A/N:while I'm working on the other chapter of No Grave I wanted to branch back out into the TMI fandom again. Alec's character is one I can't leave alone. I plan on making this a novel length fan fiction. There will be angst! This fanfiction was inspired by a verse on my tumblr with steleruned. There's a link to my roleplay blog in my profile. Some of you may be familiar with this verse as I've played it with several Jace's but it's origin was a fanfiction I wrote called "It's You Right Next to Me" which can also be found on my profile page. SOME OF THIS IS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM MY ALEC LIGHTWOOD ROLEPLAY BLOG with my partner's permission. This is primarily romantic Jalec. There will be drug use, foul language and drinking throughout this fic so if that triggers you please use the back button. This fic technically pushes the events of City of Bones forward to 2016 and ages the whole crew up by about four years.

He kissed her… it's all he can think of. The smile on Jace's lips when he pressed them to Clary's lips and what he couldn't give to be in her place. She didn't deserve his love all she did was make him risk his life so as he storms out of the institute he stops at his room, picking up an old habit ( maybe not that old but certainly something he was trying to kick ) as he stops at his room. The blunt wrap and small buds effortlessly twist themselves up into a perfect blunt by the time he's sat down on the retaining wall in the alley he uses as an escape. He reaches in his pocket for a lighter but the one he grabs is the old Zippo Jace gave him. He drops it onto the ground and fishes out a plain blue lighter.

He knows Jace has been with girls before but this seems different. The others he'd disappear into a deserted corner of a bar with and come home the next morning, when Alec had asked about these girls he couldn't even remember their names so Alec always shrugged it off.

There's footsteps coming up to the door seperating him from that wretched bitch and even though the smoke that seeps into his lungs numbs his pain he knows it's him. Jace steps out into the alley and scrunches up his nose.

"Alec! What the fuck are you doing out here and what do I smell?"

Alec snubs out the roach and stands up with a slight wobble. "What do you think it is, parabatai? I just had to watch you kiss Clary," He sneers her name like a foul swear word, "You could have waited until I left the room at least!"

Jace quirks an eyebrow at his seemingly tense parabatai, "Are you smoking again? I thought you said you quit? Bro, you know that shit always gets you in trouble!" But Alec can already see Jace's fingers winding through his jacket pockets. He smokes when he's nervous.

"If you're going to smoke a cigarette at least let me bum one. What were you thinking?"

Jace roughly holds Alec's head still by catching his chin in between his thumb and forefinger and looks him dead in the eye. "You're high as a kite."

"Small miracles never cease to amaze me and don't fucking chastise me for smoking weed when you've got a half a pack a day habit."

Jace's eyes go wide, "How do you know how much I smoke?" Alec just raises an eyebrow. Jace holds out a cigarette to Alec.

Jace spots the Zippo he gave Alec on the ground and picks it up. "Are you really mad at me?"

Alec lights the cigarette and regrets it immediately, coughing and gagging but doesn't put the cigarette out. "Yeah I am mad. You know how I feel about you."

Jace shrugs. There's so much he wish he could say but right now Clary is the simple solution to several problems. "I'm sorry, she just kissed me!" He says around a mouth full of smoke.

Alec sighs and makes a second attempt at smoking his cigarette, second time's the charm. Despair wells up inside Alec and he doesn't know what to say. They stand in the alleyway for several tense moments during which Jace notices he's mimicking the frown Alec's wearing.

"It was just a kiss. That's all it is so far, I'm not in love with her or anything crazy like that. Love isn't something I understand."

Alec's about to say something scathing but he swallows it down. "Are you really straight Jace? I mean doesn't it ever cross your mind that it could be good between us?"

Jace inhales his cigarette thoughtfully, he's definitely thought about it, for sure and he's definitely not straight. Images of the last several nights he spent in the company of some fuckboy from a gay bar play in his mind. He's got the same jet black hair as Alec and though he's never stopped to think about it, it's definitely not a coincidence. But can Alec hear the truth right now? 'The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.' Maryse said that to him once but in his hesitance he feels sadness wash over him. "No, I'm not straight and I'm not willing to tell you whether or not I've thought about us. I just couldn't stand you being stripped of your runes and both of us being cursed. It's not meant to be Alec."

Alec tossed his cigarette and sat back down on the retaining wall in the little alley. "When you finish could you just leave? I need some time. When did you find out you weren't straight? What does that make you? Bisexual?"

"Sexualities aren't meant to labeled Alec. Some people are easy to define and others not so much and I've known for a while." Jace chucked his cigarette onto the gravel of the alleyway and shrugged at his parabatai. "Don't be too sad Alec ok?"

Alec nodded numbly and lit the roach back up.

Midnight that night rolled around and Jace hadn't seen hide nor hare of Alec since dinner time when they went outside. It was chilly tonight, he hoped he wasn't still outside. With a cup of coffee in hand he knocks on Alec's door, hoping he'll be there. There's no answer, so he taps into their bond, trying to feel him but he must be outside still. As Jace thinks about Alec an overwhelming despair and sadness washes over him, nearly bringing a tear to his eye.

Something's wrong.

Jace wakes Izzy and consequently Simon since they'd taken to sleeping with each other. "C'mon Alec's in trouble somethings wrong I can barely feel him through our bond!"

Izzy looks panicked and wastes no time shooing Jace out of her room she can change out of the lady teddy she'd gone to bed in. Isabelle, for all her glory only takes five minutes to change and reapply her makeup. She's dressed in traditional shadowhunter gear and Jace is only in his usual leather jacket and jeans. "I have an idea where he might be."

Izzy follows her brother dutifully with a knife in her hand just in case.

Jace bursts through the back door of the Institute out onto the Alleyway and there's Alec, half asleep, half dead passed out next to Magnus Bane. A string of colorful expletives flows from Izzy's mouth.

Magnus Bane himself is passed out cold in the small patch of grass behind the retaining wall. Alec seems to be worse for the wear, vomit streaking his clothes. For a single solitary moment Jace wonders if he felt Alec dreaming…? But that's not possible, emotions aren't communicated through the parabatai bond. Izzy's made sure Alec's breathing and everything's alright but Alec will need a shower before he goes to bed. Jace is furious with Magnus, how could he let Alec get so drunk? In a fit of rage Jace's foot swings back and he kicks Magnus swiftly in the ribs.

Izzy is hissing at him to stop before they get caught. "C'mon Jace we'll talk to Magnus in the morning, you've got to get the puke off our brother!"

Jace mutters a low oath and helps Izzy get Alec back in the Institute.

"Should we bring him to your room or his room?" Izzy says in an irritated whisper.

"Mine, his room is a mess." Jace says hefting Alec in the direction of his room.

Finally, they get Alec to sit ( or rather droop ) on top of Jace's toilet while he get's the shower started for Alec.

"This is where my sisterly duties end." Izzy said, still sounding irritated and worried. "Please tell him to take better care of himself. Just because you kissed Clary in front of him doesn't mean the world has to end."

Jace just nods and starts taking his shirt off while Izzy slips out. Jace strips down to just his boxers and strips Alec's dirty, smelly clothes off. Going through his pockets he finds the remnants of some weed and a couple lighters. There's no use in trying to stand him up for a shower so he runs bath water hoping it won't get too filthy.

With only the grace of a shadowhunter is he able to get Alec into the bath and wash him off. About half way through washing his hair Alec murmurs "I love you, I'm sorry." In barely intelligible speech.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Jace mutters

Jace wakes up around eight and checks on Alec, who's sleeping soundly in his bed. He was worried Alec would get sick in the middle of the night and need help but he'd slept soundly. He was going to have one hell of a hangover today and he was going to have to cover for him.

Jace goes through his morning routine and meets Izzy in the kitchen for coffee.

"How is he?" She asks.

"Asleep. I let him sleep in my bed, I didn't want him to get sick and need help and have there be no one there." Jace says as he pours the coffee.

Izzy fixes him with a disapproving sisterly look, "He's going to be really upset."

"Yeah I know, I garnered that from the half bottle of vodka he'd downed."

"If you don't have feelings for him you better make that clear. I don't want him holding out hope for something that's never going to happen."

"I told him I wasn't straight last night and when he asked me if I had thought about him and I couldn't give a straight answer." Jace says miserably.

Izzy kicks his shins.

"Ouch!"

"You deserve that! How could you do that to him?"

"It's not that easy Izzy! We've heard all the stories about parabatais that get cursed for having feelings for each other let alone acting on them!"

"If you really care about him you won't go wishy washy on this either tell him no flat out or give it a chance." She'd progressively lowered her voice and when she finished her voice was a shadow of a whisper.

Jace looked around, making sure no one was watching (or worse listening to) them. "I'm just scared ok? What if I break his heart? It'll be the worst thing in the world for him to lose me."

Izzy slapped Jace upside the head. "He's never going to lose you! You really think it would be that bad? Alec's never loved anyone but you. It's not fair for you to not give him a chance!"

"Ouch! You know it's forbidden!"

"How often do we do things that are forbidden? Nearly every day. Give him a chance Jace!"

Just then Alec chose this opportune moment to walk in. "Can you guys close the blinds?"

Alec was squinting and looking only marginally better than the night before. Izzy slipped out of the kitchen and gave Jace a wink. Jace closed the blinds and helped Alec to the kitchen table. "Toast?"

"Ugh I dunno if I can stomach food."

"Well if you can't eat have some water at least."

Jace gets a big glass and fills it from the tap. "Maybe some orange juice?"

"Yes please." Alec says softly. Jace has fixed him with a disapproving look.

"Don't worry we're going to tell mom you're sick and can't work today. But I wanted to talk to you about … us."

Alec, though green before turns a shade greener. "There's no us. Besides Magnus reckons that him and I would be pretty good together."

Jace was midway through taking a sip of coffee and sure enough he spit it out. "You and Magnus? Yeah that'd be great, he seems really concerned about your well being as well." Jace shakes his head and sits opposite from Alec. "Drink your water and don't interrupt what I'm about to say."

Alec isn't sure what to say to that but his mouth is like the Sahara so he takes a sip and feels the water cool his tongue. "I'm listening."

"Look ok, what I said last night was wrong. I shouldn't have left you hanging like that. I told you I couldn't give you an answer about whether or not I thought it could good be good between us because I didn't know what to say. I have thought about it, a lot. I've been fucking guys and girls for a few years now and I can safely say it's crossed my mind that we could be good. It's just I'm scared of the curse and being stripped of our runes. It would kill you to have to live as a mundane as much as it would kill me. So, yeah if you want to give it a try I'm willing but I'm scared. If it doesn't work out I can't break your heart because we're stuck with each other for life and I couldn't hurt you like that. So maybe we could start slow, just a few dates or something?"

The water in Alec's cup was nearly gone. He could cry he was so happy. "I don't want you feel like I'm forcing this. I want you to want me, not need me."

Jace nods, "Alec I've wanted you since I was 18 so there's no problem there."

"Alright." Alec was tempted to kiss Jace's check but he needs to brush his teeth still. "Love you parabatai."

"I love you too Alec."