Roy leaned moodily against the Batmobile. "Dick", he moaned, "I am so damn bored." Dick looked up brightly from beneath the Robin bike, his face covered in soot.
"I'm almost done," he said.
"And then what?" Roy asked.
"We could go fight crime", Dick said, "if you'd like."
"Naw, your old man takes care of all the crooks around here. Now that I'm actually here, in the legendary Batcave, its kinda lame. There's not much to do."
"Of course", said Dick, "I've been telling people that for years and no one believed me. We aren't even allowed to go and get my video games from the manor and bring them down here. Batman's all paranoid about me crashing some of his TV's if I hook up an Xbox to one of them."
"Still", said Roy, "I wish Arrow had a cave. It would be cooler if he did. He doesn't have anything. We just operate out of our lame house and boy is it lame."
"Your house is cool", said Dick, momentarily emerging from beneath his bike to grab a socket wrench, "I like it. It isn't so dark and gloomy like this old place."
"Why again do we have to stay in this stupid cave?" Roy asked, "it's creepy in here." He shivered.
"Aww", Dick crooned mockingly, "is Roy boy scared of the cave."
"No", Roy said defensively, "Its just cold and boring."
"Yea", said Dick, "It is. Anyway, we have to stay down here 'cause Batman's gona be back in a bit and he wants us to be ready to go, wherever he's actually planning on taking us. Personally, I'd kinda like to go play laser tag, but they banned us from the place ever since Bruce punched out that little kid, thinking it was the Joker. I guess darkness and strange glowy lights make him jumpy."
"Can't we go play around on the bat's computer?"
"No", said Dick, "the last time I tried that, I crashed it and now it has this ridiculously long password."
"How did you crash it?" Roy asked boredly scuffing his tennis shoe across the ground.
"I got on this porn website", Dick replied.
"What were you doing on a porn website?"
"I wasn't there on purpose", Dick muttered, annoyed, "I was looking up random games and accidentally hit it. Turns out, it carried several viruses."
"What did you see?" Roy asked.
"Nothing", Dick said sounding disappointed before swearing slightly as he jammed his finger with the wrench, "he came in right as I got on so I didn't get to investigate. I would have only done it to see if I could trace a crook you know."
"Yea", Roy replied, absentmindedly twirling his fingers around the hood ornament on the Batmobile. "Whatever you say bird boy. Did Batman notice you were on?"
"Unfortunately", Dick said, his voice slightly muffled by the bike, 'he got all pissed and totally freaked on me. I gave him my alibi and then he got all pissed about me using the bat computer for "frivolous activities" or something like that. He told me never to do it again and if he caught me on one of those websites again he'd beat my ass and take away my computers. He usually follows through with his threats so I complied." Roy smirked.
"Oliver barely pays attention to what sites I go to these days. I guess he figures I'm a good kid and don't do that sort of thing."
"Well", Dick asked, "do you?"
"No", said Roy, "but I could, you know, if I wanted to. He's been wanting to do all this father son stuff lately ever since I went to the hospital after getting squished by that falling bridge. I guess I freaked him out. It's been fun though. We went on this flight to France for no reason at all and I met this French girl. She was fine."
Roy sighed wistfully, as if remembering her. "Anyway", he continued, "I'm surprised he dumped me on Batman for the day. I guess he's had enough of me for a while." Dick got out from underneath his bike and brushed the exhaust smoke and oil off his shirt.
"Hey", said Roy, "how about we trick out the Batmobile."
"What are we gona do to it", Dick asked. "What else can we do?"
"We could give it a new paint job", said Roy.
"Please", said Dick, "with what paint. All we've got around here is black, black and more black. Batman doesn't seem to believe any other colors exist, except when the Green Lantern comes around. Then, everything's yellow, ya know. "
"Well", said Roy. He thought for a moment. "I have an idea. Did you ever see that old movie Chiti Chiti bang bang."
"That stupid movie about the flying car, yea I saw. Boy was it dumb. Bruce made me sit through it 'cause he said it was a classic. He never made me watch it again after I starting singing the song shity shity bang bang and asked who exactly the car was banging." Roy laughed.
"What did he say?"
"He thought it was funny, except Alfred didn't. Me and Bruce sang that song for the rest of that night though while we busted heads. We were laughing so hard. He can think of some pretty dirty jokes when he's up to it. Anyway, what was your point?"
"Well, we can make the car say something like that."
"Like what?"
'We can make it say bat over and over again and every once in a while spit out a mobile, just to piss hi m off, ya know."
"Ok", said Dick, "there's nothing better to do around here." The boys snickered quietly as they collected parts from around the batcave, exchanging car related jokes, which it is probably not best to repeat.
"Hey boys", said Batman, coming down the stairs from Wayne manor, "what are you up to?"
"Aww nothing", said Dick, "its so boring down here." He was lying down on the batcouch and rolled over on his back gazing up at Batman with a look of annoyance on his face. Roy was slouched over on the bat armchair, flipping his hair in front of the bat mirror.
"Well", Batman said, "there's a robbery going down on Twenty First Street. You want to come along and help me stop it?"
"Ok", Roy said, eager to get out of the cave. Both boys quickly pulled their masks over their faces.
"You're filthy Robin", Batman said, "I trust that means your bike is fixed. I can't understand what possessed you to drive it over that jump and almost break your neck."
Robin shrugged. "I thought I could make it and there was this hot chick watching. Anyway, I need more parts. I guess I'm going to have to ride in the Batmobile." At the mention of the car, both boys began giggle violently.
"What is it", Batman asked suspiciously, putting his hands on his hips.
"Nothing", Speedy replied, stifling his laughs. He hopped into the back seat of the Batmobile and Robin hopped into the front.
"Lets go", said Robin, grinning at Speedy. Speedy grinned back and Batman was left to ponder the secrets between boys.
Batman was looking extremely annoyed as he drove the Batmobile back from the bank. Speedy and Robin were still snickering quietly. "Who did this to my car?" Batman said angrily.
Robin and Speedy exploded into laughter along with the two tied up crooks in the back seat. The Batmobile was letting out a steady stream of bat, bat, bat, bat, bat followed shortly by a tired sounding mobile. "How am I going to sneak up on crooks now, hmm? As soon as they here this chorus of bats they'll know who I am. This was your idea, wasn't it Robin."
"No", said Robin, "it was Speedy's. Anyway, it's all your fault. You made me watch Chiti Chiti bang bang."
"Yea", said Batman "and now I regret it. But, why were you two loitering outside anyway. I had to take down all of those guys by myself and they got away in the getaway car you were supposed to sabotage."
"Ohh", said Robin wickedly, "but we did, listen." Batman listened hard for a moment and suddenly heard a soft, but consistent chorus of crook, crook, crook, crook, crook, crook, followed swiftly by a tired sounding bad guy. Batman grinned at Robin.
"You are a really mean child you know."
"I know", said Robin grinning, "I know."