You probably didn't know this; but I saw you.

I saw you both.

I watched, silently as you two kissed for the first time
I watched as you discovered the wonders of a naked, human body.
The wonders I never experienced.

I watched in the corner of the library.

Waiting.

Crying.

Hurting.

Aching.

My heart was filled with anger and pain as you moaned.

Your hands were tangled in his hair; they looked so pale against the deep red colour.

Oh how my heart was aching. The pain was radiating from my heart to the rest of my body.

I thought I was dying from the sheer agony of wanting to be in his place.

My heart was already torn into a million pieces as you two stopped.

Then you just hugged, smiled and left the room, holding hands.

Together.

I felt weak. I felt sick.

My head was spinning and I was getting dizzy.
And when I touched my face I noticed that it was completely wet from tears.

Then I broke down.

Because of you, my loved one.

I cried for the unjust of the situation, and the agony of a broken heart.

I rose up, and accidentally smashed a lantern to the floor.

Pieces of glass filled the floor.

Several pieces landed beside my feet, tempting me.

And temptation won.

I took one of them and I settled down by a bookcase.
I curled up, in a foetus position, to block passers view.

I was so full of despair that I didn't even care to start carefully.

So I just pressed it against my forearm and begged for relief.

As I saw the blood flow I knew this was dangerous, but still I kept on until I got dizzy and my thoughts started to drift away.

"Peace" I thought with a smile on my pale lips.

Suddenly, in my state of dizziness, I regretted this decision.
I could've just given life one more chance. Now its too late, I thought as I felt the unmistakable death near.

Suddenly something unexpected happened.

I felt strong arms carry me away, but I wasn't sure if it just was a dream.

The arms were so comforting and I felt a kiss being placed on my forehead, gently.

Ever so gently.

In my heart the person who was carrying me was Harry, the-boy-who-lived, but apparently was gay.

But in real life it was far from him.

In real life it was you.

You told me you loved me, you said you needed me.

That was probably a lie.

But I needed that comfort, and I loved you for that.

I still do. And I will, always.

I thought I was saved, I thought I was safe from myself.

You brought me back, helped me through those dark times.

You gave me life again; you gave someone new to love.

It was you.

You were so different from Harry; you were elegant, cold, but still warm.

Your looks were vice versa from Harry's.
It was so fascinating.

Oh how I loved that almost colourless hair.

But again, I didn't receive love back. No...

Now I'm back where I was when you rescued me.

At the edge of death.

I gave life another shot, but I didn't get it from you either.

I didn't get love.

Yes I saw you with Granger, Malfoy.
I saw you two by the lake.

I'm not blind you know.

Pressed against each other, like I thought we would someday be.

You just couldn't help yourself, eh?
You just fell in love, didn't you?

But I also fell in love, didn't that matter?

The same thing over again.
The same damn thing.

Oh how ironic.

Virginia Weasley didn't get Malfoy or Potter.
I didn't get love.
But Granger and my brother got it.

Oh this just makes me sick.

I didn't want a life without love.
This time I would succeed.
I wasn't meant to live; that message was clear as water.

My hands were now in a horrible state, I noticed, sitting in my dormitory.

But yet, in a way I loved watching them.

To feel the scars.
It gave me a sense of power.

I'm in control now.

This is not a healthy feeling I know that.
I'm not stupid, either.
But I don't care anymore; I'm going to end this.

So, I pressed the blade harder into my wrists.

And the familiar feeling rushes through me.
My soul is already gone; it went the day I gave up.

It went the day you betrayed me, Draco.

So now it's just my body functioning, just an empty shell.

It doesn't matter at all.

The thought of you, Draco remained in my mind as the blood flooded out.
I rested my head in my hands when the loss of blood made me too dizzy to keep it straight.

I felt tears flood my cheek.

This is what I wanted, I reminded my heart.

I wanted peace; I wanted to be free from my grief.
But still, my heart cried.

But it went still when a person entered my dormitory,
And in a wave of despair, I didn't hesitate for a second.

I thrust the blade into my torso.

Not caring that the person at the door screamed in chock.

You would've stopped me. But this time I wouldn't be stopped, I thought and pushed the blade further now that the pain was fading away along with my life.

I gasped as the pain burst inside me; I felt blood coming up my throat.

And a tear spilled when I saw Harry look at me in pure terror and in panic.
I saw him shout something and he knelt in front of me.

Then, for what felt was like a thousand years, you came in.
And you looked desperate and disappointed in me.

Oh god, those eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

You fell on you knees and leaned forward.
I felt sorrow fill my heart as I whispered "I thought you loved me."

I coughed heavily, blood appeared in my hands.

"I loved you both, but..you.. didn't.. love.." I whispered and coughed lightly.

"Me back" and then I slid away from consciousness, and faded to my lonely, miserable death.