This issue will cover doctor doctor, keep it clean, they've always been faster, a spoonful of blamite, and an elegant weapon.
I don't care about any canon mistakes.
Sorry if this isn't funny, its my first attempt at comedy and it will get funnier.
Six sighed. His new job on noble team was boring. Rebels. SERIOUSLY. He could be sent out to a covenant controlled planet. That's what master chief did a week ago. Or out finding the missing Spartans. Like his friend, Alice. But rebels. But orders were orders.
"Noble leader," rang out the voice of Jun, his least favourite Spartan. Just his luck he got onto the team that featured the only Spartan he didn't like. "We got heat sigs in the structure ahead." Jun finished. "Finally" he thought. "Some action."
When they got to the building, only Emile got his weapon out faster. Emile, his third favourite Spartan, often argued with Jorge, his second favourite Spartan. Master Chief was his favourite Spartan.
When Jorge had finished translating for the farmers, six was confused. "If it wasn't these guys," he thought "who de-activated the communication array."
He was, of course, delighted when the covenant was revealed to be the source of the trouble. He couldn't, however, figure out why the rest of noble team was so upset.
After killing a few skirmishers, six picked up a needler. "Sweet," he said "I've always wanted one of these. After killing several grunts with it, an alert appeared on the screen of his helmet. "Great." He thought "I forgot I got that update. Those achievements are for lifeless bastards who have no girlfriends."
Just then, Emiles voice rang out "Finally, I got the 'That's a knife' Achievement."
Six smiled. Emiles comment just proved his point.
After a while, some trucks came into view.
"Get in." said carter.
"Six, don't," started Emile "Do you know how annoying it is if a teammate ruins your chance of getting "they've always been faster"?"
Six sighed. He started walking, picked up a dmr and headshot 7 moa.
Two new alerts appeared on the screen, blocking the coming elite.
"Argh" yelled Six. He killed it, but was badly damaged. He dragged himself to the nearby camp and used the health pack
"IM BLOODY SICK OF THESE ALERTS" he shouted. "WHEN I GET BACK TO SWORD BASE, IM GOING TO KILL HALSEY!"
After a while, Noble team arrived at visegrad. After the attack by the zealot, Six jumped into an area full of enemies without waiting for backup. Just before the zealot killed him, Jorge appeared and killed it in a burst of rounds. Six then activated the switch. By the time he got back, he was told he was to go to sword place immediately. "Great," he thought, "halsey will die soon."