Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs To Our Queen, JK Rowling

I'm not here to give some long sloppy memoir about how I resent my sins and wish I was different. I'm just writing down the cold hard facts. Don't like don't read. I really don't care who reads this, or if it is ever even read. I''m just trying to write this down as an effort to keep myself from losing my marbles. A task easier said than done. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be caught dead doing this. I left my old life at sixteen, vowing I'd never look back. And I bloody well stuck to that promise. For three bloody decades mind you. One and a fifteenth of those decades was spent in Azkaban, which is saying something if I do say so myself.

But Azkaban is nothing compared to being stuck in this dratted house again. It's getting harder and harder to keep a sane mind, wandering this cursed house for hours on end, with nothing to do but watch the hours turn into days. I can't even be near a frinking window or go outside for fear of being seen Holding onto my sanity was easier in that dungpit, Azkaban. At least in Azkaban, you had no sense of time. They say ignorance is bliss and I can confirm that statement to a T. Here the time is continuously hung over your head. Watching my every move. Mocking me...

so in a last ditch effort in order to keep from going completely bonkers, I've decided to write down some of my memories in this thrice accursed hell-hole. My past self would probably be shrieking and telling me not to. Well, he'll soon be in my place (once he catches up to this time) and once he's been through all the dragon-dung I've been through I don't think he'll judge me too harshly. So here we go.

I think I may have been six or seven around the time of this memory. Let's go with seven, the most magical and powerful number out there.

I was standing by my Mum and Dad (one of the last times I ever did so) and we were glaring down at my brother. Why, I had no idea but usually our roles were reversed and it felt good to be on my parent's side for a change. Like I said, I'm not going to sugarcoat myself.

REGULUS!" shrieked My mum

"WHAT! DID! YOU! DO!?"

My little brother didn't say anything, too scared or ashamed to speak. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Not particularly loudly I might add. He never was much of a loud crier. But I could tell from the way he was heaving his body and the tears drippling through his palms that he was.

I suppose your going to want me to say how my heart was breaking or some codswallop like that. But I'm not going to paint myself as the patron saint of children. I was glad. I was relishing every bit of it. I was sick and tired of being the one in trouble and I was enjoying watching it happen to Regulus for a change? How did the little brat like it? This was me eighty percent of the time.

"I'll tell what he did" announced my Cousin Bellatrix, extravagantly. It had been her who had dragged my brother by the scruff of his neck into the living room where we were residing, and it had been her who had revealed his practicing wrongdoing.

"I entered Cissy's bedroom, and I found Regulus trying on her clothes and jewelry! Her dresses and necklaces to be more precise" ( as long as I'm at it, I might as well add that we were visiting my cousin's house over the holidays)

The answer set my parents off like Peeves. As well as my aunt and uncle.

"Regulus, how could you?!"

"What is going on in your head?"

"What were you thinking!"

"Do you realize what we'd look like if word on the street got out about this?"

"The scandal!"

"The humiliation!"

"The Black family name would be dragged through the mud!"

"I might have expected something like this from Sirius but not you!" (Now was that really necessary? Come on! I may have been a troublemaker but when did I ever give off the slightest notion that I wanted to cross-dress?)

"The doors and windows were closed, so nobody saw me" whimpered Regulus.

"It doesn't matter!"

"What if they were not?!"

"I made sure they were! I always do!"

"Doo-ooh Merlin- wait, what do you mean always?"

"Mummy. I need to tell you something. I don't want to be a boy anymore!"

"WHAT!"

"I don't like wearing pants and wearing my hair short. I want to wear dresses and have nice long hair like Cousin Bella, Cousin Cissy, and cousin Andy"

Everybody in the room turned the clammy color of a corpse, and began releasing shallow, sparse breaths.

You'd think the little idiot would have had the sense to keep his mouth shut after that but he kept going. Of course if he had any sense at all, he would not have dropped this dungbomb on the family.

"I want to be pretty, and wear flowers, and when I go to Hogwarts, I want to sleep in the girl's dormitory. And I think that someday when I'm big, I'll do a spell that will turn me into a girl. And I don't want to be called Regulus anymore. You have to call me Regina now"

My Aunt fainted on the spot. Narcissa burst into tears (as though the stupid little airhead had any idea what was going on) My mother seemed to expand with menacing rage, looking like s sail on a boat that was gathering wind. Bellatrix whirled around, facing my brother, and slapped him with a deafening crack.

"Regulus's eyes welled with tears and his lower lip trembled so much, for one wild moment, I thought that it had turned into jelly.

"Listen to me Regulus. I do not want to ever see you wearing girls clothes. I don't want to hear about you wearing girl's clothes. I don't want to ever catch you referring to yourself as a female. Should I hear about you entering Hogwarts under the name "Regina" you will receive an hour long cruciation"

Regulus gasped in horror.

"People who act like the opposite gender are filthy trash, worse than muggles themselves" (In the black Family, calling somebody a muggle was the worst insult imaginable. What a load of pureblood freaks.

"Mummy" sniveled the little oddity, turning his puppy-eyes toward the harsh, domineering female.

"Listen to your father" She rumbled.

"Regulus, you can never be a girl. The Black Family needs an heir to carry on it's name. With the rate Sirius is going, he's going to tarnish our reputation for all he's worth. We need somebody to uphold it's honor more than anything. You must be the one who proves that not everyone in this family is like Sirius. You are the last of the Blacks"

"But can't I do that stuff as Regina?" protested the freak.

"No. Were you Regina, you'd drop your maiden name when you married. You'd become part of your husband's family. As a male, you are the one who will preserve our family name, carry it on, prevent it from vanishing."

The little wierdo burst into tears, and squirmed and writhed about on the floor and started screaming about he was a girl and how he was born a boy by accident. I don't remember what exactly happened next but my mother dragged him by the scruff of his neck into one of the secret rooms for an hour. He was all bruised and bloody when he came out. He came to Hogwarts as Regulus.