Binding Regrets

Lily Evans had felt the pressure mount as the impending date of her wedding loomed over her head. James, her fiancé, was out with his mates for one last romp under the moon; this gave her the perfect opportunity to get out of the house herself. She decided that one her last evening should be spent with her parents in Cokeworth.

Petunia had long since moved out, making the house seem that much more inviting. Upon arrival, her parents warmly greeted her. Over a home cooked meal, she admitted her nervousness, but was only met with smiles and told they were normal feelings to have. Lily never felt she was quite normal, but hoped that in this instance they were right. After dinner, her family moved into the living room. Over tea they kept the topics light and discussed her future plans. They stayed up talking until about 10 when her mother suggested they all get some rest before the Big Day.

Lily laid in her childhood bed awake for a couple of hours. Her body never seemed to relax. At first she tried to tell herself the nerves came from just anticipation, though she knew deep down it was dread. James was a wonderful guy, but the longer that they stayed together the more she saw his pureblood upbringing show. It started with just the offhanded comments when she wanted to clean the muggle way.

"Why not let the house elves do it?"

"Don't you know it's quicker to use magic?"

"Did you forget you were a witch?"

They started as innocent teasing comments, but overtime the words grew with a bit more bite. From there James moved on to comments about her apprenticeship at St. Mungo's to be a Healer.

"I'll never see you."

"How are you going to raise our kids if we are both at work?"

"I have plenty of money, so you don't have to worry about getting a job."

She always wanted to bring good in the world. With her affinity to charms, she excelled in spell reversal and hoped to work on the Spell Damage ward. It was something that she was passionate about, especially with the war in Britain crashing down around them. It never seemed to be enough for him. She had finished her training a month ago, and let herself get convinced by James to take the month off to plan the wedding. It seemed she couldn't put it off much longer. Not even her old bed could give her comfort.

Turning her head, the clock stared back. It was after midnight and her mind still couldn't quiet. She got up and wrapped a dark wizarding robe around her. Putting on her shoes, she walked out the door into the chilled November air. The light snow on the ground padded her footsteps as she walked down her street. She desperately tried to clear her thoughts as she found herself at an old snow clad playground. Smiling to herself, she brushed the snow from the swing and sat down. After muttering a warming charm on her robes, she started lightly swaying.

Severus Snape was having trouble focusing on the potion in front of him. He needed to get this right or else the Dark Lord would be very displeased, but this stress only made his focus slip more. '2 sprigs of night shade, 6 stirs clockwise followed by 1 counter, then 3 drops of Golden Frog poison followed by 7 slow stirs.' He had been working on this potion for the last 2 days and this was the final step that he was chanting. Severus was beyond exhausted, but that particular frog venom was hard to come by. The potion was at its most volatile state and this was his only chance if he didn't want his organs liquefied. '6…7…' The electric green liquid in the cauldron bubbled ferociously as soon as he removed his stir stick. Snape's eyes widened as he watched the chemical reaction take place. He was about to conjure a shield when the bubbling subsided and turned a steady deep purple. The breath he didn't know he was holding rushed through his body as the tension left him. It just needed to sit for 5 hours and then it would be done. The adrenaline still pumped through his body and a now very awake Severus was going to take a much needed break.

It was past midnight when he stepped out onto Spinners End. The realization of what day it was hit him as his mind cleared. The upcoming wedding of the golden couple had been splayed across The Daily Prophet for the few last weeks as the newspaper looked for anything to report that didn't have to do with the ongoing war. It disgusted him to see any of that garbage pollute the Prophet, yet it disgusted him more he felt a compulsion to read it. A scowl painted his features at the thought of James Potter and his perfect fucking fairytale life.

His mood soured quickly as foul memories flicked across his normally organized mind. The sleep deprivation seemed to be weakening his occlumency shields. Severus was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't register the direction his feet were taking him or a figure just in front of him on one of the swings.

Lily felt his presence before she saw him. She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention. Although they had patched things up by the end of 7th year, she was still wondering if she could trust Severus Snape. With nearly 100 percent certainty, she was sure he had become a Death Eater. Lily calmed herself and clutched her wand tightly. The snow lightly crunched under his feet as he seemed to pause behind her only a few meters off. A full minute went by of tense silence and then he started to walk towards her. Lily's eyes darted around analyzing her surroundings as she waited with a stun spell at the tip of her tongue.

Severus was stunned to see her sitting here in the place of all their old memories. He briefly wondered if his mind was playing a cruel trick on him, but decided against such a thing. There wasn't much he could think to say so he removed the snow off the swing next to her with a wave of his hand and with a sigh he settled in.

At hearing his sigh, Lily found herself relaxing and chuckling inwardly. Why would she ever think Sev would hurt her? She had known him since they were both young children. A small smile graced her lips as she started swinging again.

Severus just sat motionless while his mind raced with the meaning of her here alone on the eve of her wedding. He finally broke the silence. "Why are you here?" This question posed innocently enough made Lily come to a halt. Any trace of a smile fell off her lips as she contemplated the answer. The moonlight soaked into her hair bathed her in an ethereal glow. Even in this troubled state, she was beautiful.

Lily wanted nothing more than to tell him everything like she did when they were kids. However, the rift that sat between them span years apart. It had been nearly 3 years since she last talked to him. How much had he changed? How much had she herself changed? There was no doubting the familiarity of his presence always comforted her. This is why in the end; she decided that the truth was her only option. She had been holding in her thoughts for too long. "I'm not happy." It came out in a small whisper.

The words floated away on the wind, but he had still heard. She was looking at him now with glistening eyes. "I haven't been happy in a long time." His head hung down from the weight of his confession. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. The lack of sleep was starting to get to him as a headache began to form. The cold air was starting to seep into his clothes as a chill ran over him. "If you would like to talk about it and get of this cold, we can go to my house." He let offer drift in the open as he stood up.

Sitting on the swing, Lily's eyes continued to follow him. This was the first time she was able to get a good look at him. His inky black hair was tied back away from his angular face, giving her an unobstructed view into his dark eyes and pursed lips. Tiredness seemed to overwrite his colder features; his eyes were faintly drooped at the corners and his slightly hooked nose seemed less severe. Lily had to admit, even in this exhausted state, Snape wore adulthood well. She contemplated his suggestion, but her body made the decision before her mind did and stood up to follow him. She gave him a small nod and they walked in a comfortable silence back to Spinner's End.

A/N: Disclaimer – Only the plot is mine, I'm just playing with the Characters that JKR created. This is my first story in quite some time! I hope you enjoy.