By: Angela
[]= Author's comments [that means me!]
It was a bright, sunny morning in the world of the book. The birds were singing, the sun
was shining, and all was right and peaceful.
In the kingdom of Konan, the emperor, Miaka and the others were preparing for a
picnic and play day in the park. All of a sudden, a loud, piercing wail filled the air.
"TAMAKINS! What have I told you about helping Miaka carry her things! You're
supposed to help pretty little ol' me!" shrieked Nuriko, a male cross-dresser. "Coming,
Nuriko," sighed Tamahome, glancing at Miaka with a helpless look on his face. He
trudged past Chiriko, who was struggling with an armload of books. Tamahome asked
Chiriko, "You need help with that, little man?" "I'm fi-WHOA!" exclaimed Chiriko as he
dropped all of the books on a pint-size Chichiri. "That hurt, no da," Chichiri said, rubbing
a goose egg lump on his head. "Tamakins…" called Nuriko in a singsong voice. "Okay,
okay," grumbled Tamahome.
When they finally left, the children of the bird hopped in Hotohori's best carriage
("To show off," as Tasuki put it). They pulled up at the park's entrance, got out and
walked off to find a nice place to sit. As they were walking down the path, Nuriko caught
a frisbee that was flying at Chichiri's head. "Oy, thank you, no da," said Chichiri. Then
Chiriko exclaimed, "Hey look, everyone!" and pointed at a beautiful patch of green, lush
grass right on a small hill overlooking the lake, with a beautiful apple tree right there.
They started toward it, not noticing another group racing toward the exact same spot.
* * * * *
"Hey! We saw it first!" shrieked an angry Miaka. "No you didn't! We did!" retorted
Suboshi. "Can't we all just get along?" said Amniboshi. "Yeah, let's just spilt it in half,
no da," said Chichiri, trying to keep Tasuki and Ashitare from killing each other. "Fine,
then," said Miboshi, drawing a line in the dirt to separate the two sides, obviously making
the Seiryu side bigger than the Suzaku side, then was bonked on the head with an apple.
Miboshi yelled in anger, and looked around to find the thrower. "Hey, that's not fair, we
got here first!" shrieked the thrower, Tamahome. [Go Tamakins!] "Fine, then, if you
don't like it you can just go somewhere else," retorted Yui, as Mitsukake [hee hee that's
the way to go, tall dude!] drew a perfectly straight line down the center of the perfect
spot. "There," he said, "now, we can share."
Both of the groups got on their separate sides, but one figure stood in the middle,
unsure of where to go. [Guess who?!?!] "Amniboshi, you belong with the Seiryu,"
coaxed Nakago. "No, you really want to go with us, think how good we are to you!" said
Miaka. "NO, come to OUR side!" said Nakago, getting a little louder. "OURS!"
screamed Miaka, breaking a passerby's beer bottle with the frequency of her high-pitched
voice, then grabbed one of Amniboshi's arms, pulling him over. "No way, he belongs
here, Miaka!" shouted Yui, grabbing his other arm, and the other dragon warriors took
hold of her to help. "But he wants to be over here!" retorted Chiriko, joining Miaka with
the flame bird warriors helping. Both of the groups were pulling on the now distracted
and red-faced Amniboshi. "I – uh… have to go to the bathroom," said Amniboshi, but
was obviously looking at a very pretty girl who just walked by. He shook his arms out of
their grasps and went to go meet that very lovely lady. [*coughs* Usa]
"He still would've picked us!" shouted Tasuki.
* * * * *
"Oof!" groaned Nuriko as Chichiri stepped on him in his hurry to go fishing.
"Sorry, no da!" called Chichiri over his shoulder. So far, it had not been very eventful
since Amniboshi left. Mitsukake was helping Chiriko pick some apples, Tamahome and
Miaka were holding hands and cuddling, Tasuki was busying himself trying to get drunk
before Tomoe could [lol, I bet Usa likes that part], Nuriko was working on her tan,
Chichiri was fishing and Hotohori was admiring himself in a mirror. All of a sudden,
Miaka screamed and flailed her arms about as a small little thing shaped like a girl
appeared on top of her. "WAUGH!" yelled Miaka, "get this thing off of me!" All of the
seishi looked blankly at the now crying and very panicked Miaka. She threw the thing off
of her, only to discover the thing was a Nyan-Nyan. "Nyan-Nyan!" exclaimed the Nyan-
Nyan. [Hey, that's all they can say, and that's what they are!] "You scared me!" said the
embarrassed Miaka. All of the Seiryu warriors were now dissolved in giggles. [Can you
imagine Nakago giggling? Didn't think so] "Hey, she was surprised, that's all!" said
Tamahome, coming to Miaka's defense, "wait a minute, if a Nyan-Nyan is here, then so
would…" He turned to come nose-to-nose with the witch of the world [It was going to be
the witch of the west, but she's the "ruler" of the world]. Tamahome jumped into
Mitsukake's arms, scared as heck at the ugliness of Taitskun. All of the Seiryu (except
Nakkie, of course) turned pale and shrunk back. "What in the world is that?" yelled
Tomoe. "That's Taitsun, you imbecile," said the flat-voiced Nakago. [What? He is!]
"Will you guys quit arguing about petty things and listen to me?" asked Taitskun
impatiently. "What's wrong, Taitskun?" asked the wide-eyed and still shaky Miaka.
"There is a terrorist here, and he is out to kill every last bioshen [warrior, seishi, you get
the picture]. You must find him and kill him before he does you all in." informed
Taitskun. All of the seishi turned white, except Nakago. He grinned smugly as he said,
"She is joking, you gullible fools." "That I am," agreed Taitskun, "the real reason I came
was I would like you all to go on a scavenger hunt. Amniboshi is the only one who
doesn't have to participate, as he is severely injured and in a hospital. You know, it's a
guy thing. [*Is thinking of that pretty girl he went after*] Also, Chichiri cannot
participate, as he requested to fish. Anyways, here are the lists. I have taken the liberty of
choosing partners for each of you, but from different sides. What I mean is a Suzaku and
a Seiryu will be partnered. Any questions?" she paused for a millisecond. "Good. Now,
here are the pairs: Miaka and Yui, Chiriko and Miboshi, Tasuki and Tomoe, Mitsukake
and Soi, Nuriko and Ashitare, Tamahome and Nakago, and Hotohori and Suboshi."
finished Taitskun, then she added, "you have an hour to find these things." She passed
out the sheets. "GO!"
* * * * *
"What's the first thing on the list, Miboshi?" Chiriko asked. "Let's see here… we have to
find a slug," said Miboshi. At the same time, the two smart shrimps looked at each other:
"EEEWWWW!"
* * * * *
"Miaka, I can't believe Taitskun made us be partners. You couldn't find a," Yui looked a
the list, "a hair ribbon." "We can get that easily!" said Miaka, pulling out one of hers.
"What's the next one?" she said. Yui peered at the list. "An ice cream cone… oh no!
You'd probably eat it! Miaka, I really wish you weren't my partner." "Hey, Yui, Ms.
Too-smart-for-everyone, let's talk about your little bad habits! [The following
accusations of Yui-chan are made up, as I can't get any dirt on that goody-goody]
Remember when you pushed Milton Bradley [a made up name, not to be taken literally]
down the stairs and he broke his arm?" Miaka said hotly. "You know it was an accident,
food-hog!" yelled Yui-chan. "Food-hog?" Miaka let out a roar and grabbed Yui's sun-
golden hair and yanked as hard as she could. "YAAAIIIIIIIIEEEE!" screeched Yui as she
flipped Miaka onto her back. "Hey, help me up! Peace! Peace!" said Miaka. Yui grabbed
her wrist and helped the now dirty and wrinkled-clothed Miaka up. Miaka grabbed the
list before Yui could see the next item after "ice cream cone". "We have to get a clump of
seaweed," Miaka said, and led Yui to the bank of the beautiful lake. "Yui, my back hurts
from when you flipped me over, so can you bend over and get that clump of seaweed
right there?" Miaka asked, pointing. "O-okay," Yui replied as he bent way over to get the
slimy, stinky seaweed. "Just a little farther..." Yui said through gritted teeth. Miaka
suddenly lunged out and shoved Yui into the lake.
"Take that, you priss!"
* * * * *
Tamahome peered over Nakago's shoulder at the scavenger hunt list. "What's the first
thing we have to get?" he asked. "A boot." said Nakago. Tamahome's eyes lit up and he
said, "Come on, I know where we can get one!" Tamahome started off toward the lake,
and not noticing the huge splash about 50 feet off, Nakago shrugged and followed suit.
Tamahome walked right up to Chichiri and asked, "What have you caught so far,
foxface?" [Ok, maybe Tamahome wouldn't say foxface, but too bad] "Well, I've caught a
boot, a few bushes, a bicycle, lots of fish, and Yui-chan, no da!" Nakago started and
turned to Chichiri, "Yui?" "Yes Yui. I don't know what she was doing in the lake, but as
soon as I got her out of the water she stomped back over to Miaka. She looked really
ticked off, no da." Tamahome asked Chichiri, "Can we have the boot?" "I gave it to this
one dude, no da," replied Chichiri. "What did he look like?" said Tamakins. "He was tall,
had olive colored skin, bangs and short hair. I think his name was Tomite, no da," said
Chichiri. "Well we'll just have to go find him!" exclaimed Tamahome. "I don't see why
we need to do this worthless time-waster," said Nakago, "I couldn't care less about a boot
or whatever else is on that stupid list." "Hey, if Taitskun wants us to do something, we
should do it. She's done a lot for us, you know," said Tamahome as they walked away
from Chichiri in their search for Tomite, "well, maybe just the Suzaku." "I still think this
is needless," said Nakago.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, Mitsukake and Soi stood looking at their list. Soi said, "I can get that easily,"
and she started to take off her shirt. "Um… what are you doing?" asked Mitsukake.
"What, would you like to supply one?" she asked. Mitsukake blushed and turned away,
"the thing doesn't say bra, it says a bar. You know, like a metal one." Soi lowered her
shirt, not noticing all of the male passerby looking on with interest. "We can go to the
construction they're doing by the food court and see if they have one," Mitsukake said.
"Okay," replied Soi. She followed Mitsukake to the construction area, and stood beside
him as he asked, "Do you gentlemen happen to have a metal bar?" The fattest
construction worker, obviously the manager from the star on his nametag, grinned and
said, "yeah, we got one. You'll have to do a trick for us, though, to get it." [*Evil grin*
Hee hee] "What do we have to do?" Mitsukake asked. "Not 'we', you. I want you to do
the funky chicken," the manager said, and pointed to Soi, "with her underpants on your
head." Mitsukake turned white, then blue, then green, and then red. "No way I am doing
that!" he said angrily. Soi said sweetly, "we want to win the scavenger hunt, don't we?"
Mitsukake clenched his fists and finally said, "okay, I'll do it." The manager looked at his
cracking up co-workers, smiled, and said, "Oh yes, there is one catch. You have to do it
on the stage in the pavilion." "WHAT?!?!?!?!" yelled Mitsukake [Poor thing, he always
gets it tough]. Soi was now laughing along with the other workers. Mitsukake grumbled,
took the underpants from Soi (who had gotten them off without the removal of her pants),
and followed the manager to behind the stage. The manager turned and said, "I'll go out
there and introduce you while you get those on your head," and he turned and exited
through a door saying "Stage". Mitsukake looked at the underwear in his hand (they were
pink with little SD Nakago's on it) and sighed. "How did I get myself into this?" he
thought. He could hear the manager's voice faintly through the door. Mitsukake put his
head to the door and listened carefully. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, Odaru Park and
Pavilion is proud to present a man who will do the funky chicken with a pair of
underpants on his head! Will he be the one to win the daily Stupid award? Let's find out!
Here he is, folks!" he could hear the manager's voice saying. Mitsukake gulped, put the
underwear on his head, and went into the door. He walked on a stage with bright lights
shining in his eyes. He looked out over the crowd and froze. "What the-? There must be
20,000 people here!" he thought.
* * * *
Nakago and Tamahome were in their search of Tomite when they saw everyone
rushing toward a huge pavilion. Tamahome asked someone, "Hey, what's going on?"
The passerby said, "There's the Stupid award contest going on!" Tamahome looked at
Nakago. "Wanna go?" he asked. "I don't care for these pointless displays. I'll be over
there," Nakago said and pointed to a nearby tree. "Okay, I'll catch up with you later. Are
you going to be working on our list while I'm gone?" Tamahome asked. "Why not,"
replied Nakago, "I don't have to work with you and I'd probably get done faster."
Tamahome held back his anger and nodded. He walked off towards the towering pavilion
to unknowingly witness Mitsukake's undoing.
* * * *
Mitsukake swallowed again and did a small little wave towards to crowd. The
crowd went wild. All of a sudden, the Funky Chicken music started up. Mitsukake looked
to his right and saw a small little band. [I was going to say loudspeakers, but hey, they
didn't have them in ancient China] The crowd started chanting, "Dance! Dance! Dance!"
Mitsukake took a deep breath and started to do the Funky Chicken along with the hokey
music. The crowd roared with laughter at the sight of a 6" 8' tall man doing the Funky
Chicken with a pair of underwear on his head. About seventeen people fainted from loss
of air from laughing so hard. Practically the entire crowd had hiccups by the time
Mitsukake was done. Mitsukake was redder than a crab in a pot of boiling water [Have
you ever seen that? How red crabs get when you boil them? They get RED]. He hurriedly
yanked open the Exit door and ran into the back room.
* * * *
"What's all of the commotion about?" asked Suboshi, looking toward the source
of the deafening noise coming from the direction of the pavilion. "I don't know,"
Hotohori said, "maybe it's the Stupid contest." "What's that?" said Suboshi, scratching
his head. "It's a contest where people do stupid things to try to win a Stupid award.
[Sounds like that Japanese show. Either that or a really messed up version of the Emmys]
They have it daily." Hotohori told him. He looked at the list. "We have to get a fried
egg," said Hotohori. "There's some food stands over there," pointed out Suboshi. They
went over to the nearest booth. "May we, perchance, get a fried egg?" Suboshi asked the
pretty young cashier. She smacked her gum rudely [oooooo I hate people who do that,
chew gum like they're mules! CLOSE YOUR MOUTH PEOPLE!] and said, "I don't
know." "Well, could you go check?" asked an impatient Suboshi. "No," said the girl,
twirling her hair. "Let me handle this," whispered Hotohori to Suboshi. Hotohori traded
places with Suboshi at the counter and asked, "Could you go ask the cook to fry us an
egg?" The girl looked at him like he had grown another head. "You mean, go all the way
back there? It must be like, 30 feet!" she said with wide eyes. Hotohori patted his pocket
and the cashier and Suboshi heard an audible clinking. "Um… I'll be back," said the girl,
and disappeared behind a curtain. "Money gets you everywhere," Hotohori told Suboshi.
The girl came back, holding a paper plate with a fried egg on it. "Here you go, ma'am,"
she said. "Why thank you," said Hotohori, taking out a handful of coins and setting them
on the counter. "Keep the change," he told her.
* * * * *
Nuriko and Ashitare had spent the whole time just staring at each other, refusing
to participate in the hunt. All of a sudden, they heard a loud voice in their heads saying,
"All right, warriors! Time's up!"
* * * * *
Everyone gathered around Taitskun in the perfect spot. She said, "Well, I'm very
disappointed in all of you." She looked around at all of the seishi. Yui was sopping, and
she and Miaka both were glaring at each other, Nuriko and Ashitare were still stony,
Nakago was holding a huge basket of items, Tamahome was still laughing at a very
angry, embarrassed, and ashamed Mitsukake, Soi was gone (rumored to be in the vicinity
of the construction workers), Tasuki and Tomoe had not even started on their list, as they
had passed out from drinking too much, Chiriko and Miboshi were gazing at a slug in a
glass jar, and Hotohori and Suboshi were eating elephant ears. Taitskun sighed and said,
"Tamahome and Nakago are the winners!"
* * * * *
The Suzaku and Seiryu piled in their separate carriages, toting their drunken
Tasuki and Tomoe. Everyone agreed to do this next year. Miaka said, "Only if we don't
have to do a scavenger hunt again!" All of the Suzaku groaned as their carriage rode off
towards the serene palace.
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