When am I gonna stop? This one just kept nagging me. This is set about three years before the events of the movie. I guess the title says it all.
Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to, I do not own Megamind.
It was noon by the time Roxanne finally got to the station. Metro Man had dropped her off after hauling Megamind to prison. Most of the other employees were packing up for lunch, giving her their usual condolences. Some of them glared at her, because she always had an excuse for being late.
She knew exactly what her boss was going to say the minute he walked in.
"How are you feeling, Miss Ritchi? You're not too traumatized for work, are you?"
Her prediction was right, of course. Same old, same old, she thought. I wish something different would happen.
Her wish came true sooner than expected. After his usual greeting, Mr. Stubbs said, "I have a special assignment for you, Roxanne."
"It's not another report about Metro Man, is it?" Roxanne groaned.
"Oh no, this is quite different. We have a student from Metro City University taking our summer internship. She wants a career in journalism and since you're the best reporter we have, I'd like you to be responsible for her. You don't mind, do you?"
Roxanne thought this over. Supervising an intern would mean more work, but it would probably be a good change in her daily routine. Plus, it also meant less alone time with Hal.
"Okay, let's see her."
In a few minutes, Mr. Stubbs returned with a twenty-year-old woman with long wavy blond hair. As soon as she saw the famous reporter, her hazel eyes sparkled.
"Oh my gosh!" she squealed. "It's really you! Roxanne Ritchi! I'm a huge fan! Can I have your autograph?"
Mr. Stubbs cleared his throat and the young blond composed herself.
"I mean, it's an honor to meet you, Miss Ritchi."
"Roxanne, meet Lizzie Lyons," Mr. Stubbs introduced. "She will be working here for six weeks and will accompany you on your assignments. For now, why don't you and Mr. Stewart take her to lunch? He should be over by the van."
"Mr. Who?" Lizzie asked.
"He's my cameraman," Roxanne explained with a smile, "and we would love to take you to lunch."
"Awesome! I mean…thank you for your trouble, Miss Ritchi."
She couldn't help but laugh. "No trouble at all and call me Roxanne."
Excited, Lizzie Lyons followed her new boss down to the garage. Roxanne searched for Hal and found him behind their van.
"Hi, Roxie!" the short, chubby cameraman exclaimed. "I heard you were kidnapped again. If you want to get some lunch, it would make you feel better…"
"That would be nice, Hal."
Hal was surprised. "Really?"
"Sure, if you don't mind our new intern joining us."
His smile faded. "Oh, right. Mr. Stubbs told me about him, so who is…?"
As soon as he caught a glimpse of Lizzie standing a few feet away, he shrieked and ducked behind the van.
"Hal?" Roxanne inquired.
"I'm not here!" he whispered.
Roxanne glanced back at Lizzie. "Would you excuse us for a second?" She knelt down beside Hal. "What's the matter with you?"
"I know that girl," Hal explained. "She lived next-door to me in Grand Rapids!"
"Really? Small world. But why are you hiding from her?"
"Because when we were kids, she had a crush on me!"
Roxanne found that one even harder to believe. "Really?"
"Well, she never admitted it, but come on, who could resist the Great Halbino?" The reporter shook her head. "She kissed me in a game of Spin the Bottle. I babysat her every other week or so. She and I were in the AV club together. How could she not fall for me?"
"Gee, where can I begin?"
"Exactly! She can't see me with you! What if she finds out we have a thing going on?"
Roxanne rolled her eyes. "We don't have a thing."
"Well, maybe not, but what if she thinks that?"
"Trust me, she won't. Besides, if you don't have feelings for her, why do you care?"
"She'd get really jealous and probably hate me for the rest of my life. I may not like her, like her, but I still like her."
"Hey Roxanne," Lizzie called, "what's going on back there?"
"You can't avoid her forever, Hal," Roxanne told him. "Worst-case scenario is that she'll be glad to see you again."
He struggled, but she managed to drag him into the open. Lizzie's eyes sparkled again and her mouth dropped into a huge smile.
"Hal Stewart?" she exclaimed.
Hal grinned nervously. "Uh, hi Lizzie."
"You remember me?"
"Of course, who could forget the girl who beat my high score at Pac-Man?"
She flung her arms around him, much to Hal's shock. "God, I can't believe it! I didn't know you were Roxanne Ritchi's cameraman! Gosh, you've changed. Have you gained weight?"
Hal cringed. "Yeah, a little. You've, um, gotten taller."
"Yep. A lot has happened in…how long's it been?"
"Seven years."
"Right! I was thirteen and you were eighteen. Now look at us! You're a cameraman and I'm in college! Gosh, we have so much to catch up on!"
Roxanne cut in. "And you can do that over lunch."
Hal had been trying for years to get social time with Roxanne, and now the one time she had agreed to have lunch with him, they still weren't alone. He kept glancing nervously at Lizzie as she talked. She had explained that she was doing a double major in Journalism and Digital Media, not sure whether she wanted to be a reporter or a technician.
Of all the news stations in the world, of all the cities for that matter, why did Lizzie have to pick this one? Part of him was glad to see her again, while another part was annoyed, while a third part was freaking out that his old almost girlfriend and his new almost girlfriend were in the same room together.
Okay, so maybe Lizzie hadn't almost been his girlfriend. She was five years younger, after all, but at one point, back when he was eighteen, he had considered it. That had been the day she had beaten his high score in Pac-Man. That had only been for a moment, though. Their age difference had dismissed the idea.
Roxanne could see the increasing discomfort in Hal and decided to have some fun.
"So you and Hal go way back, huh?"
Hal winced, but Lizzie's eyes did their usual sparkle.
"Oh, you don't know the half of it! This guy here was the best babysitter ever! He let me stay up as long as I wanted and didn't tattle on me! My parents were very busy, you see, so he and I would hang out a lot."
"Did you two ever…get serious?"
Hal looked like he was going to faint.
"Oh, heavens, no!" Lizzie exclaimed. "He was too old, you see. No offense, Hal. Though there was this one time at Patricia Martin's party…"
"Hey, Roxanne!" Hal interrupted. "Why don't you tell us about your kidnapping today?"
He never wanted to hear about the kidnappings or anything that had to do with Metro Man, so Roxanne figured he must have been desperate. Now she was blushing red.
"Oh, yes!" Lizzie insisted. "You must feel so lucky to have a boyfriend like Metro Man to rescue you from danger! That is so romantic!"
"It's not as great as you think," Roxanne replied. "There's the fact that being his girlfriend is the reason I get kidnapped all the time. Megamind always pulls the same routine with the same plans and the same traps…"
"What's he like?"
"Stubborn, egotistical, predictable…"
"No, what's Metro Man like?"
"Oh. He's okay, I guess."
"Okay? Is that all you can say? The guy's a total dream!"
She stared off into space. Hal groaned. "He's not all that great."
"Oh, what I'd give to have him take me in his arms and carry me away!" She then remembered Roxanne was there. "But of course, he's your boyfriend."
"Yeah," Roxanne murmured. "Right."
"You're so lucky."
Not so much, Roxanne thought.
The next week, Roxanne woke up and knew what was going to happen. Sack lifted from head, Megamind turns in chair, "Miss Ritchi, we meet again," "You still haven't washed the bag," he waits for a scream, they banter and he calls Metro Man. He comes, destroys Megamind's machine, takes him to jail, and takes her home.
The next week, the exact same thing happens, just like the week before and the week before that.
Now Roxanne was reporting a bank robbery with halfhearted energy. Hal was holding the camera with Lizzie standing behind him and watching excitedly.
"Once again," she sighed, "the Metro City bank is being robbed. The thieves are holding everyone inside hostage." Five seconds later. "Oh look, here comes Metro Man." Two seconds later. "And yes, Metro Man now has the criminals in custody. Of course he does. Who would have doubted it? The guy has super powers, so of course he's going to save the day! He does it without even trying, so of course he saved this day, just as he did the yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that!"
"Okay!" Hal exclaimed, switching the camera off. "I think that's enough."
"You okay, Roxanne?" Lizzie inquired. "I may have only known you for about two and a half weeks, but you don't seem like yourself today."
The reporter took a deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. I've just…been in a rut lately. I feel like I'm living the same day over and over again."
"That's weird, it's not Groundhog Day."
"I don't mean literally. It's just that the same thing seems to be happening to me every day."
"I know how to change that," Hal said. "How about you and I get some coffee together?"
Roxanne held her head as she groaned and stormed away.
"What'd I do?" Hal wondered.
"You ask her that every single day," Lizzie pointed out. "How come you never invite me for a coffee?"
The cameraman bit his lip. "I…I don't want Roxanne to feel left out."
"But I feel left out. If she ever goes out with you, what am I supposed to do?"
Hal grinned. "Are you jealous?"
"What? No! It just seems kind of unfair since we're all supposed to be a team here."
"You're just a temporary member. It's not like you're ever going to be a real reporter."
"Excuse me?"
"Come on, you're camera shy. Don't think I don't know about the time you pretended to be sick on School Picture Day."
"I…I was a child then! I'm braver now!"
"Oh really? Well, we usually interview Metro Man after a bank robbery, and if Roxanne doesn't come back, you're going to have to step up."
Lizzie froze. "You're bluffing, right?"
"Maybe, but if you're really not camera shy…"
"I'm going to see if Roxanne is okay."
She headed in the direction her boss had run, searching for her through the crowd of police officers who were taking the criminals into custody. She stopped when she stepped on something. Underneath her foot was Roxanne's microphone. Then she heard the sound of a speeding car, but didn't see one anywhere. It didn't take long for Lizzie to figure out what had happened.
When Roxanne awoke in darkness, she groaned. Oh no, not this again. She heard Megamind hustling to his chair, ordering Minion to remove the bag. The blue alien turned, stroking the dome of a Brainbot.
"Miss Ritchi, we meet again."
Roxanne sighed. "Yes, just like last time, and the time before that."
He didn't seem to notice her mood. "Wait until I see what I have in store for you, Miss Ritchi!"
"Does it involve alligators?"
"I'll give you a hint, it involves alligators!" He paused, processing the past few lines of dialogue. "Yes. Anyway, I hope you know how to swim!"
He pulled a lever and the floor opened up to reveal the pool of alligators. Roxanne hung her head back and let out a loud groan.
"Is that a scream I hear?" Megamind asked excitedly. "So you finally cower in fear at my evilness?"
Roxanne didn't answer, which confused the villain.
"Um, I see that you are speechless with terror! Don't worry. I have a special treat for you, Miss Ritchi."
"Let me guess…"
"You are going to have a front row seat…"
"…a front row seat for the destruction of Metro Man," Roxanne finished with him. "You used that line last week."
"Did I?" Megamind pondered.
"And that so-called destruction had the same results as the week before and the week before that and all the other times!"
"Yeah, well, don't expect to get a refund!"
He waited for the reporter's counterattack, but she was silent. He glanced at Minion, who only shrugged. He leaned toward her.
"Um, Miss Ritchi, this banter only works if you give me something to work with."
When she still didn't respond, Megamind started explaining his plan.
"So the other day, I discovered a sticky substance humans like to eat called 'bobble gum.'"
"It's bubble gum, sir," Minion corrected.
"Yes. Anyway, with this impressive ray you see here, I will squirt Metro Man with this bobble gum and he will be so sticky that he'll be incapable of performing his heroic duties! Thus will enable me to destroy…"
She stopped listening at that point. She knew what was coming: destroy Metro Man, take over the city and then blah, blah, blah, evil laugh, blah, blah, blah.
It was the same old thing.
She didn't even listen to his shout out to Metro Man, knowing that it wouldn't be any different than all the other times. He then turned to her and cackled.
"Your boyfriend in tights will never save you, for when he gets here, he'll be all covered in sticky gooey pink…stuff. And once I take over the city, Miss Ritchi, you will have no choice but to bow down to…"
"Oh, for the love of Pete, would you just SHUT UP?!"
Megamind took a step back, shocked at two things. First that he had no idea who Pete was and second that Roxanne had just shouted at him. She had never done a thing like that before and it threw him off.
His head was back in the game when Metro Man crashed through the roof.
"Metro Man," he sneered. "Glad you could make it, but I'm afraid you've brought yourself into a sticky situation!"
He fired his bubble gum ray, but Metro Man dodged it, just as he had dodged all the other rays. Then he destroyed it, just as he had done all the others. Then he took Megamind by the cape and scooped up Roxanne with the other arm. He dropped the villain off at the prison, just as he had done before.
"So Roxanne," he said, "I was thinking that even though we've only been pretending to be a couple, we could…"
"For the hundredth time," Roxanne snapped angrily, "it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!"
Metro Man said nothing else for the rest of the way to the news station.
When he flew away, Roxanne immediately felt bad. She had just snapped at Metro Man and Megamind. Even though they both drove her crazy, she hadn't wanted to hurt them. What made her feel worse is that she hadn't apologized to either of them. Well, the latter didn't really matter. Still, he had looked pretty hurt.
She hung her head as she walked up to the office, taking a deep breath every five seconds to calm her frustration. When she opened the door, she was swarmed by people.
"Are you alright, Roxanne?"
"What happened?"
"Did Metro Man throw Megamind in jail?"
"You must be so traumatized!"
Roxanne tried to push through them, but then was met with Lizzie.
"God, Roxanne! When you disappeared I totally panicked! I know this happens all the time but I'm totally not used to this!"
She tried to respond when Hal appeared at Lizzie's side.
"Hey, Roxie, I tried to stop the kidnapping, but you know, those bank robbers got away and I had to defend myself…"
"You did nothing but stand there!" Lizzie exclaimed.
"At least I wasn't flailing my arms around like a freak!"
"Guys," Roxanne started to say, "I'm fine, I'm…"
"How are you feeling, Miss Ritchi?" her boss interrupted. "I hope you aren't too traumatized for work. I will need a full report on your kidnapping today."
The chattering, condolences, praise and orders all rose into a cacophony which pricked Roxanne's ears like a thousand needles. The pain went to her brain, eventually leading it to a boil. Finally, she could no longer contain it.
"That's it!" she shouted. "I've had it! I'm fed up! I can't take this anymore! I QUIT!"
Then she stomped out of the office and slammed the door, leaving everyone paralyzed in shock.
Lizzie was in one of my earlier stories Attack of the Mega Clones. I just felt she needed more.
And yes, I'm working on the other ones, they're just coming along slowly. Very slowy.