Up Against the wall. (Songfic)
Jack slowly walked passed Kate and paused for a moment. All the emotions that he felt for her seemed to surface into his eyes and he knew that he couldn't hide them from her and he needed to, he needed to keep everything bottled up. If she knew how much she meant to him then he knew something would happen, something would go wrong, so he had to let himself suffer so she wouldn't have to. She was sitting on the log in front of him and she had been crying, the stains still visible on her face. Their fight was small, and ended in him holding her as she cried and for one moment as they looked into each other's eyes they both saw what the other feared to show, they both saw what they meant to each other. Jack tried to pretend that it was his imagination, only a dream, until he looked down upon her again, feeling her hands on the sides of his face and then feeling her soft lips upon his. When he opened his eyes again it was only to be met by emerald green. He watched as her eyes flooded with fear and as she slowly began to step way from him. When he tried to move forward she ran, faster than she ever could only to hear Jack calling her name in the distance.
It's over.
Look out below.
I'm wasted, can still taste it.
Yeah, it's so hard to let go.
Kate had ran to the only safe place she knew, Sawyer. He was down in the hatch, still trying to recover from being shot on the raft. Her earlier incounter with Sawyer now meant nothing because she could only think about what she had done, about how she had ruined everything she had with Jack. Her hand was rested underneath her chin and it wasn't until she heard a voice that she even blinked.
Breathe in now, and breathe it out.
Jack was standing behind her leaning on the door frame. He looked to her face to see even more tear stains, this time caused by him. He sighed as he moved forward to find Kate moving back. She didn't know how to confront Jack now, afraid that she had finally let her barriers down enough for him to find the true her, the real Kate.
The forecast, a car crash, it's looking like another
breakdown, rebound.
This could be my last goodbye.
You crossed your heart I hoped to die.
"I'm sorry I kissed you..." she said softly walking towards him to leave. She didn't want to know his response, it would pain her either way. As she got closer to her, he grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked up into his hazel eyes, the eyes that seemed to always be drifting to some better place.
And I can't deny your eyes.
You know I try to read between the lines.
"I'm not..." Jack nodded and slowly let go of her arm as he walked out of the room before she could. Her mouth hung open, as if she was going to speak again but instead she just gasped. She slowly turned around to find Sawyer looking at her and her small bit of happiness suddenly turned to worry and guilt.
I saw a warning sign.
His eyes told her everything, that he had heard every word that Jack and Kate had just spoken and when she looked into them again she saw rage. Sawyer sat up in his bed and before she knew it he was standing. The rage that she saw began to scare her and as she got up to leave she felt another hand grab her, this time with force.
And then you threw me up against the wall.
Who said that it's better to have felt and lost?
I wished that I have never loved at all...
Kate woke up hours later still laying on the floor of the bedroom. Her head was pounding and she slowly brought her hand up to her mouth and found blood. She winced in pain as she tried to pull herself up to a sitting position but it was too late, someone was already there waiting. Sawyer was standing above her again and she knew that there was no chance of anyone coming to save her, not for 2 more hours.
No rewinds.
No second times.
No I woke break, I won't waste everything that you left behind.
"Please..." was Kate could think to say. "Please..." She continued to mutter the word trying to convince him to stop. She knew this wasn't Sawyer, this wasn't the way he acted, but love can make you do crazy things, especially when the person you love doesn't love you in return.
"I thought that you loved me...I actually thought for once I'd find love..." He wasn't crying, as most people would be, but instead was furious, as if beating her might actually make her realize that she has to love him, but she knew that she couldn't. To her Sawyer was the safe choice, they had the same past but Jack...he was something different. He treated her like she wasn't on the run, like she was someone who didn't have a past, and to her that was perfect.
Don't follow, just let it go.
The weather's been better so there can be another
breakdown, rebound...
This could be my last goodbye.
You crossed your heart I hoped to die.
"Sawyer I'm sorry, I just...I just can't..." but that was not what he wanted to hear. He viciously grabbed her hair making her scream out in pain. He had broken, all sanity leaving him and she knew that if someone didn't come before long she wouldn't be here to tell them what happened.
"but I loved you..." the past tense wasn't making her feel any better, for fear it meant that she wouldn't be here to love anyone else. Kate closed her eyes and slowly began counting to five before, for some reason, saying goodbye to Jack in her mind.
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines.
I saw a warning sign.
Jack's eyes fluttered into her mind, remembering how she would get lost in them and she sighed knowing that would be the last time she would see them.
And you threw me up against the wall.
Who said that it's better to have felt and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all...
Kate found herself face forward into the wall, fear running through her veins once again. She was now scared that she would have to suffer more before she was killed, all because she finally let her feelings take over.
I'm done with sitting there alone with you.
Your out there on your own...
I spent nights waiting by the phone for you.
Your going in alone.
And lights are the faces that you spent going to the places.
Everything is a mess.
All the different places and all the complications and today..
Sawyer slowly began to fulfil Kate's fear until something stopped him. Kate found herself uncontrollably breaking down and when she looked up she ran forward so that she was in Jack's arms. Her hands were to her face as she sobbed, all her fear had now left her and she realized what he had done to her.
And I can't deny your eyes.
You know I try to read between the lines.
"When you left I turned around to see him awake, before I knew it I found myself laying on the ground bleeding." Jack was looking over Kate's wounds as she tried to explain what happened, tears tearing at her every word.
I saw a warning sign.
And you threw me up against the wall.
Who said that's its better to have felt and lost?
I wish that I have never loved at all...
"The next thing I knew he had picked me up by my hair and threw me into the wall..." Kate paused as she slowly turned around. "Jack, I was so scared..." her voice was still a whisper and she started to shake as the memories finally came to and end. "And all I could think about was saying goodbye to you..."
And I can't deny your eyes.
You know I try to read between the lines.
I saw a warning sign.
And you threw me up against a wall.
Who said that's its better to have felt and lost?
I wish that I have never loved at all...
"I thought that maybe if I hadn't finally let my feelings take over my actions that maybe he wouldn't have beat me...I thought that maybe it would have been better if I never loved at all..." Kate slowly looked up and saw Jack look away, she was vaulnerable and she didn't know what she was saying, that's the only reason she could love me, he thought trying to make sense of what she said. He loved Kate, and what she said would only be better for him, but was it only because she thought she was going to die? In his mind all he could think was What the hell? as he turned back around and grabbed the back of her neck as he kissed her.
Song: Up against the wall Boys like Girls