Human Contact

By: Jeep

Spoilers: Everything, up to and including TLG

Category: Shep/Weir

Notes: Elizabeth's POV. I have taken what happened with Elizabeth and Simon and changed it some. What I had originally planned on was a story that gave some background to Liz, I think I did that here...but I know I changed a lot around as well, but it's a story right, things can change…right?

Authors Notes: This is dedicated to Melody. A special thanks to csiElephant for the beta!

All through my life, I have been either negotiating the biggest of deals with some third world country or the smallest of deals for food and supplies that we desperately need on Atlantis.

I was once asked what I thought of myself, why I am the way I am. Truthfully I didn't know how to answer that question. I think I am attractive in a geeky book sense, and am definitely not one to seek the spotlight. Most of my recent work has been behind the scenes and classified for several years, so I can't really tell you much about my work in recent years, except that I have brokered a dozen of the most sensitive international accords in modern history.

I have excelled in education with two Ph.D.s, and taught political science at Georgetown University. Also, I have served in embassies all over the world and can speak five languages. Although I began my career as a political activist lobbying against government spending on the military, I have since decided long ago that changing from within was the only way to actually see the changes I was rallying for.

I was taken totally by surprise when President Hayes nominated me for Command of the Stargate Program, which led me to Command the expedition team to the Lost City of Atlantis. Altantis, can you believe it? I would have never believed it if I had not worked at the SGC before that moment. Some times I still think it is all a dream.

So as you can tell, my life has been filled with many experiences of foreign cultures and different, far away lands.

One of my students had asked me while I was teaching once, why it seemed that I always worked. Well, it was because I always was working. Looking back, it isn't hard to see the pattern of turned down dates, after work drinks, lack of human contact outside of strictly work. I am a self-described work-a-holic.

It was a total shock a few months later even to myself that I was actually out at a bar for drinks with some friends when I was approached by someone. Later I found out he was a doctor, his name was Simon. He was in town for a conference, and we ended up getting serious pretty quick.

A week later is when the President asked me to Command the SGC. In Colorado, where Simon was, talk about fate. We ended up moving in together pretty quickly after my arrival in Colorado. Both of us were not home as much as we liked, Simon headed up the Division of Microbiology and me, well we know I started at the SGC.

I kept pretty busy trying to run a military base. Considering I am civilian, people respected me as much as could be expected. Well, as much as I could tell anyway. I heard a few people talking a few times about how they thought it was ridiculous that a civilian be in Command of a military outpost, and how they thought everything was going to go to hell in a hand basket. But I ignored those rumors.

I knew then I had to prove them all wrong. I could work just as hard, just as long as they could.

Missions went by, weeks and months passed, things were better. Simon and I were getting closer as well. There is something to say about a little human contact.

Not that I am complaining, Simon is a wonderful, caring man. He was very respectful of me and my work. It's just that, when you come home from an overly stressful day, and all you want is a good man to put his arms around you; tell you that it was all alright; well Simon wasn't like that. He wasn't into the whole holding hands, giving hugs 'thing'.

It's sad, but going through life as I did, I didn't know about any of this. Sad I know, but my life as a child wasn't all soft and hugs and kisses either. My parents were not home much for us kids either, my mom was a diplomat like myself and so was my father; both of my parents were diplomats. They would spend many months away from home. I remember being raised more by our nanny than by my parents. My brothers and I used to sit around at night and wonder why mom and dad didn't love us enough to be home more with us. I used to get teased a lot in school because my parents would never be able to come to field trips, to parent teacher conferences, or any of that 'school stuff'. Kids used to call us the parentless triplets.

I swore when I got older, and had children of my own, that I would always be there for them. That no job is worth losing your children over, losing your family, in reality; family is all we will ever have.

And in reality, it is all I have ever wanted.

I thought that I had found 'family' in Simon. We were doing so well, at least I had thought so. We sat at the same restaurant we always go to, I was sipping my wine when I noticed a young couple, they were leaning in towards each other, smiling, and talking softly to each other. The man was gently caressing her cheek and moving his fingers through her curls, while his other was gently holding her hand around her wine glass.

The sight of them, right then and there in at moment in time, just seemed so right. That was how couples who loved each other were supposed to act towards each other. I remember looking over at Simon, he wasn't even paying attention to me. As I looked back at the couple, they had gotten up to dance to some slow tune playing. He held her so close, so gentle, all the while whispering something into her ear.

Why couldn't we be like that, I asked myself as I looked back at Simon.

That's right, he didn't like contact.

How can you have a relationship with no contact? I asked that of myself that night and I ask it now?

A week later we separated and I left for the Pegasus Galaxy with no regrets.

I have been here in Atlantis for over a year now. I can tell you I never planned on anything happening here. I came here to start a new life, to Command a City, to do so much. I did not come here to find someone. I thought that after Simon, I was incapable of having a partner in life, incapable of being loved like that couple in the restaurant all that time ago.

I was meant to work, to achieve goals, to unite countries, unite different races of people together. That was my goal.

When we first arrived on Atlantis, everything was about survival. Then the Wraith came, and still it was all about how to keep on living.

It did not turn out that way though. Slowly every look, every touch from him…made my stomach go into knots. I began to look forward to the daily goings on of Atlantis. Not that I didn't before but now, it just made things more interesting.

For my birthday - and still to this day Icannot figure out how he found out - I remember I was standing out on the balcony just thinking about how life had completely changed. That everything that I had planned for myself, none of it mattered anymore. Even though life had seemed more dangerous here on Atlantis, it was much simpler. As I was standing there, watching over the sunrise, John came up from behind me. He was dressed ready to go on a mission, but he was carrying something. Gently he rested a hand on my back to get my attention. It worked let me tell you, every nerve in my body had felt like it had woken. I felt all tingly all over. I never felt that way before.

John handed me a small wrapped gift, our fingers gently touched each other, and we quickly looked up at one another. I think that was my first realization that maybe there could be more. Anyway, he gave me a small pot; from what John said he had it made on the mainland for me a few months earlier. I didn't know what to say, I know my eyes were tearing up. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for me in a very long time.

All I remember from that moment on was thatJohn reached up and rested his hand against my cheek, and I leaned in to the touch. As I raised my hand to cover his, he pulled me in for a hug. It was our first real contact, our first embrace; in the midst of P90s and full gear. But it still felt so right.

I have never felt this way before about someone. Here was someone who enjoyed looking at me, enjoyed sneaking a quick touch under the briefing room table or walking along the hallways.

We have had our troubles here on Atlantis, there was a big storm that threatened to destroy the city, and a group of people called the Genii that still to this day want to take over the city. They nearly kidnapped me, killed some of my men here, and shot up Atlantis trying to do so. Then there is the Wraith, not much to be said about them, but that they want Atlantis because they know it can lead them to Earth. As for all the troubles here, John Sheppard has the worst knack for finding trouble. But has never been the one to back down when trying to fix said trouble either.

Take when the Wraith had landed in the city a few months ago. We had figured out a plan to remotely send a jumper into the hive ship. But it failed miserably. John ran past me towards the jumper bay. I knew what he was planning on doing. I wanted to stop him with everything that was inside me. But I knew that he was the only one who could complete the mission. He was the only one. So I was left with the choice to save Atlantis, or save him and end up losing Atlantis. It wasn't a tough decision, but it was one I wish at that moment I did not have to make.

All I can say is thank god for Colonel Caldwell and the Deadaleus. Talk about fate.

That night or was it morning…really I don't remember. When everything had been cleaned up, the Wraith gone from the city, crew members all reporting to the infirmary; that is when I had to go to him, a calling that could not be tamed. I can't explain it, it was like I was being drawn towards him and there was no force on Atlantis to stop me.

I remember as I made my way to his quarters, everything inside me was racing. The feeling was unbelievable. I didn't know really what it meant, because I had never felt it before. As soon as I made it to his door, it opened. I jumped a little at the unexpected movement. We greeted each other and then nothing. We just stood there, watching the other, when he pulled me into his room and the doors closed behind me.

For the second time, he slowly reached up and touched my face, before lacing his fingers in my hair and pulling me roughly to him. I returned the embrace eagerly. For the first time, I needed the human contact. He told me that night that we had to stop making the other think they were gone. I never wanted to think that again to tell you the truth. I made the realization that night that I never wanted him to be away from me ever again. When I told him that, he said the same thing to me. We talked that night for a long time, got to know more about each other then we had ever done since we got to Atlantis. As we sat on his bed, he held my hands, spoke to me like I was actually there. Not like how Simon would talk to me, as if I was only property to him, like you would be talked at and not to. I got up to go back to my quarters hours later, to only be stopped. John wouldn't let me leave that night. He changed into his night clothes and offered me some as well. When I came out of his bathroom, he was already in bed, waiting for me, wanting to be with me.

I wasn't sure at that point if we were ready to take that step, I voiced that thought to him, hoping that even though our bodies said otherwise, that he would get what I was saying to him, and understand. Turns out he agreed with me. That floored me. That night, we slept in the same bed, he held me all night, arms resting around my waist, his breath hot on my neck, hands intertwined.

Every week there seems to be a new trial, another new problem or race trying to win Atlantis from us. I am getting used to having to save Atlantis on a daily basis.

Our latest adventure was just last week. At the moment I am still in the infirmary recovering. Carson won't let me go, and I am doing a good impression of a certain Colonel I know. Yes, I have work to do Carson, I have to run the city Carson. But it hasn't gotten me anywhere yet. I am still in the infirmary.

How I got here, well how we got here really was, John's team brought back a few artifacts from their latest mission. They looked quite interesting actually, like nothing we had seen before. Rodney was so interested a few marines had to drag him out of his lab and to Carson to get his check up.

When I went down after things had settled down, everyone was down in the lab. It was quite amusing actually because Rodney was getting more frustrated that there wereso many people in his lab. I remember him saying that he only asked for John, and not the whole of Atlantis. My guess was that he needed John there to activate whatever ancient device was in the artifact.

My gut was telling me just to wait for the report; that I probably should have just left Rodney to his own devices. But I stayed, and boy did I end up on the wrong end of an ancient device.

The short story of what happened that day, there were 'spirits' of sorts in the device, and when John had touched it, something happened and he let out whatever was encaged in it. I just happened to be standing next to him when he did. The two 'spirits' then took over our bodies.

Yes you read that right, took over our bodies. That's something I haven'texperienced before. From what Carson and Rodney have told me we only tried to leave Atlantis once, claiming that we wanted to go home, where ever that was. Carson had tried to separate us, thinking that we might conspire against the rest of Atlantis and try to do something irrational. Caldwell was upset that whomever had taken over us now knew everything there was to know about Atlantis. Carson said he was very irrational when it came to discussing anything when it came to us. All he wanted was for us to go back to earth and be put in some padded cell.

When all was said and done, and Carson and Rodney had figured out what the spirits wanted. Apparently they were husband and wife, separated by the Wraith all those years ago. And for whatever reason they were left to die in the ship alone on that planet. From what they told me, a team was sent back to the planet to figure out what happened. Carson found the bodies of a male and female, they had starved to death on a foreign planet, alone, thinking the other was dead.

I don't ever want that to happen to me.

Carson and Rodney figured out that how to get them out of us, was to put us in a room together and let them have their goodbyes. Caldwell protested of course, and I don't know how they how they did it, and I don't want to know either. We were worried, John and I, that now everyone would know what happened, when we really didn't know what happened in that room. Rodney spoke to us and, said they we were the only ones in that room, they had covered over the small window in solitary. He also told us that they had to keep video on in that room. No one had seen the tape yet.He gave us that tape the next day in the infirmary.

I turned to look over at John, he's asleep in the bed next to me. He hadn't moved since Rodney left a few hours earlier. We hadn't discussed anything either. I was unsure of how to approach the topic with him. I knew we had to…talk about it, if we didn't we would end up like that couple on the planet, alone. And I don't want to be alone.

As I sat in the bed, yes we were alone in that part of the infirmary, but I felt a whole new level of loneliness. I felt an emptiness that I had never felt before in my life, not even after Simon and I split. John and I had been moving together for a while, sleeping in each of our rooms together at night, sharing meals…but this felt awful. Almost like we were mentally apart.

I couldn't help butwonder that whatever happened in that room, he either did not want it to happen and it was causing him to ignore me, or he didn't know how to deal with it all.

I didn't know how to deal with him like that. And given the situation, ignoring the fact was not going to help either one of us.

Ignoring the stiffness in my legs I crossed the distance to his bed and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. Hoping that would wake him, or get him to roll over and look at me. I hated that I felt like I did something wrong.

Rodney told me that the 'spirits' probably picked us because of the connection we already shared. That they most likely picked up on our relationship and decided that we were already involved so it would not matter either way. I didn't know how to answer him. But he was probably right in some way.

With a gentle squeeze on his shoulder I tried to gain his attention. He rolled slowly over to look at me, his eyes sad. I knew mine were glazing over with tears right then. John reached up and rested a hand on my cheek, catching what ever stray tears fell.

I told him we had to talk about what happened. We had to know what was on that tape. He agreed with me, but told me we both needed the rest first, as he moved over so we could both share the bed as we normally did.

It felt so right to have that contact again, his arm around my waist, giving me comfort and protection, love. I never want to let this man go, and I will do anything in my power for that not to happen.

Food was brought in for us at some point while we were asleep and I had to wonder who exactly saw us in this compromising position. Not that I ever wanted to move from it, ever.

As I let out a sigh, John woke. I could tell because he tightened his hold on me like he always does when he wakes. We whispered our good mornings or whatever it was then and I smiled at him.

He told me we had to talk about what happened, and I told him we had to watch the tape to know exactly what happened. John said that he already knew, in his heart he knew what had happened. The husband and wife had said goodbye in the most loving way. That they had a second chance to do what was taken away from them in the most cruel and inhuman way possible. Then he said that if he ever got a second chance to say goodbye to his wife, that he would do whatever was possible to do just that.

He kissed me then, and I was suddenly flooded with all these emotions and a sense of familiarity.

As his hand went around me and pulled me closer, I knew exactly what had happened the night before.

I told him we had to stop, especially there in the infirmary where anyone could walk in. He agreed and called for Carson. It was time, we needed to do this, if not for us, then for the good of Atlantis, because if we didn't talk about this, it would destroy us.

We were let go about an hour later provided we ate what was brought into us before. John never complained either, the bread was starting to harden and the soup was cold, I guess he wanted to get out of the infirmary.

Deciding that his quarters were probably better we slowly headed in that direction. I had the tape in my hand, as we walked I fingered the label that Carson had put on there for me. I wasn't sure if we should really watch it or not. Even though I wanted to know desperately what had happened between them/us.

As we stopped in front of his door, John looked at me, questions in his eyes, sadness that I might actually turn back. But what he didn't know was, I couldn't turn back now. I smiled softly at him and he nodded accepting my silent answer.

The doors closed silently behind me and he reached for my hands, pulling me towards him and into his embrace. I knew in my heart I was ready to love this man forever. I had never been so sure of anything in my life.

John took the tape from my hand and set it on his desk. Turning back to me we sat. I had no idea where to begin, thank god he did. He took my hands in his, caressed my knuckles before letting them slide up my arms until they reached my neck. I looked at him with all the love I could at that moment, and he pulled me into a kiss.

After that we spoke of what we thought had happened that night, of how we felt about spirits possessing, and how they got the amazing chance to stay good bye to each other. Even though they used our bodies to do so, we both felt that we were given the chance to make things right between us.

I love this man.

We spoke of what was going to happen now, how we were going to handle this new found relationship. John simply said, just as we have been doing since the beginning of our time here.

That night as we lay in bed, my head on his chest, his fingers dancing over my skin, we watched the tape Rodney had given us. In a way it was weird, but it was proof of our love for each other as well.