It was the mirror. It was always the mirror.
I hated staring at it and having to endure all the thoughts that came to my head.
The reflection was something I wasn't happy about.
My stomach was way too fat.
At that very moment, I would always think of when my mom once told me my hips were getting big. I would always feel like shit.
Maybe it was her, maybe it was my thoughts, or maybe it was the mirror.
My weight never really bothered me until that one day.
"Hey loser, change the radio. No one wants to listen to this gay ass shit." I could swear her spit came in contact with my skin all the way from the back.
"Alright, hakuna your tatas. Damn."
Hakuna your tatas = my way of saying calm your tits. Original and unique—it works.
I suddenly regretted my decision.
"I keep my swag on. I look in the mirror say what's up?" My sister looks at me and I absolutely can't help but finish the lyrics, "What's up? What's up? What's up?"
"YAS! I live for Queen Bee"
"Would you shut that thing off? My ears are bleeding."
That was my mom; someone who never failed to somehow always make me feel like shit. Oh, right, the comments should start flowing in soon. I was praying that we'd be arriving to school soon.
"What is that you're wearing today? You look like an absolute fucking mess. You keep on wearing the same thing as if you don't have any other clothes."
Uno.
"…And your hair… it looks like one of those messed up troll dolls. When did you even cut it? And what's that absolutely ridiculous style. You look like a lesbian."
Dos.
"Why can't you be like your sister? Always dressed neatly and organized. You, on the other hand..."
I look to the back and stare at my sister who's picking her nose looking for boogers. Honey, the only thing neat and organized at this point, is the boogers.
Tres.
"Oh god. You have to lose weight. You'll never find anyone. Look at that thigh… I didn't raise you to be like this? You'll have to start a diet."
Quatro. The final comment.
That was the worst of them all, if I'm being honest. It didn't really hurt me much as it was always just like constantly continuing to wound the wound that's already pre-existing.
The amount of anger building up would be just enough for the response I had to say.
"Okay, mum, I get it. I can't be the perfect daughter. I mess everything up, I'm too clumsy, I just never do anything right. And if I do, it's not enough, I get it, okay?"
Before she could say anything, I drop out of the car and head inside the school building.
"Um, what's up with her?"
"Nice job, Mom." My sister joins me.
I'm a freshman at Dickinson High School. Yep, that's really the name. Our sister school's actually called Dickindaughter… tragic.
"Okay, if you could all take a seat. Miss Kay, would you care to explain why you're late?"
That would be me. Rosella Kay.
"No comment, Mr. Scaw."
"Alright... Class! Today we will be reviewing Overpopulation."
You see, Geography was actually one of my favorite subjects but I was zoning out. I couldn't help but not pay attention today. My mom's comments kept on replaying in my head… they wouldn't stop. Maybe she was right. I really need to lose weight, but where to start?
"ROSELLA! Would you care to mention at least one country that's overpopulated and why?"
That definitely took my surprise but I confidently answered:
"Yes, Monsieur. Nigeria is an overpopulated country in Western Africa and a reason why is the high birth rates due to no education on family planning. Can I go to the washroom?"
"Wow… you're right. And sure, but be back in 5."
I flash him a fake smile and head to the bathrooms. There's a weird stench as soon as I enter and I begin wondering why I ever come here anyway.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What was wrong with me? How could I let my mom's comments get to me? This was so not my character. But again, you always have to break character sometimes, right? I don't know.
I had two options. I could either:
a) Skip school
b) Go back to class
c) Pretend to be sick and go to the nurse so I can go home.
I went with B. Knowing me, I could never skip class. Wouldn't want to fuck up my records now would I?
"…and that is why LEDCS have higher birth rates than MEDCS."
As soon as I put my foot forward into the class, the bell rings. I make a 180 degree turn then,
"Um, what do you think you're doing Miss Kay? Get back here."
"Yes, Mr. Scaw, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to miss your class, truly I-"
"Now hold your horses. Never mind that. You okay, dearie?"
"Yeah… why wouldn't I be? It's the same old me."
"Alright… whatever you say. Now, hurry off. We'll have to talk about what you missed tomorrow though."
"Right on, Mr.," I put my thumbs up, "Got to go."
I hurry to the canteen to meet up with my friends.
"Why you late man? Thought you wouldn't show up."
I grab a tray and move along the canteen line grabbing mostly salad and water.
"Um, hello? Did Satan take away your voice?"
"Sorry, Vivi, I'm just… out of it today. I'd appreciate some silence."
"Ugh whatever. Come find me when you're not having an existential crisis."
I didn't even hear what she said. I was focused on getting away from the jungle (aka everyone who goes to this school). Of course, being me, I wasn't watching where I was going and I bumped into my crush.
"Woah, woah, woah. Watch it! Ro, right?"
"It's uh Rosella actually… but Ro's fine I guess. Hey. I should really be going." I try to barge past him but he grabs me by my shoulders, stopping me.
"What's wrong lovely?"
I could feel a little blush coming on.
"Um, nothing. I just need to be alone."
"Okay just. If you need to talk to someone, call me."
"You're forgetting one thing, Gregory." I say, as I let out a chuckle.
"What?" He gives me a confused look. God, he looks so cute.
"I don't have your number…?"
"Oh, right. Here" He hands me a scrunched up piece of paper.
"It was already written down?" I examine it,"…like you were already planning to give it to me? Were you?"
"That's for me to know, and for you to find out."