Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura, nor do I own "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch.
Listen to the song while you read if you can, because the song's style really helps to capture the feeling.
.o0o.
"Onii-chan… Don't…" Sakura murmured, trapped in a dream. "I'm no kaijuu…"
I looked at her with softened amber eyes. She was older, different. But she was Sakura.
"Syaoran…" she said in her sleep. "Not a gaki…"
I wondered at her thoughts. I couldn't resist the impulse, and my hand brushed across her cheek. I ran.
.o0o.
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're, you're never there
But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere You're everywhere
I opened bleary emerald eyes and sat up, looking emptily at the room. I'd done it again, dreaming about him.
Six years, and I still couldn't get him off my mind.
But something was different. The warmth present in my dream hadn't vanished. I touched my cheek distantly, and somehow felt it. His hand had been there.
My eyes, usually cheerful, were sad. "Syaoran…" I whispered longingly.
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there
I wanted so desperately to believe it, that his hand had been there. But it couldn't have been. Syaoran was gone. But I still held on. As much as I tried to erase him, to move on, I held on. I never knew why.
How had things come to be this way?
I wish it was like in my dreams, where he sits by me and never leaves my side. But then I wake up, and he's still gone.
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
Am I silly? For waiting on this one person I haven't seen for so long, wishing to have him back with me?
He's there. Everything has something like him. Chocolate reminds me of him, because he loved it. Green, his favorite color, always brings him to mind. His name means Little Wolf, so every time I see anything like wolves, I think of him. The list goes on. He's everywhere.
And if I close my eyes, I can see him, and feel him wrapping warm, comforting arms around me. I feel safe.
But it can't replace the truth of things. He's not there.
While thinking this, I hadn't even noticed that I had gotten dressed already. With a shrug, I smiled, and went downstairs.
I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
You might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
My imagination was running out of my control again. I kept thinking that he'd been there. He had, so long ago, but not now.
The thought of it was enough. Even just my imagination was enough to make my heart beat faster. It was easy to tell. I still loved him.
His absence ripped at me, emotions of loss drowned me in sorrow. As always, I ignored it, choosing to smile instead.
The pain subsided. But it was there.
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
I ate quietly, my smile still on my lips, but my mind deep in thought. I closed my eyes. I saw amber eyes, belonging to him. They watched me protectively, lovingly, with all the care in the world. Closing my eyes, I felt warm, seeing them.
But I had to open my eyes, and let reality crash in. The feeling of safety lingered, mingling with my hurt.
I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh
I couldn't take it. Why couldn't I breathe again?
I put down my spoon, and lightly shoved myself from the table. I ran. What else could I do? I ran from the feeling of him. He followed me. An amber necklace, a green balloon, a wolf-like dog, a chocolate shop, a peony flower… they haunted me. Syaoran, Syaoran, Syaoran!
My running slowed, and stopped. I was at Penguin Park. Where else? Even unconsciously I knew this was where to go when I was upset.
I was beyond upset.
I looked at the swings. Somebody else was there. He was a boy my age, with brown messy hair. His face was hidden, because he looked down.
My favorite swing was open. I walked over and sat on it.
"Are you okay?" I asked. Even if I was upset, I wanted to help whoever this was anyway.
The boy looked up. Something flashed in his cold amber eyes.
His eyes were amber. Tears formed in my eyes, but I quickly shook them away with a smile. "What's wrong?"
He looked away, saying nothing. Impulsively, I reached my hand out and grabbed his, in a gesture of comfort.
And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
My eyes widened. His hand…
"Syaoran," I whisper.
He looks back at me, and the coldness in his eyes melts away into sad warmth. "Sakura…"
He's here.
It wasn't imagination.
My heart, for the briefest moment, soared. Warmth flooded me, a sense of rightness. But there was one thing I needed.
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
I turned my swing, and leaned forward, my eyes closed. Our lips came into contact quickly, and I brought him in tight as I kissed him. My pent up love spilled out in the kiss, and I was delighted when he responded equally. I had wanted this, needed this, for so long. Everything felt perfect. My heart soared, my mind soared, and I felt a great release, a burst of happiness I had forgotten long ago. Fire raced through me. I was still his. And I knew then that he was still mine.
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
And with my eyes closed, he was there. Was different though, this time, because now I opened them, and he was there as well.
"You're here," I said after pulling way.
He smiled softly. I recognized it on his face, even though it had been six years, because he still smiled in the way that made me feel like I was flying. He hugged me, and I buried my head in his shoulder.
"No, I'm not."
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
It's you I breathe
You're everything I know
That makes me believe I'm not alone
"What do you mean?" I asked. He smelled like spices, and I inhaled the scent happily, but worry invaded my mind for a second.
Syaoran let go of me, and grasped my shoulders to gently push me away. He didn't let go of one hand, but he moved his other hand over my heart.
"I'm here," he said. He pulled the same hand away, and gestured to the rest of the park. "And I'm everywhere."
Tears pricked my eyes. I understood. The sobbing began, and he let me hang on to him, kissing my neck sweetly, murmuring words of comfort.
"Goodbye," he said when my crying had stopped. "I'll see you again." He kissed me sweetly, and I closed my eyes again.
I opened them, and he was gone. I held my hand to my heart.
He was there.
You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?
I was seventy-three, and I stood there again, looking at his grave. "Thank you. You were right. I'll see you so soon."
I kissed the single rose in my hand, and let it fall to the ground. With a final sad smile, I slowly walked away. It wouldn't be long now.
My legs took me to the swings again, and I sat. Two kids, a girl and a boy, played on the slide. They were going to grow up to fall in love, I knew it. I trudged my way home, and made my way to the couch. The exhaustion was suddenly overwhelming. The feeling was bittersweet. I inhaled the air, letting it refresh me. I smiled, and fell asleep.
.o0o.
Sorry, was that a little too angsty? Well, it doesn't matter. I'm satisfied with how this turned out. I heard this song again, and I guess the idea just popped into my mind. In case you couldn't tell, Syaoran had been gone six years, and then he died, leaving Sakura even more heartbroken. And in the end, she dies as well, after a happy life.
I just needed to write that. I hope you liked it.