"And this area, students, is where the advanced research is conducted," a burly, hairy, and very tired looking professor more or less grunted, his eyes half closed from boredom and his body slouching in an unbecoming manner. He had drawn the short straw and was currently guiding the underclassmen through the area where the graduate students and the staff worked on their various experiments. It was supposed to be one of those 'inspirational' things, but most found it to be a waste of time, himself included. And it showed.

"This," he waved his hand in the general direction of a large tub of purple goo, "is known as the substance RF-16. It's a compound that's supposed to absorb, store, and enhance the kinetic energy of something with a simple coating. However, the side effects are still troublesome and it doesn't increase the energy by a statistically significant amount. While not dangerous, the side effects are most certainly enough to keep it from being usable in today's world."

He sighed again, obviously not appreciating the fact that he was stuck being a tour guide for a bunch of snobby underclassmen, and rubbed his head. Remembering that the torture wasn't over yet, and noticing that some of their eyes were wandering to the more sensitive (and expensive) pieces of equipment, he let out another sigh and directed them out through the back door of the room to continue the tour. Because he was so unfocused on staying awake and paying attention, he didn't notice the four familiar undergraduate students that had hung back and were now examining the goo with an unhealthy amount of curiosity.

"So how do you suppose this works?" James said as he scratched his chin in wonder. "My bet is on nanomachines."

"Nanomachines? Bah! James, can't you come up with something a little more creative?" Drew bent over so that he was only a few inches away from the goo and sniffed it a little. He straightened up and rubbed his nose a little. "I'm putting my money on some sort of chemical enhancement."

"A chemical?!" Ramesh burst out in obvious surprise. "What would make you think-" He was cut off by James's hand over his mouth.

"Hush! Do you WANT to get caught?" Drew grumbled to his poofy-haired friend. It was interesting how he managed to say that while scowling and grinding his teeth in annoyance.

"And how would that work exactly?" Chen muttered, continuing the conversation from earlier. He said the rest of his thoughts on Drew's idea of what RF-16 was with an extra dose of sarcasm. "I suppose it uses magical fairy dust to make whatever it touches turn to adamantium? Or maybe it gives you some sort of super power?"

"I haven't heard you say anything to try to explain this stuff!" Drew hissed back at his friend.

"Weeeellll…it could be some sort of alien substance," Chen said as he scratched the back of his neck. The other three just stared at him like he had just had a micro black hole eat his head. "What? It could happen. We don't know what's out there." The three of them looked at each other, then burst into unruly laughter. "Hey now! Mine's better than Drew's theory!"

"Th-theory?" Ramesh choked out between giggle fits. "That's n-not a theory."

"Really, Chen," James said, wiping his eye. Although he had recovered from what Chen suggested, Drew was still almost rolling around on the floor, barely able to stay on his feet from the force of his laughing. "You know by now that it's just a hypothesis at this point. We haven't even touched it yet!" Now Drew was balancing some of his weight on the barrel that held the compound they were arguing about.

"Do you think perhaps that little gray men dropped it off?" Ramesh said.

"Don't you mean…little green men?" James managed to choke out before the two of them rejoined Drew in the fits of laughter. Chen was not amused. He frowned at his friends, trying to find some way to turn this around.

"If that's how you want to play," Chen started, seeing an opportunity to get back at one of them, at least, "then how about we try it?" He then kicked Drew's legs out from under him, causing him to fall forward into the tub of goo.

To Drew's credit, he managed to shift his weight so that the barrel didn't tip over. However, that caused most of his hair, forehead, and arms to fall into the goop before he fell backwards onto the floor. That took the mirth out of James and Ramesh quickly.

"Chen! What were you thinking?! You heard Professor Kwatch; the side effects for this stuff is nothing to joke about." James bent down to help his fallen friend, giving Chen a glare that said exactly the same thing.

"You guys are the ones that brought it up. I just responded," Chen countered. "Maybe if you guys hadn't-"

"Hey, Drew, you okay?" James grabbed his friend by the non-goo covered part of his arm and pulled him to his feet. Drew blinked a couple of times in confusion, still a bit out of it from the unexpected trip he took to the floor.

"I…think so. But this feels SO funky," he said, looking at his arms and twisting his face into a grimace. "Ugh…is it in my hair? It had better not ruin my bangs! I haven't had to brush my hair since pre-K!" He gingerly touched his hair, flinching when he found it to be one large pile of goop. His face, which he turned toward Chen, went from the grimace to a toothy scowl. "We don't know what this stuff does! What if it turns me all sorts of weird, creepy colors or…or turns me into cheese! Or-"

"Or makes you attractive to women?" Chen cut in, still sore from the earlier laughing. This made everyone except for Drew giggle.

"Hey now, I might be able to find someone," he replied indignantly, his face turning a light pink. "I mean, there's someone out there for everyone, isn't there?"

"Sure…one of the green women that brought the goo may be willing to go out with you," Ramesh giggled. Instead of taking offense at Ramesh bringing up the aliens again, Chen started to belly laugh, resting his upper body on the counter.

"Yes, haha, let's laugh at Drew's inability to get a date," Drew said with no trace of laughter in his voice. "It's not like any of you have had any luck in that department." That stopped their laughter cold, which seemed to satisfy him. Remembering his predicament, he added, "Now help me get this stuff off!"

"Oh no, Drew, you go ahead and take care of it. I'm not going to risk being a guinea pig." James took a step back, waving his arms in front of him as if to ward him off. The other men followed suit. Grumbling about worthless friends, Drew proceeded to tear the purplish goo from his hair, forehead, and forearms. A few seconds passed with bated breath. Then everyone let it out.

"Well, it looks like-" Drew started. He suddenly stopped and got an odd look on his face.

He twitched a little, scratching his head.

Then his forehead.

Next his arms.

Apparently, they didn't wait long enough.

It only took another thirty seconds before Drew was running around the lab, screaming his head off and scratching at the large, angry-looking hives that had appeared on his head and arms on anything he could get at that might have helped to relieve that itch. While Ramesh and Chen held some brooms up that Drew could use to scratch himself with, James went to get someone to help. A few minutes later, several staff members had shown up to try to calm Drew down and relieve the hives with a special cream they had developed.

Unfortunately for Drew, it took 6 weeks of applying the salve to his scalp, forehead, and arms to completely get rid of the hives. Though he did come to like the slicked-back look that the salve gave his hair.

I thought of this a few weeks ago, but just finished the idea recently. I'm thinking of maybe a few more chapters. And I plan on reusing that teacher. He's Professor Steve "Sassy" Kwatch. Hehehe.

The compound RF was at number 78 in the episode 'Clothes Minded' and James mentioned that they got rid of the hives glitch. And how would he know about the glitch? I'm guessing a bit of personal experience...though he didn't necessarily have to be the victim. I picture Drew as being the victim of stuff like that. Poor guy can't catch a break.

Yes, they do give tours through some of the more important areas like that; they do it occasionally at my school.