This is just a taster to see what people think about the idea, if people like it I will continue with this story, Now working on the next chapter and it should be up soon. For those of you I just seriously depressed. Sorry! Also this is the first story I've ever actually posted as I usually lose my nerve so go easy on me ^.^ - L
Phil's POV
I could hear them next door; the thin wall separating our rooms was never enough to keep the noises out. I knew as soon as I heard the front door open he had brought her back, I wanted to get out of here away from it all but I couldn't if they saw or heard me leaving he would know something was wrong. I'd walked to my window and contemplated jumping, but I knew I was just being stupid. So instead I was huddled in the corner of my room hugging Totoro to me while rocking. I knew how pathetic I was being but I just couldn't handle it anymore I knew the moment that girl, jess I think she had said her name was, walked up to us in that bar and started flirting with Dan that they would leave together. That's why I left the bar making excuses about being tired while she hung all over him going on about how hot he looked in his last video. I knew he looked hot he always look hot because he is the most beautiful person in the world. Dan put up a fight when I tried to leave but then jess got jealous that no one was paying attention to her and whispered something in his ear momentarily distracting him, in which I made a run for it.
Remembering all this, the slimy smile that covered her face and the fact I could now hear her loudly sucking him off was to much for me to take I exploded with all the emotion I had been holding in for years screaming into Totoro, I threw myself up from the floor and across my room grabbing something out of my draw. Before I really had time to think, emotion still pounding through my body a cold hard object sliced through the skin on my arm. I looked down at it mesmerised as the blood slowly began to come to the surface. I felt numb there was no pain, I felt in control of my feelings for the first time in years. He couldn't cause me pain in this very moment only I could control what I felt. I slowly pushed down and dragged the blade along my arm again, slightly harder. Again the blood slowly bubbled to the surface. I wiped it all away and looked down again. All the pain that had momentarily disappeared was coming back I needed to do it again but a thought had popped into my head that I couldn't quite shake what would Dan say? He would see the marks, would not stop bothering me un till I told him. Slowly I lifted up my shirt and pulled it over my head. I rested back against the wall. I could hear noises drifting through the wall again so I squeezed my eyes shut while humming to myself. I couldn't let myself hear what was going on in the next room or it would all feel real again. I just wanted it to disappear.
Slowly I lowered the blade to my tummy and dragged it across, I did it again and again in an almost frenzy. I then placed the blade down underneath my bed and rested my head again the wall closing my eyes. Peace, that's what I felt complete peace even for those few seconds, they were worth it. My wrist where the first two cuts were was starting to ache now. It isn't a bad pain its almost reassuring it lets you know your still alive. I heard a long drawn out creak obviously coming from a door opening and slowly opened my eyes, only to see him standing in the doorway. His hair slightly dishevelled, shirtless only wearing his sonic boxers and white socks. He just looked at me frozen to the spot with that innocent, confused look of helplessness on his face that only Dan can do.
I took a deep breath and said "I'm fine Dan honestly just go to bed." I took this moment to try and stand up while speaking to close the door, but it seemed this action caused him to break out of his shock induced statue and rush into the room and push me down on to my bed. He then ran out and back into my room in a matter of seconds before I had time to register what was happening.
He sat down on the bed next to me pushing me to lie down; all manner of thoughts crossed my mind even though I know this is not the time to have them. I decide to just close my eyes and wait for him to start lecturing me.
"Phil, I'm not going to ask you why you did it or have a go at you and tell you not to do it, or any of that patronising stuff. I just want you to know I'm worried about you, you know I'm always here when you decide to talk about what's bothering you and I love you" at that moment he lent forward and pulled me into a hug, being careful not to put pressure on my wounds. I didn't care though I pulled him closer he bear chest flat against mine, smearing blood all over his chest. He slowly began to pull away from the hug, we had been frozen in that moment just holding each other while I held back my sobs for over 5 minutes. He sat back on his leg and just looked directly into my eyes then down my body. "I think we should get you cleaned up, I'm a little worried about the amount of blood there seems to be." "There isn't that much." I said as I looked down realising just how much there was piled up in blobs on my stomach some of it had also run down my stomach and down my legs leaving lovely little crimson lines down my body and colourful splatter marks all over my carpet. Dan began to wipe at my tummy with a damp flannel I hadn't noticed he had got. He must of retrieved it when he ran out the room. I winced a little at the contact on the open wound so he stopped what he was doing and moved to the two slightly older, shallower cuts on my arm. He studied my arm with such intensity that I started to feel uncomfortable again. He looked up in to my eyes and said, "I know I said I wouldn't ask but why?" I looked away knowing if I looked into his eyes for to long I would be unable to hold it all in anymore. He continued his questioning, "I just want you to know that I'm always there for you. I will never judge you and I can't help but feel I have something to do with this. I don't know how. But I just want to make it all better Phil!" I just looked away again minutes passed and he moved to cleaning the blood off that had smeared to my chest in our hug. I looked back at him and said. "She left already? Jess? was that her name? I didn't hear her leave" He stopped what he was doing and looked up. Frowning slightly "Yes I asked her to leave, I wasn't feeling it, I was only using her to try and get my feelings for someone else out of my head for a while but it wasn't working and it all just felt really bad." I looked away again trying to fight back the tears hundreds of things flying through my mind he loves someone else! He will never love me! Dan placed his hand under my chin and pulled my head back to face him and lightly pecked me on the lips. It was nothing we hadn't done before, but this time it felt different. I looked back into his eyes as he pulled back already back in the sitting position. "So the flannel stings to much huh? That's try this" slowly he lent down and with the smallest of movements stuck his tongue out and flicked it across one of my cuts. I shivered for more than one reason it felt absolutely amazing. He pulled back immediately thinking he had hurt me and started apologizing. "Shit! Phil I'm so sorry I…" Not thinking for a moment I let my love for him consume me and followed it blindly. I sat up and pressed my lips to his, rubbing my tongue ever so slightly against his lip begging for entrance. Slowly I felt his mouth open and our tongues meet...