Oh look, someone uses that other implausible couple in which Edd ends up dating his bully!
Lame jabs aside, this and an upcoming genderbent version of Ed Without Plot is a way of saying thanks to lolzwaitwhat, and also an attempt to use an idea I came up with some time ago and probably will reuse a few more times. Basically, the end result is a mishmash of VampireMeerkat's An, Ann n Anny, and my own headcanons. I hope she won't be pissed.
And I hope I won't fuck up the gender pronouns.
Ann was a very clean girl.
It was a daily ritual of her to go through all the rooms in her house and tidy them up. Even though she was living alone most of the time (as her parents were often away, due to their jobs) and there was very little to clean, she was always wiping, vacuuming, sweeping and dusting off everything in the living room, her room, kitchen, her parents' room, the corridors, the bathroom and the laundry room in the basement. It required a lot of work on her part, but she didn't mind. A thought that her house remained spotless was bringing a joy to her heart.
It was a late Saturday afternoon as she had finished her chores and returned to the kitchen to put the supplies back. As she walked in, she looked at the sticky notes on the cupboard. One of them, hung just at her eye level, caught her attention. She noticed that it was light-blue, as opposed to the yellow ones surrounding it.
Oh dear, she thought, given that it's written on a different paper, it's probably of higher importance than the others. And I had failed to noticed it!
The girl walked to the note and took it off of the cupboard. As she moved it closer to her face, she could sense a faint smell of cheap cologne mixed with motor oil. Like a Pavlov's dog reacting to a bell, she felt her heart beating slightly faster before she could pinpoint the exact cause of it.
With a slightly shaky hand, she put the note closer to her face and read it.
Please do not freak out,
But you have a visitor
Who's right behind you.
Before she could react, two all-too-familiar hands covered her eyes.
"Hello there, sweetie." Larie Kanker greeted her. "You probably thought I've forgotten about you, did ya? I haven't dropped by in, like, three months."
"I guess all good things must come to an end."
She used to be afraid of the boy. Key words being "used to": now, when his and his brothers' assaults unwillingly became part of her life, fear was replaced by resignation and frustration, both stemming from her inability to defend herself in ways other than escaping. Now, when the boy was literally behind her back, running away was not an option.
"Oh, little Double-N is in a bad mood? Is it that time of the month?"
"Wow." the girl muttered. "You are capable of remembering my name after all."
"Huh?"
"You know, you usually refer to me by all those allegedly cute nicknames. 'Oven Mitt', 'Cutie Pie', 'Love Pillow',..."
"Aw, if you wanna..."
"I don't." The girl was slightly surprised at how bitter she sounded, but didn't really cared about it. "Call me Ann, or Double-N when my namesake friends are around."
"Alright, alright," the boy removed his hands from the girl's eyes. "Why all the bile?"
"I will treat this as a rhetorical question." The girl spun in place and faced the boy. "Do your worst and leave this house, I'm currently busy."
"Relax, Double-N." Larie told her, slightly put off by her behavior. "I'm not here for the usual kisses."
The girl's hand began to slightly tremble. "Oh, well. I knew this day would come at some point." She pulled out a condom out of her pocket and shoved it into the boy's hand. He looked at it, unaware of what the girl meant. When it finally got to him, his eyes widened slightly.
"The hell- no, I'm not going to fuck you either! Well," he added, "unless you wanna..."
"And since when my opinion matters?" Ann deadpanned.
"C'mon, do you really think I would rape ya?"
"Yes." Ann replied, without missing a beat. "Yes, I do."
Larie was slightly taken aback by the girl's answer.
"What?" the girl raised an eyebrow. "Are you really surprised that after all those years of constant sexual harassment, public humiliation and you being little more than a constant nuisance, I consider you depraved enough for such thing?" she said, slightly raising her voice. "And since you are stronger than me, and the authorities seem to ignore the issue, I am unable to do anything about this."
"That's why I'm here." Larie cheered up a bit. "I've got a gift for ya."
He pulled out something wrapped in kraft paper and gave it to the girl.
"Open it."
Ann spun the package in her hands a bit. "It's some sort of practical joke, isn't it?"
The boy was getting slightly annoyed by the girl's behavior. "No, is isn't." he growled. "Now please unwrap it."
The girl looked at the gift for a second, then handed it back. "No. I don't want anything from you. Besides, you have probably acquired it in illegal circumstances, haven't you?"
Larie let out a groan and snatched the package from the girl. He ripped the paper and tossed it away, revealing a wooden knife handle with metal bolsters. The boy pressed a button and a blade sprung up.
"A pocket knife." he explained. "The blade's five inches long, so you don't need a permit or anything. An' I bought it. In a legal store. I still have the receipt, if you want to look at it." He hid the blade and handed the knife to Ann. "Here, it's all yours."
The girl carefully examined the weapon. The handle was made of varnished wood and the bolsters were high quality steel. For a brief moment, she was grateful that the boy wanted to make her a pleasant surprise, even though his gift was unorthodox, to say the least.
Then the doubts appeared in her head. This is Larie Kanker, him and his brothers have repeatedly proven anyone who trusts them must be either naive or stupid. He had to have some business in it. It had to somehow profit for him in the long run.
"Do you like it?" the boy asked.
"Indeed I do."
Larie smiled, but the girl went on. "Still, that doesn't make your behavior any less suspicious. Where's the catch?"
"Wha- there's no frickin' catch!" he replied.
Ann put the knife on the table.
"Let's sum it up:" she started, clasping her hands, "all of a sudden, you have decided to spend a rather huge amount of money – at least by your standards – on a high-quality switchblade and present it to me, claiming you don't want anything in return." She paused for a second. "Do you seriously believe I'm that naive?"
"Geez, woman," the boy muttered, slightly uneasy, "what's your problem?"
"What's my problem?" Ann raised her voice. "What's my problem? A family of repulsive white trash perverts constantly harassing me and my best friends since they moved here, that's my problem! And now you have the audacity to act surprised, as if my doubts and fears were completely irrational!" She snatched a flipped knife from the table. "Oh, look, you gave me a present, two more and you'll be eligible for a fellatio!"
Larie tried to get a bit closer and grab the girl's hand. "Double-N, calm down..."
The girl jumped back, opening the knife and pointing it towards the boy in her outstretched right hand.
"Stay away from me!" she screamed.
He raised his hands. "Okay, relax. Now, we don't want anyone to get hurt, calm down, calm down..."
Suddenly, he grabbed the girl's arm and twisted it behind her back, causing her to drop the knife at his feet.
"I didn't wanna do this," he said, "but I don't wanna get cut either."
He released the girl, who jumped away from the boy. When she spun around, Larie was already crouching on the floor, picking up the weapon.
"Come to think of it, I want somethin' from you." he said, standing up. "Sit down, shut up, an' listen to me for a moment, okay?" He closed the knife and put it on the counter, away from both him and the girl. "No strings attached, no catches, an' after this I'm gonna turn around an' walk away." He smiled sheepishly. "Please?"
Ann looked at the boy. A part of her told her to kick the boy out, tell him to leave and never return. But on the other hand, she felt she had to listen to him, even if it is another practical joke of his, with a slightly longer buildup.
You've been through this n times already, Annastasia, she thought. At worst, it will only increment that number. Does it really make a difference at this point?
"Alright, fine." she said, calming down.
"Thanks." The boy turned around and grabbed the knife from the counter, causing Ann to take another step away and raise her guard. Instead of opening it though, he tossed it towards the girl, who barely caught it, slightly flabbergasted by such turn of events.
"It's yours." he said, noticing her confusion. "It's a gift, and I ain't takin' my gifts back. Besides, you might feel a bit more secure with this in your pocket."
"You had no problem disarming me a few seconds ago." Ann pointed out.
"We'll get to that later." The boy grabbed a chair and sat by the table, clasping his hands. The girl placed herself opposite him. "So, whaddaya wanna know first?"
"Why the sudden change of attitude?"
Larie chuckled. "Sudden? Whaddaya think I was doin' for the last three months?"
"Good point." the girl admitted. "Still, I would want to know why did you decide to atone for your past shenanigans." After a second, she added: "This is not a backhanded accusation, I'm merely curious."
The subtle grin on boy's face was replaced by a slightly more visible frown. "What, An didn't tell ya what happened?"
"Well," the girl scratched her head, "she did mention something about Sam and Jay and had a black eye and a few bruises, but she didn't go into details, so Anny and I decided to not pry further."
"So, lemme recap." he slightly leaned forward, causing Ann to start feeling uneasy. "I dunno the details, but Jay got into an argument with An's brother, that pampered dipshit, and it ended with a fistfight. Obviously, that douchebag didn't stand a chance. Not used to people fighting back, the fucker. An' then An comes in, gets into big sister mode, an' beats the livin' shit outta him."
The girl gulped. There was one thing worse than an amorous Kanker: an angry Kanker, and Larie seemed to become increasingly annoyed, and his voice was slightly yet constantly raising.
"From what I know, apart from roughin' him up, An basically had a go at him, me, Tee and our father, how we're white trash rapists that should just jump from something sharp to something tall, or the other way 'round, I don't care, an' then he got back home, and completely flipped out, as if that goddamn situation was our fault! Like we were forcin' him to pick on ya three!"
Ann was convinced the boy can hear her heart pounding furiously. Larie noticed her nervousness and backed away, sitting down.
"It was a huge fight." he went on, calmer. "We've beaten each other up pretty badly. Like, even by our standards, when we have a fight once-twice a week, that was huge. I dunno how the hell did we avoid breakin' a rib or crackin' a skull. It all ended with Jay lockin' himself in our room, and Tee walkin' out shoutin', tellin' us to go fuck ourselves."
Larie sighed.
"A few days has passed." The girl couldn't help but notice the boy became a bit somber. "We calmed down, found Tee in a forest inna improvised shelter, had a heartbreakin' reunion with tears, hugs, apologies an' other gay shit like this. But there was somethin' different. Like, we all had more than enough time to think about..." he struggled to find the right words. "...I dunno, how you... you and the other two... see us..."
The girl raised an eyebrow.
"I know what yer gonna say now," the boy muttered, "since when do I give a shit about your feelings, or somethin' along these lines." He looked at the girl. "Amirite?"
"Huh- no, no." Ann reassured, raising her hands. "My... abrasive comments from a moment ago were simply a result of a misunderstanding on my part. Please, carry on, I'm listening."
Larie smiled. "You're awesome, you know that?"
There was something different about his voice. A tone the girl had never heard before, lacking the usual confident sleaziness. For the first time, his compliment sounded genuine.
"But back on topic." he started again, "I'll be honest with ya: I don't really think I've done somethin' wrong. I wouldn't be really bothered if a chick would do the same thing to me." Ann wanted to say something, but Larie interrupted her. "Lemme finish this one, okay? For me, it ain't nuthin'. But then I started thinkin' about how you see this. And, well," he shrugged, "you've already said what you think about me an' my family."
"L-let me apologize." the girl looked down, ashamed. "It was a blameworthy and unnecessary outburst."
"Hey, I've heard worse put-downs, I ain't insulted that much. An' I already know you don't like me. The thing is: I wanna do somethin' with it. Not 'cause I want to get laid, but... but 'cause..."
He paused, twirling his thumbs. I love you?, he thought. Nah, is it really love? I dunno. It's not "just a boner" for sure, she ain't even that pretty.I like you? Nope, she'll just snark at this. I care about you? That'll just creep her out. How the fuck should I say it...
"Because what?" the girl asked.
"Because you're worth it." he replied. "...good fucking Lord, I sound like a shampoo commercial."
Ann couldn't help but let out an amused chuckle.
"I'm not a retard though." The boy stood up and walked towards the host.. "I don't expect ya to drop on yo' knees and start suckin' me off – hey, you used that example first." he added, noticing the girl's scowl. "I just wanna get on your good side. One step at a time." He outstretched his hand. "Step one."
The girl was hesitant at first, still keeping her earlier doubts in mind. But for some reason, she felt like this time, Larie genuinely wants to atone for his past misdeeds. She wasn't sure whether it's the rational thing to do, but after a second, she grabbed the boy's hand and shook it.
"Apology accept-OW!" she winced, as her palm was crushed in the boy's iron grip.
"Shit." he loosened his grip. "I don't know my own strength." Having said that, he slightly bowed, simultaneously raising the girl's hand and kissed it. "There, now it'll be better."
The girl lowered her head, hoping that the boy hadn't noticed her reddened cheeks.
Larie grinned. "You look cute when you blush... I ain't creepin' you out now, are ya?"
"No, n-not at all. Can I ask you one more question?" the girl decided to change the topic.
"Yeah, sure."
"Why such an... unusual present? I mean," she explained, "I am grateful, it is a high-quality switchblade, but I don't really understand... why? In what situations will a knife be useful for me?"
"Self-defense." the boy replied without missing a beat. "In case you'll have to deal with someone shady."
"I... don't really think this is a necessity." Ann said, yet again feeling mildly uncomfortable. "Even if I will be unlucky enough to encounter a mugger, I can always flee."
"Damn right, you can!" the boy put his left arm around the girl's shoulder. "You three should participate in a marathon or something, I stopped countin' how many times you gave us the slip - that's a compliment, by the way. But," he paused for a moment, "I still managed to catch ya from time to time, didn't I?"
The girl gulped, shivering at the memories. "Y-yes."
"Don't be afraid, I won't do this anymore. But somewhere out there, there's someone who'll want more than a kiss. Your wallet, your phone, your body... The good thing is, you have, say, a ninety-four percent chance to run away. But I want you to be prepared for those remainin' six percent."
The girl felt Larie's free hand diving into the pocket of her skirt.
"An can stand her ground when provoked, and Anny at worst can con 'er way outta any sticky situation. You don't have neither one's strength or the other's guts." He pulled out the knife and gently put it in the girl's right hand. "That's why I gave you the knife. So if, when shit hits the fan, you'll have somethin' to defend yourself. You won't be waitin' for the attacker to bash yo' head against the sidewalk. An' you won't be afraid of no one." the boy finished.
And you won't be afraid of me, he added in his mind.
A pregnant pause followed. To be completely fair, Larie was trying to scare the girl a bit, to make sure he will treat this seriously, but given the length of the suspension, he began worrying whether his worst case scenario was a bit too extreme. He knew she was much more fragile than him, and just wanted to fix her. For her own good.
"Ann?" he broke the silence. "I didn't mean to creep ya out that much..."
"I'm fine." The girl interrupted him. "The thing is, I doubt whether I can use this properly." She opened the blade. "As I've said, you had no problem disarming me a moment ago."
"It's nuthin'. Tee was botherin' me with this move for ages, I could do that with just one hand, if a guy's a weakling." he replied. "I guess you need to learn some basics, but it's okay. You can always get better. You're a fast learner." The boy grinned. "What time is it?"
Ann pointed at the clock hanging on the wall, closing and hiding the weapon. Larie looked at it, and cursed under his breath.
"Shit, that late? Gotta go. It's my turn to fix the dinner tonight." He walked towards the kitchen door. "I'll talk to Tee, and see if he'll teach ya somethin'. I'll drop by durin' the week to tell ya the answer."
"That's fine." the girl nodded. "But please, next time, just knock on the door."
"But surprisin' ya is so much more fun."
Without warning, Larie pulled the girl towards himself, and gave her a hug. Ann shivered a bit, expecting the usual kisses to follow, but instead, Larie just muttered:
"Thanks for another chance, Double-N."
Before she had a chance to react, the boy let her go and hastily got out of the house through the back door, with a short "See ya soon!" shouted in her general direction. Ann walked to the door and closed it behind the boy. Then, she pulled out the switchblade from her pocket.
I wonder whether trusting him is the worst decision of my life, or the best decision of my life, she thought to herself, opening and closing the knife, and watching Larie jump over her fence through the mosquito net. We will see about that, I guess. She hid the weapon and returned to the interrupted task.
I must remember to ask him to watch his language. It's a miracle my ears hadn't withered away!
Author's note for this one was so long, I put it in a separate journal. It's on my dA, if you care: /journal/Saturday-An-Special-mildly-related-blabbery-463518170