Killer Labcoats from the Planet Flamingo
Author: SnarkySnark
Rating: T, for language
Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own House. I don't, okay? It's so hard to think about…-cries-
---
Chase: Lupus.
House: What?
Chase: The patient has Lupus.
House: Um…we don't have a patient.
Cameron: I'm hungry.
House: Then go get something from the cafeteria! Jesus, what is up with you people today?
Narrator: Suddenly, a labcoat burst into the room, and even though labcoats are inanimate objects, it somehow managed to move on its own and talk.
King Labcoat: I'm tired of you doctors always wearing us. What do you think we are, some sort of clothing?
Foreman: Um…yes.
King Labcoat: Well we're not! We're magical creatures from the planet Flamingo!
Chase: Yeah, I don't think that's an actual planet.
King Labcoat: Enough! You will pay for this! I'll cast a spell on all of you, then you'll-
House: Hey! I never even wear a labcoat!
King Labcoat: Yes, but you threw away Bob.
House: Who the hell is Bob?
King Labcoat: Bob was my son. Since you threw him away, your curse will be a bit worse than the rest.
House: There's really no way I can win in this, huh?
King Labcoat: No, there is not. But now, I shall curse all of you. Cameron, Chase, Foreman, Wilson, House, and that floosie I saw in the clinic.
Foreman: You mean Cuddy?
House: Zing!
King Labcoat: Whatever. Prepare to pay for all you've done to the Labcoat race!
MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD
Narrator: The six doctors all woke up a few hours later on the floor of Cuddy's office. Their heads pounded, and they couldn't remember their encounter with the Labcoat King.
Chase: Oww…my head hurts.
Cameron: We know, Chase. That's what the narrator just said.
Foreman: Wait, who's the Labcoat King?
Cameron: I don't know. Let's just get back to work.
Narrator: As the doctors got up from the floor, they realized they were all a bit…different.
Cuddy: Oh my God! My boobs are gone! Nooooooo! -cries hysterically-
Wilson: Hey, at least you aren't part unicorn.
House: Okay, people. Just shut up, and maybe we can-
Chase: Um…House? Where are you?
House: I'm right here, you dipshit.
Foreman: Are you pulling a prank on us, House?
Cameron: Hey, I think House is invisible! -pokes air-
House: Ow! Quit poking me!
Chase: Well, there you go. Now can someone please help me? I appear to be some sort of fish…
House: Eh. I don't feel like it.
Chase: -pouts-
Cameron: Fish can't pout, Chase.
Chase: Yeah, well fish can't talk either, and I'm doing a whole lot of that.
Wilson: Okay, Chase. Shut up.
Foreman: You got TOLD!
House: Fo shizzle. Let's go to the—OH MY GOD! FOREMAN, WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR FACE?!
Foreman: What? Oh no! My face, my beautiful face! -cries-
Chase: Seriously, dude. You've got purple blobs all over your forehead.
Cameron: Hey, no one's paying attention to me and my problems…
House: No one cares about your problems, Cameron. You're just pretty.
Cameron: HOW DARE YOU!
House: What, you don't want to be pretty?
Cameron: Don't play stupid, House! You just called me an aardvark!
Wilson: Well. Okay then, I guess Cameron's lost it.
Chase: Hey Cameron, you just grew horns.
Cameron: Are you calling me fat?!
Chase: …
Cuddy: My boobs! My boobs are gone! Oh, the horror! Eeek!
House: Cuddy, shut up.
Cuddy: I'm still pretty, right? I'm pretty! I miss my cleavage! Oh, Veronica!
Foreman: Um…'Veronica'?
Cuddy: Yes, I named my cleavage Veronica Betty Sue Cuddy. But now she's gone! Oh, Veronica! Why?
WHY?
Wilson: -giggles-
House: Hey, what was that?
Narrator: Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light. King Labcoat appeared.
King Labcoat: So, have you learned your lesson? You should never cross the labcoat race.
Cuddy: CLEAVAGE!
King Labcoat: Alrighty then.
Chase: So, can you get us back to normal now?
King Labcoat: -turns Chase into sushi-
Wilson: Ooh! Sushi! -eats colleague-
King Labcoat: Okay, fine. But only because you resorted to cannibalism.
Wilson: It's not cannibalism! He's a fish! A FISH!
King Labcoat: -rolls eyes- Whatever. Just hold on...
MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD
Narrator: The doctors woke up a few hours later…
Chase: Cool! I'm not a fish! Hey, wait…why am I missing my left arm?
Wilson: …Sorry.
Cameron: Hey! I have a man's body!
Foreman: -snickers-Hey wait, I have boobs!
Cuddy: My cleavage! She's still not here! Oh, Veronica! WHY?!
end
House: Hey! This story isn't done! I have a chick's body! And as entertaining as this could be, I still-
Narrator: I said, END.
House: Oh no you didn't.
END
A/n: Wasn't that delightful? You see, the reason I write parodies is because I'm terrible at writing actual serious stories. So, expect more to come.
Oh, and also, I am fully aware that the labcoats didn't actually kill anyone. This is just the title that sucked less than the others I thought up.