distorted illusion

We've all had that dream where we had to think if it was reality or a fantasy. For some, they have to think even harder than we do because fantasy is their place of escape. Where you can feel safe and let go. But what are the things that we will do to reach that place?

You were so close to touch

Now you're nothing but a memory

Sakura stared out of her window and sighed. Today was the day; the day when her heart broke and she cried like never before; the day where promises were made and broken. It was the day where that cold bench became a memoir to everything she knew. Today was the day when the rain fell so hard and so much she thought it would never end. It was the day when Sasuke left. She sighed again. She missed him, a lot. Even though all of her friends told her to move on and that he's no good, she still held onto that little bit of hope that was left. In her eyes, even though Sasuke did something that tore her heart into numerous little pieces, he was the still the little boy that she first met in pre-school.

He was still that boy who held her hand when she needed some sort of comfort; he was there for her when people made fun of her. He was always there in her time of need. So why isn't he here now? Where was he? He promised her that he would be there for her whenever she called. He said he would never break that promise but it seemed as though all of the promises that were made to Sakura were broken. Naruto promised that he would get Sasuke back but he had to break that promise because honestly that was just ridiculous. Sasuke's mind and thoughts were so far deep into revenge and self-vengeance that there was no hope for him to come back-even with force: but Sakura saw how strong Naruto got and maybe just maybe he'll be able to get him back but Sakura knew the chances of that happening.

Sakura placed her forehead on the window and hugged her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. It was cold just like that day. Shivers passed through her body as she remembered that day. Suddenly she opened her eyes to be met by deep onyx ones. She gasped but as the lightning flashed the image of his eyes disappeared. That was the sad part of losing someone; you thought you saw them everywhere. It was a blessing and a curse. The upside to it was that you saw them, even though it was just a fabrication of your mind; and that itself was the downside—they weren't really there. Sometimes it made her feel as though she was crazy, seeing apparitions of someone who wasn't really there.

There were times when Sakura would just sit down there and wonder if he was still alive—she prayed that he was, yes, but she still wondered. What if he just died, gone from this world, gone from her world? She wanted to know if he was alright. Even if he had to- as sick as this sounded- come and destroy the village, even just make an appearance. Anything to just let her know that he was alright; but as Sakura thought about it, she knew that if he had died news of it would have already spread around all the villages. He was a known killer after all—like a terrorist. Going from village to village destroying everything in his path to get what he wanted the most. Did he want power? No, he had that already. Money? No, the Uchiha clan had enough money. So what did Sasuke really want? Was anything good enough for him? Sakura knew the answer to that already. No. Sasuke became a greedy person but Sakura couldn't stop loving him. She couldn't let go of the person that he was and she couldn't accept the person that he was now.

The rain wouldn't hold up. It just kept on pouring as though it wanted to wash away Sakura's pain. But how could the rain wash away something that Sakura held onto the most. Sakura knew that if she would let go of this pain that she'll forget about what he did to her, the village, everyone and most importantly she would forget him. And even though he did hurt her she didn't want to forget him because forgetting him meant that she had to forget all of the good times that she had with him. The times where he unintentionally made her laugh, when he made her smile, when he made her day.

She saw a side of Sasuke that no one ever saw before. She saw that side of him that people wanted to able to see—to be able to believe was real. She felt somewhat proud because she was able to see a side of him that no one else saw since the day of the massacre. Sakura thought about the day after when the genocide took place. His eyes were distant and cold, deep pools of emptiness. There was an aura around him that made you stay away. It sent cold shivers down Sakura's back when she thought about it. That day- like the one he left- was filled with despair, anger and regret. He wouldn't talk to her. He just stood there next to her, silence overtaking them. His hands were shaking, rage passing through his body. She was scared; she thought that he was going to hit her but he didn't. Instead, angry tears rolled down his face. Sakura stood there not knowing what to do. How do you comfort someone who witnessed the death of his family? The thing is that you don't and that's what Sakura did. She stood there next to him just letting him know that she was there for him, just like the many times that she needed it and he was there for her, she was repaying him for everything that he ever did for her. She slowly walked closer towards him- she could feel his body heat on hers- and placed her hand on his shoulder. He tensed under her touch first but then he relaxed. They stood like that in that eerie but somewhat comforting silence.

Sakura was brought back to reality by the loud thunder. She couldn't help but think about the past and how it affected her. She could still feel his lingering touch from years ago. It haunted her very being. How could someone who was as sick and sadistic and self-centered person make her feel as though she needed him by her side? She was starting to get sick of herself; she was stuck in this fantasy world trying to relive the past where he was there by her side. She was building up a world that didn't exist; where they had a family, and a house, a sanctuary to call their own. She closed her eyes again, conjuring up the imagined world, a world that she wanted to become a reality. It was a place where Sasuke was back and he was a nice man that everyone loved not someone who would betray his own friends and country for selfish reasons. In this world he loved her unconditionally and loved their children. He was family man and his only intentions were good ones. He put the children to sleep every night and came in bed with her and they made love. This was the world where she wanted to live. Where happiness and trust and understanding—all the things that she thought she didn't have—were. Sakura came back to the real world when she heard soft patter of footsteps. She turned her head towards the noise and smiled sadly when the person emerged. His bangs were covering one of his eyes and he had a sad smile on his face.

"You should come to bed," he said softly.

She nodded her head in return and placed her foot on the floor, pushing herself off of the ledge. He held out his hand at her and she watched it, wondering if she should take it but a few seconds later she found his hand enveloping hers and they were walking to their bedroom. He opened the door and made his way to his side of the bed while she went on hers.

"Goodnight," he said after laying there for a few seconds.

Sakura looked in his direction and found him watching her.

"Yeah, goodnight," she replied.

He rolled over to the other side and took off the lamp making the room dark.

Sakura lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She could hear the pitter-patter of the rain droplets hitting the roof. She closed her eyes wrapping herself back into her made-up world where her make belief and magic came to life. She could see him in the garden playing with their kids- their kids; it felt nice to say that.

He had a smile on his face and it got wider when he saw her there watching them. He waved for her to come over by his side. She gave him a goofy smile and walked towards him. He wrapped his hand around her shoulder and pulled her in for a slight hug, kissing her forehead. She basked herself in his smell and his smile. She felt giddy. She placed her hand at the small of his back and hugged him back. She heard her name being called and looked in Sasuke's direction. She smiled again expecting him to say something. He looked at her with confusion on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked. His deep velvet voice sent a shudder down her spine.

"What do you mean? Didn't you call my name?" she asked in reply.

"No, I didn't," he said, pure confusion and concern was laced in his voice.

She heard her name again only this time she could see that Sasuke's lips weren't moving. Sakura opened her eyes and saw that her body was tangled up with someone else's.

"Sakura," she heard and she quickly realized what was going on.

She removed her legs from his and placed her hands at her side. She was getting too absorbed in her imaginary world. Once she heard the even breaths beside her she removed herself off the bed and entered the kitchen. Why couldn't he just come home?

"I am home," she heard someone said whose voice sounded extremely familiar.

She turned around and became face to face with Sasuke. Her eyes widened.

"You're actually here," she said. He shook his head.

"No, I'm in here," he said pointing to his head.

"My head?" Sakura asked. He nodded

"Do you want to be with me? The man of your dreams and fantasies?" he asked.

"Of course," she said without missing a beat.

"Well then, you know what you need to do," he replied. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What did he mean that there was something that she needed to do?

A knife suddenly appeared in his hand.

"Here, you know what you need to do."

She took it from his hand and stared at it and then looked back up at him. He nodded in support.

"This is the only way?" she asked.

"Yes, this is the only way."

She gulped. Could she really do this? Could she kill herself to be with this man? Yes. She knew that she would but why did this feel so wrong?

"We don't have much time," he said.

Sakura could hear her name being called from the bedroom.

"Hurry," Sasuke said.

She nodded. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to find her place of paradise. She could see the house standing there so warm and inviting; their children running in the garden, their sweet laughter filling the air and then she saw Sasuke. A small smile was on his lips. And that was enough for her to do this.

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…

Sakura woke up abruptly and looked around the room. It was dark but she could still make out the little things. She breathed a sigh of relief. She was in her home, in her bed, a body lying next to hers, keeping her safe from the world. She looked at his face, memorized by his beauty and smiled. She was here with him in this world, the one she created, the one she knew.

Author's Note

I haven't written in a while and I think that this would probably be my last one and if it isn't a lot of my writing won't be coming in frequently.
I have decided that I'm going to take down Sangria because I think that the writing is a bit childish and rushed.
I'm not sure if I'll write it over but I know for a fact that it's coming down.

I apologise if any one disagrees but I think that it's something that I must do.

Thanks.

PS- Don't ever consider suicide. I've lost a lot of dear people because of it. Always think about the positives and trust in God.