Author's Note: Okay. This oneshot, turned out longer than I expected... Three thousand and so words in a oneshot has never happened to me. But um, yeah. This oneshot took me a quite a while to write actually. The ending, wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it's not that bad, I actually quite like it. Well, anyways. Hope you like it!
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Disclaimer: I do not own the song, Just So You Know. Jesse McCartney does. And by the way, does anyone know if Jesse's still dating Katie Cassidy? Cuz they looked really cute together in a magazine I saw last year...
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Title: Just So You Know
Rating: T
Author: mylifeismine
Summary: Derek's been through a lot. Like the fact that he had feelings for his step-sister, who was dating Max. Before Derek leaves for college, he leaves something with his feelings on. Dasey.
Genre: Romance/Angst
Length: Oneshot
Based on: Just So You Know –Jesse McCartney
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Oneshot: Just So You KnowI shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
I watched as my step-sister twirled around, asking my family and I how she looked for her date with her boyfriend.
So, yeah.
I should be happy for her.
But...
I'm not.
Because...
Well.
I love her.
And yeah, I also know that I shouldn't.
But I can't help my feelings.
I don't want to not want to love her.
Yeah, she's my step-sister.
But we're not blood related.
Casey's pretty, she's smart, she's a lot of things that other girls aren't.
I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
"How do I look, Derek?" she asked me.
I take my eyes off her body and up to her eyes, "Hm?"
"How do I look?" she asked excitedly.
I gave her a nod, "Great."
The doorbell rang, and I got up to answer the door.
I pulled open the door to see Max there, with a wide smile, standing there.
"Max," I say, giving him a head-nod, and letting him in; careful to not be too rude, but not too friendly.
"Hey Derek. Is Casey home?" Max asked.
No shit; where else would she be?
At her dad's?
"Yeah," I say, then turn my head and yell out "Casey! Max's here!"
"Coming!" she yelled back from the kitchen.
Several moments later, she comes into the living room, where I'm watching some show called Life with Michael, about some guy called Michael Seater...who looks like me...
Freaky.
"Hey Max," she said, as she gives Max a hug with a big, and bright smile on her face, "Where're we going?"
Stupid Max.
"It's a surprise, Casey," he said softly, his index finger tapping lightly on her nose.
Casey giggled.
Stupid stupid Max.
Casey linked an arm with Max, and the two left the house happily.
I stomped over to the door and closed it angrily.
Max is definately on my hate list, number one.
"Derek, your father and I, are gonna take the kids out for dinner. Do you wanna come?" Nora asked me, as she and dad helped my sibs get dressed.
I shook my head.
"No parties," my dad warned me, before he shut the door behind him.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know.
I was still pissed off as I stormed up to my room after I heard the car dive off.
I looked around, wanting to punch something.
Anything.
I finally settled for the wall.
I punched it with all the anger in me.
I stared at the huge hole in the wall, as blood flowed from my knuckles.
Then I looked down at my hand.
After several seconds of staring at the blood, I went down stairs, and grabbed an ice pack.
I sat down on my recliner, with the ice pack beside me.
I flexed my bloody hand.
And thankfully, it was still in tack, nothing broken.
I placed the ice pack on to my hand, and continued watching the Life with Michael marathon.
But my mind began to go else where.
Like where Max had taken my step-sister that I loved.
How many bases they had gone on their dates.
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
I just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
I know; I'm usually the guy who's got everything under control.
But honestly, jealousy is more powerful than I had thought it would be.
Whenever I see Casey with Max, it's like I'm not myself; and jealous rules over me.
Which pisses me off more, and I do drastic things.
Towards Max, Casey seems to love him a lot more.
A lot more than Sam.
Which makes me wonder if Max is "the one", in girl terms.
Honestly, I have no clue whether I'm gonna tell Casey that I love her.
About two years ago, I watched a Korean drama.
Hardy-har-har.
The girl I was with wanted to watch a Korean drama called My Girl.
It was about this guy who loved this girl, and vice versa.
Then they told each other, but then she moves away.
But through all that.
That guy's cousin loves the same girl.
In the end the first guy gets the girl, his cousin doesn't.
But both guys love her, even though the girl only likes the first one.
(I only know all this because she retold it to me like a million times.)
And it makes me wonder if Max will be ther first guy, and I'll end up like the second.
The girls I've been with have always thought that only one can love one.
That two cannot love one.
Like, two people can't love one person.
But then, if Max actually loves Casey, and Casey loves him back...
Where does that leave me?
Because I wouldn't say I love a girl unless I actually do.
It's getting hard to,
be around you.
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way.
Few months later, my feelings remain the same.
And Max and Casey are still an item.
Casey and I rarely argue, since it's pretty hard for me to be around her, without the urge of pushing her up against the wall and kissing her.
Graduation is coming quickly, tomorrow; just around the corner.
I still haven't planned how to tell Casey that I love her.
I probably won't come back for a while, and I wanted her to know.
So in case if she never sees me again, she'll still know.
The next day, was spent by signing yearbooks.
Girls lined up in front of me, waiting for me to sign their yearbook.
Guys shoving their book in front of my face.
And as I signed the guy's book, the girl in front of me would yell at the guy.
The beauty of popularity.
Around four, Casey and I were home, to get ready for the graduation ceremoney.
I stripped down to my boxers, then reached for my tux on my chair; when someone knocked on my door.
"Come in," I yelled, unzipping the zipper on the bag that was over my tux.
When I finished unzipping, I looked and stood up.
"Case," I said curtly.
I caught her eyes lingering on my chest a tad bit longer than necessary.
I snapped my fingers in front of her face, even though I enjoyed her staring at my body, "Casey!"
Casey jerked forward, and blushed, "Sorry."
Then held out her yearbook and said softly, "Can you sign it?"
"Sure," I said, as I tossed a few things on to my floor to find my yearbook hidden beneath the stuff on my desk.
"Here," I say, handing her my yearbook and taking her's.
She gives me a tight smile, before walking out of my room.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know.
I place her yearbook on top of my desk, above everything else.
Then fall backwards on to my bed.
I have no clue what to write.
I'm going to the Univeristy of Ottawa, in Ottawa.
I'm leaving next week to get settled in, since the drive from Toronto to Ottawa is about five hours or so.
But I'm not gonna give her yearbook back next week.
That's like I'm hogging it or whatever.
I quickly get changed.
Stare at the yearbook on my desk for a few minutes.
Snap out of it, then head downstairs.
I can hear Casey singing a song loudly as she changes.
I lie there, listening; bored out of my mind.
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go.
(Just so you know)
I stand there, holding my yearbook, unsure of whether I should bring it to Ottawa with me or not.
Today is the day I'm leaving.
Casey's yearbook is with her.
I've told her not to read my message until tomorrow, when I'm definately in Ottawa.
I throw my yearbook into my duffel bag, then zip the bag up.
I swing the bag over my shoulder, and head downstairs.
The whole family is waiting at the end of the stairs.
Casey, at the end of the line; who's not leaving for York University 'til the end of August.
"Smerek! Don't go!" Marti said, as she runs towards me, and jumps on to me.
I hug, then let her down, "Don't worry, Smarti. I'll come back for Christmas definately."
"What about Thanksgiving?" Edwin askes, as I go down the row, hugging everyone, starting with dad.
"I might not come for Thanksgiving. But we'll see."
Fifty fifty chance.
If I think Casey's calm about what I've written in her yearbook, then I'll come.
If not...
Then not 'til Christmas.
When I reach Casey, I mess up her hair, and quietly remind her "Not 'til tomorrow."
Casey nods obediently.
"Bye!" everyone says from the door.
I wave, then start to drive off the road.
Good bye, Casey.
Until we meet again.
---
(No one's PoV)
The next day, George and Nora had taken the kids out for breakfast, leaving Casey at home; who was quite eager to read what Derek had written.
When all her chores were done, she settled on the couch with the yearbook; the tv was playing Lizzie's favourite channel Family Channel, at the moment, they were showing Famjam, where they would play a music video.
The tv was playing Jesse McCartney's song, Just So You Know, as Casey opened her yearbook.
Casey read through the words in her yearbook.
But then she looked up and realized that the words written on the book was lyrics to the song playing.
And she didn't get what Derek meant until she watched the music video.
This emptiness is killing me,
I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realize,
it was always there,
just never spoken.
I'm waiting here,
been waiting here.
Casey froze in shock.
Derek...
Derek.
Loved her?
The phone rang beside her.
And in the next five minutes, she had her first arguement with Max.
She put the cordless phone back on its cradle in tears.
She looked down at the page where Derek had written the lyrics, tears dripping onto the pale white sheet.
She grabbed the phone and dialed Derek's cell phone.
Derek didn't pick up, knowing who was calling him.
Casey left a voice message, which was honestly, just sobs.
Five hours away from Toronto, a familiar fist met with a different wall.
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(Derek's PoV)
Just so you know,
this feeling's take control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
Honestly, I think Christmas came by WAY too quickly.
I obviously didn't go to the Thanksgiving dinner.
And honestly, I didn't plan to go home for Christmas Eve either.
But then Marti begged nad pleaded, and I gave in.
I parked my car along the road, grabbed my overnight bag and a big bag filled with gifts, then made my way to the house.
I was suppose to sleep over, so we could open presents bright and early on the twenty-fifth.
I could see Casey's car already parked on the road.
I rung the doorbell nervously.
I could hear Marti yell my name inside, then rush to the door.
The door opened, and Marti appeared with a toothless grin, with a chair beside her.
I picked her up, "Smarti! Didn't Nora tell you not to open the door to strangers?"
"But you're not a stranger," she pouted.
I chuckled, putting her back on to the floor, "But I could have been."
I poured out my gifts under the tree.
"Derek," Nora said, giving me a hug.
Casey and I didn't speak a word towards each other for the rest of the night.
That night, Casey was to sleep in her room, and I was to sleep in the living room, since well, my room wasn't "clean."
I was eating cookies with milk at around midnight when Casey came down.
I quickly finished my plate of cookies to get out of the room that Casey was in.
Casey looked at me disgusted, as she took a few cookies out of the cookie jar for herself.
Aw, I miss that cute little look.
"Hey, unless you want to stay in the same room until I should have finished my cookies. Don't complain," I retort, as I make my way back over to the couch and my recliner.
"Wait."
I turned around, "Yeah?"
Casey pointed at the chair next to her on the island.
I reluctantly sat down, then took one of her cookies.
Neither of us said anything.
Then Casey spoke up, "I didn't know you listened to Jesse McCartney."
"Neither did I," I said, picking at the red and green sprinkles on the top.
"My yearbook," she reminded me, unpatiently.
"Oh right, that. I heard that from you," I say, biting into the cookie.
That time before we went to our graduation ceremony...
"Oh yeah."
"Yeah," I say, noticing my unfinished glass of milk, I reach for it.
"So...how's Ottawa?" she asks.
"Great. York?" I say, my voice half filled with sarcasm, as I raise my glass cup to my lips.
"Good."
"That's nice," I say, drinking a bit of milk
"Any girls catch your eye?" Casey asked.
I lowered the glass, and stare at her.
What happened to the 4.0 GPA Casey I knew?
Casey blushes a bit, "Right."
Silence replaces the voices that were filled in the air.
I finish my cookie, and drain the rest of my milk.
I stay there for another three minutes, waiting for...
I don't know...
Anything, to happen?
"Can I go now?" I finally say.
Casey looks at me with her sad eyes, but nods.
I let my hand slap against the island.
"Look," I say frustrated.
"Don't give me those sad eyes. Because you're not doing anything to solve the problem either," I snap.
Casey's mouth drops open.
"I'm not doing anything?" she saids, "I'm sitting here. Trying to start up a conversation, while you're giving me stupid answers."
"Stupid answers," I snort.
"Yeah. Well I'm sorry that my life at Ottawa is actually 'great'. Excuse me, for saying the truth that I really had heard that Jesse McCartney song from you," I say, slamming my fist against the island.
Cups and plates rattle, and my glass cup falls on to the floor, shattering with a piercing sound.
"Yeah. You see, you're answers aren't helping us get anywhere."
"Well your questions aren't working any better than my answers," I sneer.
"But at least I'm making an effort," Casey says, then starts to storm off.
"And how do you know that I'm not?" I call after her.
Casey stalks back over, her face so red, that I want to burst out laughing.
She ends up backing me up against the wall.
"Because. You're a self-conscious, cold-hearted bastard," she hisses in a low tone.
"Aw. Casey. Didn't daddy ever teach you not to swear?" I say sweetly.
Her eyes narrow.
Then we switch positions somehow; she's the one backed up against the wall, and I'm the one talking.
"Look, Casey. I didn't come here to argue with you---" I start.
"Or did you?" she says.
I ignore her remark, and continue, "But honestly. There's nothing really for me to talk about. My feelings are all written in your yearbook. So actually, you should be the one telling me your feelings. So Case. How do you feel?" I asked her calmly.
"I hate you," she spat.
I rolled my eyes, and place a hand on both sides of her head, trapping her, "You know, Casey. You may be a good liar to other's, but you're a horrible liar, when you lie to my face. And you know what? I know you a lot more that you think. You're like an open book. I learn quickly, Casey. It might not seem like that I learn. But I do. And I learned that you, Casey, lie to yourself so other's won't see through your lies. You may fool others, but not me. You say that you hate me, but I'm not stupid, Casey."
Then I press my lips hard against her's, 'til I knew that they would be bruising tomorrow.
Casey slowly let her lips part, and let my tongue slip into her mouth.
---
(No one's PoV)
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go,
just so you know.
From the stairs, Nora and George coughed loudly.
Their oldest kids, looked at them.
Casey's eyes widen, while Derek just walked over to the door.
Derek grabbed his jacket, and slipped it on.
"Tell everyone else that I had fun yesterday, and that something came up," Derek simply said, before walking out of the house.
Casey slid down the wall, and began to cry; ashamed of the fact that she had always denied something that she knew was always there.
As for Derek?
Derek drove off back to Ottawa.
Casey now fully knew what she needed to know.
Case closed.
Just so you know.
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