Disclaimer: Pen-Pen is god now, so i don't own Evangelion. He does.

Okay, so here's the first of crack pairing series. Pen-PenXRei!

That's it!

Pen-Pen couldn't hold it anymore!

Ever since he saw the azure-haired beauty when she came into the apartment to assist the training of Second and Third Child in their training to defeat the Seventh Angel, the designated First Child, Rei Ayanami, has made the penguin fell in love. Her light, natural blue mop was silky smooth, smelled as good as garden of Eden. Her porcelain skin wasn't like any other albino. It was healthy, soft, and made her beauty even more accentuanted instead of hindered it. Her figures were lithe, and yet shapely enough to ensure that she would entranced many man and penguins like him. The crimson eyes were the kind who pierced your souls, entranced you into the beauty of those orbs. The fact that she was a complete opposite of the fiery red-head, doll hater trollop, which the penguin came to hate for being loud, abrasive, abusive, just made her even more desirable. He realized one thing he wanted.

He wanted to become one.

With her.

But how? He was nothing but a warm water penguin, merely a pet of Katsuragi residence. He wasn't even once set a foot in the Geofront for sake! And that wimp Ikari and red devil bitch. Graah! If only he could get rid of them, he would have a 'ride' with her all night, like a wild animal. Oh, baby!

As the mental images pleasantly tortured his mind, Pen-Pen experienced his first nosebleed.

ARRGH! STOP TEASING ME, MY BLUE HAIRED GODDESS!

SQWUAAAAAARRK!

"Shut up, Pen-Pen!"

Oh, no. You shut up, Minmey copycat!

WAAAARK!

Bah! Maybe some net searching will satifies my pleasure! I'm sure there's more than one good looking azure haired albino in this world.

With that, Pen-Pen went into the deep blue net.

Oh yeah. Shove that candy ass into your ass, baby!

Yes. Pen-Pen was a very sick little bird.

SQWUAAAAARK!

It has been days since Pen-Pen tried to 'satisfied' himself to get his mind away from the certain albino.

It didn't work.

SQUAAAAAARK!

Even the penguin with blue mohawk!

He really needed the blue-haired goddess.

So he came up with a plan.

Hmmm...what's in Geofront, anyway?

It was a lucky thing that he bought his second hand laptop from the NERV Commander.

It was even luckier for him that he forgotten to log off his facebook account.

Waaaark! A giant stay pluft mutilated woman is inside Geofront? Human Instrumentality Project? Third Impact? CLONES OF MY PALE GODDESS?

Pen-Pen was a very happy Penguin.

SQWUAAAAAAAAARK!

Fuck you, fake haired blonde!

Oh, well. At least this one will worked for me.

"It's time...Rei...open your AT-Field to me."

Unknown to both girl and Commander, a certain Penguin already craved it's way into the Second Angel.

Waaaark! Either way, i win!

Shinji was very terrified by what's in front of him.

A skycraper abomination of very pale conjoined triplet.

One of them was a Penguin.

He screamed.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"

WAAAARK! (Get us best sardines, servant!)

What? But how-

WAAAAAARK! (Just do it!)

Ah, fine. At least i'm not going to pilot the EVA again.

WAAAAAARK! (Good boy. Good boy!)

Pen-Pen populated the earth with blue haired humans with flippers.

The earlier humans that turned into LCL returned into life...as fishes.

The end.