DOPPLEGANGER
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"If this is love I do not want it. Take it from me, please. Why does this hurt so much?"
"Because it was real."
Tauriel and Thranduil, The Hobbit.
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It's not something that you can take for granted. Not at all. When you suddenly met someone resembles your first love, you cannot just pretend you never saw him before.
Sai. His face lines, black eyes, height, voice, all are extremely similar to Sasuke's. She may just stand there and did nothing. Yes, she did nothing but blinked and pretended that she had just met him for the first time. But it was a lie. Sakura's eyes are fixed to him since then.
"He's not even close to Sasuke! Sasuke was… was BETTER!"
She was 100 percent agree to Naruto, now that she got to know Sai more. Well, if not 100 percent, 99.8 percent. Yes, Sai is really frustrating. His eyes are empty. Boring, Sakura thinks, because she liked the burning ambition she saw in Sasuke's eyes and was used to think that's what interesting eyes are. And Sai fake smile makes it worse. On the other hand, Sasuke… he never smiled.
Throb.
Oh. She suddenly missed the never-smiling Sasuke.
"Our first mission, you three are gonna cooperate no matter what. Understood?" Yamato's instruction, or in better expression, demand, swipe her though instantly.
Sakura heared Naruto let out a loud sigh. "I hate the fact that Team Seven's substitute is a heartless rusting robot!" he said. Sakura choked. Yes, of course it would be a lot easier if they do a mission with Sasuke. At least Sasuke knew how not to kill his teammates.
Sakura looked up to sky. Rain was about to pour. A really heavy rain.
"Naruto, how about eating ramen with me?"
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"You know, I'd rather be a teammate with Pakkun than that fake Sasuke!" Naruto struggled to slurp his ramen and complaining at the same time. That kyuubi boy kept doing so until he noticed something was wrong.
"You don't touch your food. What's wrong, Sakura?"
Sakura, as if her daydream was popped right in front of her face, took her chopstick. But then she began to stir her ramen purposelessly.
"Naruto, is it wrong if I… If I…"
She lowered her head.
"Is it wrong if I miss him?" she wishpered.
Inevitably tears ran down her cheeks down to her chin entering her ramen bowl. Her hands trembled. Naruto knew, Sakura tried not to snivel with all her strength.
"Sakura…"
"It hurts. Burns. Stings," she writhed, with her voice inaudible.
And then she wiped away her tear roughly. Sakura inhaled deeply, acting like she had been able to to completely control her emotion. She forced a smile. But again, it was a lie.
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Naruto took her home. He tried so hard to make her smile again along the way to Haruno's house.
"Yes, that freak is quite—just a tiny winy little bit—alike with Sasuke, but you don't have to connect their similarity! Don't let that stupid asshole make you blue, Sakura!" Naruto cried. "Sasuke is sexier than Sai!"
Sakura giggled at that unpredictable stantement.
"Just a bit," promptly Naruto added, pouting.
"Look, I will take him back. I promised, didn't I?"
Eventually, that pink haired lady nodded.
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I am a kunoichi.
Sakura wrote her so-called diary.
But I am also a girl. Soon, a woman. I cannot help but cry over my unsuccessful relationship and one-sided love. I liked him. I cared for him. I offered myself to go with him, that costed my own life! I wanna be with him so much, so much that my heart is aching. It's bleeding. It feels just as if a sword pierces it. I'd rather die than deal with this! Was my feeling for you not enough?
Sasuke, where are you? I miss you. Why you can't simply go back? We can fight that whatsoever despicable bastard together! Come home, can't you?
She let the drops of water drenched her diary, just as what she always did when she write about Sasuke. If only all ninjas were tempered to eliminate their feelings, it would be so much easier for her, wouldn't it?
I think about you every single day. I imagine the moment when we can laugh together. I'm dying to laugh with you, Sasuke! But what you gave me is this sorrow.
What's Team 7 without Uchiha Sasuke? It's not Team 7 at all! Why did you turn your back and betrayed our friendship? How dare you spit on Naruto's faith in you! How dare you to throw my heart away whereas you knew I can't live without it?
I hate you!
Can't you just die so I don't need to bear this thirst of seeing you any longer?!
Sakura grasp her chest as though a thorn had been inside of it, tearing her flesh every beat of her heart. She couldn't write anymore. She locked her door, crawl to her bed, and then Sakura cried in silence. She had a little time until their departure. And the rest of the time, she spent by trying to make herself believe to Naruto's promise, because right then she just couldn't believe in herself.
How weak I am. Just like I always was.
To be continued (maybe)
Author's note (some unnecessary parts are in Indonesian):
Thank you for reading :) this is a emotion-unleashing-purpose fanfiction. Don't mind not to review, but please review if you're pleased.
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Fiction yang dibuat tanpa tujuan apapun selain membebaskan perasaan yang dikekang selama 9 bulan. Tentu saja, karena ini fiction, ini DILEBAYKAN di beberapa bagian.
Kadang aku merasa seperti ngeliat seorang teman di sini, padahal mungkin mereka nggak mirip2 banget. Aku menyimpulkan itu karena kamu terlalu kangen sama orang itu. Dan tau nggak rasanya gimana? Rasanya kamu pingin banget liat orang itu terus. Karena sebenernya kamu pingin lihat temanmu itu.
If you have J and K initials, this fiction was made for you!
You don't know how I feel right? Aku nggak akan bilang ini cinta, cause I'm so sure it IS NOT. But if you call it love, indeed love it is, soalnya aku bersikukuh love tidak sama dengan cinta yg konotasinya erotis dlm Bahasa Indonesia. Love menurutku lbh ke affection, care. Mungkin terjemahan paling pasnya adalah kasih. Kasih, adalah perasaan di mana kamu peduli banget sama orang itu, pingin banget ngobrol sama orang itu, pingin nolongin orang itu, pingin lihat orang itu bahagia tanpa harus "macarin, mengikat, terbakar api cinta yang takterpadamkan" atau apalah itu yang iyaiks. That is, friendship.
I waited for you LADS to text me first, can't you see? Why? Because YOU ARE the MEN! You are ought to take the first step oh gosh! Wouldn't I look like an immature sissy if I were the one who was aggressive? Aku nungguin dalam keputus asaan, tau gak si. Berkali2 aku mikir "apa kulupain aja mereka, pura2 aja nggak pernah kenal." Oh dear. Ngapain juga aku nunggu2in kabar kalian coba?
Because I cherished you, lads. I want to treasure you in my heart. No. I want to know if you treasure ME in your hearts!
Keluargaku, 4tune, SION 13, kelompok cosplayku, mereka akan selalu jadi rumah tempat aku pulang. Kalian? Kalian nggak pernah jadi sebuah kepastian untukku.
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Wahai teman2ku di Indonesia, kalau ada hal yang aku ingini, itu adalah tertawa bersama kalian. Sulit banget nemuin sahabat sejati di sini. Nyaris semua orang punya tatapan mata sedingin es. Ah, orang2 Jepang emang nggak bahagia. I miss my Indonesian friends so much, yang bisa ketawa bahkan tanpa alasan. Tetaplah jadi orang2 yang bisa ketawa seperti aho. Kalian nggak tahu betapa berharganya sifat carefree macem itu J