A/N-I had to do a post-ep for Paternity. Minor spoilers for Intoxicated and Burned.

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Today had possibly been the hardest day of her life. She had been in a car accident with her partner's pregnant wife in the passenger seat.

"What about Kathy's appointment?"

"I forgot."

"I'll take her."

She had had to save Kathy's life and comfort her when she was obviously afraid and panicky and hormonal. She had performed tasks that were meant for doctors or nurses, not overworked detectives.

"Shh, Kathy…it's gonna be alright, just hold your head still, everything's gonna be alright…"

She had gone in the ambulance with her, holding her hand and mumbling words through encouragement through her delivery. She had never delivered a baby before, never been privy to the act of birth so intimately before. She had informed her that she had given birth to a beautiful son, and she had kept that son warm as his mother passed out from her injuries.

"Kathy, look…Kathy? What's wrong?"

At the hospital she had handed the newborn off, to be taken care of by nurses and doctors and anyone, anyone, but her. She had seen Elliot's eyes as he pushed into the ER and rushed to his wife's room.

He had stepped outside of the room a few long moments later, a look of pure relief and utter happiness on his face. Was this how all new fathers looked?

He had thanked her then, and, much to her surprise, he had hugged her.

He. Had. Hugged. Her. And he hadn't seen the tears well up in her eyes.

At that instant, she wondered if he could still read her like he had once been able to. He used to be able to look up at her walking into the precinct and know if she needed an ear to vent to or a conscience to guide her. Could he tell what she was thinking now? Somehow, she doubted it.

She was thinking about his son being born, about the fairy-tale glow that was now shining on him and his wife. About how this was as close as she was gonna get to basking in that same glow.

Her life was spent sitting in the backseat. She had taken the backseat to booze, to careers, to futures, and now, to his wife.

Once, he had told her that he was the longest relationship she had ever had with a man. He was dead on. When he had said that to her, she could almost hear her mother's voice echoing harshly in her head, from the story she had once told Casey.

"…and she came at me, screaming 'I'll never let anyone else have you.'…"

At the time, she had taken her mother's statement to mean that her mother would always be there to ruin her relationships. She realized now that she had never been taught to be anything else but to be secondary to anything. She hadn't been taught how to assert herself properly when it came to getting the things she wanted out of life.

Things like happiness and unconditional love. Things like children and a family of her own to mother, instead of trying to will away any maternal instincts.

She had held his child to her body and cradled him. She had accepted his embrace because she knew he needed to somehow express the amount of gratitude he felt for saving his wife and child.

Once the doctors cleared her, she would go home and find comfort in a cup of hot tea and the empty bliss of sleep. Long ago, she realized that it was better not to dream, and by sheer willpower she didn't. She knows now that her window of opportunity to have what she wants in life is closing, fast, and that her chances of succeeding are very small. Her mother can rest peacefully in her grave again tonight, knowing that nobody else would ever have her daughter.

Tonight would be one of the hardest nights of her life. Once again, her personal wants and dreams would take the backseat to the cold, harsh reality of the hand she had been dealt.

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So, horrible? Please let me know!