Title: Pretending
Author: Femvamp
Disclaimer: CSI NY belongs to people who are smarter and richer then me. Please do not sue.
Pairing: Stella/Adam
Spoilers: 6-1 Epilogue

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Once and you can call it one of those things. Things happen. We had a few too many drinks and we ended up back at his place. I knew it was wrong when it was happening but it felt right at the time so I let it. I enjoyed it more then I thought I would.

Adam isn't someone who you'd think of as especially sexual but you'd be wrong. It wasn't the best sex I've ever had but it was pretty damn close. That's why when he came up to me in the lab I told him that it was a one time thing, and I meant it then.

Somehow however I found myself at his apartment a few nights later. He was both surprised and not surprised to see me. I'd like to say we talked but there wasn't much talking involved. I'd like to say I was drunk but I was stone cold sober.

After that night I would find myself at his apartment a few nights. It wasn't anything we planned. Once or twice it looked like he was on his way out but he would grin at me and then let me in his apartment. At first when this happened I told him I could go but he would make some excuse about going to the market or some videogame store. I pretended to believe him.

We both pretended a lot. I pretended that I wasn't drinking a whole lot more then I should be. The second night we had sex I was sober but after that most nights I wasn't. He pretended not to notice that I had a few glasses of wine in me and that he wasn't sleeping with his boss.

We both pretended that it was no big thing.

That it meant nothing.

We both pretended that we weren't self destructing.

The truth of the matter is Adam in all his geeky charm is the only thing keeping me together anymore, and I'm not sure how I feel about that because this has to end eventually. We both know it. This can't go on forever.

One more night.

One more time and then we say it's over.

We keep telling ourselves that and we keep pretending we believe it.

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