She couldn't sleep.
At least she had her health, or that's what her doctor told her. It made her often wonder where the line is drawn between wellness and sickness. When did this become a sickness? When it started to affect her daily life? Because it did. The lack of sleep was halting progress at both work and most certainly at school. When it starts to affect you sanity? Because this did. Her mind had begun slipping. Slipping into an all too familiar state of apathy. She was slowly becoming a self-proclaimed-lethargic waste. She'd honestly noticed that before the nightmares though.
"Nightmares?" Jen furrowed her brow, "How long have you been having nightmares? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
She couldn't make eye contact with Jen, so she just watched her coffee. For some reason, she felt embarrassed to admit it. It just seemed childish to her to still be afraid of your own dreams.
"Sarah," her friend said, as she noticed her reluctance, "you can tell me."
"I don't know. Forever, or at least as long as I can remember. They're just much worse than they were." she rested her head on her hands.
Jen took a long sip of coffee then leaned back in her chair and asked, "Well, what are they like?"
They were seated at a very familiar coffee shop, they attend almost daily. It was cute, quiet, and well-kept.
"Awful," she shrugged, "I can never remember anything specific about them. I just wake up crying or sick, like physically sick...They're just so real. Then the memory is gone."
She reached across the table and took my hand, "Sarah you can't go on like this. I feel like I'm watching you dissolve. I know what we need to do. Let me take you to this woman she's an expert with this kind of stuff."
"Now? Are you suggesting therapists to me?"
"No, no she's not a therapist," she said grabbing her bag, "Let's go."
When you haven't slept for a few days, your perspective on the world around you shifts. If you're walking through a crowd, everyone has the same face. Everything is the same. Everything is a copy. Every day is one day. Even standing on this subway with Jen was surreal for her. Although she was standing right beside her best friend, she felt a million miles away. She was just so unbearably out of touch with the world around her.
She shook the coffee mug in her hand. It was the only subsistence she'd had all day. She hadn't been very good about eating lately.
"My mom took me here when I was having nightmares" Jen explained arm locked with her's, as they stepped off the train.
Jen was a sweetheart. She'd been Sarah's roommate since freshman year and they just hit it off. They walked up the stairs and down a few blocks. Finally, Jen stopped them in front of a corner store. The storefront was black. There wasn't even a sign to identify the tiny shop. As Sarah looked over the shop, she half-expected a sensation of excitement, but it never came.
"This is the place," Jen announced holding the door open for her.
It was bigger on the inside and full. A managed mess. Warm. A calming sensation hit her when she entered. Something she hadn't felt in weeks. A new age store.
Jen lead the way through the stacks of books, tables covered in crystals, and jars of incense. There was no one at the counter, but Jen approached it regardless. Sarah stepped away to have a look around. Wondering how all this new age nonsense was supposed to help her sleep. She almost wished Jen had just taken her to a therapist now. Perhaps they were going to make her tea, or start her on aromatherapy, or even worse -a vegan diet.
"Sarah" a whisper called.
She looked around a moment for another person. A child maybe. No one. Just Jen waiting patiently at the counter. The lack of sleep seemed to be really catching up to her.
"Sarah," it said again but softer, less intelligible, just loud enough to make her wonder if she had heard it at all.
It came from the other side of the room, she was sure. She felt more awake then than she had in months. Going towards its source gave her a pull from inside her chest like she was going the right direction.
She found herself in front of a table at the other end of the room. It held a collection of candles and small animal bones. In the center of it, however, was a stone piece of art. A stone labyrinth, organic and made from clay. It reminded her of something. Even more than that it called to her. She slowly lifted my hand to it.
"You must be Sarah."
She spun around to find a woman, and her mind once alert mind snapped back to its disconnected norm. And the bizarre happenings only moments ago were wiped from her mind. Sarah looked down at the hand once reaching for the labyrinth and redirected to the woman. Sarah admired her amber eyes and her wiry curls.
"Yeah, that's me," she said shaking her hand.
"Ophelia," the olive-skinned woman smiled, "Follow me."
"I'll be out here," Jen called from the opposite end of the room, already picking through incenses.
Ophelia pulled back a heavy curtain, and Sarah followed her into a candlelit room. It was a dark indoor cave with walls decorated with herbs and tapestries.
"Please sit," Kiva offered the chair to her on the one side of the wood table as she sat on the other.
She did.
"So Sarah," she prompted lighting a couple fresh candles, "Jen has explained to me you're having undesirable dreams. Tell me of them."
"There really isn't much to tell" she shrugged, "I've had these dreams for a long time. Probably since high school. About a month ago they started to get really bad though. I wake up, and.. I don't know. I'm just a mess"
"What is it you dreams are about?" Ophelia questioned lying stones and cards out in front of her.
"I can't ever remember. I don't exactly have terribly dark past that haunts me either"
"Past events, even if not viewed as traumatic, can still guide your dreams. Which, as it seems to be in this case. can be detrimental. You see, dreams are far more powerful than most believe," the woman explained, "Before I can help you, you must find clarity in your dreams"
Heavy with a feeling of defeat, she smiled sadly, "I never remember my dreams, so I don't think that is likely."
"That I can help with, however," she got up and began picking items around the room, "burn this before you sleep," she laid down a bundles of dried leaves, "drink half of this before you fall asleep and the other half when you wake" she instructed selecting a jar of dried herbs, "Lastly, before bed light first the blue candle then the black."
Sarah raised an eyebrow, "I take it none of this is free."
The woman seemed amused at her skepticism, "Sarah, you seem like a woman of your word"
"I'd like to think so"
"Take these things and do as instructed. I will know if you did, Jennifer will not lie to me. And if you remember your dreams you can pay me for my things," she bargained, "and if you do not then you may keep them with no charge"
"That sounds fair."
"Perhaps from you perspective," the woman began bagging her items, "Fairness is such a terribly subjective idea."
Sarah shrugged then took the bag.
"Oh, and I almost forgot" she pulled a necklace from the drawer and hooked it around Sarah's neck, "This will keep you safe"
Sarah touched the black stone. A pulse seemed to jump through it at her touch, but perhaps it was nothing. She couldn't be sure.
"Don't forget our deal, Ms. Williams," she smiled, as Sarah exited the curtained room.
"Ready?" Jen asked.
Sarah nodded, and Jen lead her back out into reality.
"Alright, first thing is first," Jen picked through Sarah's bag of mystical goodies, "The tea and the incense."
"Jen, this is silly," Sarah sat on their apartment's sofa as her friend excitedly went to work, "She didn't even speak with me for five minutes. She's just trying to sell us dried leaves."
"That's what everyone says at first," Jen hummed, putting a pot of water on to boil, "Besides it's also loads of fun."
Sarah sighed.
"Oh come on, you used to really be into all this magical stuff," Jen encouraged as she lit the bundle, "Oh, that's strong."
"Jen," she chided, then opened the window.
The night was chill. Sarah looked out at the high-hung moon and wished it made her feel something like it once did.
"I'm going to go change for bed," she decided.
"Okay, I'll bring your tea in then."
One look at her room and everything just stacked heavier on her shoulders. It was a mess. Easily the messiest it's been her entire life. She just didn't have time for it. Empty coffee mugs sat on every surface, as did random pieces of potentially clean laundry. Her bed acted as a shelf for her laptop and school work. It had been used from a desk far more than for sleep, in the past few months. She plucked up a probably-clean t-shirt from the floor to change into then cleared off her bed. Reluctantly, she went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. The usual routine. The before bed copy she'd made a million times.
As the makeup wiped off, her true face began to reveal itself. She'd never been so pale. Transparent was a better word. She poked at the black bags under her eyes, making a noise of disgust as she did. Her reflection was a stranger to her. A shadow stood in her peripheral vision or so she thought. When she turned she saw nothing. She looked back suspiciously at the mirror.
"Sarah," Jen called, pulling her attention away from the mirror, "Oh, there you are. Here," she handed her the warm teacup, "Remember, half now, half later."
She nodded sipping at the tea.
"I'll grab the candles," Jen was as giddy as ever.
Sarah found her way back to her room and into her bed. Being under the covers practically felt alien.
"Alright," she said handing a pack of matches to Sarah, "Blue first she instructed."
Striking the match she lit the candle. And as she suspected it was completely ordinary, as was the black candles.
"I feel weird about this," Sarah confessed as Jen placed the candles on the nightstand.
Jen poked her arm a few times, "Hm, you're right, you do feel weird."
Sarah smiled and batted her hand away, "Seriously though. All new age things aside, this is the first time I've intentionally tried falling asleep in months. It kind of freaks me out actually."
"I have the perfect thing," without explanation, Jen ran from the room.
Before Sarah anytime to imagine what she could be grabbing, she appeared back in the doorway.
"Check it out," she said, pressing the on the little black box.
"A metronome?" Sarah winced at the ticking.
"Trust me," she said, "Now, I'm going to sleep and you should try to too."
Sarah nodded in agreement. Jen flicked off the lights.
"Good night, dear."
"Sweet dreams," Sarah said before the door shut.
Sarah was left alone with her half cup of tea, a rather bothersome metronome, and a pair of candles.
She closed her eyes tightly, staring into the void, but she couldn't help but notice everything around her. The rough fabric of her comforter, the dim light of the candles through her eyelids, and that incessant metronome. It was all so irritating. Especially that ticking. She wasn't sure how long she tried to tolerate it. Then she broke. Opening her eyes to reach for it, she couldn't see it at all. She was still in her room. Everything else was there. The candles, the sound of the metronome, and all, but no metronome.
Was she dreaming? She looked down at her hands. This was too real to be a dream. At least that is what she thought until she realized how awake she felt. But even still she wasn't sure.
"Jen," she called for her friend.
No answer. She reluctantly left the safety of her covers to stand in her room.
Again she called, "Jen!"
Again nothing. Too much of nothing actually. It was too quiet. She hastily pulled on a pair of jeans and approached her door. To her surprise when she opened her door she did not find her apartment's hallway. Instead, before her was a great and dark forest. The trees, though short, were thick and wrapped tightly around each other forming a thick lush canopy. Fireflies lit the view as far as she could see.
She looked back to her disheveled room to find it to be just how it was every other day.
"It's just a dream," she told herself.
Sarah wasn't concerned as much as curious. She poked a toe into the moist soil. It sure felt like soil, and it sure made a mess of her feet as soil would. Grabbing sock and a more appropriate shirt from her dresser, she geared up for her little lucid adventure. Stepping two booted feet into the soil, she looked back to find her room gone. She shrugged and let her feet carry her forward. It was beautiful and smelled of wet earth.
The forest had a discernible path. There would be an option to go one way or another every so often, but the trees were so tight-knit she didn't have too many options. Suddenly, she heard a light yet playful acoustic strum. Cautiously, she approached the growing sound. As she grew closer she could hear laughter and drums. She fell upon the party faster than she expected and quickly took cover behind a tree. Before her, in a circle lined with mushrooms, a group of fairies were dancing and singing around a fist-sized stone that pulsed with light. She smiled at the merry bunch, marveling at their dresses of petals and tiny instruments.
A moment later, all of the attention fell on the other direction of the path. Someone was coming. They began to scurry. Many stayed behind to try to help lift the glowing stone. A dwarf pushed through the brush, armed with a spray gun in hand. They all shrieked and fled at his presence. With a strong stance, he reached a grubby hand towards the stone.
"Get off," he pulled the stone from the fairies grasp, "That'll teach you to steal from his Majesty!" he shouted at the fleeing bunch, shaking the spray gun in the air.
Sarah watched him pocket the stone, then he looked up at her. She looked like a deer looks into headlights.
"Sarah?" the dwarf said, "What on earth are you doing here?"
She didn't say anything, "You know my name?"
"Well, of course, I know your name" he furrowed his brows, "It's me, Hoggle?"
"Hoggle?" she loosened her fearful death grip on the tree, "I don't know a Hoggle."
He held his wrist out to her, "You do too. You gave me this remember."
Around his wrist was a purple and pink plastic bracelet. She had one just like it in high school. He approached her, arm extended. She bent down to study it and just like her's it had her initials scrawled into a purple bead. She stood up fast.
"Where did you get that?" she demanded.
"I just told you, you gave it to me," he defended with hands on his hips.
She shook her head, "I don't remember," the she tilted her head in thought then remembered, "This is a dream I suppose, so I guess anything is possible."
His laugh was nothing short of obnoxious, "Dream? This is no dream."
"It is though," she fought, "I went to sleep and now I'm here. I'm not going to fight with a figment of my imagination."
"Whatever you say girly," he laughed.
She scrunched her nose. Then she turned on her heel to leave.
"Don't go that way!" he said grabbing her wrist.
"Why?" she said ripping her arm back.
"Just trust me girly," Hoggle pleaded, "Come back with me."
She wasn't about to follow some stranger, imagined or not, "No."
He reached for his forgetful friend, as she stomped off, "Dammit Sarah," he yelled after her.
She broke into a run and soon the dwarf was out of sight. She stopped to rest her hands on her knees and take a few breaths. Then she noticed that it had grown much darker, all the fireflies had gone. The path seemed denser as well. A feeling of dread washed over her, but she carried on. Each step she took with caution.
Voices were approaching. They sounded deep and rough. She gasped and looked around with panicked eyes for a possible escape. Before they fell upon her she squeezed herself between a pair of trees. Not a second later, a pack of creatures passed through, torches in hand. Some of them were almost twice her height. Their skin color varied from browns to greens, but all of them were bulky, sharp-toothed, and ugly. One stopped a few steps from her hiding spots to sniff the air. She covered her mouth. It grunted to the others, but then with a swing of his club pointed onward.
A few moments later, she crawled from her hiding place, cutting her hand on a thorny branch as she did so. She stood there a moment nursing her hand's tiny wound, wondering if it was better to go back and risk running into those things or pressing forward where there may be more.
"Hello." said a squeaky British voice.
She practically jumped out of her skin as she turned to face a worm no bigger than her thumb.
"H-hello?" she whispered.
It tilted its tiny blue head and said, "Hey, don't I know you?"
She knelt down beside it, "No. I don't so. I don't talk to too many worms."
"Terrible shame. Nice cut you have on your hand there. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? The Mrs. can fix your hand all nice for ya."
"No, I don't think so. I should be going," she said getting to her feet.
"Going where?" the worm question.
"No were really," she said turning down the trail.
It called after her, but she headed down the path the creatures had come from. She knew it was a dream, but she couldn't help wonder why everyone thought they knew her. Why would she imagine some bracelet from childhood on a dwarf?
She'd been so busy psychoanalyzing herself she hadn't noticed the wrong turn she had made. Before stood a 12ft muscular lump of a creature. A troll and it noticed her the same time she noticed it. She stood dead in her tracks waiting for its next move. A big chip-toothed grin spread across its daft face. She watched as it grabbed a boulder off the ground and wound back its arm for the toss. Adrenaline kicked in and she was off, the rock falling dangerously close behind her.
Each step the beast took after her shook her bones. It laughed at like a goofy imbecile as she ran just out of his grasp. It kept clapping at her, like a child trying to catch a butterfly.
"Come here human" he bellowed after her.
She came to a T in the path. Which way did she want to go? Looking to the left she saw a low hanging branch. She tore down the path taunting it.
"You'll have to catch me, stupid" she called back.
It picked up pace far quicker than she hoped. She was so close to the branch now.
"Is that all you got" she panted.
Then smack, it cracked right into the branch. Sarah turned to watch it crumble to the ground. She wouldn't deny it, she was proud, but she wasn't going to wait around for it to get back up. She kept running until she fell upon a brighter turn in the maze. As she approached slowly, she realized she'd found somewhat of a dead end, an opening to a small meadow and a cliff's edge. Nearing the meadow she saw a bright moonlight and the sound of rushing water. When she went to walk from the trees to the drop, she ran into something hard. She almost fell to the ground, but the thing caught her.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," she said impulsively, but that thing didn't let her go.
She looked up to face a man about a head taller than her. He kept a hold of her upper arms, studying her through his long strands of blond hair. His mismatched eyes darted as if memories were flashing before them. Then he released her.
"You shouldn't be here, Sarah," his features darkened.
She was getting irritated with this everyone knowing her while she didn't know anyone, "How do you know my name?"
He laughed bitterly pacing around with his hands on his hips, "How could I forget your name? Who let you back in here? Sir Didymus?"
"What are you talking about?" she snapped, "Where is here?"
He paused in his pacing, looking utterly disappointed, "You don't know where you are?"
"No," she confessed, "I mean, I am dreaming. I keep forgetting that."
"My little adversary doesn't even know where she is" he mused leaning an arm against the tree to better loom over her, "Have you forgotten who you are Ms. Williams?"
"Your little adversary?" she scoffed, "I don't even know you, and don't act like you know me."
"Oh, but I do know you" with a flick of his wrist a crystal appeared in his palm.
"...it can show me my dreams," she whispered, then scowled at her own words, "How do I know that?"
"It's funny. You've put such a hole in my life, but you don't even remember my name," he laughed at the cold irony, "My life span is millenniums longer than your, yet you were chapters in mine, and I wasn't even a sentence in yours."
"Why would I imagine someone like you?" she asked herself.
A loud tick echoed through the forest. Then it came again and again.
"Do you hear that?" she said.
He looked at her with concern, "Hear what?"
"The metronome," she began to remember.
"Sarah, you're fading," he went to grab her arm, but he passed right through her.
She looked down at herself. Her fingertips were transparent and disappearing into a glittery nothingness.
A/N: As a serial procrastinator, I have neglected a lot of editing as of late. So be patient. Thanks.