A/N: A while ago, while watching an episode of The Mentalist, I find myself highly amused at the thought of the spectacle that would be if Patrick Jane and the BAU team of Criminal Minds had to work together. The bits written -and hopefully will be written- here are products of that amusing thought, and I'm afraid they'll be messy. This is not a linear cross-over story; because I'm utterly hopeless when it comes to writing long-chaptered stories, least of all case-fics. Honestly, I've no idea where this will go. It may be a collection of drabbles, tidbits of dialogue and prose about interactions between The Mentalist and Criminal Minds characters. It may, if I'm struck with inspiration, become a story of its own. It will, much probably, be left open-ended... Who knows?

Characterization of The Mentalist people may be a bit off. Let's hope it gets better as I see more episodes. Please feel free to correct me if I got facts down wrong. Here we go..

I. Introductions

Detective Theresa Lisbon was no stranger to working with the feds. Often times, one or two agents would be asked to assist with ongoing investigations, and Lisbon always knew better than to turn away any help she could get. The problem, however, was having them work with Patrick Jane.

The unwilling dance that the CBI consultant so efficiently -and so naturally- forced the federals to do with him was what Lisbon did not have room or patience for. No self-respecting member of law enforcement, least of all the Bureau employees, enjoyed being so deliberately stamped upon by a mere consultant. So far, the CBI -or rather, Lisbon herself- had been able to smooth out any small grudges the feds might have had for Jane, but with the BAU coming in to take charge of a recent case, she wasn't sure whether she'd be able to keep a group of profilers from strangling him with their bare hands.

"Ah, Lisbon. I was just heading out for some lunch; would you like-"

Jane abruptly stopped when Lisbon caught his arm and pulled him a way feet alongside her.

"Hey, hey; what did I do?"

Lisbon stopped, and took a deep breath to even out the frustration she'd been feeling ever since Hightower had informed her about the BAU. After all, Jane wasn't the subject of her feelings. Yet.

"The feds are coming in to work on the case."

"Okay...?"

"The BAU is coming."

Jane frowned. "What's a BAU?"

"Behavioral Analysis Unit. They're a highly specialized, elite team of profilers."

"Profilers?" Jane bounced slightly on his toes, a slight smirk creeping in the corner of his mouth. "Is the lovely Miss Montague with them?"

Dr. Montague was a criminal profiler Jane had worked with not long ago, and it had, much to Lisbon's relief, been a smooth work relationship. This time, she had no idea what would be the case.

"I don't know, maybe," she replied to Jane's inquiry. She ran a hand along her neck and looked up at him. "They're taking charge of the investigation."

"That's unusual," Jane said, frowning again.

"This case is unusual. Three victims in two weeks; we don't even have a liable lead."

"What do you mean? We have leads-"

"Which take us to nowhere." Lisbon paused. "Jane, this is their investigation, and they may not want you to work the case with them."

Jane blinked, otherwise completely unmoved. "Oh."

"You have to understand," Lisbon insisted, emphasising every word, "they are in charge. We'll do what we do, but we'll play by their rules."

"That's fine," Jane said with an soothing smile, "I'll just introduce myself and offer my help, and we'll see how it goes."

"Fine; but if they don't want it-"

"What is this, Lisbon?" Jane asked suddenly, his lips still curled upwards, but a slight frown narrowing his eyes. "You're talking like I haven't been working here for five years."

"You work with the CBI, Jane. You never worked with the Bureau - under their rule. I just want to make sure that everyone can work together efficiently here." She paused, and rolled her eyes. "And it's not exactly my idea of fun to try to stop a fed from shooting you."

This made Jane chuckle. "Ah- maybe not yours, Lisbon, but it certainly provides me with cheap entertainment."

"Ha ha." Finally smiling a bit, Lisbon craned her neck again. "Just... go easy on them, okay? Be mild if you have to crush someone's ego."

"Promise," Jane replied, raising his hand as though swearing an oath. "Now, as I was saying, I'm headed out for lunch. Can I get you anything?"

The breath Lisbon took to ask him for chicken salad turned into a sigh as movement caught her eye. Through the glass doors down the corridor they were standing in, a group of serious-looking people were walking in.

"Guess you'll have to skip lunch. They're here." She began walking towards the newcomers, Jane at her heels.

"Fine; let's meet them. Maybe they're up for some lunch, too. Though I'm afraid they may have run out of chicken salad, Lisbon."

"Ugh," Lisbon huffed, rolling her eyes again as she continued her stride. "Remember, Jane, they're in charge," she muttered through her theeth just as they met up with the agents.

"Lisbon, I'm starting get offended."

"Detective Lisbon?"

Lisbon threw one last glance to Jane before holding out her hand to the fast-approaching FBI agent (because who could doubt that he was one, with that suit and that frown?).

"Aaron Hotchner, unit chief."

"Agent Hotchner," Lisbon greeted him with a firm shake of his hand. The lead profiler gestured towards the small group lingering behind.

"These are Agents Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss and Dr. Reid."

Saluting each of them with a nod, Lisbon took a breath to introduce Jane, and was beat to it when he quietly, and pointedly, cleared his throat. Pushing down her annoyance, Lisbon gestured towards him.

"This is -"

"Patrick Jane," Jane interrupted, walking past her with an outstretched hand and a large smile on his face. Hotchner shook his hand without a word, but his eyes narrowed slightly under the prominence of his brow.

"Mr. Jane works as a consultant for the CBI," Lisbon explained. "He's in on the case-"

"Only if that's all right with you, of course," Jane added with an air of ultimate politeness that Lisbon knew so well. It wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to him if the profilers said it wasn't all right; but looking at Agent Hotchner's stony face, she could tell this was not a man anyone would want to be cross with.

"We can use a extra pair of eyes," Agent Hotchner replied with a curt nod to Jane before turning to Lisbon again. "Where can we set up?"

"Right this way," Lisbon said, leading the way into the corridor. "We cleared a room for you; put up a board, the case files, and there's coffee." She stepped aside to let them in. "Anything else you need?"

"This is perfectly fine, thank you."

Lisbon watched, with Jane lingering just behind her, the profilers get settled in and get straight down to work. Dr. Reid; a tall, lanky young man wearing a brown sweater vest (who, other than Jane himself, could support a sweater vest as naturally as if they were from the 19th century?) was laying out a map on one side of the huge table. Agent Prentiss, a though-looking woman with raven hair, and Agent Rossi were digging into the file boxes. Agent Morgan, having just added his sunglasses to the numerous devices hung on his belt, was already looking over the file of the last murder.

"I guess they won't want any lunch," Lisbon whispered to Jane.

"Nice to see I've finally had some influence on you," Jane replied, no doubt with an amused smirk, but Lisbon wasn't looking at him. Agent Hotchner watched his team for a moment before turning to her.

"Is it possible to have officers drive us to the crime scenes?"

"I can drive you to the Millers' house, and I can have someone from my team take others to the Cyrus' place."

"Good." He turned to his team. "Morgan and Rossi, take the Cyrus's residence; I'll go to the Millers' with Detective Lisbon." He turned to the remaining two agents-

"Already on it," Agent Prentiss beat him to it, taking out victims' information files and spreading photographs onto the table.

"Same here," Dr. Reid spoke from the white board where he was putting up the map, a red marker in one hand and concentration on his face.

"Straight down to business, aren't you," Jane quipped from behind Lisbon, "F.B.I., indeed.". It was exactly what Lisbon had been thinking, but it seemed to her as though Agent Hotchner's frown had just become a bit deeper. His piercing eyes darted to Jane.

"Mr. Jane, have you been in on the case since the first victim was discovered two weeks ago?"

"I have."

"Good. I'd appreciate it if you worked with Agents Reid and Prentiss. Let them in on your observations."

"Ah. Yes, sure," Jane replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders, "Why not?" He rose on his toes and flashed a grin at Prentiss. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes yet again, Lisbon chose to ignore the rather funny way Agent Prentiss's eyebrows vanished beneath her dark bangs in response to Jane's antics.

"Jane, could you introduce Agents Prentiss and Reid with the team?" Without waiting for a response, she turned to Agent Hotchner. "Let's go." She turned, and throwing one last warning glance at Jane, set off on her way. Down the corridor, she stuck her head into her team's headquarters.

"Rigsby."

"Yes, boss?"

She nodded towards the agents behind her. "Take Agents Morgan and Rossi to the first crime scene."

"Sure."

And with a nod to the two departing agents, she fell into step with Agent Hotchner, praying, with a sigh, that Jane not drive the two profilers up the wall until they got back.