I, Alfred F. Jones, am not the most graceful of people.

Okay, I'm a hero. Sure, I'm amazing. Yes, yes, I'm quite possibly the most beautiful person you've ever laid eyes on. Should I be a woman, I'd be Miss United States.

Except I'm not graceful. Not one bit. So they'd have to scrap the additional 'and grace' when singing that song at the thing. You know what I mean, don't you? She's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss United States. That one. Except not grace. Alright, I'll stop.

Seriously, though. I don't even know how I fuck up this badly. But, I'm sure I won't do any worse then I already have. I'm joining a new school! Fresh start, you know? No way am I going to make a fool of myself, not here.

Background info is that I attend this academy and I'm bunking here because, y'kno, boarding school and what not. Only the best get to come here, actually. Which is weird because the Vargas brothers are here and, as much as I love them, they really aren't the brightest. I mean, they're handy, and they're sure as hell fashionable. But smart? Not really.

And of course something utterly stupid happened to the grumpier of the brothers. Hilarious, insane, and incredibly stupid. Which, for someone who's nearly always angry, isn't Lovino's favourite way of meeting someone. It does make me feel better for being incredible stupid myself, though.

Basically, Lovino had stopped to tie his shoe. He falls over things pretty easily, which is something I noticed when he tried to attack Feliciano's beefy friend, so I guess he didn't want to embarrass himself by falling flat on his face a second time in one day. At this point it was just me and him, because Feliciano was god knows where with our good friend, Kiku. Anyway, there Lovino was. I could see his face, and he was bent in such a way that his ass was in the air. Really, Lovino, what did you expect? So, this guy just swoops in with a grin and smacks Lovino's butt, proclaiming, "There you are, Gilbert! Hey, did you lose weight?" Once the Spanish-sounding dude shifted his gaze from Lovino's ass to his head, the dude realised that Lovino was most definitely not Gilbert. I could see Lovino's face reddening, his muscle froze as his mouth tugged down into a scowl.

"What the FUCK?!" Oh, Lovino, how I pity you. His voice can go pretty high sometimes. Lovino spins around, glaring at the Spanish dude, whose jaw drops. The dude takes a hold of Lovino's hand as he stares at the angry Italian in awe.

"Lo siento." I dunno if it's spelled like that. I'm sorry, I am a train wreck when it comes to writing. Especially when it's not even in English. Lovino's scowl faltered for a second, and he mumbled something back in not-English. I think it must have been Italian. The dude broke into a massive smile, and I bid Lovino goodbye and told him to text me later.

It is much past later, and he has yet to text me.

Anyway, here I am. In my room. I can't really be assed unpacking right now, especially since I'm waiting for my roomie to arrive. I'm super excited! I'm excited for that, and for the fact that this anime Kiku got me to watch is super cool! It's about giant naked people without any junk eating tiny clothed people who may or may not have junk (the audience have yet to be informed of this). I mean, what's not to love?

So, as anyone else would do when alone in their room with anime on their mind, I begin hopping about and acting out the fight scene between (spoiler alert man!) Eren who's in his Titan form and the Female Titan. I visualize the Female Titan dodging my punches in that swift way, whilst at the same time I am the one dodging the punches. Alright. Maybe I'm pretending to be both at the same time. But they're both just so cool! Can you blame me?

Things begin to get intense with my little fight. At some point I just switch entirely into the Female Titan (except I don't have breasts and I'm not naked) and I swing my leg to kick at the air.

I'll say it again. I am not graceful at all. I don't even know how it happened, but my roommate (presumably) had opened the door and I'd just swung my leg and kicked him. There was a strangled cry as my foot hits his back, causing the boy to fall flat on his face. I then topple on top of him, which only triggered the boy to groan.

"I am so sorry!" I yell, pushing myself off of him and offering out my hand, "I'm sorry! Really, really sorry! I'll make it up to you, I swear!"

The fellow teen replies with a scowl. But that's alright! I befriended Lovino, didn't I? This guy should be a piece of cake! That in mind, I didn't kick Lovino when I met him. Whatever! The little Italian dude is a tsundere. I'm sure this little dude in front of me is, too.

"What's your name?" The little dude asks as he brushes himself off. His voice is as cold as ice, yet it's dripping with the sexiness that is the British accent. Fuck. I could listen to this guy speak all day, probably.

"Alfred," I rival his sexy British accent with my own sexy American one, "Alfred F. Jones."

"F?"

"It stands for fun."

"Really?" Oh, there's sarcasm in there now. "I think it'd be much better suited standing for 'Fribble'."

"Fribble?" I repeat the word in confusion. The Brit scoffs.

"Look it up."

"It's a funny word. Spelled how it's said?"

"Yes, it's spelt the same way it's pronounced."

"Spelt? That's not even a word."

The tiny Brit shoots me a look of disgust. Boy, we're sure in for a ride.

After having the Brit, who's still yet to tell me his name, force his belief of 'spelt' being a word on me, Lovino finally texts me. Apparently the guy who smacked his ass is his roommate. Wow. Did Kiku arrange all of this? I mean, it sounds like something straight out of his gay fanfiction. Not that I'm homophobic or anything. It's just the guy really loves to write about men falling in love with each other. Meaning that I, as his friend, have to read and review it. Thanks to Kiku, I'm sure I'd be excellent when it comes to fucking another dude in the ass.

Well, I hope Kiku didn't plan all of this. If he did, it's a pretty harsh move for me to introduce myself to my roommate by kicking him down because I was acting out the coolest fight from Attack on Titan. Totally lame. Though Attack on Titan is an awesome anime. Just sayin'.

Honestly, it's not as if I met the Vargas brothers and Kiku in an elegant way, either. That's what I was getting at in my first paragraph, y'know. I just really wanted to meet someone in a normal fashion, but clearly god hates me and has cursed me to be an embarrassing little fuck. I mean, Feliciano met me because my earphones weren't plugged in properly and he could hear me listening to the song 'Having Fun Isn't Hard, When You've Got A Library Card' from the show 'Arthur', and he then started chatting about how much he loved that show as a kid. I met Lovino when I was in class reading hardcore porn that Kiku wrote and Lovino must have been reading it over my shoulder next to me because he hissed, "How the fuck are you reading that with a straight face?!" Sounding confused yet impressed. I watched the horror on his face as he continued reading, and then I educated the boy on homosexuality. After that, we kind of just became friends.

As for Kiku, well, I met Kiku when I was watching The Lion King on my phone in another class (yes, I go on my phone a lot during class) and I'd started to cry, so he tried to comfort me whilst I pretended that I wasn't sobbing like a baby.

I'm glad the three of them managed to get into Hetalia Academy. I mean, we all went to the same junior high, and now we're here. At the tender age of fifteen, we are fresh meat at Hetalia Academy. Hopefully I won't be on my phone all the time here.

Pretty ironic saying that as I'm on my phone right now. Now that my roomie is here, I've selected my bed and pulled a few things out of my suitcase. I find out my roomie is called Arthur. He's not much for talking, but I think he'll warm up to me. Eventually. I'll just need to think of an excuse as to why I kicked him down in the first place. As I think out my reply to Lovino's text about how annoying the Spanish dude is, Kiku rings me.

"Hello?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see Arthur turn his head to me. Does he think I'm talking to him? Hah. Lame.

"Alfred!" Is it bad I can recognise the desperate tone in Kiku's voice? "I'm writing and I need a good word to describe something that isn't really important! Can you help me?"

"Something that isn't important?" I purse my lips in thought. Kiku's worse subject is English. I see a grin begin to grow on Arthur's face.

"How about fribble?" Arthur suggests, and I pass the suggestion onto Kiku. Once hanging up, I recognise the word.

"Hey!" I pout, taking my pillow and throwing it at Arthur, "You said my middle name was Fribble!"

"A fribble is a foolish person," Arthur explains as he laughs to himself, "or it can be a thing of no great importance."

"Still mean," I huff as I make my way over to retrieve my pillow, "I'm incredibly important."

Arthur hums something. Probably a protest, or something to mock me, but I can't be bothered listening. I have a flustered Lovino on my hands, anyway. Apparently his roommate is a flirt.

A/N:
So Hetalia Academy is a high school, and Japanese high schools have three years which go from the ages 15 to 18 (at least that's what wikipedia says). I'll probably keep it as something along the lines of a high school rather than a college. Anyway, let me know if this should be continued or not! And yes, there's probably going to be side Spamano because I love it. Are the characters too OOC? I mean, Kiku writing fanfiction tends to be pretty common (yea im sorry but i mean someone had to do it) and I just like the idea of Alfred being pals with Japan and Lovino, I don't really know why. I'll also admit that I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this fic, so I'll probably never finish it.
I literally just googled "insults beginning with 'F'" when I found 'fribble'. If you have any faults with this fic let me know (but please don't be rude about it)~