Erin
I am sitting on my bed waiting for Hank Voight to come in here and kick my ass. I am in more trouble than I have been in the year I have been living here. I am not going to lie, I have made some pretty stupid mistakes but this sure takes the cake. Hank is going to kill me. I have been grounded, had my phone, computer, and iPod taken away, and had to do extra chores around the house over the past few months. Hank warned me that if I got in trouble at school again that I would be sorry. The problem is, I have no idea what that means. I mean, what other punishments are there? Is he going to make me leave? Is he going to kick me out? I hope not.
This is the first time in my life that I am finally starting to feel safe. I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. I don't know what I will do if Hank sends me away. I guess I should have thought of that before I let things get out of control at school today. I have been dealing with Brooke Tanner and her stuck up 8th grade cheerleading squad since the moment I set foot in that fancy private school. Its as though she knew that I didn't belong there. Every day she makes my life a living hell and I tolerate it…until I can't. I ignored her taunting and teasing for most of the day. I didn't even flinch when she smacked my books out of my hand and they fell on the floor and got wet. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes when she pointed out to the entire lunch room that I was wearing a goodwill special because I didn't have some fancy designer label on my ripped jeans. But when we were walking to final period and she shoved me into the corner of a locker and I busted my forehead open, I'd had it. I turned around and decked her right in the jaw. Of course, Principle Shepard had to be walking out of her office right as I landed my right hook. She didn't even listen to the fact that Brooke started it. I don't know if Hank would even believe me if I tried to tell him the truth, so why bother? I'm sure he just thinks I am a trouble maker and nothing is going to change that.
I hear Hank's boots on the stairs and I wipe a stray tear away and slip a scowl back onto my face. If he is going to be rid of me I guess it's better to feel anger than any other emotion. I grunt when he knocks on the door and pushes it open. I can feel his glare boring into me. I try to ignore him but the silence is too uncomfortable.
"What do you want?" I ask him, harsher than I intend to. I see the hurt flash across his face and I feel bad. I don't mean to sound so mean but if he is going to send me away anyway at least this way it will hurt less.
"Excuse me?" He says, his tone making my own wither in comparison. "Care to try that again?"
"Just say it already!" I shout, throwing my hands up. I can't take it any longer. All of the months of waiting, the uncertainty. I have been giving him plenty of opportunities to get rid of me and he hasn't. I can't go another day feeling like this.
"What exactly am I supposed to say, Erin?" Hank says, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He waits patiently for me to come up with an answer. I glare at him, sure that he is messing with me, but his look is genuine. He honestly doesn't know what I am thinking and that angers me even more. How can he not know?
"That you are finished with me!" I yell, "That I am too much trouble! That I am always going to be a screw up and that I am not worth anything. I will never be good enough. You can just cut the act already, Hank. I don't know why you felt you had to take me in but your charity act has been seen so you can throw me out now!" I pour out the anger in every word, the years of being told how worthless I was are filling my mind with memories and the emotions are overwhelming.
Hank slowly walks over and sits down beside me on the bed. He surprises me when he pulls me into a hug. I am small for my age and I am enveloped in his arms. I don't want to admit it but I love Hank's hugs. They are few and far between but for that moment I feel so safe with his arms wrapped tight around me. I burst into tears and I relax as he holds me tighter. Growing up I longed for a mommy and daddy to tuck me in at night with a hug and a kiss and read me bedtime stories. I am too old for all of that now, but it sure is nice to feel like Hank cares about me.
"I don't want to leave." I cry, "I don't want to be back on the streets. I can't go back. Please don't send me away." I feel like a blubbering mess begging through my sobs, but I cant make the tears stop. The past eight months have been an emotional roller coaster and I cant keep it bottled up any longer.
"Hey, hey…Kid, look at me." He says, waiting for my eyes to meet his gaze. "You need to understand something right now. When I took you into my house, I didn't expect you to be a perfect angel. Hell, Erin, I know better than anyone how much of a mess you were. I helped you get clean remember? I am here for you. I am going to be the parent that you never had growing up. I am going to help you learn how to be a responsible productive adult. But I am not going to give up on you. Not now, not ever. You are worth every grey hair, kid." He grins at me after this comment. "I hope that all of this acting out lately isn't simply to see how far you can push me. Because you know damn well, that I am a man of my word. I am not going to give up on you. I will be here to reign you in every time you screw up. All you have to do is follow the rules, Erin. If you can do that your life will be a hell of a lot more fun. I see something special in you, kid. You figure this out and you will be fine. You know my rules. Do not lie, do not steal, do not cheat, and stay safe. Fighting in school is completely unnecessary. You are better than that, Erin."
I am blown away at Hank's words. Does he really mean it? Does he really care about me? Will he really be there for me? And how does he know that I am better than fighting? No one has ever said something like this to me before. What if he's wrong? I look up at him and wipe my cheeks.
"What if you're wrong?" I say softly, afraid to hear the bitter truth I know is coming. "What if I am not better than this? What if I cant be a better person?" I ask him. I hold my breath and wait.
"Because no daughter of mine is going to end up down the path you were headed. You are going to grow up to be a beautiful, hardworking, smart woman someday, Erin. I am going to be here for you every step of the way. And I am going to start by holding you accountable for your choices today."
"How long am I grounded for now?" I sigh. I am already grounded for the next few weeks, I don't know how long he is going to extend it. Hank doesn't say anything for a few moments, and then he raises an eyebrow and asks me the one question no one has.
"Can you tell me what really happened today?" He asks. He catches me off guard and I am blown away by my emotional response to that question. Hank actually cares. If he didn't, he wouldn't care what I had to say about the events that unfolded today. I must have given him a weird look because he adds, "What is that look for? I know you already explained it all to the principle but I would like to hear it from you."
"She didn't let me explain." I say, shrugging my shoulders. "She didn't care what actually happened. All she saw was the end result of me hitting Brooke." I can't tell what the look means that flashes across his face but he simply raises an eyebrow and looks at me, waiting for me to continue.
"I'm listening." He says, "Tell me what happened."
"Brooke tortures me every day. She is a stuck up bitch. And not just in the eighth grade either, she rules all of the grades at our school. Even the high schoolers are afraid of her. I usually do pretty good at ignoring her but she was really mean today and I just couldn't take it anymore. She knocked my books into a puddle on the floor, she said horrible things in front of the entire cafeteria about me, she tore up my English paper when I was going to hand it in, and this afternoon she shoved me into the corner of my locker and I decked her. Thats when Principle Shepard walked into the hallway and all she saw was me hitting her. I tried to explain that I just snapped from all of Brooke's bullying but she just didn't care. She didn't even care that I had blood dripping down my face from where I cut it on my locker. It's like because of my past Principle Shepard doesn't even want to give me a chance. She makes me feel like I am not worth her time because I have made mistakes. Hank, I really have been trying. I am taking notes in class and doing my assignments. Half the time Brooke and her posse rip up my papers before I can hand them in. I want to do better. I want to do good in school. I don't want to end up back on the streets again."
"You won't, kid." Hank says, wrapping an arm around me. "You won't. I will make sure of it. Now, we just have to make a plan of action."
"Am I in trouble?" I ask, curling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I wait for the inevitable sentence of a few more weeks added to my already torturous grounded state.
"Erin, honestly, I think you need a clean slate. I think that we have cleared up a lot of confusion today and you should get to start fresh. Now you know that I am not going to leave you. I love you, kid, and I want you to do well in life. I am guessing that a lot of this acting out has been because you were scared, yes?" When I nod he continues. "So, as of right now you are officially ungrounded. You will keep your cell phone on you at all times. You will not delete anything from your phone or computer and that includes texts, pictures, and emails, understand? I will check your phone periodically to make sure you are following the rules for your electronics. You will be home by 8 on school nights and 10 on weekends. I always have to know where you are. Can you handle that?"
"Yes, Hank." I say, throwing my arms around him in a hug. "Hank, what am I going to do about Brooke? How can I get her to leave me alone?"
"You let me handle that, kid. Just keep doing your best to ignore her."