Dear Diary,
After the whole college breakdown, Finn and Tixie, I took a turn for the worst and hurt myself again. And now it's been 4 months since I saw any of the gang, or wrote in you. Kester says hospital wasn't needed, that it was a one off, instead I sat in on group therapy twice a week and honestly, I have never felt better.
The college have been sending me my work, we came to an agreement that I could do the work and just send it in, that way I don't have to stay back a year.
One of the girls, Annabel, from therapy showed me a leaflet 3 months and 2 weeks ago, it was for a weight loss camp. If it wasn't for the fact she was the same size as me, I would have been offended. But here we are, exactly 3 months later. If you told me 4 months ago that I'd be here, weighing 13 stone, I'd laugh hysterically and punch you in the tit.
I may have shifted 3 stone, but rather than aiming to just lose weight we found ways to tone my body up so I'm not a stick like Chloe, I'm a healthy, curvy size 14/16. And I love it.
Today was the day I returned home, I had almost forgotten what a shit hole Lincolnshire is.
Mum won't shut up about how I look, she keeps asking if I like it. I can't really answer, there were no mirrors at the camp, all I know is I feel almost normal.
Part of me is reluctant to go upstairs, into my old room, the scene of the crime. But there's not much else I can do, so I grit my teeth and push my way in with my bags.
For some reason, my mood doesn't change when I see the bed, or the stain on the carpet, or my old diary. I see the mirror in the corner of the room, and shake my head, not ready yet.
Mum has thrown all of my clothes away, except my oasis shirt. In their place, are brand new clothes - well most look like hand-me-downs, but that's okay, they're new to me.
"Rae!" Mum screams up the stairs and I roll my eyes.
"I've been home 5 minutes and you're already shouting, what could I have possibly done wrong already?" I stand at the top of the stairs waiting for a reply.
"Come here Rae" she's out of sight and giggling nervously.
I furrow my eyebrows and slowly walk down the stairs, she's stood at the front door and as I get closer I can smell strong perfume and I know exactly what's on the other side of that door.
"Chloe?" I stand behind mum.
"Oh my God, Rae! Look at you!" She looks geniunely shocked. Whether that's good or not I don't know.
"Umm... Mum.. I'm gonna go out for a bit" I shut the door behind me and walk quickly.
"Rae hold up! Where the hell have you been?" Chloe tottered after me.
"I.. Umm.. Went away for a little while"
"4 months is not a little while. We've been worried sick about you" I can't tell if she's lying anymore.
"I'm fine. I'm actually more than fine, I'm great" she smiles.
"You look great, never thought I'd see you wearing a dress willingly" she nodded approvingly and I awkwardly stood there blushing like a fucking tomato.
"Okay let's go shopping" she clapped and linked her arm with mine. I never thought I'd be happy to go shopping with Chloe, but then again, I never thought I'd weigh less than 16 stone.
After 3 torturous hours watching Chloe try on bikinis and getting a long dress for me, we decided to get food, of course the chip shop was the first choice.
It was weird walking in there, after so long of not being around unhealthy food. But hell, I deserve a treat!
So I treated myself to a battered sausage and chips. And it was glorious.
But now I'm suffering from an overly full stomach that feels like it's going to burst open any second.
"Are you coming back to college now?" Chloe asked with her mouth full, like watching a washing machine.
"I don't know, maybe" I shrug and play with the straw in my glass of water. That must have triggered something because she spent the rest of the time in the chip shop trying to convince me to go.
We were walking down the street when I spotted him, about 20 feet in front of us. Looking like sex on legs.
"Oh shit" I kept my head down. The first time I see Finn in 4 months and I'm wearing a fucking dress.
"Alright Finn" I hear Chloe say, he murmurs in response. There's a silence, and I slowly lift my head to see him staring at me.
"Rae" is all he says, I smile slightly
"Finn" Chloe looks between us, and says she'll catch me later.
"Where have you- what did - I uh.." he stuttered, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.
"I've been away" his eyes darted to mine.
"As in like, hospital?" I quickly shook my head
"No I went to a sort of camp for a while" his eyebrows furrowed and I could sense the confusion.
"Camp?" I scrunch my nose up and take a deep breath.
"I went to fat camp, Finn" something flashed in his eyes and he rounded his shoulders.
"Why would you do that? You didn't need to do that"
"I know, but I'm glad I did. I feel great" His face softens, and he nods.
"You look it" his eyes are on the ground and his cheeks look pink.
"Do you wanna walk, girl?" he holds a hand out to me and I cautiously take it.
I forgot, I had forgotten how it felt to touch his skin, the electricity that surges through my body when we make contact. It's like my skin's on fire.
We sit down on one of the benches at the kids park, he sits opposite me.
"How's college?" I ask awkwardly.
"Boring" I tilt my head slightly waiting for him to go on.
"There's nothing to do now, besides work obviously"
"What about the gang?" he half smiles, it's not a real one.
"Well Chop doesn't go to college, Archie has become some kind of Rugby prick, Chloe and Izzy are always busy together so.. The gang isn't really a gang anymore" he trails off.
"So what do you do?" he's playing with his hands, not looking at me.
"I uh, sit around doing nothing basically" he laughs nervously.
How could this have happened? The gang was so close before, how could Archie turn into a "rugby prick" he's gay!
"Surely you have other friends?"
"Not exactly"
"But.. why?" he looks me in the eyes.
"No one adds up"
"To what?" I'm so fucking confused, and he grabs my arm, wondering what the fuck he's doing until he starts to write.
You.
Sorry it's only a short one guys, testing to see how much response I get before I carry on :)