The nights in Ender's single room were always dark, always lonely. Always missing something important; something that was company. It was Alai who first realised this without Ender trying to say anything. Alai who tried his best to comfort him. On the occasions where Alai did join him, Ender felt just like he was at home, laughing with Valentine. Alai felt like family, the younger brother he had never had. The times that he didn't Ender played video games, wrote emails, did anything to avoid the nightmares that accompanied sleep.

If he came, he came after midnight – when everyone but Petra was asleep. Sneaking out involved not much difficulty, but great danger. The consequences of Alai being caught weren't predetermined, but Ender had a feeling they wouldn't be light. They would be more along the lines of permanent deposition to Earth. And aside from Petra and Bean, Alai was his strongest warrior; Ender couldn't let him go.

"Ender." He heard the comforting sound of Alai's voice. "Ender, can I come in?"

Ender didn't really know why Alai always asked; the only other person who could have been inside was Bean, discussing tactics for the next simulation. Or Petra. But they couldn't have been doing anything inappropriate; it was Alai who had told Ender that she had an obvious crush on Bean. Ender supposed he could have been naked, but the friends had showered in the same room, at the same time, for almost a year now. They were so close that Ender didn't find it made any difference.

"Yeah," he answered. "Yeah."

He disconnected his device, saving the draft of the email he was sending Valentine, just before the doors closed behind his best friend.

Alai sighed, taking in Ender's ghostly appearance. "Are you okay?"

"I dunno." Ender shrugged, non-committal. "It's the last simulation tomorrow. If I sleep now, I won't be up in time."

"Ender, you're the lightest sleeper I know. You woke up when Petra sneezed the first night at Salamander Army."

Ender wanted to tell him that's because it was Petra, but he can't find the words. "Yeah, okay."

"I'll watch over you if you like," Alai said. "I can stay here. I'll wake you up and then leave."

"Okay."

"Ender… are you really okay?"

"Yeah." Ender's mouth was pressed in a firm line. "I told you I was, didn't I?"

Alai closed his eyes and came to a sudden realisation. "You're still upset about the simulation today, aren't you?"

Ender denied it. "I'm not upset."

"Ender, there's nothing wrong with losing one simulation. Graff said it was a hard one. You've won every other one, you just need to trust us a little more."

"Who's us?" Ender was still angry; he knew he shouldn't have been taking it out on Alai, but he couldn't help it. Alai was so small, so weak, and he'd never talk back till he's absolutely sure that Ender was perfectly calm. Just like Valentine.

"Me, Petra, Bean… we're your army, Ender. We wouldn't be first in Battle School if we weren't good enough."

"You're first because of me." Ender's voice was raised. "I'm the one leading you, Alai. I'm the one controlling everything you do – without me, do you really think any of you could lead? Do you really think you could win anything without me telling you what to do?"

The devil inside of Ender rejoiced in the way Alai looks like he's just been slapped. He pauses, catches his breath, then continues when Alai doesn't speak. "That's right, you can't. You're nothing without me, Alai, do you realise that?"

"Yeah." Alai sighs. "Go to sleep, Ender. You need it."

Surprisingly, Ender finds that with all of his thoughts out he can finally sleep. Alai sits at the foot of his bed, staring at the cracks in the wall opposite.

"Close your eyes, Ender." Alai gives his best friend a small half-smile. "Goodnight."