Goddammit. Yes, it's happening. I'm making a fucking Hetalia Manual fic, based off the Hetalia Manual series by LolliDictator.
If you can't tell, I'm Andy. I jacked Kira's account to post this. She's currently in the hospital.
Weirdly enough, I started doing this after watching the Hetalia version of 'Alice Human Sacrifice'. You know, that creepy ass song from Vocaloid?
Yeah. Am I the only one noticing the increase of Indonesian Hetalia fics?
Warning: Serious freaky-weirdness crap. potential yaoi. potential noncon. potential whatever the hell I feel like putting in, and whatever sounds like Kira when I'm doing her part, because the basic plot is us...ordering the Hetalia units. also, fail accents is fail.
Disclaimer. Yeah. Do I look like Himaruya-sensei? No. I don't even have a Livejournal account. I also don't own most of the companies that are featured in here, except for the obvious ones.
Don't like it, don't read. And don't review. It's fanfiction, I'll do what I want. If you DO like it, please review.
Enjoy!
9/6/11: REWRITE~! (and it still pisses me off)
Chapter 1:
"Hoshit."
"What did you do!"
...0.0
VRRRR CLICK
"Fuck."
VRRRR CLICK
"Shit monkeys."
VRRRR CLICK
"How are you not dead yet!" The brunet male swerved around in his computer chair to glare at the maker of the noise. The insane blue-haired girl continued to revolve the gun's chamber again.
"How are we out of alcohol?" She shot back, holding the gun to her temple and waited for another CLICK.
The male groaned and grabbed his car keys. "I think it goes back to your ancestry of heavy drinkers. At any rate, it's because you're subconsiously TRYING to kill off your liver."
Kira grinned. "Thanks, love!"
"I'll be back." He sighed and left, the slam of the front door vibrating downstairs after a minute. The girl bounced off the bed and jacked the abandoned chair, reading the first line off the Word document the other was typing before finally giving into the temptation of preventing his lovable cousin from ruining his good bedsheets with blood and brain matter.
"'The aftermath of World War Two in Eur-Screw that. Why is he writing something like that?" She minimized the document and opened up the internet, automatically going to YouTube to find a new episode of World Series Hetalia.
Andy stomped the snow from his boots and opened the door, completing his exercises of killing someone in fifty different ways and getting away with it. "Kira! I got your swill! Are you dead?" He hung up his coat and traipsed down into the basement to see his cousin on his computer, reading a popup that got passed his firewall.
"WTF are you doing?" He asked, looking over her shoulder just as she clicked something.
"Hoshit."
Andy paused for a second, reading it. Then it happened. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!"
"...I kinda ordered a Hetalia unit?"
"WTF is a unit?"
"Apparently it's a robot or some shit. Did you get my vodka!" She asked excitedly.
"Upstairs." Andy sighed, sinking into his chair as soon as Kira left the room and reread the popup.
'Thank you KIRA NITEDREAM for agreeing to the Beta test of our new 'Axis Powers Hetalia' Units. Your first Unit should arrive from 1-4 business days. Thank you and Good luck. -Oblivion and Discipline Inc.'
"Oi vey~" Andy sighed and locked his door to ward off his nutcase cousin and her drunkeness. At least she left the gun behind...
A loud pounding at the door awoke Kira the next morning, currently crashed on the couch after finishing off a twelve-pack of awesomeness that is Budweiser. She stumbled her way to the door, then flinched back at the sight of the bright-ass morning sun reflecting off the snow.
"Hiissssssssss."
"Um, Hi?" The nervous delivery man called out. "I'm from Oblivion and Discipline Inc.'s Delivery Service. I have your package?"
"ANDYYYYYYY! YOUR PORN IS HERE!" Kira yelled, then abandoned the door in favor of stumbling back over to the couch and flopping over, one side dropping over it. A rattling came from the door leading to the basement before it opened, the harrassed brunet coming out in a a white t-shirt and boxers. He sighed at seeing the open door and peered outside.
"Sorry about that. What do you need?"
The poor delivery guy just thrust the clipboard at him. "Please just sign! I have your package from 'Oblivion and Discipline Inc.'!"
"God, why does that sound like a BDSM shop? I don't order porn over the internet..." Andy deadpanned as he signed the clipboard and stood aside as the man brought in the crate and left. Andy shivered from the leftover gust and kicked Kira's side, holding the manila envelope the delivery man had handed over.
"Oi, hungover dumbass. Wake up."
"Mmphrris..." She mumbled and looked up, bleary eyed. "The sun hurts. Wake me when it's nighttime."
"Your unit's here."
"Who they send?" She yawned. Andy just threw the envelope at her. "Find out for yourself. I'm getting some breakfast." Kira tore the envelope open as the boy left the room, turning on the Trans-Siberian Orchestra CD in their stereo.
"Hoshit...HIDE THE RUM!" Kira shouted, immediantly stumbling over a plot-convient Jack bottle against a Mike's. A ominous THUD filled the air as the bluenette turned slowly, to see a sadistically grinning blonde man with a eyepatch and tricone hat.
"A-andy..." Kira called anxiously.
"Sa matter wit ya, lass? Look as if you seen a ghost!" The man cackled.
"Oh fuck...not cool, yo...ANDY!"
"The hell you want, woman!" Andy yelled back, appearing in the doorway with a pan of something sizzling. His eyes followed Kira's gaze until he saw the man now casually sitting on the edge of his box.
"Welly well well...what a pretty lass. Bad mistake it was, calling your pretty friend in here, poppet." Pirate!England jumped down and approached Andy, grabbing his chin.
"You just HAD to click on that ad..." Andy groaned, glaring at his cousin. "But, dude, sorry to burst your bubble...but I'm a dude. Seriously." He winced when the grip tightened. "Ok, dude, ow..."
"Silence, wench!" Pirate!England growled out. Andy winced as his chin was freed, a blur of blue and black tackling the man to the ground and socking him across the face.
"TIME TO DIE."