Summary:
I, Alexis L. Sumers, am a girl in need. I need to find a place to where I belong. I need to get away. I need time on my own. I need a lot of things.
I've always one of those things people call 'holes'. I feel as if there is something missing in my life. Something exciting, new, different, erotic, magical, fantasy-like, hidden from all humanity, a secret, something only the people like me can know and feel.
I, a fourteen-year-old girl, know that there is something out there being hidden from me. Something from my past. Something that I'm going to find out whatever it takes. It may take a miracle but I'll have to die before I stop and that might just have to happen.
I'm getting out of here and into the world I belong!
Chapter 1 My dreams
Have you ever felt that you don't belong where you are now and you just wished that it would all go away? You wish that you were by yourself, not another person in the world or that if there were people you would fit in. I never feel that I fit in. I feel lost and I just want to be alone. I want to replace all my friends with people that are like me and that I feel free to talk to and am happy to be around and that I'll never ever get mad at. I want it to all go away. I want to start out all over.
Everyone wants a little excitement in their life. I'm sure every kid has always wanted something unexpected, which would make a drastic change in their life. Most people live ordinary lives and never get to experience breathtaking adventures or sudden life changes.
Only if it could all change. I love my life here in an ordinary world but wouldn't it be so great to have it change. It's a life long dream of mine to have an unknown life and then all of a sudden it all falls down and you know the truth, you start a new life, a second chance, new people, and you don't always feel alone.
If only, if only.
It's so boring around here. I want away, far away, a place where no one can find me, a place of my own, away from all of the troubles in the world, no one around to bother me. If it would just all go away for a little while I'd freeze my life right there and stay there away from everything else, if only I could, my life would feel like there was something empty. I wouldn't feel this way, I'd feel fulfilled, free, away from it all. I wish.
Chapter 2 A twisted theory, but it's my theory
It's the end of the school year and I'm just so stressed out that for a few weeks , because of end of year tests, my dream just sort of disappears. Not that I want it to of course.
I have concocted a theory that seems quite original. It is; If you believe in someting it's true not only in your mind but is actually out there. The world could be different to everyone. People may find this a little far fetched but I don't think so. Most people have the same ideas because that's what they've been taught to think. But, I think there are the few people out there who think that there is more to life than what you've been taught and they know it. 99.9 percent of the people in the world all have the same ideas about what life is like, what everything is, but what if it wasn't. We teach ourselves to believe that there's nothing but normal people and the regular animals out there but what of that's not true. What if there are such things as extra terestrials, wizards, witches, and not all of them have to be evil just because they're not like normal people.
There are people out there like me who want to join in with these people but don't know how. I know there has to be.
Haven't you ever read a book that was so touching and you knew that that has to be your life. That was you, you're going to do that. You think about it so much you become obsed. If only you knew how to get to whatever is in that story you would give anything. That's how I feel.
In this world today no one knows who they are inside anymore. It's all lost. We don't know who we are. We've lost all sense of our true self. WE have a reason, a pupose in life, but we don't know who we are.
I don't know why we do this to ourselves. I'm sure that everone has had a passion to do something but they drowned it out with the 'knowledge" that it was impossible to do. Well, all I have to say to that is that it's justr an excuse not to try for your dreams that sound like fantasies. If you really want it you never give up know matter what anyone says.
C hapter 3 During Spring Break
I've always felt the urge to get away from it all. I want to be by myself in my on little world. Part of this reason is caused by some of te negative things I get told. I believe that I didn't have all these people yelling at me I wanted feel the need to be alone as much.
Over Spring Break I got a perfect example of this behavior when we went hiking up in Arkansas. Yeah, it was a beautiful place and I should perfectly happy with getting away from it all but nothing changed. It might have even got it worse.
Now, we were on our way to Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas. Everything is going fine...so far. We got to miss a few days of school but I had to get all my work from my teachers in advance.
In this Arkansas state park they had many trails to go on. We chose the four and a half mile trail that day. We had already gone one mile and we reached what is called the natural bridge. I was justt walking around having fun when I fell down the side of one of the smaller rocks. It was a short fall but it still hurt and I scraped and bruised my elbow pretty bad. That's not what made me lose control though.
My brother and everyone else werre laughing at me.
In truth that probably wouldn't bother you that much but my last straw had been pulled. First my walking stick took a little ride down the cliff. After I got back up I went over to where the stick was and picked it up. Of course I couldn't stop there. Oh no. Not me. If I would have just dropped it my mom wouldn't be screaming at me later and I wouldn't feel the way I do now. No. I had to finish it. I picked that stick up, walked over to my brother and hit him right across the leg with it. He acted like it hurt pretty bad but that wasn't the bad part. After that moment all hell broke loose.
"God dammit Liane! Why the HELL did you have to go over there and hit him?!"
I could only reply what was true. "He laughed at me."
My dad was really pissed then. "I laughed at you to. Does that mean that you want to hit me with you stick?"
Inside I wanted to say yes so much but I kept my anger in.
My mom also had to get her piece of mind in too as she always does especially when the topic is yelling at me.
"Why don't we just make you bend over and slap you strait across the back a few times and see how you like being hit with that stick!"
I couldn't say anything. I just wanted to get away. I stayed in front of all them. I kept going faster so that I couldn't hear them behind me. When I did hear them I felt disgusted with them. I hated them.
This wasn't even the worst part yet. About a mile later more hell just kept coming loose. I was quite ahead of them all when my mom was yelling at me to stop and wait so that I wouldn't get to far ahead. I made the mistake of ignoring it. Kept going. The second time she yelled I went just a few feet off to the side and went to go sit on a rock. That's when my mom caught up.
"God dammit I tired of all your damn attitude toward me. Now you listen to me. Every time you get pissed off your father gets pissed off and that causes me to get pissed off to. I'm tired of being the being the bad guy here. Now get back on the f****** trail before I have to whip your ass!"
The whole time I just sat there crying. I had been wanting to cry so much this whole time but the anger always overpowered it and I was unable. But now it was the flooding of the Mississippi River. All hell had broken loose and I felt that I could cry now. I always cry when someone yells at me.
chapter 4 Summertime
It was always things like this that pissed me off so much. I hate to cry. I hate to be yelled at. They don't know what's going on in my head. I'll say something and not mean anything by it but my parents will just start yelling at me again. When I ask them what I did they just yell some more and say it's the attitude in my voice that pisses them off. To me I don't have an attitude but if I do it's because of them always yelling at me for screwing up when I never ever have meant to.
We just recently had our summer week vacation. We went to South Padre, New Bransfels, and Corpus Cristie. At first it was all fine until we got to the end of the week. My dad was apparently not having a good day and showed every bit of it. I got yelled at for not understanding what he meant when we were putting up a tent at the beach. He also lost his key to his truck and by the way my mom was talking some other things had already happened that morning. I'm not sure what.
When we got home I was talking about mowing the front lawn but then even my brother got mad at me because it was his job. He said that he needed to earn the money and I didn't. That didn't work with me so well so I said, "How So?"
"Because I have reasons to earn money. I need it to get more stuff to supe up my car."
Big deal. Like I have no better reason to earn money?
"Well, I need it for something a little more important reasons," I said. "I have to pay for my horse vet bills, the new kittens vet bills to come, and mom's making me pay my own way to the movies. Something she's never made you do."
In my mind I was boiling with anger. The movie thing was true. I know that many people have to pay for their own way to the movies. Including my best friend Caity. But this was different. He might have payed his way once or twice but that was becuase he accidently left without getting the money and had no choice. They always payed him back though.
What else was true is that I always have to pay for my own animals vet bills. James, my brother, always claims one of the animals as his. Our dog buddy for instance. But one time when I was giving his dog a hair cut I snagged him because he wouldn't quit squirming. I truly felt awful but he didn't half to spent a penny on him. If I can't pay for all of my pets bill have to pay for at least half. Every few months my horse has his eye looked at because , the vet has just now discovered, has cancer and isn't going to last much longer. Every time the bill was no less than one hundred dollars and I had to pay it full, always.
Something is just not quite right in this household. Nothing seems fair.
Anyway, about the lawn. I mowed the front anyhow and he wasn't to happy. I didn't care I wanted some money just to have. Not just to pay for something. I save my money. The only problem is that I have six hundred dollars in the bank and after I pay for my movie ticket won't have any out of the bank. That could be a good thing, though, I guess.
After I finished mowing I started to water the grass that was dying that we just recently relocated.
My brother came out and said, "Why don't you just hook a sprinkler up and put it out instead of standing there doing it yourself. You're not going to get payed for it."
"I really don't give a care if I do or not. I just rather be outside doing something useful than sitting inside playing computer games on my computer! Maybe I don't care about the money. My mind doesn't work like yours!" To my self I was thinking,"And thank god for that!"
Chapter five
A few days later, after my parents had gone to bed, it was around midnight when I decided to go for a little walk outside. I went to a large tree that's easy to climb and sat down on the farthest point you can go. It's really not that high up but if you jump out it will send shocks through your legs.
I stayed there for a half hour and decided I better go inside before someone locked me out.
Just then somebody grabbed me from behind. Before I could even scream, which I dought I could of since I was so scared I couldn't breath, the person behind me had their hand around my mouth. There was nothing I could do.
notes:
new characters: teachers: B.D. Roberts Renae Turner kids:
Cylvia Geretzki e Autum Fisher bf Lena Bodine e Hank Lynx f Robin Salois bf Dixie Carroll bf Patti Antonio e Trinity scarlett f Justin Tyler e Hazel Reed f Aviril Haislip e Adam Lane f
I, Alexis L. Sumers, am a girl in need. I need to find a place to where I belong. I need to get away. I need time on my own. I need a lot of things.
I've always one of those things people call 'holes'. I feel as if there is something missing in my life. Something exciting, new, different, erotic, magical, fantasy-like, hidden from all humanity, a secret, something only the people like me can know and feel.
I, a fourteen-year-old girl, know that there is something out there being hidden from me. Something from my past. Something that I'm going to find out whatever it takes. It may take a miracle but I'll have to die before I stop and that might just have to happen.
I'm getting out of here and into the world I belong!
Chapter 1 My dreams
Have you ever felt that you don't belong where you are now and you just wished that it would all go away? You wish that you were by yourself, not another person in the world or that if there were people you would fit in. I never feel that I fit in. I feel lost and I just want to be alone. I want to replace all my friends with people that are like me and that I feel free to talk to and am happy to be around and that I'll never ever get mad at. I want it to all go away. I want to start out all over.
Everyone wants a little excitement in their life. I'm sure every kid has always wanted something unexpected, which would make a drastic change in their life. Most people live ordinary lives and never get to experience breathtaking adventures or sudden life changes.
Only if it could all change. I love my life here in an ordinary world but wouldn't it be so great to have it change. It's a life long dream of mine to have an unknown life and then all of a sudden it all falls down and you know the truth, you start a new life, a second chance, new people, and you don't always feel alone.
If only, if only.
It's so boring around here. I want away, far away, a place where no one can find me, a place of my own, away from all of the troubles in the world, no one around to bother me. If it would just all go away for a little while I'd freeze my life right there and stay there away from everything else, if only I could, my life would feel like there was something empty. I wouldn't feel this way, I'd feel fulfilled, free, away from it all. I wish.
Chapter 2 A twisted theory, but it's my theory
It's the end of the school year and I'm just so stressed out that for a few weeks , because of end of year tests, my dream just sort of disappears. Not that I want it to of course.
I have concocted a theory that seems quite original. It is; If you believe in someting it's true not only in your mind but is actually out there. The world could be different to everyone. People may find this a little far fetched but I don't think so. Most people have the same ideas because that's what they've been taught to think. But, I think there are the few people out there who think that there is more to life than what you've been taught and they know it. 99.9 percent of the people in the world all have the same ideas about what life is like, what everything is, but what if it wasn't. We teach ourselves to believe that there's nothing but normal people and the regular animals out there but what of that's not true. What if there are such things as extra terestrials, wizards, witches, and not all of them have to be evil just because they're not like normal people.
There are people out there like me who want to join in with these people but don't know how. I know there has to be.
Haven't you ever read a book that was so touching and you knew that that has to be your life. That was you, you're going to do that. You think about it so much you become obsed. If only you knew how to get to whatever is in that story you would give anything. That's how I feel.
In this world today no one knows who they are inside anymore. It's all lost. We don't know who we are. We've lost all sense of our true self. WE have a reason, a pupose in life, but we don't know who we are.
I don't know why we do this to ourselves. I'm sure that everone has had a passion to do something but they drowned it out with the 'knowledge" that it was impossible to do. Well, all I have to say to that is that it's justr an excuse not to try for your dreams that sound like fantasies. If you really want it you never give up know matter what anyone says.
C hapter 3 During Spring Break
I've always felt the urge to get away from it all. I want to be by myself in my on little world. Part of this reason is caused by some of te negative things I get told. I believe that I didn't have all these people yelling at me I wanted feel the need to be alone as much.
Over Spring Break I got a perfect example of this behavior when we went hiking up in Arkansas. Yeah, it was a beautiful place and I should perfectly happy with getting away from it all but nothing changed. It might have even got it worse.
Now, we were on our way to Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas. Everything is going fine...so far. We got to miss a few days of school but I had to get all my work from my teachers in advance.
In this Arkansas state park they had many trails to go on. We chose the four and a half mile trail that day. We had already gone one mile and we reached what is called the natural bridge. I was justt walking around having fun when I fell down the side of one of the smaller rocks. It was a short fall but it still hurt and I scraped and bruised my elbow pretty bad. That's not what made me lose control though.
My brother and everyone else werre laughing at me.
In truth that probably wouldn't bother you that much but my last straw had been pulled. First my walking stick took a little ride down the cliff. After I got back up I went over to where the stick was and picked it up. Of course I couldn't stop there. Oh no. Not me. If I would have just dropped it my mom wouldn't be screaming at me later and I wouldn't feel the way I do now. No. I had to finish it. I picked that stick up, walked over to my brother and hit him right across the leg with it. He acted like it hurt pretty bad but that wasn't the bad part. After that moment all hell broke loose.
"God dammit Liane! Why the HELL did you have to go over there and hit him?!"
I could only reply what was true. "He laughed at me."
My dad was really pissed then. "I laughed at you to. Does that mean that you want to hit me with you stick?"
Inside I wanted to say yes so much but I kept my anger in.
My mom also had to get her piece of mind in too as she always does especially when the topic is yelling at me.
"Why don't we just make you bend over and slap you strait across the back a few times and see how you like being hit with that stick!"
I couldn't say anything. I just wanted to get away. I stayed in front of all them. I kept going faster so that I couldn't hear them behind me. When I did hear them I felt disgusted with them. I hated them.
This wasn't even the worst part yet. About a mile later more hell just kept coming loose. I was quite ahead of them all when my mom was yelling at me to stop and wait so that I wouldn't get to far ahead. I made the mistake of ignoring it. Kept going. The second time she yelled I went just a few feet off to the side and went to go sit on a rock. That's when my mom caught up.
"God dammit I tired of all your damn attitude toward me. Now you listen to me. Every time you get pissed off your father gets pissed off and that causes me to get pissed off to. I'm tired of being the being the bad guy here. Now get back on the f****** trail before I have to whip your ass!"
The whole time I just sat there crying. I had been wanting to cry so much this whole time but the anger always overpowered it and I was unable. But now it was the flooding of the Mississippi River. All hell had broken loose and I felt that I could cry now. I always cry when someone yells at me.
chapter 4 Summertime
It was always things like this that pissed me off so much. I hate to cry. I hate to be yelled at. They don't know what's going on in my head. I'll say something and not mean anything by it but my parents will just start yelling at me again. When I ask them what I did they just yell some more and say it's the attitude in my voice that pisses them off. To me I don't have an attitude but if I do it's because of them always yelling at me for screwing up when I never ever have meant to.
We just recently had our summer week vacation. We went to South Padre, New Bransfels, and Corpus Cristie. At first it was all fine until we got to the end of the week. My dad was apparently not having a good day and showed every bit of it. I got yelled at for not understanding what he meant when we were putting up a tent at the beach. He also lost his key to his truck and by the way my mom was talking some other things had already happened that morning. I'm not sure what.
When we got home I was talking about mowing the front lawn but then even my brother got mad at me because it was his job. He said that he needed to earn the money and I didn't. That didn't work with me so well so I said, "How So?"
"Because I have reasons to earn money. I need it to get more stuff to supe up my car."
Big deal. Like I have no better reason to earn money?
"Well, I need it for something a little more important reasons," I said. "I have to pay for my horse vet bills, the new kittens vet bills to come, and mom's making me pay my own way to the movies. Something she's never made you do."
In my mind I was boiling with anger. The movie thing was true. I know that many people have to pay for their own way to the movies. Including my best friend Caity. But this was different. He might have payed his way once or twice but that was becuase he accidently left without getting the money and had no choice. They always payed him back though.
What else was true is that I always have to pay for my own animals vet bills. James, my brother, always claims one of the animals as his. Our dog buddy for instance. But one time when I was giving his dog a hair cut I snagged him because he wouldn't quit squirming. I truly felt awful but he didn't half to spent a penny on him. If I can't pay for all of my pets bill have to pay for at least half. Every few months my horse has his eye looked at because , the vet has just now discovered, has cancer and isn't going to last much longer. Every time the bill was no less than one hundred dollars and I had to pay it full, always.
Something is just not quite right in this household. Nothing seems fair.
Anyway, about the lawn. I mowed the front anyhow and he wasn't to happy. I didn't care I wanted some money just to have. Not just to pay for something. I save my money. The only problem is that I have six hundred dollars in the bank and after I pay for my movie ticket won't have any out of the bank. That could be a good thing, though, I guess.
After I finished mowing I started to water the grass that was dying that we just recently relocated.
My brother came out and said, "Why don't you just hook a sprinkler up and put it out instead of standing there doing it yourself. You're not going to get payed for it."
"I really don't give a care if I do or not. I just rather be outside doing something useful than sitting inside playing computer games on my computer! Maybe I don't care about the money. My mind doesn't work like yours!" To my self I was thinking,"And thank god for that!"
Chapter five
A few days later, after my parents had gone to bed, it was around midnight when I decided to go for a little walk outside. I went to a large tree that's easy to climb and sat down on the farthest point you can go. It's really not that high up but if you jump out it will send shocks through your legs.
I stayed there for a half hour and decided I better go inside before someone locked me out.
Just then somebody grabbed me from behind. Before I could even scream, which I dought I could of since I was so scared I couldn't breath, the person behind me had their hand around my mouth. There was nothing I could do.
notes:
new characters: teachers: B.D. Roberts Renae Turner kids:
Cylvia Geretzki e Autum Fisher bf Lena Bodine e Hank Lynx f Robin Salois bf Dixie Carroll bf Patti Antonio e Trinity scarlett f Justin Tyler e Hazel Reed f Aviril Haislip e Adam Lane f