Disclaimer: Sometimes I feel like throwing Community in the air, I know they don't belong to you, sometimes I feel like saying 'Dan I just don't care', you've got the knowledge that I don't own them too.

Disclaimer for the disclaimer: For the record, I do not own the song I used above. Florence and the Machine does. I just altered the lyrics a little.

A/N - Um, yeah. This came to me at 5am yesterday/today depending on how you look at it. There are minor spoilers for 2x12, but if you already know the episode summary or have seen promo pictures, you're probably good to go.

((()))

"A man's home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside, it is more often his nursery" - Clare Boothe Luce

Group Membership

"No" was Jeff's simple but firm answer. The question being "can Rich be in the group?"

"Why not?" Annie whined.

"Because I hate him."

"So? You don't own the group."

"Yeah, but we didn't let Shirley's friend Gary in because Britta hated him, so we're not letting Rich in."

"In Annie's defense, it wasn't just me. We all hated Gary" Britta piped in, earning her a scowl from both Shirley and Jeff. Although, for different reasons.

"He had no sun" Shirley hissed.

"Who's side are you on?" Jeff berated.

"No one's" Britta clarified.

"Well, there you go. Only you hate Rich, so there's no reason to keep him out" Annie reasoned.

It would almost have worked, but thankfully Jeff had Pierce to remind the group of how unjust they all were with their membership policies.

"Hey, that's not fair. When Jeff said he didn't like Leonard, that one time, we all just agreed no to let him in. Why should Rich be any different?" Pierce whined. Ah, Leonard. Thwarting plans since 10,000 B.C.

Annie's reply came in a rare moment of harsh honesty. "Because Leonard sucks." Jeff's respect for her may have sky-rocketed even higher than it already was. Whatever. It was well deserved. But still, it brought them back to the fact that Jeff still needed a logical reason to keep Rich out of the group.

"He doesn't even take Anthropology."

Annie gave him a pointed look.

"Well, we're an Anthropology study group" Jeff said, to which the rest of the group nodded in agreement. Perfect. Now he was in the lead.

"Yeah, but Rich is a doctor, and Anthropology is the study of humans. When you think about it, he could probably do a better job of teaching Anthropology than Duncan" Annie tried.

"Annie, a cookie could teach Anthropology better than Duncan. That doesn't mean we're just gonna let one join the study group."

"Dude, if a cookie asks, I'm all for that. Studying with a cookie is on my bucket list" Troy added, for no one's benefit. Although, Abed seemed rather intrigued by the idea.

They made weird eye contact before Abed said "wanna make a food study group later?"

"Uh, only always" Troy replied, enthusiastically. Cue weird chest-clap-slash-high-five thing they always did.

Annie managed to bring everyone back to the real point of their conversation. "Okay, maybe Rich doesn't do Anthropology, but it's not like we ever actually study, no matter how many times I nag you guys. Take right now, for example."

There was a murmur of agreement. Damn, she was ahead again.

"So if we don't study, there's no need for him to be in our study group." It was a weak point, but Jeff was running out of excuses to exclude Rich.

"There's no reason to keep him out either. Why be exclusive with our group of people who hang out and don't study?"

"Yeah, but, if we let him in, we'll have to let other people in. Other people we don't want. Like Chang." That one should do it. There's no way she could argue with Chang.

"We can just tell Chang there's no room left at the table because Rich took the last seat."

"Yeah, but then he'll probably murder us" Troy said. They all ignored him though because Jeff was focused on something else entirely.

"I am not letting him sit next to me" He said, in a dangerously calm voice.

"He can sit next to me" Annie countered, grinning smugly.

"Nuh-uh. I don't wanna move. No offense, Jeffrey." Thank Shirley's god for Shirley.

Abed's eyes began to dart from Annie to Jeff, and occasionally Shirley. Great, he was gonna compare this to some show to drive the point home. Perfect. Now Jeff had this in the bag.

"I think Jeff doesn't want to let him in for reasons more personal than his irrational hatred for Rich."

Stupid Abed.

"My hatred for that stupid, smug, jerkface is perfectly rational" Jeff said, ignoring the former part of Abed's statement.

"Wow, that's some great insulting skills you've got there, ten year old Jeff. Where'd you learn to burn people so harshly?" Britta said with a smirk. Followed by a "zing!" from Troy.

"Shut up!" Jeff growled at the both of them.

"Hey, you gotta learn to get as good as you give" Britta teased further. If she were a guy, Jeff would totally hit her. Although, if she knew the only reason he didn't was because she was a woman, she'd probably unleash a feminist speech that was far worse than any punch Jeff could throw.

"So it's settled, then? Rich is in the group." Annie said. Um, no. How the hell did she reach that conclusion?

"I'm still curious about the personal issues Jeff has against Rich" Abed said.

How about the fact that Rich totally sucked, and should literally be swallowed whole by the earth, and should stay far away from the study group, forever. Especially Annie. And the reason that bugged Jeff was because Rich was creepy. And that was the only reason, no matter how much Abed's knowing stares claimed otherwise.

"There are no personal issues" Jeff said instead, because if he said any of the other stuff he'd get a series of unwanted, funny looks. Also, it was a bit of a mouthful and he wasn't in the mood.

"Wrong" Abed said, which made no sense no matter which way they looked at it.

"Abed has a point" Annie began, which made even less sense. "I know you hate Rich, but you hated most of us when we first started this study group, yet you stuck with us anyway."

"Out of necessity" Jeff said, which in hindsight, was probably the wrong thing to say. The group all looked extremely insulted. Even Abed, who usually never cared what any of them said about him.

"Oh, gee, thanks. We love you too" Britta said bitterly.

"I didn't mean it like that. Sure, I thought I was way too cool for you guys when we first met. Sure, maybe I still do" He paused, because their frowns were growing deeper, and that was definitely not the reaction he was going for. "Okay, look, I love you guys. And I don't want to let Rich in, only to have him ruin the great, weird, little family we've got going for us. What if he doesn't fit in with our quirkiness? What if he completely screws up our dynamic and makes us all hate each other? I care about you guys too much to let him do that. And I don't want to lose you guys just because I was too stupid to keep that pottery-faker out."

Shirley and Annie awed at him. Troy may have wiped a tear from his eye, but if so both he and Jeff had an unspoken agreement to pretend it never happened. Even Britta looked a little flattered. Abed squinted suspiciously for a moment before shrugging, satisfied with Jeff's explanation.

Pierce was the only one unconvinced. "I call bullcrap."

"Pierce, come on" Jeff groaned.

"What about the sweet things Jeff said?" Shirley asked, in disbelief.

"Bullcrap" Pierce repeated. "I think he's just jealous that Banana Man's the one boning all the women in the group now. He wants to keep him out so he can keep his stupid Horny King status and bone Big Boobs and Lesbian Barbie."

"Pierce!" came the obligatory offended exclamation from, well, everyone.

"That was so uncalled for!" Britta said.

"Yeah, and Rich is only boning Annie" Troy added. Annie did her insulted gasp at him. "Sorry, I meant sexing."

"Not helping, Troy" Jeff said, because no one wanted to wait for Troy to see what was wrong with his choice of words. That could take years.

"I'm sorry, I'm not convinced" Pierce said, not at all sorry. "Unless he can come up with a real reason to keep the guy out, I won't stand for this."

"You just want me to let him in so you can try get Leonard in again!" Jeff yelled, angrily.

"Yeah, because Leonard's a hundred times cooler than any of you guys!"

"He's also a hundred times older!"

"Maybe biologically, but I converted him to Buddha and that reset his age. Technically, he's only 27."

"Technically, none of that counts."

"If you reset his age, how can he have gained 27 years?" Abed asked, in confusion.

"Abed, don't encourage him" Britta said.

"He gains a year for every babe he bangs."

Several groans broke out with a few added "ewwww"s.

"Damn, Leonard is cool" Troy said, with an amazed expression.

"Troy, no. Don't listen to him. Just keep thinking about how Leonard is older than your grandfather" Jeff began. "And Pierce, Leonard is not joining the group. Neither is Rich for that matter. It's just the seven of us, just the way we like it. And that's final" He finished in his dad voice.

"But-" Both Pierce and Annie began together. Jeff zipped his hand in the air, and they both complied like good little space monkeys.

"Good. Now, Annie has brought it to my attention that we don't do a lot of studying during these study sessions. So Annie," He turned to Annie with a small smile. "Would you like to start us off."

Annie beamed back and flipped open her textbook. The rest of the group collectively groaned but opened their books anyway.

Jeff hoped the group would stop making so many friends outside the study group. He liked the empty chair beside him and he wanted to keep it that way. He just thanked Shirley's god again that they still listened to what he told them to do. It was like that quote 'a man's home is his castle'. There was only so long he could be their king before he had an aneurysm.

((()))

Reviews would be lovely, but by no means should you feel like you have to. Although, I'd really, really like some. XD