Let's Dance in the Dark
Preface
Two years ago, I was a little twelve year old attending the seventh grade. I had great friends, a great family, and a great boyfriend.
Basically, life was picture perfect.
I had my whole life set up ahead of me. Despite my young age at the time, I was pretty smart. I was also an over-achiever, a constant worrier, an avid writer and reader, and an aspiring singer/actress. I was to marry Davis Motomiya, live with him in California and raise a wonderful family.
Its funny how one trip to a town three hours away changes your whole perspective of life itself.
Chapter One: A Thousand Angels
I love Saturdays. They're the only days I get to sleep in.
Starting November, it was all going to change.
"Kari! Kari! Wake up! You have practice!" My father called.
I groaned. What practice? I didn't sign up for anything…
"Dad, what practice? Practice for what?" I sleepily shouted back.
"Didn't your mother tell you? Remember that Catholic organization your mother and I recently joined? Well every year they do a nativity and choir. Your mother and I signed you up for it. We know how much you love singing. They even gave you a solo when the president heard you sing at the Church two months ago! It's good exposure for you, Hikari…"
Don't get me wrong… I love my parents, my religion, and singing, but Saturdays are strictly my days.
"Where is it?"
"Highton View Terrace." He replied casually.
I nearly fell out of bed. "Highton View Terrace?! Dad, that's three hours away from here."
"Yes, I know that Hikari. We're taking the train there. I know how you hate car rides…"
"That's not my point, Dad! It's too far! And Saturdays are the only days I can relax for once! You know I've been busy with voice lessons, piano lessons, band, orchestra, school choir, church choir, and drama club! Above that, I have to maintain my grades! I've been getting first honor roll since… forever!"
"I know, Hikari. But you'll manage! You're a talented young woman who has set up goals for herself. I'm sure Davis will be able to help you. He's very talented as well. And like I said, this is good exposure for you! You never had a solo performed outside of church. You can perform any song you want, too."
I thought about it. It would be great to sing a song that isn't about church for once. Like I said, I love my religion but I need to show everyone the real side of me…
"Fine. I'll do it. What time does practice start?"
"You have an hour to get ready. Then we'll leave."
I walked into the rehearsal room feeling anxious and a little bit scared.
Well, I guess I wouldn't really call it a rehearsal room. Our practices were being held at an old church that is used for Religious Education Classes. I looked around and saw not one familiar face in the crowd of other kids. About 30% were children that were from 3-8 years old. 80% were teens and adults that were either forced to come here and watch, or were doing a performance number as well.
Only 20% were kids my age.
Looks like I was a little too late since everyone in my age group had friends already. I just kept repeating to myself that this was for my singing career, not for friends. The director, Leila, ordered everyone to sign in. Some boy who looked like a year or three older than me came up to me.
"Hi."
"…Hi." Did I mention that I was also painfully shy? Ironic, isn't it? I want to be an actress/singer and I can't even manage a proper greeting.
"You're new aren't you?"
"Uh... yeah. "
"That's cool. Where you from? He asked coolly. He certainly looked cool. Blonde hair, blue eyes, husky voice… did I mention that his blonde hair looked totally wicked?
"Odaiba."
His eyes grew in shock.
"That's three hours from here! Who forced you to come?"
"Hah… my Dad did. He said it was good exposure for me."
"Oh, so you're the girl with the solo? Must mean you're really good."
I was up next to sign in. I scribbled all the information down while trying to keep a conversation with him.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I've been here since I was eight years old. I'm sixteen now. That last person to ever sing a solo was about, four years ago I believe. After that, no one ever found anyone good enough to replace her."
"What's her name? What happened to her?"
"Her name was Mimi Tachikawa. Great singer, and great friend. Nothing happened, except her parents didn't want to drive her all the way here. We live in the same town. We live about, an hour and a half away from here."
"Oh…"
"Yeah."
"Alright, everyone!
I want you all to arrange yourselves in height order! The little ones
must be upfront!" Leila screamed over the loud chatter of voices.
Seeing that Mr. Cool was almost a full foot taller than me, he left.
"See you, later." And he casually walked away with his hands in his pockets.
Did I mention that I was the shortest person (in my age group) there? Well, I was.
The tallest was in the middle and each side descended. I was at the end… yay. Great exposure, Dad.
"Alright, guys! I'm giving you all a packet filled with the songs! You should be familiar with most of them. We're just going to teach it to the little ones so I expect the teens to help them!" Leila shouted.
I skimmed through the packet. O Christmas Tree? Twelve Days of Christmas? We Wish you A Merry Christmas? Feliz Navidad? They were a bunch of children songs.
Yeah, thanks Dad.
"What's up with these songs?" I heard a voice beside me. I looked over at him. I almost fainted at the sight of him. He had blonde hair, electric blue eyes, a charming smile, a sweet-sounding voice… it was like an angel in disguise.
"We're way too old for this stuff, don't you think?"
"Y-Yeah." I stammered. His looks took me by surprise.
"Aww… Don't be shy! Just pretend you're talking to my brother like you did earlier!" He said cheerfully.
"Y-Your brother?" I questioned.
"Yeah. You know… Mr. Cool standing in the middle. He's my brother."
Realization hit me. A blind person could've seen the resemblance between them. I felt extremely stupid.
"Oh! I knew that!" I said, clearly embarrassed.
"Hahah, yeah. So what did my brother Matt say to you?"
Matt. I had to remember that name. Most importantly, I had to learn his brother's name. "Nothing really. He just talked about Mimi Tachikawa and stuff."
"Of course he would talk to some stranger about his 'amazing' girlfriend!" He said sarcastically.
"They're dating?"
"Yeah. Since they were like, nine years old."
"Oh."
"Yeah. So anyway, my name's Takeru, but you can call me TK." He said as he held out his hand.
I shook it forgetting to even say my name. His eyes mesmerized me again. I saw the laughter in them.
"And you are…?" He asked.
"Oh… Oh! Uhmm… Hikari. But please call me Kari."
"Well, pleasure to meet you Kari."
"Same here." I said shyly. He was quite charming.
"Wait… Kari… as in Kari Kamiya? You're the soloist this year, aren't you? You're really good then! That's why Matt mentioned Mimi to you!" He said in awe.
"Well, I'm not that good…"
"Oh, don't be modest! I bet you are! Sing something to me right now!" He asked with a charming smile. Such a beautiful smile to match his beautiful eyes…
"N-No! Seriously, I'm not that good."
"Come on! Please?" He begged.
I looked at him trying not to laugh. He was trying o pull off the infamous puppy dog look. Despite his charming features, it wasn't working. I ended up laughing at him.
"What?" He asked.
"You look like an idiot!" I blurted out stupidly. I was about to take it back but then he ended up laughing, too.
"Hahah, my brother was right. If I end up doing that to girls, I'll never get a girlfriend!"
I giggled. Then I remembered something I completely forgot: I had Davis. I had a boyfriend. So why was I flirting?
"Please sing for me?" He asked again.
"Never!" I melodramatically said.
All of a sudden, Leila turned on the music. "Alright everyone! Time to sing!"
Then, TK whispered to me, "Guess I'm going to hear you anyway."
We ended up exchanging phone numbers before we left for our towns that seemed light year away.
"I'll text you later, alright godlike singer Hikari?" He jokingly said to me.
I waved back. "Shutup!"
He smiled a real goofy smile. "See you next week, Kari!"
And he drove off.
As soon as he left a girl approached me.
"Hi, my name is Mai. And you are?"
"My name's Hikari. But you can call me Kari." I no longer felt shy. I felt too happy to feel shy anymore. TK was just… magic that suddenly entered my life. He was like the blessing of a thousand angels above.
"Pretty name. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier today. We stand on opposite sides of the room, so…"
"Don't worry about it! I'm sure we'll be able to talk more next week. Well, I got to go. I'll see you later, Mai!"
She waved and smiled and walked away, I climbed into the bus that was taking me to the train station which was taking me home – three hours from Highton View Terrace.
The same routine was happening for six week. I woke up early every Saturday, but with no more complain. I was happy to go to practice. Davis and I only talked after school since we had no classes together, but it was okay. I never told him about me and TK's friendship. He didn't even know he existed.
"TK!" I said when I entered the church.
"Hey, Kari! Did you decide what song to sing yet?" He asked cheerfully.
"No, not yet." I replied.
"Oh. It's alright! You're amazing anyway! You can go up and sing 'Twinkle twinkle little Star' and get signed to major record label!" He smiled.
I ended up blushing. "Shutup." I said as I playfully hit him on the shoulder.
"Alright. Whatever you say, Miss Kamiya." Then he took my hand and led me to our spots.
Mai and I were good friends too. We teased each other and hung out a lot during practices. Mai, Matt, TK, and I were this one big group. Matt was sixteen, Mai was 13, I was 12, and… wait. How old was TK?
"Hey TK?" I whispered. We were supposed to be singing.
"Yeah?" He murmured back.
"How old are you?"
"I'm 11."
I froze. He was a year younger than me? Back then, I was shallow. I believed that the girl had to be younger than the guy. But how could this be? TK was a lot taller than I was. Imagine how tall he would get when he gets his growth spurt…
"You okay?" He asked.
"Uh. Yeah. I just feel… dizzy." I managed. I was actually. Not because of his age, but the fact that I cared. I had Davis. Davis who was a year older than me, lived in the same town as me, and went to school with me. I had him, but I cared about me and TK.
"You want to sit down and ditch? The back door is right there…"
"No it's okay."
The whole time, TK kept looking at me worriedly.
"Hey, Kari?"
"Yeah, Mai?"
"Can I talk to you?"
"Yeah, sure."
It was break time and we were hanging out. Mai pulled me aside and asked me a question that made my heart almost stop completely.
"Do you like TK?"
I froze.
"Do you?"
"Mai…"
"Can you answer it?"
"… No. No, I don't like TK. He's just a … friend." I think I was telling the truth.
I saw Mai smile. "Really? Are you sure?"
I nodded.
Mai's eyes lit up. I've never seen her look so happy. "Yay! Okay! Well, can you help me Kari? I really like TK and I'm afraid to tell him myself. Can you tell him for me at the party next week…"
She liked him. Mai liked him. Was she just using me?
"S-Sure, Mai. I'll ask him."
She squealed. "Thank you so much Kari!"
Then she left me there, standing frozen.
The party was tonight. It was supposed to be a wonderful night.
But it wasn't.
It couldn't be knowing that Mai was in love with TK. What if TK liked her back? What if they started going out? I could never live with myself if I saw them together like that…
Stop. Right. There.
I did NOT like TK like that.
But why do I care so much? Why do I feel jealous? I have…
I have Davis. He's all I need, all I want…
I sank to the floor at the school's gymnasium where the party was being held. I sank and sat feeling confused and ashamed and broken on the cold marble floor. The hallway was dark with lockers that were newly installed in the walls… everything felt cold.
The party was going to start in 30 minutes. Everyone was supposed to be backstage getting ready. I heard people looking for me, shouting my name. I heard Mai's voice, Matt's voice, Leila's voice… but I didn't move.
Then I heard the voice of a thousand Angels.
"Kari!" He shouted.
My head shot up. I wasn't crying. My eyes were dry. So I had no evidence that I was feeling so… empty.
"Where were you? Are you okay? We've been looking everywhere for you!" TK pulled me up and hugged me. This was the first time he had hugged me.
"Please don't ever do that again."
I wasn't sure if I welcomed his hug, but I hugged him back almost instinctively.
I nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."
We walked back to the stage and the show had begun. That's when I realized I didn't choose my song yet.
"What do you mean you didn't choose a song yet? Kari, you're number is up in half an hour. What are you going to do?" TK asked me.
The children's choir was over. So was the teen choir. Right now, some of the selected teens were up doing a their 12 minute long dance. They were half way done. After their dance, the adults were going to some raffle. Then I was up.
"I don't know. I've completely forgotten about it." I said.
"But that's the only reason why you came here every week. This was to help your singing career. How could you forget?"
Because I started coming every week to see you…
"I guess I've been really tired. That's all." I said. It wasn't the truth and he noticed. He started at me for a long second and looked away.
"I'll help you choose your song if you want." TK grinned at me.
I loved that smile of his. It was so… real. It wasn't a fake smile like mine. "It's alright. I think I know what song to sing."
He smiled and patted my shoulder. "That's my girl. Break a leg out there. You'll do amazing. I just know it."
I watched him walk away. I was left alone with my thoughts.
I didn't know who I was anymore or what I was doing. Davis would be disappointed in me if he found out about TK. TK doesn't even know about Davis. He doesn't know I'm taken. What was I going to do? I could look in a mirror and see a complete stranger. A reflection is defined as an image or a representation. What I saw was neither an image of myself nor a representation of myself. What I saw was a complete blur.
That's when I knew what song to sing.
This was it. The light out in the auditorium went down low. The lights on the stage went from a bright yellow to a fading blue. This was my moment. The music began playing. I tried to gracefully walk on stage, but I was shaking. I felt as if the whole world knew.
Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me.
Everyday, it's as if I play a part. Now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world…
But I cannot fool my heart.
I tried my best not to cry on stage. I barely succeeded. A few tears fell silently, but they were screaming with my pain and sadness. No one seemed to notice – no one except TK. I saw him faintly get up and go backstage. He was waiting for me there.
I sang the rest of the song with emotion and feeling. My first performance was a memorable one. Despite my nervousness, I nailed it.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
Everyone applauded and I walked offstage, this time stumbling. TK caught me and he hugged me.
"Don't cry, Hikari. You may not know who you are now, but you will soon." He assured me. I hugged him back, but said nothing.
"You sounded amazing… like a thousand angels have come down from Heaven." He said.
This moment was too good to be true. That's when I remembered Mai. I promised her to ask TK if he liked her. No, not now. Maybe later before I leave. Yes, that was it.
"TK?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He smiled at me.
"I think there's something you should know."
His goofy smile disappeared and his eyes turned serious. There was only an hour left of the party.
"I know someone who likes you." I asked. I felt like a second grader having this conversation with him.
"Who?" I swear I saw his eyes light up just a little bit.
"Uhmm… Guess." Wow, I was stupid.
"Hmm… Michelle?" He guessed.
"Nope."
"Rosalind?"
"Nope."
"Ayanna?"
"Nope."
He didn't know who else to say. Then his eyes lit up. This time, I was sure of it.
"Is it… you?" I heard the hope in his voice. That's when I realized he liked me. He liked me and he didn't even have to say it. His smile said it for him. His eyes showed me. That's when it hit me: He's a year younger and I have Davis. We live too far and Mai likes him.
"No… I… I have a boyfriend."
His reaction killed me, and I wanted to kill myself. His eyes became sad, his beautiful smile disappeared. The face of a thousand angels: gone.
"Who? I don't feel like guessing anymore." He said.
"… Mai. She wants to know if you like her back." I said quietly.
His eyes became distant and glassy. I wanted to cry.
"Tell her that I'm sorry, but I don't like her that way. Besides, we're family friends. I've known her since I was four." He said.
He didn't seem surprised that she liked him. I had a feeling that this had happened before.
"O-Okay." I said.
He surprised me by hugging me for a third time that night.
"I just remembered that I have to go now. Since I live far, we have to leave now before it gets late."
Everything hit me all at once. This party only happened once a year. I would only see TK once a year. We lived miles and miles away… it hurt too much. My eyes begin to fill with tears again, but this time it was a challenge to hold it back.
"Oh… Well… I guess this is goodbye." I said sadly.
He hugged me tighter. "Only for now. We'll see each other next year."
He let go and he started to walk away. \
I was stupid and strong enough to watch a thousand angels walk away from my very own eyes.
That was only the first year. Little did I know that everything would just get better and worse for the next two years of my life.
A/N: Sorry this was amazingly long. I didn't know it would go this far. This is based on a life story my four friends told me. I just combined it into one and added a little bit of myself into this. This story will have three, four or five chapters, but they will be just as long, or even longer than this one.
In case anyone was confused, Hikari is just reflecting back on the last three years of her life.