The Dipcifica muse came on strong this Thanksgiving eve after reading some other stories, so I decided to see how far my little idea would go. I'm pretty happy with the results. For any of my readers who've never seen Gravity Falls, you should check it out.
EDIT: Of course the moment I submit this someone finds a sign in the show that says Northwest Realty. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW. Oh well. Maybe this is just Pacifica's first foray into an established family business. Also, if you enjoy the story or have constructive criticism, please review. Reviews really make my day.
Dipper Pines, Kept Man
Pacifica Northwest's life had taken some unexpected turns. For instance, as a child, she never would have guessed that she'd be the founder of a haunted house/supernatural museum. Nor did she imagine that she'd be dating one of the world's youngest and foremost experts on the occult (and the biggest nerd she'd ever met). But life has a funny way of changing minds. Hers began to change fairly abruptly when she was twelve, during a party that was less about who was invited and more about who wasn't. In spite of her parents' wishes, she finally did the right thing that night, and her life changed for the better.
Still, even after that defining moment when she realized the stock from which she came was rich but rotten, she didn't imagine that she'd be building what amounted to a theme park attraction out of the whole painful mess.
But again, life and a couple of twins had a funny way of changing her mind – especially the handsome one. Dipper Pines had found his calling in Gravity Falls – more specifically, to his own surprise, the Mystery Shack. Yes, the place was hokey, and his Great Uncle was basically a con man, but there was much more to the rough old man than met the eye. The Pines took care of other people, even during an apocalypse, and Stan was no exception. He took her in, along with so many others, keeping them safe from the storm of chaos that warped the world outside. Pacifica had been told multiple times that she was now more Pines than Northwest, and she always blushed and took it for the compliment that it was.
Saving the world left Dipper at a loss for what to do with the rest of his life, but he did at least know that he couldn't make it a normal one. He spent many late nights watching the stars with Pacifica on the roof of the Shack and musing that someday he might like a shack of his own – a place where he could show people the weirdest and wildest things that had ever existed and tell them the story of how those things had almost wrecked the whole world.
So a young Pacifica Northwest had started to do some research. That research turned into a business plan. The business plan – one of impeccable quality for a girl who had never shown much outward ambition – turned into a pitch to a stunned set of Pines twins. That pitch was later nervously repeated to their Great Uncle Stan, who had listened thoughtfully, his face unreadable, until he gruffly asked if Dipper was serious about following in his footsteps. When Dipper had smiled and said that he couldn't picture any other life for himself, Stan's eyes had grown suspiciously moist and he had to excuse himself.
The start-up costs were quite manageable. It wasn't that difficult to negotiate a fair price for a rickety old mansion – as Pacifica well knew, the rich liked their things to be brand new or priceless heirlooms, so the key was to find a place that was neither. As it happened, she managed to find just such a house on the northern outskirts of Piedmont. Built in the 30's but made to look much older, Dipper had taken one look at the place with its once-opulent but now decaying furnishings, exposed timber frame and echoing, moth-eaten halls and fallen in love. That was before she led him to the back of the house and gestured toward a massive window with a knowing smile. She was expecting Dipper to squeal like a girl when he saw that the house overlooked a graveyard with a bona-fide freaking mausoleum, but she was totally unprepared for what he did instead.
He pointed wildly at the scene outside and made a strangled sound as if his mouth wasn't sure what it wanted to do. His moment of indecision didn't last long, because the next thing Pacifica knew, she'd been dipped (Mabel was never going to let that pun die) so low and kissed so fiercely that she had to claw at the tattered drapes to stay on her feet. With one hand balled up in dusty antique fabric to steady herself, she used the other to seize a fistful of Dipper's hair so that he couldn't pull away. It was just like him to do something like this and then ruin it by apologizing, so she decided not to give him the opportunity.
They'd become closer than ever in the preceding years – it was hard not to get closer when you were planning a future together. She had scrawled "Pacifica Pines" on the edge of a document more than once during idle daydreams. She'd had her hopes and suspicions about Dipper reciprocating her feelings, and now she had the answer she'd been looking for.
If she'd known all she had to do to get him to make a move was buy him a spooky house, she would have gotten into real estate sooner.
Mabel had christened it the Mystery Manor, and the name stuck. After Pacifica had the Mystery Manor surreptitiously examined to make sure that it was not actually going to fall apart, she convinced the current owners that she intended to bulldoze it and talked them down to a price that would have made her parents proud.
Not that she cared about earning her parents' praise, of course. She hadn't cared about their approval in years. Not since she'd decided to become someone worthy of Dipper's friendship. Thankfully, his friendship had been easy to come by after she threw the lever and broke the curse.
So in the end, old houses and great boyfriends were not terribly difficult to obtain. No, the hard part had been getting the land under the Mystery Manor rezoned from residential to a museum. Mounds of money wielded like a club could almost always buy you land, but zoning law was an annoyance of the highest order and required a nuanced touch. She'd needed outside expertise and donations to the right "causes" to remove the zoning obstacle, and those things had cost several pretty pennies. The process had taken nearly a year and was the type of problem one could typically only solve by bribing or blackmailing the right officials and neighbors. She was pleased that she'd muddled her way through without any blackmail. She knew that Dipper would be pleased too.
The finalization of the zoning mess was the reason she was headed to Piedmont today. That and to see her boyfriend, of course. She tilted her head slowly from one side to the other, working out the stiffness that had settled in her neck during the long drive from Gravity Falls. She was definitely writing the gas for this trip off as a business expense.
Pacifica was still looking into whether they could get tax-exempt status. On the one hand, she envisioned the Manor making money and supporting both herself and the Pines family, but on the other hand, she thought it would be hilarious if her parents' friends knew that the heir to the Northwest fortune was shoveling the beginnings of her inheritance into something so tawdry as a non-profit focused on the supernatural. They'd never live it down. The thought of her parents' shame made Pacifica feel all warm inside.
Some in her situation might have flown or even chartered a jet for the trip instead of driving, but she was trying to get used to living frugally in case the Mystery Manor didn't work out. That and she knew that Dipper enjoyed having access to her car. It was a guilty pleasure for him, and she tried not to tease him about it too much. After learning to drive in Soos's rusty truck and the veritable aircraft carrier that was Stan's old sedan, the heated seats and working transmission in her S-Class felt like paradise to him. Besides, it was fall break and she intended to spend as much time on her two favorite ventures as she could before her last remaining semester of high school beckoned her home.
The blonde glanced at her GPS and saw that she was nearly there. She smiled as she finally exited the highway, winding her way through the small town's residential streets and parking outside the now-familiar home of the Pines twins. Glancing up at the house with an infectious smile, she picked up her phone and started composing a message to let Dipper know she was outside when she heard a door slam closed and found that he was already jogging across the lawn to greet her. She got out of the car and smoothed her hair down, hoping it wasn't too disheveled from the trip.
"Did you miss me?" Dipper asked softly as he drew her into a tight hug.
"Duh." Pacifica smiled as she squeezed him just as tightly. "Did you miss me?" She asked playfully.
"Duh." He chuckled over the top of her head. "Ready to go check out your amazing Mystery Manor, Miss benefactor?"
"Definitely -" She began, but faltered, glancing back at the car with a wince. "Actually, can I use the bathroom first?"
"I still can't believe you stuffed that building inspector guy into a butler outfit just to save some money."
"You'll be happy I did when you see the special effects budget. If they knew I was going to leave the place standing they could have squeezed another hundred thousand out of me. And I have it on good authority that my chief technical advisor-slash-curator and his uncles can make a hundred thousand go a very long way." She smiled.
"Yup, we're amazing." Dipper confirmed without even the barest hint of modesty. "Stan says he's cobbled together something out of spare portal parts that'll disrupt gravity in a thirty foot radius. We can totally make people float!" His enthusiasm was adorable and a little contagious, but Pacifica tried not to let it show. "And Ford's got the blue fire for the lumberjack figured out."
"Did he figure out how to do it without setting the actor on fire?" Pacifica inquired pointedly.
"He's working on it." Dipper's tone was defensive. He was fond of both of his uncles, but he knew that responsibility and risk aversion were not their strong suits.
"Where's Mabel?" Pacifica asked. If Dipper was her boyfriend, Mabel was her best friend. In spite of their early rivalry and in typical Mabel fashion, the playful girl had forgiven all of Pacifica's slights against them. Dipper's endorsement probably helped a lot, though.
"She's still at the diner." Dipper smiled regretfully, but on the inside he felt nervous excitement. Mabel could have gotten the night off from the fifties-themed diner where she'd been working, but her absence was part of a larger plan. "She said she'll see us when we get home."
"Is she still raking in crazy tips there?" Pacifica asked with a fond smile, imagining the high-velocity hug and sleepover that was sure to follow when they returned to the house later.
"Yeah, she's making some sweet money considering it's only a few nights a week during school." The waitressing job was right up Mabel's alley. She had boundless energy and loved talking to people. It helped that she'd grown out of her physically awkward stage without realizing it. The end result was the world's most adorable waitress in various colorful and often homemade outfits enthusiastically serving a growing clientele that, to her intrigue, consisted mostly of young men.
It wasn't just the young men who appreciated the Mabel Difference, though. There were plenty of older people who'd been coming to the same diner for decades who were so enamored with Mabel's sunny outlook and strange brand of wit that Dipper wouldn't be surprised if she was written into some of their wills by now.
"How's the gnome sanctuary coming?"
"It's good." Dipper replied brightly. "Candy and Grenda claim that they've won over most of Jeff's followers, so we should all be on the same page with the cannibalism and forced marriage stuff." He reported hopefully. "They said they're fine with rotating a couple dozen gnomes out to the Manor as long as they get plenty of fresh air and some fabric for new hats."
Most of what Dipper had done in the Manor consisted of floor plans and cardboard mock-ups of various exhibits or attractions. She'd warned him not to get too involved until the zoning was sorted out, lest they have to alter their plans and undo his work. As Pacifica expected, he'd been doing an excellent job. He had plans for almost every room in the house, and his enthusiasm was contagious as he led her through the Manor, babbling on about his vision for its decrepit halls. Eventually he led her to the room with the picture window where he'd first kissed her, and she found to her surprise that she smelled food.
"I know I've said it a lot, but I wanted to thank you again for believing in me enough to bankroll this madness." He gestured shyly all around himself, indicating the manor, unable to make eye contact through his nerves. "It's not just the money you spent that-"
She cut him off, as she'd done many times before. "You're welcome, Dipper. For the millionth time, I'm the one who should thank you. You showed me that I didn't have to be like my parents, and then you saved the world. If I can buy you a mansion now and then, that's only fair." She shrugged with a soft smile. Dipper was at a loss for words, and as he awkwardly scratched his neck, she inspected the long table in the center of the room and found that it had recently been dusted and polished. She also found the source of the tasty smell.
"Pizza?"
"Pepperoni. And Pitt in champagne glasses." Dipper confirmed. "It's all I've got the money for at the moment. I did bring some truffle oil for you if that'll help the peasant food go down smoother." He pulled a small spray bottle from his pocket with a wry grin. Knowing Dipper the bottle was probably full of luminol.
"Very funny." She tried to sound sarcastic but she couldn't keep the genuine amusement out of her voice. "And those are cognac snifters, not champagne flutes." She smirked as she slowly approached Dipper and lightly pressed a finger to his chest. "You know, when I gave you that corporate credit card I did expect you to abuse it a little." She smiled indulgently. "You could have splurged if you wanted to. I know you're working really hard on all this, so it's not like you don't deserve it."
"OK, one, I don't know what a cone-yak is but I'm curious as to how it drinks from a glass, and two, what would people say if I was getting lobsters and venison delivered all the time? They'll just say I'm your kept man." He concluded dramatically, snaking an arm around her hip and pulling her close for effect. His eyebrows waggled suggestively, but it was still charming and debonair somehow. She was still trying to figure out how the awkward twelve year old she'd fallen for had gotten so good at banter. Nothing built a young man's confidence like saving the universe, she supposed.
"Would that really be the end of the world?" Pacifica asked softly.
He hummed thoughtfully. "Do I have to stay here in the house giving tours all the time or do I still get to stomp around the woods looking for trouble?"
"That depends on how generous or lonely I'm feeling." Pacifica chuckled. She was close enough that Dipper could feel her breath tickling his neck. "That's how those arrangements tend to work." She continued. Dipper made an effort to look thoughtful again, so she decided to sweeten the deal. "How about this?" She ran a finger under his chin. "If you promise not to be away too long punching pterodactyls and to always come home in one piece, then I promise to be here when you get back." The thought made her blush. She didn't really live in Piedmont – yet. It was a little presumptuous to start thinking of it as home, but for a long time now, Dipper had felt like home to her.
"So I keep doing what I'm doing and you shower me with money and kisses?" He mused.
"Hey, for the amount I'm paying you, I'm going to want a lot more than kisses." She punctuated her remark by snaking a hand under the back of his shirt, lightly dragging her nails over his skin.
"That sounds alright." He concluded evenly.
"I thought you'd see it my way." She whispered, rising to her tiptoes for a kiss.