Fallen, lyrics by Sarah McLauglin
Content by Me
A/N: This is SO not even slash. I swear it isnt'. Actually, it's not. Take it as you will. Sometimes friends love each other and that's just how it ends up. There's nothing wrong with that.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
He lay on the bloodstained grass, motionless, and breathing in and out slowly. It had been too long since he had smelled air that was not rank with blood. Even if he were to smell it, it would be unfamiliar to his senses. He couldn't bear to open his eyes. His whole body was filled with an unexplainable pain that rendered him motionless. He heard footsteps around him, but could not lift his head from the bed of foliage to glimpse their faces. All was still around him, and that was the part that scared him the most.
For a small hobbit from the Shire, Merry had done great things. He had managed what others could not; to harm a man, and save a would-be ruler. He had ventured farther from home than he had dared, even in his wildest dreams, and had fought beside warriors whose names would scatter children's tales for years to come. But now, as he lay in the grass between consciousness and sleep, he felt smaller than he ever had before. He was supposed to do the saving, and now he couldn't save himself.
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
He heard someone calling his name, a voice all too familiar to him. But he pushed it out of his mind as he lay on the cold, stiff ground. He feared death, but had let that fact escape him as he sat perched on Eowyn's horse, or stabbed that which no man could kill, only to save her life. He would have given his life for her, and now, as the burning in his extremities, spread to other parts of his bodies, he feared just that. When he was younger, he had always been told tales of the moment right before you die, and this felt like that very gray, but also very clear moment in which everything was supposed to be revealed.
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Merry had so many things he wanted to do before he died. He thought that maybe he'd get married to someone nice, someone who wouldn't always want to look when they weren't supposed to. Someone who was nothing like Pippin. His face softened involuntarily. He had known Pippin his entire life, and they had been the most unlikely friends. Merry had always been there to keep Pippin out of trouble, and now, even he was gone, taken away to somewhere that Merry couldn't save him.
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
And the lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I held so dear.
Merry wondered if Pippin was dead. He most likely was, that "fool of a Took" was always in trouble, and seemed to find himself in dangerous situations every time he was given the opportunity. Now, as Merry lay on this battlefield, his entire body chilled at the thought of losing his best friend. Merry took a sharp breath, and tried to push these memories as far away as he could because it was likely that he would never see Pippin alive again, if he were to live another day. That too, was highly unlikely.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
The riders of Rohan had been right to laugh; Merry did not belong on a battlefield. He didn't belong in a fellowship. He belonged at home, in the shire, with Frodo and Sam, and of course Pippin. None of them chose this path; it was handed to them by way of one golden ring, a ring which Merry longed to kill. He felt himself become enraged, and was relieved to find that he was still breathing.
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
But whether Merry, Pippin, Sam, or even Frodo belonged in the midst of this battle; they couldn't change their fates. All at once, Merry felt a surging warmth take over his body as a brightness surrounded him. He was sure this was death, the supposed end of it all. As the brightness began to envelope him, he heard that voice calling his name again. And this time, he strained to hear it, to take in its rich quality, and to reach out to it, because he didn't want to die. A warm, though calloused hand stroked Merry's face. He felt his own body respond to that warmth. It was like something out there, someone out there, was saving his life.
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't ya come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Merry was finally capable of opening his eyes. They immediately fixated on the hand stroking his face tenderly, and with all the care in the world. Merry's eyes traced a line up the arm until his eyes finally met those of Pippin. He felt like all the pain had evaporated from his body and that nothing else could possibly matter. He felt like if Pippin was there, then everything could be alright, and even if he were to die, it wouldn't matter because he had felt something that nothing in this world could erase. He had felt love.
Though...
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...