it out again all over the table.
"My tongue! I can't feel my tongue! Charmy screamed. As Espio dashed to get the bee some water. vector was rolling about on the floor, laughing his head off.
"Charmy ya fool, why'd ya do that? Ya knew it was boiling hot" vector laughed.
Giving vector the meanest glare he could muster (which isn't very mean looking) Charmy downs a large glass of cold water which Espio had given him.
"Better?" Espio asked.
Charmy just nodded in reply.
Picking himself up off the floor vector sets to work cleaning up the mess.
"Well apart from the burnt tongue what'd ya think? He asked while wiping the table clean.
"How can you drink that stuff Espio? It taste like grass"
"And how would ya know what grass taste like Charmy?
"I-I don't, I'm just guessing" Charmy said innocently.
"Green tea is good for you and helps relax the body and mind" Espio said to his two friends.
"Didn't do anythin' for my body and mind. I was in the bathroom most of the night"
"Let's change the subject. I'm sure none of us what to know the details."
"Okay… um can I ask you guy's something?" Charmy asked the two older reptiles.
"Course ya can Charmy, ask away"
"Where do babies come from?"
Now it was vectors turn to spit out his coffee all over the table, while Espio choked on the sandwich he had just taken a bite out of.
"Charmy ya can ask us anything except that" vector managed to say once to stopped coughing.
"Yeah Charmy we'll tell you when you older" the purple ninja added once he had also stopped coughing.
"But you always say that. When I'm older, I'm older now!" Charmy huffed as he crossed his arms in annoyance.
"Look Charmy there's just some things that ya can only hear when you're older"
"Fine if you guys won't tell me then I'll phone miss vanilla and ask her"
Before Charmy had even left his chair he was ruby tackled by vector who pinned him in a head lock.
"Okay, okay we'll tell ya; just don't you ever ask miss vanilla any questions like that ever."
"Okay"
Vector releases Charmy who take a seat at the table, Espio and vector take the seat opposite the bee.
"Well, um… ya see… the think is… there's a simple way to explain this, Espio" vector turns his head in the chameleon's direction.
It takes Espio a few minutes to figure out what vector wanted. His face paled and his eyes widen in surprise.
"Oh no. I'm not telling him" the chameleon stammered.
"Espio your better at explaining these sort of things" the crocodile said coolly
"How am I better at explaining this sort of thing? You're the oldest; it's your responsibility to give Charmy 'the talk'…"
"But ya have a better way with words then I do, I ya know that I'll just give Charmy a whole lot a detail if I tell im"
Vector watches as Espio opens and closes his mouth several times. He grins triumphantly knowing that there was no way Espio would allow him to warp Charmy's mind.
"I hate you vector, I really do"
"Sorry Espio them's the breaks"
Vector leans back in his chair, happy to have won the argument and being able to enjoy Espio lie threw his teeth to the little bee.
Giving one final glare at vectors smirking face Espio quickly thinks of a way to explain the situation.
"Well Charmy when and man and a woman love each other… they can decide to have a baby and the way that works is…um, they… they share a 'special' thing. Oh man how do I explain this…" Espio was struggling badly.
"A stork" vector suddenly shouts.
"Excuse me?"
"A stork, ya now what them human's tell ta little kids. That a stork delivers the babies"
"You mean the guy that delivers our mail? He also delivers babies? I didn't know that."
"No, no, no he doesn't deliver babies, Rick only delivers the mail. This is a different stork."
"Does he work at the post office as well?" Charmy asked the crocodile.
"No he doesn't work anywhere!"
"Does he get paid for delivering babies?
"No Charmy!"
Espio decides to cut in before vector swings for the bee.
"You know Charmy vector and I hatched from eggs"
"Really? like the eggs we eat for breakfast?"
"Um sort of…"
From the office the phone starts to ring.
"Oh my god, what'd know the phones ringing! Better answer it right now" vector gets up so fast that the chair he was sitting on is thrown backward and hits the sink. He dashes out of the kitchen and out of sight leavening the bee and chameleon together.
"… well does that explain enough where babies come from?" Espio asked Charmy nervously"
"Yeah I understand now"
"Thank god for that, now if you don't mind I think I'll get back to my meditating"
Espio leave the table and returns to the living room. Vector soon ventures back into the kitchen to find Charmy finishing off the last of the sandwiches.
"Everything alright?" he asked
"Yeah Espio's meditating again"
"Good" vector pours himself another cup of coffee and heads back to the office but before he leaves Charmy calls him
"Vector"
"Yeah Charmy?"
"Can I go and play with cream?"
"Sure ya can just don't wander off to far"
Charmy rushes for the front door "I won't"
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The next morning Espio and vector prepare to make breakfast; vector was banded from cooking so it was up to Espio to make the meal. While they were getting everything ready Charmy sleepily enters the room yawning loudly.
"Morning Charmy" the pair greet the young bee
"Hi guys, oh guess what? Me and cream are having a baby"
Completely thrown off by the unexpected announcement Espio drops a rather heavy pan on his foot and just managed to hold back a string of curses.
"I think I need ta have my ear tested, you have no idea what that sounded like ta me" vector said while hitting the side of his head.
"Charmy what do you mean you and cream are going to have a baby?" Espio asked once he had composed himself.
"I told cream what you guy's told me and we decide to have a baby"
Vector and Espio stare at each other before returning there gaze to the bee.
"I just how do you plan to do this" Espio asked
"Well we rang the post office first to ask them to deliver a baby but they put the phone down, so I took the eggs from the fridge.
Vector breaths a sigh of relief while Espio checks the fridge. The trays of eggs were indeed missing along with one or two other things.
"Charmy were did you put the eggs?" the chameleon asked
"I'm not telling you, you'll just eat them! Me and cream have hidden them somewhere safe."
Espio sighed in frustration, while vector just laughed.
"Looks like we'll be having toast for breakfast instead"
"Looks like it, unless Charmy took the bread as well" Espio sigh as he started to make breakfast for the team. Espio and vector spent the rest of the day searching the whole house for the missing eggs but never found them.
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Yay finished. Hoped you like it, reviews are very much appreciated. Sorry if you thought the ending was rubbish, I couldn't think of any good ways of ending it… inspiration for this story came from Kaity the Chameleon, Kivuli the Wolfox and Misty the Hedgehogwho are three of my favourite authors and have some of the best sonic fan fiction out there.