SPOILERS: The second half of Season 5!
This follows the reading of the will in 5x14, and we're just going to pretend that the conversation, etc., between Jack and Vex hasn't happened yet/doesn't happen because this is all about the Doccubus. No other interruptions. This is my idea of what happened between Bo and Lauren after everyone left Bo's room. Consider this one of those missing scene fics.
The song playing during the reading of the will was "There's a Ghost" by Fleurie. Listening to that song got me into the album it's on, and the last song, "Hymn," is beautiful. The title and lyrics below are from that song.
I own nothing. I just weave together words.
#####
Tossed in Your Tide
Somewhere high up in the air there
I had long forgotten I belong to you
[…]
I was listless, how could I have missed this?
If you are the groundswell, I'm tossed in your tide
[…]
Now there's a sinking feeling in my chest
You're gonna love me less when I return to you
But you were never one to keep a record
One to hold against me all I failed to prove
—Fleurie, "Hymn"
"Lauren?"
"Yeah, Bo?"
"Will you," she paused, "will you stay? A little while, I mean?"
"Yeah, of course." Like the others, Lauren had started to wander out of Bo's room after the reading of Trick's will. They'd all chatted for awhile, and they moved away from that setting awkwardly. Everyone was hurting, and some of them were better than others at how they coped. Dyson and Mark left chatting about the Dal, Tamsin and Kenzi about the baby, at least what little Tamsin was ready to discuss. Vex wandered to the kitchen for more takeout. Lauren wasn't sure where she would go or what she would do after leaving Bo's room, other than packing up a few stray pieces of medical equipment. Staying, though. Staying was an awkward situation all on its own. In days past, Kenzi would have been the one to stay with Bo, to snuggle up the way only sisters can, but death and despair and distance had grown a space between the two women. Kenzi was still finding her way back into their world. Lauren's place in it was awkward for other reasons - the genius human doctor, capable of greatness in science, in medicine, in love, but for all she had and would accomplish, Lauren was scared. She wasn't confident, not in knowing she was enough for Bo, and she didn't know how to just be with Bo when their relationship was in the complicated place it was in right now.
But, Lauren loved Bo, and Bo had asked Lauren to stay in such a disarming way. Bo was hurting, and the immediacy of that pain wasn't Lauren. It wasn't the break up. It was Trick, and Bo needed Lauren.
And, truth be told, Lauren needed Bo.
Lauren sat back down on the edge of the bed, one leg up, the other hanging from the bed, her foot on the floor. Instinctively, Lauren moved her hand to Bo's, lacing their fingers together, turning over their hands to look at the way they fit together. Ever inquisitive, she smiled at the information before her, an undeniable fit between their two hands, the easy way they could touch in such a simple way. Lauren pulled Bo's hand to rest in hers on her thigh.
"I'm so sorry about Trick, Bo," Lauren told her, looking up from their hands and into Bo's eyes.
"I know."
"And your mom. God, Bo. I'm so sorry about Aife, all the time you didn't get to spend getting to know her."
With the hand not holding Lauren's, Bo wiped at a few tears that fell. "You know, when I was in that dream or whatever it was, I had to learn to let them go, not to stop feeling, but to stop thinking I couldn't fight without Trick. I didn't think I could fight Jack without Trick, and everyone-all of you who were there but not quite you-showed me. You all went along with me, stood by my side, and we were all stronger because we were together."
"We are all by your side Bo. You're not alone in this. You won't be alone."
Bo laughed slightly with disbelief. "Really, Lauren? Is that really true? Because that's not how it feels."
"Bo..."
"No, Lauren. Hear me out." Bo leaned forward taking the hand holding hers into both of her hands. "Lauren, I love you. I love you so much it hurts. It physically hurts in my chest. And, I know you love me, too. I know you love me with all that you are. And yet, here we are."
Lauren slipped her hand from between Bo's and ran her hands through her hair. "Bo, I want you to be able to move on. I want you to be able to find someone else, someone fae, who can be with you for a long time."
"Lauren," Bo looked into Lauren's eyes with a deep intensity, "there's never going to be someone else. There's never going to be anyone else. There's just you."
"You don't know that, Bo. You have hundreds-thousands, likely-of years ahead of you. There will be someone else, probably several someone elses. You'll have a life, a home, children..." Lauren's voice trailed off as she started to choke back tears. She stood up, her hands wiping the tears from her eyes. She turned her back to Bo as she started to pace. "I can't do this, Bo, not when we're all trapped in this house together. I can't talk about this and keep my shit together around everyone else and not have anywhere to go here, not have someplace where I can go in this house and cry alone so that I can pull myself back together and be what everyone needs me to be right now." Lauren was no longer wiping away stray tears; she was actively crying now. Without a second thought, Bo rose from the bed and went to her, pulling Lauren into her, wrapping her arms tightly around Lauren. Lauren's tears soaked through the fabric on Bo's shoulder as Lauren shook with sobs. Bo's own tears were silent but many, falling into Lauren's hair as Bo held her. They clung to one another for a long time before either moved. Bo moved her head to press a kiss into Lauren's hair. Lauren made a sound like a laugh, and she moved her face closer into Bo's neck, where Bo was certain she felt Lauren smile against her skin. The sound of Lauren's laugh and the feel of her smile against Bo's neck made Bo laugh, too. She kissed the top of Lauren's head again and pulled away from her, enough distance between them that she could look into Lauren's face. She placed both of her palms on Lauren's cheeks and wiped at Lauren's tears with her thumbs.
"I'm supposed to be here supporting you, not the other way around," Lauren said with a chuckle.
"You are. You always are. Everything you do, I always know you're supporting me." Bo's smile made Lauren smile.
"You should rest, Bo. You've been through a lot, and we all know it's going to get harder before it gets easier again." Lauren pushed a few strands of hair from Bo's face. Bo wanted to close her eyes and just feel the touch of Lauren's skin on her face, but she couldn't tear her eyes from Lauren's.
"Will you stay? I mean... I don't know what I mean." She chuckled again. Lauren did, too.
"How about if we just hold each other? No kissing, no sex-"
"-just holding each other. I would love that."
"Okay."
"Okay. We'll take tomorrow as it comes. Tonight, we'll just be."
Bo took her hands from Lauren's face and took one of Lauren's hands in hers, tugging her to the dresser, where she pulled out a tank top and a pair of shorts for Lauren. Lauren thanked her and turned away from Bo to change her clothes. Bo hung up her robe and removed her bra, already in a tank and shorts herself. Lauren folded her clothes and placed them neatly on Bo's dresser. Dressed in Bo's pajamas, Lauren turned shyly to look at Bo. Bo walked silently to the bed, pulling back the blankets for Lauren, and as Lauren climbed in, Bo walked around and climbed into bed on her own side. Their movements toward one another were tentative, but only briefly. Lying in bed together was something their bodies knew how to do, physical memories imprinted into their brains. After the initial moment of hesitation, they moved into one another into a comfortable joining of arms wrapped around one another. Without conscious thought, the familiar comfort of their bodies together drew contented sighs from both women, followed by their laughter.
Bo again kissed the top of Lauren's head. "I love you, Lauren," she whispered.
"I love you, too, Bo."
END