This fic takes liberties with the in game romance storyline. It assumes that the Kaidan and Shepard's relationship developed faster than it actually did. Story assumes that sex scene occurred before Virmire rather than Ilos.
The inspiration for this came while listening to theme music to a Silent Hill video game. It not a horror story though.
Summary: Shepard is haunted by Kaidan's death at Virmire. I was trying to choose whether or not to name this story Haunted or Ghost Story and remembered that the Mass Effect Wiki said that the name Kaidan loosely translated in Japanese means Ghost Story, so I went with that . It seems to fit rather well.
"I love you."
The words floated through the room. Aroused from her restless sleep, Shepard noted that the voice had no distinct origin. It seemed to be emanating from the walls themselves.
The lovely timbre, the gentle tone, it was unmistakable.
"Kaidan?" she whispered.
"I love you," it repeats.
As tears well up in her eyes and began to course down her cheeks, Shepard bites on her bottom lip to keep from sobbing.
"You did the right thing," the voice comforted.
He had always put her first... went out of his way to alleviate her doubts and her fears. He saw through the tough vernacular...through the soldiers demeanor. He saw the woman beneath...the woman who needed him...the woman who loved him.
"It wasn't your fault," he whispered softly.
"But it was," she thought.
The scene unfolded in her mind.
"I need one of your men to accompany me...to help coordinate the teams," Kirrahe said.
She argued. She wasn't prejudice against aliens, but she didn't want her men under the Salarians command. She was responsible for their lives, and handing them over to someone else seemed out of the question.
"He's right Commander we can't do this with out both teams at their best," Kaidan interrupted "I volunteer."
Sometimes he infuriated her. He always had to do the right thing. It was the one flaw that had nagged at her...the one thing she had grated on him about.
"One of these days that damnable boy scout attitude of yours is going to get you in hot water. Sometimes the right thing is wrong Alenko." She had said it to him many times, but he would just shrug and look at her until all the anger melted away.
"Not so fast L.T. Commander Shepard will need you to help arm the nuke. I'll go with the Salarians." Ashley volunteered.
" With all due respect it's not your place to decide," Kaidan had snapped.
"Why is it that whenever someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean kiss my ass?" Ashley had shot back.
If it had not been for the fact that she was about to relinquish one of her crew to the Salarians, she would have found it funny. She, Alenko, and Williams had been together since Eden Prime. They had seen the Citadel for the first time...together, visited the council for the first time...together, exposed Saren...together. Now they would be apart.
Even when one of them wasn't on her squad, she knew they were safe aboard the Normandy and that she would see them again. This time was different. She couldn't be sure whether with her or the Salarians that either of them would return. In the end she chose Kaidan to go with the Salarians. It was a choice she would regret.
She should have chosen Kaidan to arm the bomb...his tech skills made him the right choice for the job. Ashley was the soldier...she should have went with Kirrahe.
Was it fear? Was she afraid that she and Kaidan would get caught? Or was it her need to let him know that he wasn't just a pet...that she believed in his abilities. Was she trying to prove that nothing had changed...that everything would continue aboard the Normandy the way it always had despite their growing relationship? Why had she let him go?
"I know I ah...I just wanted to say it's been an honor serving with you, Commander," he had blurted out.
His words wanted her to say it was mistake...that Ashley should be the one to go with Captain Kirrahe. If she kept him close, maybe she could keep him alive but the words wouldn't come. Instead she had ranted about them still being a team even though they would be apart.
Kaidan turned to her and weakly smiled, as he walked off with the Salarians. It was the first time in a long time Shepard had felt fear...not for the mission...but for them, that they might not ever see each other again.
"Why did I let you go?" she said, her bottom lip trembling.
"It doesn't matter." the voice reassured.
She thought she could feel his cheek press against her own, as a gentle breeze blew a lock of her hair gently back from her forehead.
"It's the right choice and you know it Ash." Kaidan had said.
Shepard knew he understood. The mission came first.
"I'm sorry Kaidan. I had to make a choice." she stated.
"I understand Commander. I don't regret a thing." were the last words she heard from Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.
She knew he meant it...he regretted nothing, but she regretted everything. She had made the right choice...the logical choice...but it was the wrong choice for her...and the wrong choice for him.
She remembered the talks, the tender touches, their first kiss, and their only night together...the only night they would ever have. No one knew. Now no one ever would. Outside she was a rock...inside she was dying.
The sound of the alarms that helped free her from Saren reminded her of a line from an old poem..."For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee."
She could still hear that call of death aboard the Normandy, as the bomb exploded on the planet below. The bell had rung for her Kaidan but it had also rang for her. A part of her died on Virmire with him.
"Shepard...I miss you." the voice gently spoke.
"I miss you." she whispered. Her previous attempt at holding back her tears failed, and the wailing sobs began. Wrapping her arms around her now trembling body she held onto the only human comfort she could find.
"Don't cry, Shepard." the voice pleaded. "Everything will be alright."
"Kaidan!" she cried.
"We'll never be apart again." he said.
Shepard looked up through her tear stained face to see the glimmering outline of her beloved Lieutenant. He smiled, and her heart melted.
"Kaidan...how..."she started.
"It's time to go." he said.
Kaidan reached down and took her hand gently in his own. She rose to his embrace and a soft kiss.
The elderly woman lay silently still, her breath slowing to a halt. The years had not been kind. Her face bore the scars of her battles, her heart the scars of her pain. She had long ago been forgotten by those she had saved, as the galaxy moved on without her. Relegated to a meager existence at the outer fringes of a wayward colony, uncelebrated and unrecognized, she faded into obscurity longing for the one who left her long ago...the one she had sent to his death.
"I love you." Kaidan said.
"I love you too." she whispered back, as the two figures faded from view into the embrace of eternity.